Tyrant of Silence
by Mermaid Monster
Summary: As a young man born half-ghoul, the rarest species, he often ponders his fickle existence. His mother views him as a mistake, though a human boy who becomes his faithful companion thinks otherwise. Circumstances arise that leave him barely holding on, but each time, his friend stays to raise him up. Together, they discover their own meaning of strength and purpose.
1. Real

"Mom?"

An echo down to nothing. It never seems to reach. It just dies into thin air and every time, it scares him. She's there, but the solitude is too loud. The loneliness gets heavier by the day, and by night, it suffocates him. Just leaving the slightest bit of oxygen for him to hang on. He doesn't really know what he's hanging on to.

He only sees her back most days, her face hidden away and her long hair draped over her right shoulder. He can see the outline of her scapula, sharp and jutting out at him, daring him to come near and disturb her. He wants to reach for her, cut himself as he tries and just be held in her arms tightly like she used to. When _he_ was still around…

It doesn't hurt as much. When he feels it, it leaves a smile on his face, that turns into something of a grin. What she offers are the dark purple marks he finds on his arms and legs. It makes him feel like he's still alive and she still needs him. When his eyes drip, he knows he's happy.

This time, though, he feels no sense of joy. It's dark inside of him, empty and hungry for something real. Hungry for anything. Just something to remind him that he deserves to be here. That he belongs in this damned world.

She never notices him, nor does she seem to hear him. She mutters to herself and her shoulders hunch tighter, like she's holding back pain. Or was it laughter? When he's standing there, waiting for her, she likes to know that he would do anything to get her to pay attention. She drowns herself and she chuckles.

His eyes leave bleeding holes into her back as he turns away, the book still in his iron grasp. His legs are heavy, but they lead him elsewhere, further away from her, further away from what he calls home. Before he realizes, the soft afternoon breeze tickles his back, trying to do away with what clings to him. But he's numb. Like her, nothing can reach him. In this way, he is connected to her as her own flesh and blood. He's okay with this, it's all he wants.

His feet drag on the asphalt, picking up grating sounds that surround him. There are few people, but to him, he is alone. It has always been this way.

His head begins to ache, like it usually does when he's resisting. He can hear his cursed heart beating in his ears and the heat rising to his face. He sniffs and brings a palm up to his right eye, rubbing briskly and hating how weak he is.

 _This is how it is. She loves her son._

He pauses, allowing the orange sun to beat down and soak through his pale skin. He continues rubbing his eyes with his forearm, waiting for the heat rays to reach him and provide him with the warmth he needed. It's quiet again, with only his shuddering breath.

 _I'm lucky to be alive…right mom?_

* * *

He winces when the bright rays hit his closed eyes, the low conversation from the radio entering his ears. He slowly awakens from his long nap and peers out the window to his left. The small town on the outskirts of Tokyo are finally in view and it sparks his energy as he pulls himself upright and continues staring off at the expansive river just beyond the grassy hill. It seems to last forever and the water sparkles against the sun that's soon to set.

"We're almost there," the deep voice of his father announces. He could tell his father's exhausted, but content at reaching their destination. Their new home.

A sense of excitement and anxiety courses through his body, and with it there is a hint of sadness lingering along. He thinks about what they left behind, and what will come ahead. He's nervous about being an unknown, and when he thinks of his mother, it isolates him further. He glances at his father's focused expression and quickly turns his attention to the window again before he catches his eyes.

About a half hour later, the sun is now glowing red and his father pulls up in front of their apartment complex. The boy is all but eager to leave the car, and he springs out the other side to stretch his limbs the second it stops. He looks up at their apartment, cast in shadows, and he smiles a bit.

 _He's got to be happy._

He hears his father beginning to take out the boxes, still avoiding the older man's gaze. Instead, he stays transfixed to the distance, wanting so badly to explore and just forget for a while. If only for a minute.

The older man seems to read his son's mind when he utters the next few words. "You go on and come back in an hour. I'll get started on unpacking and finishing up the last paperwork."

The boy turns his head, finally returning his father's gaze. His eyes are kind and tired, but the boy knows he feels the same. It won't go away any time soon.

He gives a small smile and promises his father before beginning his exploration.

"Don't go too far!"

He keeps that last request in mind and knows where he intends to visit. Just a few blocks down the street, there is a small neighborhood playground he noticed during the drive. If he could just have a space of serenity to himself for once, he would be pleased. He retraces the way he thinks is correct based on what he saw on the road, keeping track of time on the watch his father gave him. A stranger goes by on his bike and the boy grins, hoping he could get his own soon to allow himself more freedom to roam.

More minutes pass, and the confidence the boy had based on his memory dwindles. He has no choice but to ask directions, and thankfully, a young woman and her child are kind enough to show him the way. He's running now, knowing he won't have much time left if he continues to stroll.

He bends over his knees to catch his breath and when he looks up, the playground is in view. Like a mini paradise, he lets out a sigh of relief and returns to a walking pace. The sun casts its red glow on the metal bars and lone swing set, and it's dead silent. He ponders what part of the playground he should start on first until something catches his sights.

He isn't completely alone, and at first, he thinks he'd be disappointed, but it's the opposite. He fiddles with the hem of his red shirt, hesitating before deciding to go forward. The other person, another boy, becomes clearer the more distance he closes between them. Once he's at least a few feet away, he finds the boy is digging in the sandbox. The other boy's hunched back is facing him and the boy watches closely as the other boy seems to be strangely intent on making a large hole in the sand.

 _And with his bare hands…_ he notes.

He realizes too late that he's been staring too long and before he could do anything, the other boy pauses abruptly. The boy freezes and watches as the other turns his head.

Round, large eyes with the color of an overcast day. Grey, distant, unsure. His cheeks are streaked with moisture and his wide eyes set upon him with surprise. The boy swallows lightly and takes a few more steps forward. The other boy doesn't move an inch but keeps a steady gaze on him, his grey eyes slightly dilated and now full of something else.

Wonder.

* * *

Blond, messy hair that looks soft to the touch. It's different and no one else in this town has the same. This other boy is different and for some reason, he finds himself barely breathing. Is he scared? He doesn't know what's going on exactly, but he hasn't felt this way before. The other boy's mere presence had interrupted his intense state, leaving him confused. The other boy is now standing right in front of him, and he blinks and breaks their extended eye contact, staring down at his hands and feeling embarrassed at how dirty they are with sand. He clenches his tiny hands and he could sense the other boy's lingering stare. His ears flush pink and he then tries to get the sticky sand off his skin, realizing just how messy he made himself.

 _What does he want? He should just go away…_

"Umm…hello."

He stops rubbing his hands together and slowly raises his head, looking up to see the other boy giving him a smile. Warm and innocent, an expression he hasn't seen in a while. His mother's smiles are not the same. Not genuine like his.

"Whatcha doin' there?" the other boy asks. His smile grows as he tilts his head.

He feels his cheek redden, having briefly forgotten what he was occupied with before he came along. Glancing back at the gaping hole he is sitting in, he doesn't know how to answer.

"Mind if I play with ya?" the other boy continues with enthusiasm. When he braves a look at his eyes, they hold no hidden agenda, no darkness. They are pure, honest, too open. The opposite of what he is used to, and it leaves him on guard. A different type of fear takes hold of him.

The other boy moves closer when he finds no answer, making his way next to him in his makeshift pit. "I can help you make this bigger if you want. You trying to bury yourself or something?" the blond child jokes, his smile never wavering.

His throat feels constricted suddenly. "Y-Yes…" His voice lets out a rasped whisper and his eyes widen further when he catches on to what he uttered without warning.

The other boy's hearing is too sharp and he turns his attention back on the boy, "Wait, did you just speak? Did you just say 'yes'?"

The other boy's excitement rises and it overwhelms him. He lowers his head, avoiding the other's brown eyes that seem to glow too bright. The boy's energy resonates too strongly. He is clueless in his presence and it confuses him to no end.

 _Leave me alone. Just leave me alone._

"We could do that. Bury ourselves like I see people do at the beach. I've never done it before but…I guess I'm willing to eat sand today…"

His lips twitch and before he can stop himself, he lets out something else that succeeds in making the other beam brighter.

"Was that funny?" the other boy questions once more, amused at what he heard to be the smallest of chuckles.

He hesitates, wringing his gritty hands together before looking up to meet those eyes again. Whereas the other's gaze is welcoming and kind, his are uncertain. His brows furrow slightly and even if he wants to hide, he can't. This other boy is preventing it. He should tell him to go away. He should hate him for entering his space.

"Oh, wait! I almost forgot…" The other boy extends his hand and he admires the natural rosiness his skins holds, unlike his own pale complexion. He can't help but smile a bit when the other boy grins like he's never faced a dreadful day.

"My name is Hideyoshi Nagachika, but you can call me 'Hide'!" he states. He scratches the back of his head with his other hand and chuckles lightly. "Blame my parents for my ridiculously long name, right?"

 _Hide…_

He doesn't remember the last time anyone has introduced themselves to him willingly like that in the short years he's been alive. Ever since he started grade school, it was an obligation and those willing only did so towards those who were considered 'the best.' He hates presenting himself. It usually brings on snickers and whispers of disdain.

 _Weirdo. Freak_.

He places his hand in Hide's and the other's fingers wrap gently around his. A rush of warmth goes through him, as if the energy that comes from Hide is surging right through him with just a simple touch. He doesn't want to let go. He uncurls his fingers and tightens around the other, who in turn, begins to shake his hand in greeting.

"I'm Ken Kaneki…b-but most people just call me Kaneki…" he stutters in a small voice.

Hide places his free hand over the other's. "Well, Kaneki, I'm happy to meet you. I hope we can be good friends," he replies, patting his hand.

He nods his head, the newfound warmth not leaving him even when Hide lets him go to turn his attention back on the pit they were both sitting in.

"Now what was I gonna do…oh yeah…lemme go find something to help make this bigger, yeah?"

Kaneki's gaze follows the human ball of energy dash right to the public bathroom nearby and he observes in amusement as the blond begins crawling on the filthy ground to find god knows what. Hide continues going about in random directions around the bathroom facility and even dares to poke his hand through the surface of the trash can to attain what he wants.

His mouth parts in awe and confusion when Hide raises a fast food midsize cup in the air with a huge grin, like he won a trophy, before he disappears into the restroom. In what feels like a second, the boy returns outside at a slower pace, being more careful with the cup he is carrying.

"Here!" Hide exclaims and then pours the water from the cup onto the sand. "This will help us dig a little easier, I think…" His eyes catch onto Kaneki's bare, raw hands and then the boy's expression, which no longer shows any sign of anxiety like before. Hide looks over his shoulder before saying, "I can find you a cup too so you don't have to dig with your hands anymore."

"Y-You don't have to…" Kaneki finally speaks up. "I-I mean, the trash is dirty and I don't think you shoul-"

"Nope! I'm finding another one! Wait here!" Hide cuts him off and then runs right back to the same trash can before Kaneki can say any more.

Kaneki can't help but smile again when he sees his new friend speeding back and forth between the bathroom and the trash can before returning to him like an overactive puppy.

"You better wash your hands after all that…" Kaneki reminds him, laughing lightly when he takes the second cup from his friend. He watches as Hide sets down other random containers he found in the trash to serve as water vessels.

Hide scoffs, rolling his eyes playfully. "Who are you, my mom? We've got a mission, soldier!"

Hide beams when he manages to make the other laugh again. As the two begin their play, Kaneki glances at the boy next to him, who was already making huge progress on the pit as he hauls multiple cupfuls of sand over his shoulder. Instead of going off in a different direction, Kaneki decides to stay near his companion, following right behind him as Hide continues to expand the pit. Shoulder-to-shoulder, the pair work in comfortable silence as the sun descends and the skies turn purple with remnants of orange streaks tracing the clouds. The sounds of their paper cups shoveling through the sand permeate the still night air around them and Kaneki feels the emptiness inside him dissipate, occupied with new emotions that overtake him the more he stays by this boy's side. Occasionally, Hide accidentally tosses sand on Kaneki's head with his reckless digging, causing the black-haired child to flinch, which in turn sparks the other to turn rapidly and spit out a rapid onslaught of apologies.

When his friend's fingers briskly brush the sand off his head and shoulders, the smile that was brought on by the boy in front of him lingers and he feels heat beneath his cheeks. He closes his eyes for a moment, causing the other to pause.

"Are you okay? Did I get sand in your eye? I'm sorry!" Hide apologizes once more, bending closer to see his face.

Kaneki merely shakes his head in response and he looks directly into the other's eyes, marveling in the brown irises he sees. "I'm fine, Hide, don't worry," he replies, a warm smile set on his face.

Hide stares at the expression he receives; the boy in front of him looks at peace and he lets out a dramatic sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. That would've been a bad first impression when we literally just met…" he mutters to himself. He gets back on his knees, taking extra care to toss the sand less vigorously.

He notices Kaneki inching closer to him again, close enough that their elbows graze as they continue. A few moments later, he sneaks a glance at his friend, who then stands up to retrieve more water for the sand. He waits until the other emerges from the bathroom and when he sends him a close-eyed grin, he notices Kaneki lowering his head before raising it slowly and smiling in return.

Another hour passes them by and when they step back to admire what they've done, the small pit had turned into a mini, winding trench that reached to the other side of the sandbox. Hide beams at their work and he looks at his companion, who was already staring right at him with a pleased expression of his own.

"Well…looks like this is it, huh? Unless you want to add like little buildings or something," he suggests, glancing down at the worn-out cup in his hand.

Kaneki looks up at the sky, noticing that the sun was long gone and his eyes widen in realization. "It's already night?"

Hide follows his gaze and gasps. "Oh crud…Dad's gonna kill me…"

Kaneki gives a sad smile, rubbing his right hand over his left forearm. "We should probably wash up now…"

"Ugh, yeah, good idea. I should have listened to you earlier." Hide scrunches his nose in disgust as he hastily rubs his hands together to get some of the sand off. In the corner of his eye, he notices Kaneki quickly walking back to retrieve something before he catches up to him.

The two of them take adjacent sinks, Kaneki smiling at Hide's off-hand comments of how sticky and annoying sand could get as they cleanse the grime of their teamwork.

"Ew, ew, ew," Hide repeats in a joking manner. He scrubs the rest of the sand off before eyeing Kaneki calmly washing his arms and then flicking water at the other's direction. Kaneki closes his eyes for a brief second before retaliating and taking a handful of water, splashing it at Hide's face.

Hide coughs a little as some gets into his nose, but he laughs all the same. "Okay, ya got me!" He spits some sand out of his mouth and grimaces. "Why does the water taste all funky? Weird. Hah, imagine if I get sick after this."

"I told you, you didn't have to go searching for things in the trash," Kaneki reminds him quietly as Hide checks to see if there's sand in his hair.

"Yeah, mom, I heard you the first time. Now my dad's really going to kill me. Look at how dirty I am. It's everywhere!" Hide shouts at himself, noticing sand was all over his shirt and shorts.

Kaneki looks down at himself as well and finds he's in about the same shape as his friend. "Well…my mom won't care either way, I guess…"

Hide huffs in exasperation. "Moms and dads, right? Whatever."

Hide walks over to grab some paper towels, handing some to Kaneki and they both quickly dry off. The blond child peers down at the book tucked under the other's arm. "What's that book?" he asks, tossing the paper away in the bin behind his friend.

Kaneki slowly glances at the novel he has and takes it from under his arm. "…A book," he replies shortly.

Hide snorts. "Yeah, smart one, I know that much. What kind of book?" he questions again, tilting his head to look at the title.

Kaneki gives a small smile before handing the eager boy his novel. Hide narrows his eyes as he thumbs through the many pages, finding it was all small text. "What the…how can you read this? Isn't this like super hard to understand?" Hide states in awe. He flips back and forth to see if there are any pictures but finds none.

"Umm…yeah, sometimes…" Kaneki answers, scratching his right cheek and blushing slightly.

"Why, why do you do this to yourself? My brain hurts just looking at it," Hide says, turning his head away and shoving the book back in Kaneki's grasp.

Kaneki chuckles and hugs the book close to his chest. "My father read these hard books. When I read them, I feel closer to him, like he's right here with me."

Hide pauses, noticing the way Kaneki worded his response. "Where's your dad?" he says gently.

Kaneki's grey eyes darken and he stares at a small puddle near Hide's left foot. "Gone… Mom says it's been…two years since…"

Silence sets upon them for a moment, the dripping of the faucet echoing in their ears. Hide clenches his fists and his eyes stay on Kaneki's lowered head, a knowing look on his face.

"I'm sorry. It hurts a lot. I lost someone too. My mom…a few months ago…"

Kaneki gasps and he quickly raises his head, seeing the boy in front of him. There is a smile still, albeit a much sadder one, and there is an embedded darkness in the other's eyes that Kaneki knows all too well. His heart clenches at the sight, and speaking about his father begins to hurt much less in comparison to what's in front of him. He doesn't like what he's seeing, his friend looking so distant in a mere second. He wants it to go away, so he reaches out and grasps the other boy's hand in his and squeezes hard. Hide meets his gaze and he finds concern in the other's round eyes.

Suddenly, Kaneki is lost for words when Hide's intense gaze sets on him and his mouth opens to say something, anything.

"I…I…"

Like a blink of an eye, Hide's vibrant energy returns to him and he grins again, placing a hand on Kaneki's head and ruffling his black hair. "How old are you anyway?" he asks out of nowhere.

Kaneki pauses at the change of subject and swallows what he wanted to say before answering. "Six…"

"Six? You're six-years-old and reading adult novels like that? You really are a smarty-pants!" Hide comments and pats Kaneki's cheek before walking right past him. He crosses his arms behind his head. "I'm six too, but I could never bring myself to sit down and read like that. _No_ way…"

Kaneki places a hand on the cheek Hide touched and smiles slightly. "I'm sure you can."

"Nah, I don't think so. I'd rather eat sand." Hide then turns around and presses his hand together as if in prayer. "Ah! Don't take that the wrong way. I'm talking about myself!"

Kaneki shakes his head and knocks his book gently on Hide's forehead. "I get it. Let's go."

Hide lets Kaneki take a few steps ahead of him as he looks down at the hand that his friend had grabbed to snap him back. He clenches his hand, his eyes staring at a muddy footprint on the bathroom floor before breathing in and leaving the vicinity.

* * *

Kaneki feels his heart beating under his fingers as he listens to Hide's road trip to the neighborhood. Learning that Hide is new to this side of Tokyo and that he'd attend the same school as him next month brings up another emotion that Kaneki hasn't felt in a long time. Excitement. He feels happy that he is the first to become Hide's friend, as he too is Kaneki's first. At the same time, he is unsure. He wonders how long he will last as Hide's friend. He wonders how fast Hide will realize other people are so much cooler, realize how much of a drag he is, and why no one bothered to be his friend all this time. Most of all, however, there is the nagging thought of whether Hide would accept who he really is, and the thought frightens him more than ever. His mother had fallen down the same path, and as far as he knows, it seemed to bring her more pain than joy. He knows his existence contributes to that pain.

 _He's going to leave. He won't want me. He'll hate me._

"Man, you don't know how nervous I was when I first came up to you," Hide confesses, scratching the back of his head.

Kaneki snaps out of his reverie and looks at him in shock. "What? Why?"

Hide shrugs and smiles warmly at him, his eyes staring through his. "Something about you made me nervous…but I can't really figure out what…"

Hide's gaze makes him feel hot and he knows his cheeks are burning up again. "Now you're making _me_ nervous…"

"No, no, it's not bad, trust me. I dunno…but I'll tell you when I know what it is," Hide replies, patting his friend on the back.

Kaneki nods, still curious of what his friend was thinking but seeing that Hide is deep in thought, he figures he'd let it pass for now.

The two of them walk side-by-side down the vacant pavement in the dark, save for a few street lights down the way. He finds solace when he is by Hide's side, but a thought strikes him and he says it out loud.

"Hide, are you sure you don't want me to walk you home? I know my way around pretty well, and it's dangerous out here at night, especially if you're alone," Kaneki tries again to convince him.

Hide waves it off and places his arms behind his head. "No, it's okay. What kind of friend would I be if I let a bookworm like you get lost in the dark?"

Kaneki doesn't let up and moves to stand in front of his friend. A look of worry is written all over his face, causing Hide to stop in his tracks. "I may be just a kid, but I'm a lot tougher than I look," he says sternly, his grey eyes pleading with the other.

Hide hesitates, acknowledging Kaneki's concern and brings his arms back down to his side. "Is…is it really that bad here at night?"

Kaneki bites his lip and nods, his brows creasing with the memories of what goes on in the late hours.

Hide sighs and slowly nods in return. "Well, if you say so. But…" He looks around, finding it harder to figure out where his apartment complex is with minimal light. "…I'm not sure if we're closer to your place or mine."

Kaneki smiles. "It doesn't matter. I'll take you home and I'll protect you too."

Hide scoffs again and ruffles his friend's hair. "Protect me? With what, that heavy book?"

He gets clocked again with said book and he lets out an "ow" in response, rubbing the affected spot. "That hurt, right? So yes, I can protect you with this book if I need to," Kaneki replied, his smile growing.

"I'm doomed. And I've been in this town for what, seven hours?" Hide teases.

Just as they begin to turn back around, a loud honk scares the two of them, causing them to jump further in on the sidewalk as bright headlights come into their view.

"Hideyoshi!" a deep voice shouts and Hide immediately recognizes who it belongs to. His heart jolts in alarm as his father pulls up right next to them.

"Oh crap…" Hide mutters. Kaneki finds himself hiding behind his friend's back, peering over Hide's left shoulder.

The boy steels himself as his father comes charging out of the car, making his way around the front and towards his son. "I told you to come home within one hour. What happened? Did you get lost?" Mr. Nagachika questions, his hands on his hips.

"Sorry dad, I lost track of time…" he says quietly, casting his gaze down at his shoes.

His father sighs and notices Kaneki's eyes watching him. "And who may this be?"

Kaneki emerges from behind Hide, who smiles at him. "I made a friend when I was at the playground. His name is Kaneki."

The black-haired boy bows swiftly after the introduction. "Pleased to meet you, sir," he states politely.

Mr. Nagachika smiles warmly at the boy and bows back. Kaneki can't help but notice how similar his smile is to his son. He looks back at Hide, who's nervous due to his father's presence.

"Dad, if it's not too much trouble, could you drive Kaneki back home? I've been told it's dangerous at night around here," Hide requests, putting an arm around Kaneki's shoulders. The close contact takes Kaneki by surprise as his cheek nuzzles against Hide's shoulder. His body warmth hits him in an instant and it's all he could think of as Mr. Nagachika agrees.

"Hideyoshi, you should know that nighttime is never an appropriate time for kids to be exploring. Anyway, come along Kaneki. I'll take you to your home."

Hide whispers an enthusiastic "yes!" and pumps his fist in the air. Kaneki looks up at Mr. Nagachika and bows his head. "Thank you, sir, and sorry for the trouble."

The older man shakes his head in response and chuckles. "Please, there is no need for apologies. Let us go now, it is getting past both of your bed times, I'm sure."

" _Dad_ , come on, it's not that late," Hide whines. His arm still stays around Kaneki as he guides his friend into the car.

Although he knows it won't be a long trip, Kaneki can't help the rush he feels as Hide scrambles over him to get to the middle of the backseat. The rush that keeps coming back when he looks over and sees his friend grinning back at him, the shadows of the night unable to take away that bright expression.

Mr. Nagachika readies himself behind the wheel and he takes a moment to look behind him at the boys. Noticing that his son is in higher spirits than he had been in the past few months, it refreshes him and brings some peace to his mind.

"All buckled up?"

The two boys nod in response and in no time, the car roars back to life and moves out on the main street. The short ride to Kaneki's home is quiet for the most part, aside from small talk that Hide's father initiates and the directions that Kaneki provides as they advance on the road. When no words are exchanged, he watches as Hide observes the passing buildings with intent focus, as if he is trying to memorize what he is seeing as best he could. Hide's shoulder brushes up against him, his hand absently placed on Kaneki's thigh as he gets so caught up in his sight-seeing, he is not aware of how he's nearly squishing his companion against the side door. Kaneki doesn't mind, doesn't really want to go home. The spot where he is right now, his personal bubble completely invaded by this boy who moves with no reservations; he wants to stay here.

His head brushes up against Hide's neck and his body warmth rises. Hide complains how it's getting harder to see where they are as the neighborhood darkens. When Hide finally pulls away to sit properly in place, his hand accidentally lays on top of his companion's. That turns his attention towards Kaneki, who was looking down at the contact.

"Oops, sorry," he mutters, withdrawing his hand.

Kaneki smiles and he tries to stifle a laugh. Hide looks at him curiously and Kaneki decides not to say anything. Hide then decides to randomly snatch the book from his friend's grasp again. He pinches all the pages between his fingers, measuring the thickness and whispering his thoughts.

"How do you stand to read this thing? _How_?" he jokes and flips the book over. He attempts to read the summary with the flashes of street light passing through.

Kaneki takes the time to admire his friend's messy hair that sticks up as the boy bows his head over the novel. He lets his hand hover above the spiky tufts of hair, amazed at how feathery soft it feels as the strands graze his fingertips. He pinches a lock between his thumb and index, and when he pulls away, it stays spiked up. Closer like this, he finds strands of brown mixed with the lighter color. Like the sun, he thinks. The boy beside him is like the personification of it. He feels his body leaning toward his friend too occupied to notice his discreet actions. He stops himself before he touches the other.

"Are we going in the right direction, Kaneki?" Mr. Nagachika asks.

He looks out the window and breathes in deep when he can see the familiar buildings that lead back to _her_. He exhales.

"Yes, sir."

* * *

They get lost a few times when it comes to finding the exact location of Kaneki's apartment, and by the time they stop at the correct place, Kaneki is surprised to see his mother outside in the parking lot. Her arms are crossed and when she spots the car, her eyes land on him through the car window almost instantly.

Kaneki hesitates, staying in his seat and already feeling his blood running colder. When his friend touches his shoulder, he is reminded that he can't stay forever. His senses are dulled and all he can register is the hand pressed on his back, which he presumes must be Hide's father as he guides him back to his mother. Hide is no longer near.

"Ken, there you are! I was so worried! You should not run off like that without warning me! I was so scared, Ken, please…" His mother sounds like she truly cares. Her voice convinces all with how frantic she sounds. Her cold hands reach for him and pulls him close to her chest.

He closes his eyes as he smells his mother's scent. She holds him for a long moment, arms tightening as she places a hard kiss on his head. He feels his heart swell and vision blurring too fast. His breathing is shaky as she strokes his hair, like she used to. He wishes this were real. When she pulls away to look at his face, his eyes widen when he sees her looking back with the warmth he thought was gone. She strokes his cheek with her dry fingers and the tears escape him.

"Don't do that to me again," she whispers. She clasps both sides of his face and he glances down at her collar bones before looking back into her eyes again. They are grey like his, and he doesn't understand why they are suddenly showing him love.

"I-I'm sorry, mom."

She keeps him close as she exchanges words with Mr. Nagachika. The conversation sounds friendly, he thinks. Of course. She is good at putting up that mask.

He feels her hand squeezing his arm, her nails almost digging into his skin. He wants to turn around to see his friend again, but something inside him tells him not to.

 _Just stay with mama like a good boy._

He can tell the exchange between the adults ends when his mother begins to pull him along back into their home. He can hear the car door slam shut and his breathing quickens. He stares down at his feet and thinks about before, when he was digging in the sandbox. How he wanted to disappear within the ground and with the sand eventually choking him.

 _It should have worked._

"Kaneki, wait!"

He stops in his tracks and his mother loosens his grip on him. He hears light footsteps running towards him and he finally turns around to see Hide, who grants him that bright grin once more. The boy holds up his book, his chest rising and falling from having sprinted out of the car.

"You forgot this, silly!" Hide states and shoves it into Kaneki's hands. "Although…" the boy scratches his cheek, "…I did kind of steal it."

Kaneki stares at him with wide eyes, holding the book to his chest. Hide returns his gaze and then gestures towards the book with his head. "I managed to read a little of the first chapter. I still don't understand a lot but…maybe we can read it together sometime?"

Once those words repeat in his brain, he nods instantly, his arms tighten around the novel, and a smile breaks out on his face, ear to ear. His mother squeezes his shoulders, but he keeps his focus on the boy in front of him.

Hide laughs and takes a few steps backward. "Just make sure I don't fall asleep when we do, okay? See you soon!"

Kaneki opens his mouth, wanting to say more but the other boy is already racing back to the car. Hide stays by the window, waving at him as the car drives away from them into the dark. He doesn't know how long he stands there, watching the same spot where Hide had left, until his mother brings him out of his trance with a pull of his arm.

He walks slowly inside the apartment, his feet dragging on the floor. His mother pats him on the head, telling him to get ready for bed before disappearing into her room, where he knows she would be working throughout the night as always.

Like on autopilot, his legs lead him to his own corner of the apartment. He sinks to his knees on the futon and then stares down at the book that's been by his side all day. He thinks about how Hide had been reading the same words he'd been reading and his heart beats a little faster. He bites his lower lip, finding himself grinning when he remembers his friend's words.

 _I'll see him again, won't I?_

He lays on his side, the book still next to him. He places a hand over the left side of his chest, blood rushing to his face. For once, he feels warmth in this home, something he had been trying to find but couldn't seem to reach.

His eyes wander to the words printed on the back of his novel, though the words aren't what he's seeing. All he could see now is messy, blond hair, a smile too bright, and hands that held his with certainty.

He clenches the hand over his chest. Even if the other boy were to find someone else. Even if he were to never speak to him again, he wants to cherish this sliver of light he had discovered.

Whatever he is feeling, it's keeping him here. It's reminding him that he could have worth in this world. This warmth is real. Hide and him, and their new friendship, is real.


	2. Why

"Ken."

He flinches when he hears his mother's soft voice. He didn't expect her to speak to him, as the morning hours were usually her time to catch up on rest, not that she allowed herself much anyway. He stays frozen near her doorway, staring wide-eyed at her back until she turns to face him. She takes off her glasses and wipes them clear with the edge of her blouse before placing them back over her eyes. She motions for him to come closer with a slow wave of her hand.

He bites his lower lip as he complies with her silent request. His plans of visiting the playground again are dashed with every step he takes towards his mother. She is no longer looking at him when he stands a few feet in front of her. Her attention turns back to the set of white roses she had finished cutting and packing away.

"Do you remember what I told you?"

Her voice is soft as her gaze lingers on the table covered in thorns. His eyes narrow at the sharp points of the thorns and he swallows, his throat dry.

"About what, mom?"

"You're not like them." She finally looks at him. When was the last time he had seen a glint of life in her eyes? He cannot recall. "You're not like him, Ken."

It takes a moment before he catches on to what she is saying. He had almost forgotten, and frankly, he had been fine with being ignorant, if only for one night. But his mother is not one to forget when it comes to this, especially since it weighs so heavily on her now.

He rubs his hand over the surface of his left. "I…I know, but-"

"What did I tell you? I want to hear you say those words," she cuts him off.

Her tone is still low, but he can sense a hint of admonishment. If he says anything wrong, he knows she would be displeased in a matter of seconds. It is hard to read her, he thinks. Her eyes are blank and she makes no move to bring him closer.

He inhales slowly. "It's…dangerous for me to be close to any human. I need to keep my distance before I do something I'll regret…" He summarizes the main points she had been drilling into his brain since he could remember. He realizes she stresses the points more often, ever since his father's passing.

"That's right. I know you just made a new friend, but you know the consequences," she states.

He chews his bottom lip again and grips the bottom of his shirt. "I-I know all that, mom, but I don't think he would do anything bad. He's not like everyone-"

"You don't understand. You cannot allow anyone to get close. Absolutely no one," his mother interrupts again. There is no gentleness. It's cold and stern now.

There is a sinking feeling setting inside him and he tries to cling to whatever it was that kept his spirit up the night before. It's getting black again. Too dark and he thinks he tastes blood in his mouth.

"Please, mom, please…I'll be careful, I promise."

She shakes her head and releases a deep sigh. "Don't make me repeat myself."

"How can you tell me not to get close to anyone? I can't stand it, mom! You don't know how I feel!" He couldn't stop himself. Before he knows it, he's raising his voice at his mother, something he rarely ever did. At the same time, there is the cursed sting in his eyes and he knows he's not that strong.

"I'm so lonely...I can't stand being alone."

She laughs softly, something he didn't want to hear. She had avoided his eyes again and when she turns back, he sees nothing but the same pain she's been carrying. Her gaze is empty and it leaves him hollow as well.

"Lonely? How can you be lonely when I'm right here?"

Her words cut through him and he feels bare.

"You don't know what true loneliness is. This is nothing, Ken."

She reaches out and takes his wrist in her bony grasp. Her grip is tight and she lifts her other hand to his right cheek, stroking his bangs aside to see more of his tear-filled eyes.

"I'm telling you this for your safety. I don't want to see you get hurt by something you could have prevented. You're the only one I have left." She pulls him into her arms, resting her chin atop his head. He leans into her chest, hearing her slow heartbeat and feeling her stroke his hair. He should be happy that she's holding him close like he had wanted. Yet when he finally receives her affection, he doesn't feel anything. It's just like a knife that teases him. Leaving tiny cuts exposed to the icy air. Only she makes him bleed.

They stay together like that for a moment longer until she releases him, her hands placed on his shoulders as she watches him rub his eye.

"H-Have you been eating okay?" he asks quietly. He couldn't help but notice how thin she felt during their embrace. It scares him how she's losing weight so quickly.

"Don't worry about me. I am fine." She smiles and grasps her chin.

He wishes he could believe her.

"Please don't overdo it, mom. You need to rest," he reminds her.

He wishes she would listen.

"I am resting right now," she replies with a short laugh.

He stares down at her hands. His fingers roam over her palms that open for him and he feels the callouses and cracked skin. There are small scratches from the thorns, some bigger than others, some looking painful as it swells and feels hot to the touch.

She won't listen.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

He looks right into her eyes. "You're lonely? Even if I'm here with you?"

Her eyes grow darker than before. A dead silence fills the stagnant air, only the ticking of the clock on the wall penetrating through. There are no words and all he gets is a simple smile from her. An expression that never reaches her gaze anymore.

The doorbell of their apartment rings suddenly, followed by a hurried knock. Her head whips to the door immediately, her hands no longer in contact with him. She gets up off her knees and lets out another tired sigh as she rubs the back of her neck. His eyes grow wide and he watches every step she takes towards the entrance. He knows who is behind that door. Of all the times they had to be interrupted, he wishes the person outside no longer existed.

Sometimes, he even thinks about letting the other side of himself take over whenever that person comes by. How he wishes he could. He's thought about it every time the bell sounds and it triggers this instinct inside him. He places a hand over his left eye and grits his teeth.

The door opens.

"Sister! It's been a while!" That person, his aunt. Her voice is shrill to his ears and he despises it with every fiber of his being.

"Oh my, has two weeks flown by already?" his mother comments. Her fake laughter resonates throughout the front room.

" _Already_? I feel like it's been ages! I've missed you!"

"Oh…I'm sorry. I've been so busy…"

He sees them embrace. His aunt is a shadow in his eyes. He never bothers to keep her face etched into his memory.

"You've got to help me, sis."

The damned cycle continues.

"Last time wasn't enough?"

"I thought it would be! But things are just getting so stressful for me and my husband. Please…it's been so hard…"

He places his hands over his ears and turns away. He knows what will happen again and he hates it so much.

 _Go away go away go away go away go away go away go away go away go away_

"I don't know if I have much right now…"

"Anything is good enough for now. Anything!"

He wants her gone. He wants her to disappear. He wants her gone, gone, gone. _Dead_.

He can sense his mother pass him by to retrieve what his cursed aunt needs so earnestly. He imagines there is a sick grin on his aunt's face. One of the first parts of her he'd love to rip away if he was that ravenous. He knows he could do it.

 _So stupid, mother. You're so stupid._

His mother passes him again with quick footsteps. His fingers dig into his palms with great force. He wants something to distract him. He resists the urge to bite into his forearm.

"Oh, you're the best, sis. What would I do without you? I would be dead, you know that, right?"

Such exaggerated words that he wishes would come true.

Again, he imagines his aunt shuffling through the bills in her hands, that sickening grin growing wide enough to split her face and make her bleed to death. Then his mother wouldn't be able to stop him when he pounces and drinks that blood.

 _Thirsty. Hungry. Sounds nice._

"I only hope that you are happy and safe. That is all I want."

 _What about me, mom?_

His mother gasps when his aunt brings her into another tight embrace.

"Don't work too hard, sister. I need you to stay healthy too."

 _I hate you!_

"Goodbye. Please, take care."

The door closes.

Footsteps approach him from behind. His shoulders are hunched over and his breathing quickens. He just realizes he's been rocking back and forth for some time now.

"What are you crying for, Ken? Stop."

She enters the bathroom, readying herself for her part-time day job.

He doesn't listen to her as hot tears continue streaming relentlessly down his cheeks like a faucet. There is so much building inside him, squeezing his innards to the point where he wants to scream.

 _"You don't care about me!_ "

Those words escape him without warning. But they don't reach. The shower is too loud and his mother is already back in her own zone. He can't get to her; it's too late. He had his chance and he doesn't know when the next one will come.

He starts to laugh to himself and he bites into his knuckles to suppress it. His lungs hurt from how hard he's breathing and his eyes dart back and forth before landing on the pathway to his room. He begins crawling forward, his sights set on his lone sanctuary. It seems to get smaller and smaller as he suffocates daily.

Once he reaches his crumpled futon, he shuts the door and slams his head on the floor.

 _Can't get close. Stay away. Hungry. Alone. Doesn't care. Hates me. Hate her. Dead._

He curls his legs up to his chest into a fetal position. His face is buried against his thighs. He doesn't know what to do.

All he knows is that he envies his father. He wonders how it feels to not have to breathe anymore.

 _Sounds nice._

* * *

It is hard living like this, like a damned monster. A half-breed. _A ghoul._ He questions this every day. Why am I here? What use do I have? What's my place?

Nothing. He has no place. He's nothing but a maggot feasting on necrotizing flesh, and then eventually, he will be killed. Rightfully so, because he does not deserve to live among this world of humans. His mother remains correct, even though she had never said it out loud.

Aside from the fact that his mother keeps herself occupied with work, it is clear she intends to stay away from his side of the world. The world that she dared to have a taste of and now regrets. Naturally, he is left to fend for himself.

They say that scrounging for food as an adult is already a challenge, so for someone like him, a mere child, decent flesh is even more scarce. Those older are at the top of the food chain and anything left for him is either too little or too rotten to provide any sustenance. Every month, he tries hard to delay the process, convincing himself that he can wait another month, but every time, the hunger takes control over his body to the point where he can no longer sleep at night. Every time, he feels like he's being eaten alive. It takes everything in him not to scream out in agony, for his mother would come in and strike him if he fails.

Then again, anything else couldn't compare to what he's feeling now. He almost thinks he could be impaled by another ghoul's kagune and it still wouldn't beat the hell that was hunger.

He's sitting outside in the late afternoon, resting on the steel staircase of the apartment complex. He's had to stop several times due to how much weaker he's become after holding off for an extra week. His head spins and he tries to motivate himself to keep moving and try to find food again. It's been his third attempt and he's had no luck. His mother had been gone since early morning. As always, it's way too quiet and the parking lot is dead.

He hasn't seen his friend in two weeks. He's almost glad.

His eyelids grow heavy and he opens them slowly after some rest, catching sight of the skies and noting it would get dark soon if he didn't move faster. A soft groan escapes him and he grasps the steel bars of the staircase, clenching onto them as if willing them to give him strength. He forces himself to stand, withstanding the dizzy spell and brief, black spots taking over his sight. Once he takes a deep breathe, he goes forward.

He knows the streets like the back of his hand; he's mostly aware of which ones are safe and which ones are the secret feeding grounds for monsters like him. Plus, he can tell if there's fresh meat just by scent.

 _Like a wolf_ , he thinks in disgust.

He trudges towards the feeding grounds, occasionally surveying his surroundings to make sure he isn't being followed. Fortunately, he had been able to evade any questioning adults so far on his attempts at hunting. He's always alone these days.

He decides to focus on his hearing when he can't catch anything by scent. Staying still for a moment, he stares at the ground and waits. Currently, he stands in one of the alleyways in the busier area near his apartment.

A few minutes pass and he hears nothing. Only his stomach growling. He grasps his torso and sighs heavily. He begins to think he must travel further if he is to find anything.

That is, until he hears someone. Laughter that sounds like it's coming from a child.

"Well, well, what do we have here?"

Kaneki gasps and he turns his head upward to see a child standing on the roof of the building to his right. The sun is shining in his view and it makes it hard for him to study the person's face. He backs up quickly when he notices the child jumping down to meet him on the ground.

"I thought I smelled another ghoul around here."

Kaneki keeps his guard up and he watches the other child, a boy, brush his pants off. The other boy raises his head and he narrows his eyes at Kaneki. "Although…you smell different from other ghouls."

Kaneki looks down for a second before turning his attention to the boy, a stern expression crossing his face. The other boy puts his hands up in front of him when he takes notice of Kaneki's glare. "Dude, chill out. I'm not here to attack you or anything. You don't have to look so serious."

Kaneki stays silent and the other boy sighs. "Look, I guess I got a little excited to find another ghoul around here. Let me start over."

The other boy extends his hand. "The name's Nishiki. What's yours?"

The black-haired boy hesitates, staring at the other's hand and then meeting the other's eyes again. Nishiki laughs and retracts his hand. "Jeez, you're a tough one to crack. I mean, I bet you're snoopin' around here for some poor innocent human to attack, right?"

"No," Kaneki states right away. If there is one thing he hates the most about being a ghoul, it's murder.

Nishiki chuckles again, a smirk creeping on his lips. "Right, as if."

"You kill?" Kaneki snaps back, clenching his fist.

Nishiki scoffs and points at himself. "Does it look like I can kill someone?"

Kaneki doesn't answer and Nishiki shrugs. "I mean, I guess I _could._ But I suppose we're similar in that way…you know…"

Kaneki's gaze softens slightly and he watches Nishiki walking ahead of him. He opens his mouth, pausing, before saying the words on his mind. "Do you…happen to have any meat to spare?"

Nishiki looks back at him with a scowl. "You think I'm gonna share any with a stranger like you? Especially one who won't even tell me his name after I was being so polite? Sheesh."

Kaneki bites his lips and lowers his head. "S-Sorry…"

The other ghoul smiles and shakes his head. "There you go being serious again. I'm kidding. As for meat, well…"

His face turns grave and he rubs the back of his neck. "I did find someone… He's sleeping not too far from here…"

Kaneki's eyes widen. "Sleeping? But that means…"

Nishiki nods, his lips forming a thin line. "Yeah… My sister went to work for the day. If she were here, she'd do the job, but…" He exhales sharply. "And here I thought I could find someone who could kill the thing for me…"

"That thing is a person," Kaneki corrects him.

"Yeah, but not for long, am I right? Like my sister says, humans are like how cows and pigs are to them. We gotta eat to survive, right?" Nishiki states, crossing his arms.

Kaneki swallows hard, his hunger nagging at him and his thoughts. He closes his eyes and turns his head away, feeling the other side of him emerging too fast.

 _Just hold on a little longer…_

"Please lead the way," Kaneki says quietly. He opens his eyes after calming himself from losing control.

Nishiki motions his head forward. "We better move fast before the pig wakes up."

True to his word, the boys move swiftly, dodging the strays drifting in the open and lingering near the shadows and alleyways. Thankfully, it's not too long until Nishiki slows down and motions for Kaneki to stop. Kaneki obeys and observes Nishiki crouching closer to the building on his left and peering over the corner. The half-ghoul breathes in, and this time, he is unable to control the kakugan from appearing in his left eye. The smell of the human within their reach is too much. Saliva begins to seep down his mouth and he swallows again. He can't remember the last time he ate any proper, fresh, _bloody_ meat.

To his relief, Nishiki finds the homeless man he spotted earlier still snoozing on the filthy ground a few feet away from them. He turns around to signal his new ally to follow, only to pause in shock when he takes notice of the boy. He cannot keep his eyes off the other's exposed kakugan.

"No way…why do you only have one?" Nishiki whispers. "Unless…you're a…half-breed?"

Kaneki can barely hear what the other ghoul is saying. His mind is fuzzy, clouded with raging, loud thoughts. A weird chant repeats in his brain, the word "meat" over and over. It's haunting him and Nishiki watches as a strange grin breaks loose on the half-ghoul's face.

"Oi! Snap out of it! Hey!" Nishiki tries to get his ally's attention as he approaches him.

Kaneki shoves his fingers in his mouth, biting down and drawing blood. This causes Nishiki to take hold of the boy's shoulders and shake him violently. "Hey! Wake up! I need your help, man!"

In a second, he finally hears Nishiki and as a result, he gasps loudly. His kakugan does not disappear, but he withdraws his fingers from his mouth, leaving his lips bloody and covered in spit.

Nishiki's brows furrow in confusion. "Are you okay? You were losing it for a minute there…"

Kaneki's breathing quickens and his eyes dart back and forth before settling down. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and nods hesitantly.

"Hey, you gotta tell me your name," Nishiki demands as he takes his hands off the other's shoulders.

"It's…Kaneki," he replies, his voice raspy.

"Okay, Kaneki." Nishiki exhales and takes the half-ghoul's arm. "The guy is right behind this building. We've gotta act quick. No spacing out on me again, got it?"

The older boy doesn't wait to hear any response and pulls the younger boy forward. Together, they tiptoe their way towards the sleeping man. Kaneki's nose twitches the closer they get and Nishiki groans at the foul stench that permeates the air around them.

"Smells like this guy used the toilet a hundred times in this one corner alone. God, it stinks." Nishiki gags, turning away for a breath of fresh air but finding none.

Kaneki's heart skips a beat when he notices the man begin to stir under his dirt-covered trash bag serving as his blanket.

" _Crap!_ " Nishiki exclaims under his breath at noticing the homeless man beginning to wake up.

The man mumbles to himself and when he turns his head, he yelps at the sight of the boys hovering over him. Both young ghouls have their kakugans activated and it gives off an iridescent red glow that immediately chills the man down to the bone with one look.

"Wha-! Wh-who are you? What do you want?" the man shouts. He immediately shuffles back, his back pressed against the stained wall behind him.

Nishiki clenches his teeth and soon, something erupts from behind him. Kaneki shivers when he sees Nishiki's immature bikaku kagune that is bright blue in color. He doesn't hesitate to aim his kagune at the man. Their victim screams out when Nishiki manages to pin the man down. He grunts with effort, struggling against the man's resistance.

"H-Hurry up Kaneki! I won't be able to hold him down too long. Finish him off!" Nishiki commands. His feet drag slightly as he continues to use all his strength to keep the man from running off.

At the realization of what he must do, Kaneki shakes his head vigorously, his heart racing at the thought of ending a life for the first time.

He should have known this day would come. There were only so many years he could live off scraps left behind by other ghouls. But the fact that those days would no longer subsist and he must truly survive as a ghoul, it frightens him to the core. He walks backward and trips, falling to his bottom as his mouth hangs open in horror.

"No, no, no, _no_!" Kaneki repeats desperately, his entire body trembling.

Nishiki growls in aggravation. "Kaneki! Quit acting like a baby! I know this is scary, but there's no other way. You either finish him or you die!"

"I'd rather die!" Kaneki shouts in protest. His eyes are glued to the man squirming under Nishiki's kagune hold, like a spider nearing its end.

"You know that's not true! Think about it, you're just a kid! You've got your whole life ahead of you!" Nishiki shouts. He falls to his knees in exhaustion but keeps his kagune going.

" _I can't, I can't!_ " The half-ghoul feels hot tears beginning to flow down his cheeks and his vision blurs.

"Yes, you can! Just think! Think about that delicious flesh you're about to sink your teeth into! Think of how hungry you are, how you'd do _anything_ to make the hunger go away!" Nishiki continues to convince him.

Hearing those words, Kaneki's breathing slows and he focuses on what he had been ignoring. _The hunger_. How much it hurts, how much his body yearns for the sustenance it needs.

The red veins from his single kakugan expands down his left cheek and a beastly growl erupts from his throat. Something he had never heard coming from himself before. He can hardly think straight.

Nishiki notices the man beginning to shout for help and he scrambles closer to silence him by stuffing the garbage bag into his mouth.

Something wills the half-ghoul to stand to his feet. The other side takes over without his permission and his body burns with this awakening power.

"That's it, Kaneki. You got this," Nishiki states more quietly. He can't help but watch in awe at the sudden transition the other boy is experiencing right before his eyes. It leaves him on edge and he can barely move.

The homeless man's eyes dart between Nishiki and Kaneki, staying on the latter when the boy comes closer at an unnerving pace. There are dark shadows under the half-ghoul's eyes and his kakugan widens. More drool leaks from Kaneki's mouth and his breathing turns ragged.

The man's protests are muffled and tears begin to spring from his wrinkled eyes. But these cries do not faze Kaneki this time. All the boy can think of is flesh, and he can sense the man's frantic heart, beating with fresh blood. It's the only thing on his mind.

Without warning, Kaneki pounces on the man, staring right into his bloodshot eyes. His body moves as if he had a second brain and in an instant, his small hands are wrapped around the man's neck. The man chokes, his mouth opening and gasping for air. Kaneki's grip tightens and he lets out a maniacal laugh that seems deafening to his ears. Soon, the man's skin turns purple and just as his eyes roll back, Kaneki lets all loose and his teeth find the man's cheek. The human is now choking on his own blood as it splatters all over Kaneki's face and pools in the man's mouth.

He can't see anything. Everything's red and he is overwhelmed by what he is _tasting_. His fingers are digging into something and his teeth continues sinking into something else. It's soft. It's overwhelmingly hot like a fever. It's drowning him.

 _Sweet! Juicy! It tastes so good, so good! I want more! More!_

 _…_

 _MONSTER._

 _You deserve loneliness._

He snaps. Suddenly, he's choking. He's gasping for air.

Now he sees. Now he feels. Now he thinks.

A dead man right under him. His face is unrecognizable.

Blood everywhere. The air is thick with blood. It's all over. It's on him.

He stares down at his hands. He doesn't recognize them either.

Human. He's dead. It's because of him. _Because of him._

The mangled face of his victim stays imprinted on his muddled brain, if there is any sense left in his head.

What comes next seems to shake his surroundings. A splitting scream.

There's no other victim. _It's him_.

* * *

He hasn't seen his friend in two weeks. It frustrates him.

Over these weeks, he and his father had been busy settling in and preparing themselves for their new lives in Tokyo. School is coming around the corner, but all he can think about now is his friend. Now that he has space to breathe, he wants to find him.

As a way for him to get around, his father had given him what he wanted since he first got here - a bike. The day before, his father had taught him how to ride and today, he spent most of the morning and early afternoon hours practicing as much as he could. Luckily, he had always been a fast learner, so biking came as second nature quite easily.

Having focused on his new skill, he almost loses track of time. The day hours are fading, but his father has not returned from work yet. He pauses his bike, his right foot plants on the ground, and his hands stay gripped on the handles. He knows his father won't be returning until late at night, and as far as he can recall, he hadn't been told not to go wandering off without his permission. In other words, he is free to roam.

A small smile appears on his lips when he thinks about where he wants to go, and with that thought, he quickly leans his bike against the staircase of his apartment before racing up. Inside his small home, he searches for a pen and paper, scribbling down a note for his father and plastering it on the fridge. He looks back one more time at his empty abode before he charges out the door and takes two steps at a time down the staircase to his bike. Without another second to lose, he speeds off down the road.

Exploring has always been his strong point, so he has no problems with winging his way towards his destination. He still has the memories of the buildings he saw leading to Kaneki's place in his head. He pedals down the quiet streets, few people walking back and forth. Sunset warns him of the time but he concentrates on where he's going, knowing he isn't too far from his friend. A few turns and mistakes here and there, he finally arrives at where he remembers Kaneki's figure watching him go in his father's car. The biggest smile he had seen on his friend's face won't leave his mind after his words of reading with him, and he wants to keep that expression staying longer if he could.

Once he parks his bike in the nearest rack, he takes a deep breath before entering the main lobby of the apartment. It is peaceful and clean in the lobby and his eyes survey the area until they spot the landlord at the front desk. He readies himself on what he will say as he strides towards the older woman.

He is shorter than the desk and his hand reaches the call bell. Once the ringing breaks the silence, the woman jolts in surprise and she fixes her glasses as she looks down at the blond child beaming up at her.

"Hello, may I know if Mrs. Kaneki is home right now?" he asks politely, his toothy smile in full view.

She blinks a few times and furrows her brows in thought. "Hmm, I will have to check. Please allow me to make a call."

He nods and waits as the landlord turns away from him towards the phone. "And may I know your name, child?" she asks, looking over her shoulder at the boy.

"My name is Hide. Tell her I'm her son's friend please," he replies. He scratches his cheek, hoping one of them is home.

The woman nods and proceeds with her call. Hide places his hands behind his back, shuffling his feet back and forth as he waits. A few moments later, he notices the woman shaking her head and she spins around in her chair to face him.

"I am sorry. It would appear no one is picking up. You will have to come back another time," she announces.

Hide frowns slightly. "Oh…well. May I know what floor the Kaneki family lives on?"

She hums to herself in thought. "You're a friend of theirs, you say?"

He nods earnestly. She taps her pen to her lips for a moment. "Well…I don't usually do this, but I guess I can make an exception. You seem like a good kid. But I don't want you disturbing anyone else, got it? There are cameras so if you try anything funny, security will catch it."

Hide grins. "I won't, I promise. I just want to see my friend. That's all."

She sighs. "Yeah, okay, hang on a minute."

The landlord scribbles down Kaneki's apartment number on a small note and then hands it to him. "Don't be lollygagging out there, okay kid? You can look, but after that, head home. It's getting late."

"Yes, ma'am, thank you so much!" He bows to her and scrambles out the front door.

Once he steps outside, he looks at the note and makes his way up to Kaneki's apartment. He is fast to reach the second floor and finally finds Kaneki's apartment closest to the staircase. He tries to listen for any sign of life in the place as he presses his ear against the door. He notices the windows have the blinds shut and when he rings the doorbell, no one answers.

It is true that no one is home.

"I hope he's okay…"

Hide clenches his fist, his brows furrowing in worry. He glances up at the door one last time before he reluctantly makes his way back down the stairs. He walks slowly to the bike rack, thinking hard about what he should do next. He doesn't want to return home yet.

Once he mounts his bike, his hands grip tightly on the handles and he doesn't look back as he rides off. He keeps going straight, his eyes perusing the streets and dark corners carefully. He doesn't care that the sun is nearly gone.

 _"…it's dangerous out here at night, especially if you're alone."_

Kaneki's voice echoes in his head but he ignores those words. He has a bad feeling and it crawls in his stomach. For some reason, goosebumps attack his skin as he bikes further down the road and into the side of town he's never seen before. He has second thoughts, debating whether he is being paranoid and thinking that perhaps his friend is with his mother somewhere. Yet his gut tells him otherwise and leaves him chilled. Something doesn't feel right to him at all.

His friend didn't lie. As the late afternoon turns to early evening, an ominous aura sets in and fear overtakes his senses. It's not enough to take him off his path, however.

Half of an hour passes and his legs begin to fatigue. He stops to rest and gets off his ride. He resorts to walking with his bike, keeping a close eye on his surroundings. The sounds of commute and people grow more distant and once more, he thinks about turning back. He sighs deeply, wishing that he could get some hint as to where his friend is. It's useless, he thinks. He hardly knows this area and it's foolish to look any further.

 _He'll be fine. He can take care of himself. He's not weak. That's what he told me._

He looks down at his scuffed-up sneakers and exhales sharply. He hates to do this. He turns his bike around and gets on the seat again.

But it seems his thoughts are answered when he hears something. No one else could hear it but him as he was the only person still outside.

A scream, and it sounds like it came from a child. A boy.

"Kaneki…?" he breathes. Without thinking of the consequences, he maneuvers his bike in the direction he heard it and stomps on his pedals. His feet move rapidly as he leans forward to try and increase his speed.

The scream fades and turns into sobs that he could barely hear at first, but as he finds himself approaching a run-down building, he could make out the voices.

Those sobs sound desperate, pained, and horrified. Right away, his heart beats loud and his palms begin to sweat. He quietly leans his bike against the cracked wall on his left and he crouches down. The stench of blood is strong in the air and he stops. His pulse pounds in his ears and he tries to calm himself. He knows he's getting himself into danger and any other kid would have hightailed out of there. He is stubborn.

His fingers find the cold wall of the building, and with a dry gulp, he peers around the corner. His breathing stops all together when his eyes land on the scene not too far ahead.

He can't believe it. He found his friend.

Kaneki is there. Kneeling above another human, but he is completely drenched in blood. He can feel himself trembling as he only sees Kaneki's back facing him. His friend's shoulders are shaking and his head is bowed so low, it looks like he is decapitated. Hide scans the other side to see another boy, who has some strange appendage sticking out from his rear. It shimmers blue and looks like a tentacle or tail. Hide tries hard not to scream in shock as he bites into his knuckles.

"You made me do this. _You made me do this!_ " He hears Kaneki mumble and then shout.

"We gotta eat, Kaneki. What else were we supposed to do?" the other boy retorts. Hide watches in awe and horror as the tentacle retracts back inside the boy's body like it had never appeared in the first place.

Kaneki continues to sob uncontrollably, his breathing erratic and his black hair sticking all over the place as his bloody fingers rake through them.

"You can get off him now. He's dead, like…really dead…wow. You may have gone overboard, actually…" the other boy comments, whistling at the damage.

Hide watches Kaneki's head snap up and turn to the other boy. "You want food, right? Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, I do, actually. I'm starving! So, get off the corpse and share, why don't ya!" The boy snaps back.

Kaneki growls and his hands reach for the dead man's arms. Hide's eyes widen when he sees Kaneki rip off both the man's upper extremities like it is mere paper. "Here! Take it! Take everything! _Just take it already_!" Kaneki yells, violently throwing the limbs at the other boy.

The other boy catches the limbs, shooting a glare at the half-ghoul. "Calm down already. It's over now. Next time, I'll kill the guy for you, how's that?"

Kaneki lets out another helpless cry and smacks himself over and over. " _No more, no more, no more!_ "

"Stop crying! You're gonna get the damn cops on us!" the other boy hisses.

Hide can't take it anymore. He steps away from the shadows.

Right away, the other boy catches sight of Hide and he takes a battle stance. "Crap, now you've done it. Get outta here or you'll regret it!"

Hide ignores the other child. His eyes stay on his friend, who is rocking back and forth in a ball and has his head buried between his knees.

The other boy watches in confusion as Hide stops right beside Kaneki. The half-ghoul is too deep in his morbid state to notice him just yet.

"Kaneki, it's okay…"

He notices his friend's body stiffen immediately once his voice breaks the tension. He braces himself as his friend slowly raises his head.

A warm smile sets on his face. He stares back at those eyes. His round grey eyes, only one of them is black and red, with red veins stretching down his cheek. His smile doesn't fade.

He's happy to see his friend.

* * *

When he thought things couldn't get worse, he swears he hears Hide's voice. There he is, his friend is right next to him. The one person that he cannot see anymore. He has grown to accept that fact. Yet he is here.

What confuses him more is how gentle he sounds and that kind smile on his face. His heart doesn't let up on its marathon and when his eyes connect with Hide's, he doesn't know what to think.

He knows he's a mess, and yet his friend doesn't seem disgusted and makes no move to go away. Instead, he comes closer and even kneels to meet him face to face.

"Are you hurt, Kaneki? I was so worried about you. I wanted to see you," Hide tells him quietly, his hand resting on his left shoulder.

Kaneki's eyes widen and he realizes Hide must have seen what went on. His friend is looking right at his eyes and knows of his kakugan. His friend knows _everything_ now.

His eyes blur so much, he can't see Hide's smile anymore. He chokes on his tears and sobs hard. His body shakes uncontrollably and he slams his hands over his face.

"No, Hide, go away! I'm a monster! Just go away!" he cries, trying to move away from him.

Hide hushes him. "It's okay, Kaneki. I'm not scared. I want to help you. You're my friend and it makes me sad to see you cry."

Listening to those words, Kaneki can't stop his crying and his breathing stutters. Blood, tears, and saliva mix and he feels filthy and gross and undeserving of anyone's sympathy. He wants to be left alone. He wants to disappear.

"You know him?" He hears Nishiki state softly at Hide.

"Yeah, he's my dear friend. Who are you?" Hide asks. His hand strokes Kaneki's back and brings him closer. Kaneki feels his head collide against Hide's chest and his sobs begin to slow slightly.

"You're a human, aren't you? Do you realize what you're getting yourself into?" Nishiki questions. Kaneki imagines the other ghoul is in shock of Hide's indifference, just as much as he is.

"Well, yeah…so?" Hide responds like it is no big deal.

"I don't understand. Do you know what we are?"

"No…but does it matter? He's my friend and I care about him."

Nishiki takes a step back, shaking his head. "Are you insane? We're ghouls and we _eat_ humans like you. Your friend is only half-ghoul, but it doesn't make him any different. In fact, he could be stronger, I don't know. He'll kill you eventually, or he might even kill you _now_."

Hide doesn't answer this time. Instead, he turns back to Kaneki and pulls him close, embracing him with his chin resting on his head.

"If he won't kill you, then…" Nishiki's kakugan returns and he readies himself. "I'll do it."

Kaneki's eyes snap open and he immediately breaks out of Hide's arms. He places himself in front of Hide and his glare pierces through Nishiki's. "Get out of here," he says, his voice stern and resolute.

Nishiki scoffs. "Are you serious? Kaneki, you can't honestly think you can be friends with _food_? That's just crazy! You're gonna get yourself killed too when he turns you in!"

Kaneki shakes his head and doesn't budge from his spot in front of Hide. "He's not food. He's my friend."

Nishiki's jaw drops for a moment. "You're gonna die."

Like Hide, Kaneki doesn't respond, only maintains his firm eye contact with the other ghoul.

"He has to die. He's seen too much. I can't risk that." Nishiki begins to charge towards Hide but Kaneki pushes him back with a force he didn't know he is capable of. Nishiki grunts and skids backwards, maintaining his balance.

"We're just kids. Do you think an adult would believe what children have to say?" Kaneki responds calmly.

"It doesn't matter. Any mention of the word "ghoul" and people go berserk, did you know? Don't be naïve, Kaneki!" Nishiki spits back.

"I don't want to fight with you, Nishiki. Just go. If anything, I'll take the blame for all of this if anything spreads," Kaneki tries to convince him.

"I didn't even know there was such a ruckus about ghouls…" Hide says quietly behind Kaneki.

Nishiki hesitates, contemplating Kaneki's words and sending menacing glares Hide's way. The human seems completely nonchalant and it annoys him to no end. But he finds his energy is dwindling and he is still starving. His sister would be looking for him soon if he doesn't return to his stupid hut.

He relaxes his stance and his kakugan disappears. Kaneki keeps on guard but Nishiki makes no other move to attack. He looks down for a moment before he clenches his fist and points a finger at Kaneki. "Look, I'll let him go this time. But if I see him going off and you're not around, he's gonna be dinner."

Kaneki stays silent and Nishiki walks over to the limbs the half-ghoul had ripped away. "See you around, half-breed," he states. He glances at Hide one last time before he quickly scurries off. All that's left is a bloody mess, a mangled corpse, and two young boys.

Kaneki lets out a breath and he lowers his head. He still doesn't want to face Hide.

"Hey, did you have enough to eat?"

Hide's hand rests on his back, reminding him that he is still there beside him.

Kaneki can only nod, not wanting to think about what he just did. What he had to do.

Hide looks over at the body and notices the man's face is mauled, and knowing that the other ghoul took the arms, he could guess what his friend had done.

"Well, come with me then. I'll help you get cleaned up and everything," Hide suggested, rubbing his friend's back.

Kaneki turns around and hesitates before looking up at Hide's brown eyes, which still don't show a hint of negative emotions. His kakugan is still active and yet his friend isn't scared.

"Why…?"

Hide smiles. "Didn't you hear what I told him earlier?"

Kaneki looks down, trying to hold back the ache in his throat. Now that Nishiki's gone, the emotions are quickly flooding back and shaking him again.

"Good news, Kaneki. I got a bike! Ding, ding, ding!" Hide tries to break the ice as he stands up. He hurries over to his bike and brings it over to show his friend.

Kaneki still does not look up, finding his bloody hands more interesting.

Hide exhales softly and walks over to his friend. "Let's go Kaneki. I'll take you somewhere safe."

Kaneki does not protest as Hide guides him back on his feet and towards his bike. Once the both of them are seated, Hide looks back to check on his friend, who immediately lays his head on his back and grasps onto his shirt. With a small smile, Hide takes off without another word.

* * *

All is numb to Kaneki throughout the bike ride. The only thing that can reach him is the warmth that radiates from Hide's back as he leans against him. He is seated on the space behind his friend, who remains quiet throughout the journey. Night is in full swing and the moon above them is full and bright. He can still taste stale blood in his mouth. His hands and clothes still hold evidence.

He's a murderer.

His body moves automatically, following Hide's direction and soon enough, he finds himself seated on a closed toilet in a stall of a familiar restroom. The one near the playground where he first met Hide.

Like a real mother would, Hide sets to work on cleaning the blood off Kaneki's face and limbs. He's intent on wiping away all traces of the red liquid from his friend, knowing that he is already traumatized. Kaneki stays silent and still, his mind and eyes blank as Hide uses damp paper towels on his skin.

Hide backs up when he finally gets all the blood off Kaneki, minus the red staining his clothes. He had even managed to clean his friend's hair, leaving it damp and no longer sticky with bodily fluids. He beams at his handy work and places his hands on his hips in accomplishment.

"There we go! You're as good as new, well almost," Hide says and laughs lightly.

Kaneki doesn't look up and Hide doesn't mind. He turns around to throw the soggy towels away and that's when he finally hears his friend's voice again.

"Nishiki is right. You shouldn't be friends with me."

Hide faces Kaneki, who is staring back at him. Hide notices Kaneki's eyes are normal, but there are dark shadows still present under them. A thought runs through his head, and he smiles.

 _Maybe I am insane_ , Hide thinks to himself.

Kaneki is confused by the expression on Hide's face. "It's not funny, Hide. You need to stay away from me. We can't be friends."

The half-ghoul senses his breathing getting shaky again and he hates himself more. Always weak, that's what he is. His eyes sting and heat rises to his cheeks.

"Even my mom, she told me to stay away from you. She told me I can't get close…and…" His hands clench his knees and the tears land on them. "…It's best if you just forget me…"

Hide lets out a tired sigh and Kaneki slowly looks up to see Hide shaking his head, his gaze set on the ceiling.

"You know what I hate? I really hate people telling me what I can or can't do. Like, I literally don't care," Hide declares, shrugging his shoulders.

Kaneki glares at him. "Hide, this is serious. You can't-"

Hide laughs and points at him. "See, there you go again. It's you, it's my dad, it's that rude guy called Nishiki or whatever. Everyone keeps telling me what to do! I just don't care!"

Hide smiles and he comes closer, taking Kaneki's hands in his. "I mean, I care about what you say Kaneki. But what you're telling me now, I know you don't mean it. You wanna stay friends with me, right?"

Kaneki sniffs and he feels his cheeks getting wet. "I…I don't know… Hide…I just _killed_ someone for the first time. I had to do it b-because…" His voice turns muffled due to his sobs. "I'm a _monster_."

Hide's thumbs rub over Kaneki's hands and he gets on his knees to look up at him. "Well, okay, you're a ghoul. A half one, like the guy said?"

Kaneki nods slowly and Hide returns the gesture in understanding. "You know I meant what I said to that guy. I didn't care then, and I still don't care now. You're still my friend no matter what. I like you, Kaneki."

Kaneki feels his heart beat louder at those words and his body feels hot. He can tell his cheeks are turning red and he hopes Hide mistakes it as a reaction to his distress.

"My mom…she married a ghoul, my dad. They had me, and for a while, we were happy. But it was only for a short while, because my father ended up getting killed." Kaneki sniffs again and he turns to wipe his cheek on his arm.

"My mom hates me, but she did everything she could to keep my identity a secret from those people who took my dad away. And she told me if I get close to you, I would regret it. I tried to forget what she said, but now that I think about it, she's right," Kaneki looks Hide in the eyes. "What if something happens and you end up dying because of me? What if I lose control and kill you, like Nishiki says?"

Hide stares down at their intertwined hands before meeting his friend's worried gaze. "Well, what do you want, Kaneki?"

"I want you to stay safe, and for that to happen, we can't be friends," he replies in a shaky tone.

"You don't want to be my friend? You don't like me?" Hide questions, tilting his head to the side.

Kaneki opens his mouth, nothing coming out at first. "N-No, th-that's not it-"

Hide laughs. "I'm just kidding, Kaneki. You don't have to force yourself. If you really don't want to be my friend anymore, just look me in the eye and tell me again. And this time, it must come from you. Not what your mom tells you. Not what that Nishiki dude says. It's from you."

Kaneki stares at his friend, sinking in what he just said. Hide simply stays smiling and he lets go of his hands. Hide's brown eyes remain gentle and they wait for what Kaneki's eyes say.

Listening to Hide, he pushes aside his frazzled thoughts and searches his mind, his heart. He knows what he wants. It comes too easily and the answer scares him. But he thinks again and knows that if he lies, the pain would be unbearable. The pain of losing someone that makes him want to keep going. Keep surviving.

"I…" A fresh set of tears breaks through and he blinks to let them go.

"I want to be with you."

Hide's smile widens and Kaneki looks in awe when he sees his friend's cheeks bloom pink at his response. Hide can't stop beaming and he scratches his face. "See? Was that so hard to figure out?"

Kaneki suddenly feels embarrassed and he looks down at his knees. "N-No…"

"Well then, that's settled. We're staying friends!" Hide states happily.

The half-ghoul lifts his head up, his heart pushing him further. "And…you're not forcing me, Hide. I never felt that way around you…" Kaneki admits. A surge of confidence overcomes him in the next second.

Hide nods his head. "I'm glad to hear it."

"I mean, I…like you too, Hide. It hurts…thinking about not being your friend anymore…" Kaneki states quietly, almost like a whisper.

 _I really do. I really like you._

Hide's brown eyes become more vibrant at those words and he pulls on Kaneki's arms, coaxing him to stand. Kaneki gasps at the sudden action and follows through. "Gosh, come here you. You're such a dope," Hide says and grabs Kaneki into a tight hug.

He feels all the stress and tension leave his body when his friend continues holding him, strong and safe in his arms. Kaneki raises his own arms and returns the embrace, grasping onto the cloth on his back. His cheek rests against the other boy's chest and he feels Hide's breath brush through his hair. Every ounce of the iciness that resided within him melts away. The wounds his mother left on him seem to dissipate. His hands that bore blood turn back to ones that belong to an innocent child.

He feels whole.

Wordlessly, the two pull apart, and instead, Hide takes Kaneki's hand and leads him out of the restroom. Back in the open, the night air hits their skin, but neither of them shiver. They're both warm.

Hide looks off into the distance and turns back to his friend. "You want to go home?"

Kaneki returns his gaze and shakes his head. "No…"

Hide smiles and guides him to the sandbox. Their makeshift trench is no more, but it still proves to be their sanctuary. Once they sit in the sand, Kaneki doesn't stop himself as his head gravitates towards Hide's shoulder. In response, Hide squeezes his friend's hand in his grasp.

Kaneki closes his eyes, wishing he didn't have to go back to his mother. For he knows where his true home is. It's not with her.

He doesn't know what will happen, and he's scared of what lies ahead. But for now, he knows what he wants.

"Man, I am so not ready for school…" Hide mumbles.

Kaneki finally smiles. His heart settles down to a pulse that matches the boy next to him.


	3. Here

Like so many times in her life, she knew she made a mistake.

Since _he_ left, all that bottles up inside her is regret and stagnant pain. She wants to make things right for herself again, but how can she when the constant reminder of what she wishes she could erase exists within her sanctum. Something that exists because of her doing. An endless cycle.

She thought the least she could do is make sure he stays safe. The reason why she works so hard is to sustain the livelihood they could have. Though somewhere right beneath the thin surface, she knows that's another lie. Because she's _a good mother_ , and this is what _good mothers_ do. Cover up the bad with what society deems benevolent.

Though sometimes, _or most times_ , a thrill runs through her when the thorns of the roses she prepares dig into her palms as she clutches too tightly, or when she happens to draw more blood with the knife that shines brightly at her with a tease. It's the only thing that makes her feel something, something _better_.

But she can't run. Because the mistakes keep coming right back to impale her with a bigger blade. It blocks her way to remind her how good of a mother she really is.

When the doorbell rings, she thinks it's her sister again. Though her mind changes a split second before she opens the door.

Her son stands there, his clothes stained with blood. She knows why, but it's something she didn't expect to see on him so soon. Right by his side is the one she knew her son couldn't stay away from. Her boy doesn't look her in the eyes; his gaze turns down and his face is blotchy red from distress. The other boy keeps an arm around her son's shoulders with such strength, protecting him from all that could ail him further. Just from this display, she realizes two key facts.

One, the hunger has now fully tainted her son. Two, she had made another mistake.

She pushes those thoughts aside and focuses on the task at hand. She pulls the boys immediately into her home and holds them close as if they were both her children. Her son's friend appears to try and say something about what had happened, but when she looks at him and smiles, he stops and returns her gaze with uncertainty. She then turns to her son, who clings to her right side. His eyelids are barely open as his head leans heavily against her.

She strokes his cheek to keep him awake. "I need you to get out of those clothes, Ken," she says quietly. Her fingers move from his cheek to his hair, gently scratching his scalp.

Kaneki frowns and his eyes open slowly before he lifts his head up at his mother. Seeing her face, the night events rush back to him. "Mom…" he whispers in a shaky tone. Tears blur his vision and his nose reddens with the rising emotions.

She merely shushes him and holds the side of his face against her. In silence, she continues to lead the boys to the small laundry room, where she begins to relieve her son of his bloody clothes. Once Kaneki is left with only his underwear, she faces Hide, who had been following her like a shadow. The blond child looks up at her and gives a small smile. She returns the expression and gestures to his shirt.

"It would seem you got in a bit of a mess as well…" she states softly.

He furrows his brows in confusion before looking down at himself and gasping. "Oh…I didn't even notice…" he mutters as he sees blood had gotten on his shirt from helping his friend.

"Your father will most definitely be concerned if he sees this. Allow me to wash this for you as well," she offers.

Hide scratches his cheek. "Are you sure? If it's not too much trouble…"

She shakes her head. "Of course not. Besides, I needed to get the laundry done tonight anyway. Hand me your shirt, if you please."

Hide follows her instruction, pulling the cloth over his head. When she holds it up to the dim light, he sees the patches of blood more clearly before she tosses it in the washer. While she readies the laundry to start, Hide glances over at his friend. Kaneki remains quiet, his eyes downcast and blank and his arms wrapping around himself. He can tell his friend is trembling slightly due to their exposed skin and he feels himself automatically begin to step towards him. His trance is cut off when he feels a hand pushing on his back and his friend is blocked from view.

In another blur, the boys are taken into Kaneki's room, where his mother begins rummaging through the closet to find fresh clothing for them. She pulls out Kaneki's dark blue pajamas and searches for a spare shirt for Hide to wear temporarily.

"I'm trying to find something that my son hardly wears…something that's probably too big for him…oh…"

In the deep crevices of Kaneki's closet, she manages to find a plain white, short-sleeved shirt. She holds it up, flipping it over before lending it to Hide. "Here, I'm sure this will suffice while your shirt gets cleaned," she states with a polite smile.

Hide grins and accepts it. "Thank you so much, ma'am. Sorry for the trouble."

She chuckles. "Don't say that, it's no one's fault. I'm just glad both of you are safe and unharmed." She places a hand on Hide's head, ruffling his hair a bit before continuing. "Now, I'm going to need your father's number so I can tell him you're here before he worries to death. Unfortunately, I didn't think to get it from him the time we met."

Hide laughs uneasily. "Oh yeah…he's gonna murder me…again. I'm getting really good at that now."

"Well, if he's angry, which I don't blame him for, I'll try and calm him before he gets here," she reassures him.

Hide bows his head, whispering another thanks with an apologetic smile. She moves on to her son, who is now dressed in his nightwear and sitting with his knees curled to his chest on the futon. His eyes are still empty and staring off to nowhere.

She kneels and places a hand on her son's head in the same way she did with Hide. "Go to sleep, Ken, all right?"

He nods slowly, like a robot, and she then straightens up, excusing herself to make the call. Kaneki exhales before looking up to see his friend, who is already walking over to him. Hide takes a seat next to Kaneki and he places a hand on his knee. "You doing a little better?"

Kaneki smiles and nods, feeling lighter just from Hide's mere touch. He looks over at the borrowed shirt his friend is wearing and his smile grows. "I almost forgot I have that shirt. I actually think it belonged to my father when he was younger."

Hide looks down and pulls at the ends of the shirt. "Really? Does it look baggy on me?"

"No…you look cut-" Kaneki gasps and slaps a hand over his mouth. He can feel his ears getting hot and he shrinks further behind his knees.

"Wha-" Hide had instantly turned his gaze to Kaneki as soon as he heard him. "Were you just about to call me _cute_?"

Kaneki doesn't answer, only hiding his face between his legs and wishing he hadn't said anything at all. He hears Hide scoff playfully and then his friend's arm wraps around him. He can feel himself growing tired once more, his body sinking into his companion as the other pulls him closer.

His eyes close shut and the last thing that registers in his hazed mind is the feel of him lying on the futon, his friend's touch not leaving his side.

…

"Is he okay? What happened, do you know?"

"They're both all right. They were together at the playground again for most of the night. They came back a bit dirty so I'm having their clothes washed. I've just put them in the dryer."

Hide's eyes snap open when he hears voices, his heart pounding a bit from his sudden awakening. Something tickles his nose and he furrows his brows in annoyance until he realizes it's Kaneki's hair brushing against his face. His left arm still lies under Kaneki's head as said boy curls up against him. He carefully angles his head to glance at his friend's face. He looks at peace when asleep, like nothing bad had ever happened to him. Hide watches Kaneki's shoulder rise and fall with his breathing and then turns his head towards the door. A sliver of light slips through and stays on the floor a few inches away from them. Curious of what the adults are saying outside, he doesn't want to move and disturb his friend's tranquil state. He keeps as quiet as possible and listens.

The voices of Kaneki's mother and his father are muffled, but he can still decipher most of their conversation.

"I apologize for the burden. I understand you must have a lot on your shoulders and my son is just not helping the situation…"

"No, it's not a problem at all. Actually, I believe your son is doing more for my own son than I could at the moment."

Muted footsteps pad the floor outside. He feels Kaneki's head nudge closer against him.

"It would seem…our sons are getting along quite well in just a short time."

Her voice grows softer.

"I haven't seen Ken so attached to someone before…"

"Well, that's good to hear. I'm happy Hide found someone he gets along with so soon." His father doesn't sound angry, but relieved.

There is a pause and his father clears his throat. "Is there something wrong? You seem troubled."

Kaneki's mother immediately responds. "No, no, it's nothing. I just…I had hoped my son could find happiness. But at the same time, I feared for his safety and…right now, I'm thinking I was perhaps too paranoid…"

"There's nothing wrong with being protective, if that's what you mean…"

She sighs. "No, it's not that. I've done wrong again, I know it…"

"I'm sorry, I don't quite understand…"

"It's all right. I made a mistake, but I know now that your son is a good boy. He's good for my son."

Their voices become quieter and Hide has the urge to get closer to continue catching the exchange.

"I haven't had the chance to know your son well yet, but judging from what I know from our first meeting, the feeling is mutual. I'm just afraid Hide may be a bit too energetic sometimes, wandering off and all." His father chuckles near the end.

More footsteps and they sound like they're becoming more distant.

"I'm sure that will help bring Ken out of his shell."

"Or get him into trouble," his father jokes.

From what Hide can tell, the parents are heading further away from Kaneki's room. He swears he hears Kaneki's mother laugh for the first time; even if it is an act of politeness, it sounds genuine to him. Soon, the conversation is out of earshot and he finds himself drifting back into the black.

…

"Hide."

He is shaken back to consciousness and he turns his head to see his father kneeling above him, his hand on his shoulder. He rubs his eyes with his free hand before looking to Kaneki, who is still fast asleep.

"Time to go home, son," his father states quietly.

Hide nods in understanding and carefully moves his left arm out from under his friend's head. His father passes Hide a pillow to replace where his arm had been. As his arm slowly gets back its circulation, he goes to sit up, only for him to get snagged back down by his friend, who's hand had been clinging to his shirt during his slumber. Hide gasps in surprise and he gently takes hold of his friend's hand, removing it from his shirt.

"I have to go now, Kaneki. I'll see you soon," he whispers. He squeezes his hand as consolation and his friend loosens his grip at his words.

Once Hide gets back on his feet, his father gives him his cleaned shirt. Hide removes the borrowed one and quickly dons his own. He folds Kaneki's shirt and places it next to his friend, smiling in gratitude. When he turns back to his father, he holds out his arms and Hide complies as his father carries him out of the room. Hide leans against his father's shoulder, but not before peeking another glance at his friend and then shutting his eyes once more.

In the dark, Kaneki's fingers find the cloth left behind his friend, lingering there as he feels a hint of his friend's warmth and scent comforting him through the rest of the solitary night.

* * *

April has arrived. His stomach aches in the worst way as the anxiety creeps in.

As usual, he walks to school alone, and like the year before, the first trek always feels the longest. He keeps his head down, watching his feet take one step after the other. Nothing from his surroundings reaches his senses as he remains in his own mind. A mind that's been causing him some sleepless nights and further panic. It controls what he views every day, and he often must bite his tongue to stop himself from screaming because he still sees blood on his hands and legs.

He convinces himself that one day he will grow numb to all this and it won't scare him anymore. That this is what it means to be a ghoul. His mother hasn't said a word to him since he first took a life. He knows she knows, yet she refuses to acknowledge it.

So, the nightmares continue, turning into day frights when he starts seeing the same things regardless of his state of consciousness.

Despite his dazed state, he manages to make it to the school entrance early enough. Most of the students are already gathered outside the gate with their parents and guardians. He decides to maintain distance between him and the other kids, opting to stay near the closest tree. His fingers clench around his backpack straps and he already dreads when they are required to do first day introductions. He doesn't care to rehearse his words anymore; he knew he'd be made fun of regardless.

The gate begins to open and the children bustle in, but not before embracing their parents and saying their farewells. He waits, intending to go in once everyone else has entered the facility.

He takes a deep breath and a step forward.

"Kaneki!"

He freezes, recognizing the voice in an instant and all thoughts of negativity leave him. Before he can turn around, he is suddenly engulfed in arms and is spun around from behind. He almost loses balance, but the boy behind him keeps him steady as he is caught in a whirling embrace.

"I'm so glad I made it in time and how lucky that I bumped into my favorite person in the world! It must be fate!" Hide exclaims in joy as he finishes spinning Kaneki. He places his hands on the black-haired boy's shoulders to steady him and his eyes shimmer with happiness.

Kaneki feels dizzy, but he doesn't mind the sensation as it thwarts the bad thoughts away. When his sights catch onto his friend, he sighs in awe at how vibrant his friend is and the contagious energy he gives off in front of him. He soaks it in like he would with sunlight and a smile instantly breaks loose on his face.

"Hide...I'm so happy you're here," he finds himself saying without reservation.

Hide laughs and brings Kaneki closer to him. "Well, I wish I _could_ skip but I gotta hit the books someday, right? Also, there's no way I'm letting you face this grimy institution on your own!"

Kaneki nestles himself against Hide's side as the blond child swings an arm around his shoulders. "Besides, school's gonna be more fun with you. So, let's get this over with, yeah?"

His strength returns to him and the two of them cross through the gate and into the school, being among the last to enter. As long as his friend is near, the monsters in his head stay dormant for a little while. He almost thinks he can make it through the year unscathed.

But when he looks down at his hands, there's blood again.

…

Like most events, the day goes by in a messy blur. Nothing stays in his mind much at all and he doesn't know how to fix it. The only scene that stays is when he heard the usual snickering during his introduction. The one aspect he remembers most is when it came to Hide, people were laughing even more. Their poisonous tongues couldn't escape him.

 _"Why is he so loud?"_

 _"His hair is weird."_

 _"The new kid is so obnoxious. I can already tell he's gonna be trouble."_

 _"Mom would think he looks like a bad kid, and he's only what, six or seven?"_

He thinks about chewing off their fingers. Every one of them. It would be so satisfying, he thinks. He needs some way to vent his relentless anger and frustration and hate. When the first part of class had ended, he had rushed over to Hide, ready to comfort him. But Hide merely looked at him like those people didn't affect him at all. His friend is unfazed and greets him as loudly as he wants, unafraid to show himself. Hide never ceases to amaze him. It intimidates him to some degree, but in a good way.

More and more, he wishes he is like Hide, strong and upbeat like him. He's grey, weak, pathetic, unworthy. But his friend is everything and more. He'd follow him to the ends of the earth if he could. He knows he doesn't have much time until Hide grows bored of him.

He treasures each moment he has with Hide, and right now, they are resting on the bleachers outlining the school field outside. The spring breeze blows past them, causing their hair to become a mess. He marvels at how Hide's hair becomes fluffier and when he reaches out to touch it, Hide looks at him and grins. His heart jumps, bothering him again.

When he withdraws his hand, Hide keeps his intent gaze on him. Usually, it makes him feel nervous, but this time, he's just numb.

"You're not doing very well, are you Kaneki…" his friends states.

Just like that, he's an open book. He can't hide.

He thinks about denying it, but knows he'll be shut down. "I don't know…what to feel anymore sometimes…" he ends up confessing.

"What's on your mind? I mean, I know it must not be easy ever since…"

"Why aren't you afraid of me? It doesn't make any sense…I…" Kaneki cuts through Hide's words with the question that explains everything, but he stops for a moment. "Is it right for me to be with you? I feel like I'm holding you back…"

"Holding me back? Where did you get that idea?" Hide looks at him with confusion.

Kaneki brushes his fingers over the pages of his book on his lap. Anxiety accompanies him. "N-Never mind…it's nothing."

Hide leans on him, grabbing onto his right arm tightly. " _No,_ Kaneki, just tell me. Don't hide anything from me," he whines in a joking manner, but the message he sends is serious.

Kaneki peers down at Hide, who lifts his head to look back into his eyes. He begins to think his worries are foolish. But he can't help himself.

"I can tell you're gonna have a lot of friends…and so…don't feel like you have to keep hanging around me, Hide," he states quietly. He can't maintain eye contact anymore.

That is, until Hide makes him. His friend takes a hold of his shoulders and jolts him back to attention. Kaneki hesitantly complies, his gaze timid compared to the boldness he sees in Hide's.

"You must really not like me if you keep saying these things like I'm gonna ditch you," Hide says, a small smirk crossing his lips.

"No, I don't mean that-"

"Then get those thoughts out of your head! You don't think I noticed what the other kids were saying about me? As if I wanna be friends with those losers!" Hide declares, his hands tightening on Kaneki.

His face feels hot under Hide's intent gaze and he bites his lower lip.

"I didn't get to tell you this, but I overheard your mom and my dad talking that day," Hide states.

Kaneki's eyes widen curiously. "What did they say?"

Hide grins and he pulls away from him, crossing his arms behind his head. "Your mom seems to like the idea of us as friends now." His brown eyes resonate warmth as he informs his friend.

Kaneki looks down absentmindedly, the book in his lap a blur as he thinks to himself.

"It's true, I wasn't just hearing things. Also, my dad's happy about it too. Though you know what's funny?" Hide moves to straddle the bench so he's directly facing Kaneki. "He thinks _I'm_ gonna be the bad influence. _Me_ , not you."

Kaneki turns his gaze to his friend, his face brightening at this news.

Hide laughs, swinging his legs. "See? I'm the one you need to worry about. I'm no good~" He sings the last line.

Kaneki laughs lightly and gives a small smile. "Mom's okay with us now? I wish she could have told me…" He rubs his right arm in thought. "All this time, she still hasn't said a word to me…"

Hide stares at his friend for a moment before continuing. "So…how many half-ghouls are there? Are you one of many or what?"

Kaneki pauses at the sudden change in topic before replying. "Umm…I don't really know. But mom said it was a miracle I was born. She had doubts that I would survive."

Hide's jaw drops in wonder. "Really? Wow, so that means you're special, Kaneki!"

Kaneki frowns in disagreement. "How? If anything, being part of something that's rare leaves me feeling more like a freak than I already am."

"I love freaks. I'm one too," Hide replies with a grin.

"You're not a freak, Hide," Kaneki says, grabbing onto his friend's hand.

"Yeah, I am. Just you wait. One of these days, you'll question why you're friends with me."

Kaneki shakes his head and then he notices Hide's gaze turn gentler. His heart jolts again in response and he knows that no one has looked at him like that before, not even his mother.

"I don't know what your mother thinks exactly, but if anyone is ashamed of you for being a half-ghoul, that's wrong. I think it's amazing and unique and I'm just so curious! I wanna know more about your world, about you. Every day," Hide says. There is no hint of dishonesty in his tone, and it takes Kaneki's breath away.

Kaneki feels his throat go dry. "B-But my world is dangerous…and I honestly don't know my full capabilities yet. I could really hurt you one day."

Hide says nothing. He simply takes Kaneki's hand in his and brings it up to his face. He holds it close to his left cheek and cradles it with his eyes closed. Kaneki's pulse thunders in his ears and he can't bring himself to pull away. His mind grows fuzzy and his palms sweat.

Hide opens his eyes, staring directly into Kaneki's uncertain ones. "I'm not afraid, Kaneki. I'm excited. I wanna see what's ahead of us."

Again, Kaneki is reminded of how Hide's thoughts reflect the opposite of his own. Prior to this, he feared what will happen while his friend is looking forward to it.

Hide places Kaneki's hand down, his grip still attached. "And you know what else? That ghoul eye you have?" He points to his left and Kaneki's fingers reaches up to the one he indicates.

Hide leans closer. "I think it's really cool. _Beautiful_ , actually…"

Kaneki feels his body temperature rise to a dangerous level and all he can do is fall forward, choosing to bury his face in Hide's chest.

"Don't say that! It's embarrassing!" Kaneki shouts, though his voice is muffled.

Hide spots Kaneki's reddened ears and he laughs, ruffling his friend's hair and keeping his hand there as he holds his friend close. "See? I told you hanging around me is a bad idea. Are you ready to back out yet?"

He hears Kaneki's giggle and it leaves him feeling warm. Hide's fingers run through the boy's inky black hair and he's sure Kaneki can hear his heartbeat. One that pounds too strong right then.

"It's gonna be okay," Hide says.

Kaneki nods, wishing he didn't have to leave his side at all.

* * *

Months pass. Every day, Hide stays by him like they were literal two peas in a pod. It comes to the point where their fellow classmates expect the two of them to be together. They come as a set and exit as so.

Until one summer day, his friend doesn't appear at school.

Going through the motions without his companion leaves him in a numbing state again. He blocks out his surroundings and all he thinks of is where his friend could be. His anxiety gets the better of him and the worst scenarios come to mind. The world they live in is not as most think, and it leaves him a nervous wreck by the afternoon.

His mother notices when he returns home sooner than usual. She gets up in the middle of her work and approaches her son standing still in the middle of the entrance hallway. His head is down and his knuckles are white from clenching onto his backpack straps.

She places a hand on top of his head and then gets down to his level.

"Ken? What's wrong?"

This is the first time in a long while since she openly showed concern for him. The shock of it causes him not to say anything at first. Gripping his hands, he slowly raises his head to meet his mother. She smiles briefly and waits for him to speak.

"I…I want to go see Hide…" he says quietly.

He doesn't normally like to voice what he wants to his mother. Often, he thinks he'll burden her and he remembers the first two years after his father passed. Almost anything he said set her off, and her pain had projected onto him. The ache of the faded bruises reminds him never to bother her with needless desires.

Though he can't avoid this now.

She can see a glimmer of strength in her son's eyes, something she hasn't seen before. It amazes her how one person could make such an impact. It reminds her of her husband and she can't help the envy that flows through her veins. Mostly, however, she is relieved.

She straightens from her kneeling position, startling Kaneki as she turns and walks away. He looks down and shuffles his feet, thinking her hint of concern is false. His thoughts are proven wrong when she returns in the next minute, handing him a small note.

"This is the address to your friend's apartment. He's not that far from here. Will you be able to go by yourself?" she informs him.

He clutches the note in his hand and looks up at her, a wide smile on his face. "Yes, mom. Thank you so much."

She returns his pleased expression. "Be careful. Try and stay where there's more people on the street."

He nods and doesn't think twice to embrace her, his arms tightening around her legs. He hears her chuckle and it lifts his spirits up more. She leans forward to hold him, her hand stroking his back.

"He is fine, Ken. Don't worry."

With those words, he leaves home with a burst of confidence. The sun is harsher on his skin as his feet carry him towards his destination as swiftly as possible. He focuses on the road, only one person on his mind moving him forward despite the heat.

It's not until he reaches Hide's apartment complex does he realize that he has never been to his friend's place before. He wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm and then looks down at the note his mother gave him. His friend is located on the first floor, so he scans the door numbers until he finally spots the correct one. Standing in front of his friend's door, he hesitates and swallows hard. He wonders who will answer the door as he reaches up to ring the bell.

It takes a few minutes and Kaneki hears faint footsteps from within the apartment. The door slowly opens, showing no light shining through and Kaneki finally finds himself face to face with the person he sought for.

"Kaneki? I wasn't expecting to see you," Hide states excitedly. His friend's enthusiastic voice is muffled by the surgical mask he is wearing over his nose and mouth.

As always, Kaneki can't seem to find his breath when his eyes land on his friend's face. "Hide…" he utters, his eyes watering at the sight of him.

Hide's brows furrow in worry and he takes a step forward. "Kaneki, are you okay? Did something bad happen?"

He can't believe it. Of all the things to say, and his friend worries about _him_. Kaneki can't take it anymore.

"Hide!" He throws himself onto his friend. His arms latch around his friend's neck and he holds him close like his life depends on it, which isn't too far from the truth.

Although the mask subdues Hide's voice, his chuckle still reaches Kaneki's ears and he is happy all the same. Hide hugs him back just as tightly, if not more so, his arms winding around his waist.

"Aww, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. Did you miss me?" Hide says, his hand patting Kaneki's back.

Kaneki can only nod as he buries his nose in Hide's neck, soaking in his friend's warmth and feeling his body relax from the tension of the day without him.

"It's okay. I just caught a bad flu. My body aches and I kinda have a fever too, did you notice? Do I feel hot to you?" Hide asks.

Kaneki pulls back a little to gaze at his friend's face. "Maybe a little? But it feels nice to me…" He blushes at what he just said and he shuts his eyes tightly in embarrassment.

Hide laughs again. "Man, you're such a dork. Anyway…" He tries to separate himself from Kaneki, but the half-ghoul refuses to let him go. "I…uh…I think you should keep your distance. I don't want you getting sick."

"I'm stronger than I look, remember?" Kaneki replies with a smile.

Hide's eyes twinkle. "Well, yeah, but just to be on the safe side…"

Kaneki pouts a bit, which makes Hide think twice about his words but he adheres to his warning in the end. Hide takes Kaneki's hand instead and leads him into the apartment.

After shutting and locking the front door, Hide yawns and scratches the back of his head. "How weak is my immune system, I mean, who in their right mind gets sick in the _summer_? _Me_ , that's who, only me!"

Hide lets out a groan of frustration at being sick, followed by a productive cough. "God, I feel horrible…"

Kaneki follows his friend closely while surveying the inside of the Nagachika apartment. He notices that Hide has no lights on, so it's mostly dark, save for the sunlight that shines through the windows. He can tell that his friend must have been sleeping all day and did not bother to exit his room until he came along.

"Well, you never really wash your hands, Hide. Also, I see you wiping your nose a lot so you must have caught it from someone at school," Kaneki informs him.

"Oh, mama Kaneki strikes again," Hide replies with a snicker.

"Your dad's at work?" Kaneki asks, realizing Hide's been home alone.

"Yeah, as always." Hide stops when they reach the living room and he turns to his friend. "Anyway, I'm really happy you came all this way to see me, Kaneki. Although I'm super tired so I'm afraid you're gonna be bored with me," he says as he suppresses another yawn.

Kaneki shakes his head. "I'm never bored with you, Hide. I want to be by your side."

He can't see Hide smiling under the mask, but he can tell his friend must be by the way his eyes shine. "Okay, well, I'm going back to bed. You can go ahead and explore the place, but try not to mess with dad's work stuff. Oh, and you can use the T.V. or read some of dad's books or something."

Kaneki nods and Hide turns away from him. "I'll be dying in my room. If you need something, just go ahead and wake me up."

Kaneki scoffs at Hide's morbid joke as his friend trudges down the hall. When he sees Hide disappear into his room, Kaneki spends the next few moments scanning the apartment. It's a little messier compared to his, especially since his mother takes care of the cleaning. There is a stack of mail on the dining table and dirty dishes left in the sink. He walks past the kitchen and further down the small hallway to find Mr. Nagachika's room. Compared to his dad's study, there are fewer books and it's emptier. To him, it looks like Hide's father is still working on filling up the space in his room. He glances over the books on the shelves before his eyes latch onto a picture frame on the desk. He picks up the frame and sees three people in the photo. There is Hide's father on the left, smiling wide alongside a woman with long, blond hair.

 _Hide's mother…_

In her arms lies a baby, which he knows is his friend. Kaneki looks in awe at baby Hide, who only had a small tuft of hair on his head then. His eyes look back and forth between Hide and his mother, noticing that they both have quite the resemblance, although he can see his father's features in Hide as well. Certain questions begin to form in Kaneki's head as he places the frame back on the desk.

Kaneki decides he's done with exploring for now and he makes his way towards Hide's room. The door is open halfway and he pushes it to allow himself in. Hide lies on his side on the futon, his back facing Kaneki. He hears Hide snoring slightly and gets down on his knees. He quietly crawls to his friend and stops when he's beside him. He softly places a hand on Hide's arm, detecting his friend's temperature is hotter than usual.

"Hide?" Kaneki whispers, shaking him gently.

Hide doesn't answer right away and Kaneki says his name again, shaking him a little harder. The second time, his friend stops snoring and he flinches awake.

"Hmm? What?" Hide asks in a groggy tone. He places an arm over his head as he shifts to lie on his back.

"Did you take any medicine for your fever?" Kaneki asks, worry crossing his face.

Hide sniffs and shakes his head. "No…"

"No wonder, you're burning up, Hide. Did you drink any water? Did you eat anything?"

Hide shakes his head again and Kaneki places a hand on his friend's forehead. "Do you have any medicine?"

"Yeah, I think it's in the cabinet in the kitchen…"

Kaneki stands up, getting ready to care for his friend. "What about food?"

Hide groans as he thinks. "I'm not really that hungry…but I think there's canned soup in the kitchen as well. I can make it later…"

"No, leave it to me, Hide. You just keep resting, okay?" Kaneki commands and Hide lets out a weak laugh.

"Okie dokie mom…"

With that, Kaneki quickly runs to the kitchen. He looks through all the cabinets until he finds what he needs: a pot, a can of chicken noodle soup, and once he gets to the medicine cabinet, he finds a small bottle of Tylenol, which he recalls his mother would take if she got the flu.

 _Thank goodness..._ He exhales in relief as he stares at the supplies he set on the dining table.

He picks up the can of soup and reads the label to understand how to make it.

 _Humans eat this stuff? It doesn't sound very good…but it doesn't seem difficult to make._

He follows the simple directions to heat up the canned soup. He has to stand on a stepping stool in order to reach above the stove, and while he's stirring, he notices Hide walking out to the living room. His blond hair sticks up all over the place like a bird's nest and when he looks at Kaneki, he waves. Kaneki feels sadness at seeing his friend look so worn out, unlike how he usually is. He wishes he could take this sickness right out of his friend's body, like it is an actual bug he could squish.

Hide drags his feet into the kitchen and pulls up a chair from the dining table to sit on while he waits. "So, how's the soup going, _mom_?"

"I think it's about done. Hang on…" Kaneki turns off the stove and he stirs the soup some more before turning to Hide. "Where do you keep the bowls?"

"Oh, I gotcha." Hide goes over to a cupboard and pulls out a bowl and spoon for himself. He walks over to Kaneki, who carefully takes the bowl and pours the soup into it, causing a few spills here and there during the process.

"Smells pretty good, Kaneki," Hide states with his eyes closing in glee.

Kaneki scrunches his nose. "Really? It doesn't to me."

"Wait, half-ghouls can't eat human food at all? Even if you're technically half human?" Hide inquires.

Kaneki scratches his cheek. "I actually…don't really know…I've never tried human food before…"

Hide chuckles. "Well, maybe you should try some of this before I do."

Kaneki backs away when Hide tries to shove a spoonful to his face. "Uh, no thanks. This is for you, not me."

Hide scoffs in a joking manner. "You sure?"

Kaneki nods and his friend shrugs as he takes the bowl over to his chair. A thought strikes the half-ghoul just as Hide pulls his mask down and is about to take a bite. "Wait!"

Hide stops mid-way, his mouth open as he dramatically pauses his spoon in mid-air. Kaneki goes over to the Tylenol bottle and hands it to him. "I think you should take this first for your fever."

Hide closes his mouth and grimaces at the medicine. "Ugh, okay. But I'm gonna need some water to go with it."

Before Hide can make another move, Kaneki goes to grab a glass of water for his friend. Hide pops the plastic measuring cup off the Tylenol bottle along with the cap and reads the directions on how much to pour.

"Here, I can do it," Kaneki offers and Hide smiles as he hands the bottle over to his friend. The black-haired boy sets it on the dining table and carefully pours out the correct amount.

Hide purses his lips together as he takes the measuring cup from Kaneki before he consumes the medication. He winces slightly and Kaneki passes the water to him. After two gulps of water, Hide exhales and grins at his friend.

"Well, I did what you said. Can I have my soup now?" Hide asks, putting his hands out.

Kaneki smiles and returns the bowl to the blond boy. Hide hops off his chair and makes his way towards the living room. "Wanna watch some T.V., buddy?" he asks, looking over his shoulder.

The two boys make themselves comfortable on the sofa as Hide turns on the small television set. They sit together, watching a random cartoon in comfortable silence. Kaneki peeks at Hide while he eats and moves a little closer to him, despite his warning not to.

A little while later, Hide has finished his soup and his knees are pulled to his chest as he continues watching the show. Kaneki is more preoccupied with his thoughts, and he ponders whether he should bring up what he wants to say to his friend. Ultimately, after much contemplation, he decides to ask.

"Hide?"

"Hmm?"

"I saw a picture of your parents in your dad's room earlier."

That statement effectively takes Hide's attention away from the television and his eyes set on Kaneki. The half-ghoul notices a hint of darkness in the way Hide looks at him, but it is overshadowed by his bright demeanor.

"Yeah? Did you see my mom?" he asks in a nonchalant tone.

Kaneki nods, suddenly feeling uneasy. "Yes…and I'm just curious but, what happened to her?"

Hide's gaze detaches from Kaneki's for a moment as he stares off into space. Kaneki gulps and quickly adds, "N-Never mind, don't answer that. I shouldn't have-"

Hide places a hand on Kaneki's and he smiles. "It's okay."

Kaneki nibbles on his lower lip nervously as Hide withdraws his hand and hugs his knees. "I saw her hanging in her room one day. I really didn't understand why…but it's something that will never leave my mind no matter how hard I try to forget."

Kaneki feels his heart stop hearing those words. Hide rests his chin on his knees and his gaze stays focused on the T.V., though he's not truly watching.

"Dad said it's called 'suicide.' She killed herself. And honestly, it makes me so confused and…mad?" Hide confesses. His tone is so low and quiet, it scares Kaneki. He instantly regrets asking, but at the same time, he is Hide's friend and he is bound to find out sooner or later.

Hide shakes his head slowly. "I don't know. I thought she was okay. I mean, I guess she and dad got into fights here and there, but it always seemed like they made up." He grasps his forehead with both hands and looks to his friend with a grin that, for the first time, looks fake to Kaneki's eyes. "I just don't know."

Kaneki immediately reaches for Hide's hand and keeps it in his strong grip. "I'm sorry, Hide, I didn't mean to make you bring it up. I'm so sorry."

Hide smiles. "It's okay, Kaneki. You deserve to know. I know your secrets, and so you need to know mine. That's what friends are for, right?"

Kaneki doesn't let his eyes stray from Hide, his hand tightening its hold on his friend's. Hide grabs the remote with his free hand and shuts off the television. He sighs and turns to Kaneki. "Well, I'm going back to bed."

"I'll come with you," Kaneki replies quietly.

The boys shuffle together, with Kaneki clinging to his friend's left arm as they make their way to Hide's room. No words are exchanged as Hide prepares himself for sleep on the futon. Kaneki lets go of his arm, causing Hide to look up at his friend. Kaneki's eyes are downcast and there is melancholy written on the boy's face. Hide pulls his mask over his nose and mouth before speaking up.

"We're not really good at keeping our distance, huh?"

Kaneki snaps out of his daze at Hide's words and his cheeks redden. He doesn't know what to say.

"Wanna lie next to me?" Hide asks, pulling aside the blanket.

Kaneki gives a small smile and nods. Hide motions for him to come over as he lays down.

"The least I can do is have my back to you so I'm not breathing germs all over you," Hide mumbles as he turns to his side again.

Kaneki makes his space next to him, waiting and listening to Hide's breathing until it comes to a steady rhythm. His gaze stays fixed on the outline of Hide's spine through his shirt.

He is selfish.

He is not the only one that knows pain. That knows how the world works.

But of all people, he wishes his friend didn't have to know this truth.

Kaneki closes the gap between him and Hide. He moves forward to the point where his forehead touches Hide's back. His hands grip onto his friend's shirt and he shuts his eyes.

Hide opens his eyes when he feels Kaneki against him. Kaneki's warm breath brushes against his back and he thinks about what he shared with his friend, the words hovering above his head like a heavy storm cloud. When Kaneki grips onto his shirt, he closes his eyes once more.

This time, no one separates the boys. They stay together through the static night, both vulnerable and isolated from the rest of the world.


	4. December 20th

The coarse wind bites at his cheek and it's enough to keep anyone else indoors. He clutches the collar of his coat tighter and every exhale he takes comes out in frosty clouds.

Beside him, his friend shivers, hugging himself and pulling the hood of his jacket over his head. He cups his hands over his face and breathes into them. Kaneki watches his friend as they continue walking side-by-side, their prior conversation on his mind.

"Think we'll see that Nishiki guy again?" Hide states between teeth chatters.

Kaneki clenches his hands. Hide was so insistent on coming along with him on his occasional hunt for flesh. It makes him sick to think his friend will be watching him consume a human, especially since the one he cares for most is one of them. He had been careful in the past to go without letting his friend know. But this time, he couldn't get away fast enough.

He finds it hard to say "no" to him. Hide is too convincing. Too caring.

 _He said he wouldn't be disgusted. But still…I am._

"Maybe. I've only bumped into him once since the first time…" he answers quietly. Worry clouds his mind.

What if there are other ghouls this time? Fear overcomes him over the fact that he might not be able to protect Hide. He peers over at his friend again, who seems far too excited despite the cold.

"S-Stay close, Hide. Remember what I told you?" he tells Hide once more.

"Yeah, I know. I won't wander, don't worry, buddy," Hide reassures him.

True to his words, his friend shadows him without another word as they trudge through the chill of mid-December. The nights are darker, although holiday decorations begin to decorate the streets. Kaneki looks over his shoulders constantly, making sure his companion is still there and that no one is following. His senses are hyperactive and it merely increases his anxiety. He can smell the stench of old blood staining the obscure hunting grounds and he wonders if Hide could as well. Whenever he glances at his friend, Hide remains unperturbed, only curious and observing.

As the neighborhood grows quiet, the closer the boys get to the hunting territories. Kaneki feels just as cold on the inside as his surroundings; the bit of solace he finds is the sound of Hide's footsteps following him.

Near the outskirts of town shrouded with minimal light, Kaneki picks up on pieces of a conversation that becomes clearer the further he enters.

"Oh, come on, I deserve more than that!"

"You would, if you'd done your share of finishing the job."

"I'm just a kid, man, an innocent kid. You think I'd be able to handle killing someone on my own?"

"Don't give me that bullshit. I've seen what you can do."

Kaneki stops in his tracks and peeks behind the building to see none other than Nishiki currently in an argument with another ghoul. An adult, male ghoul who is covered from head-to-toe in blood and human remains.

Kaneki feels Hide's breath on his shoulder as the blond gasps at the sight. He notices the adult ghoul's eyes immediately flit to the side, and to Kaneki's horror, he is staring right at his friend.

"Dude, pay attention-" Nishiki shouts at the man but is interrupted when the man rushes towards the boys watching behind the building.

On instinct, Kaneki grabs Hide into his arms, causing Hide to almost fall over as his head is buried against Kaneki's chest and his body leans forward due to the awkward angle of being pulled down to the half-ghoul's height. Hide hears Kaneki's heartbeat pounding like loud thunder in his ears and he looks up to see his friend's terrified expression. A dark figure towers over the boys and Hide turns his sights to the man standing before them, a pleased smirk on the older ghoul's lips.

"Mmm, something smells really good over here. Another human. Juicy, yes. And you…"

The man hums in thought when he stares at Kaneki and Hide knows that he must see his friend's sole kakugan. Kaneki tightens his grip on Hide and he steels himself. When the man notices Kaneki's glare, he merely scoffs. "A half-breed? Didn't think any of you were around."

"What are you two doing here?" Nishiki cuts in.

The man furrows his brows and the three of them turn towards the other young ghoul, who is shocked to see the duo.

"You know these kids?" the man questions.

"Yeah…I know a lot of people," Nishiki replies shortly.

The man sneers and looks at Kaneki. "Don't tell me he made you do the killing for him."

Kaneki doesn't answer, and he hopes his trembling isn't obvious. Hide lifts his hand, grasping Kaneki's arm. The half-ghoul calms down slightly at his touch, though his kakugan remains in sight.

The man takes another moment to stare down both boys before gesturing for them to follow. "Why don't you join us? I was just about to split a meal that this little coward over here made me cut down."

"Shut up. At least I knocked the guy out before he could scream," Nishiki snaps.

"One more step wouldn't have killed you, kid," the man replies and flicks his hands to the side to rid himself of blood that drips down his skin.

Kaneki is frozen in place, and his grip on Hide loosened without him knowing. He almost doesn't notice Hide's hand pressing on his back.

"You okay, Kaneki? Not hungry?" Hide asks quietly.

Kaneki blinks a few times and turns to his friend, who jerks his head forward as an indication for him to move. He sees his friend has no trace of fear in his disposition and he reminds himself to keep his composure as well.

The boys follow the man further down the alleyway toward a secluded area, where the man has set up a small fire pit in the middle of a circle of metal bins serving as chairs. On the ground to the far right, Kaneki spots the bloody corpse already cut up and ready to be consumed. He glances at his friend and finds that Hide is still not showing any signs of discomfort. Either that, or he is good at hiding it. His friend doesn't waver in his step.

The man gets down on his knees and begins to get the fire started while Nishiki confronts the boys, his arms crossed.

"I figured I'd see you again, Kaneki, but _him_? Why is _he_ here?" Nishiki directs his thumb at the blond boy, who simply steps forward and grabs Kaneki by the shoulders from behind.

"I'm here to keep my friend company. Is that not allowed?" Hide questions, a challenging look in his eye as he smiles.

Nishiki scoffs. "Well, if you want to die young. Whatever."

A spark ignites and the man stands up, wiping his hands off on his pants. "So…who wants first dibs? Oh wait, that would be me, of course, considering I did _all_ the work," the man states with a snicker. He points a finger at the bins. "Take a seat, kiddos."

"With that logic, I call second considering I was here before Kaneki!" Nishiki exclaims. He plops himself on the bin nearest to the human meat.

"Kaneki, huh? So that's the half-breed's name," the man mumbles to himself as he starts shoveling through the flesh. He looks over his shoulder to see Kaneki and Hide taking adjacent spots opposite from Nishiki. He keeps an eye on the human boy. "And the other boy, what's your name?"

Hide clasps his hands together between his legs that sway. "Tell us yours first!"

The man smiles and as he rips apart a large piece, he replies, "My name is Sho. Spunky kid, aren't you?"

Hide shrugs and stares at the developing fire, his hand reaching out to feel the heat on his skin.

The man wipes at his forehead before turning around. "So, I gotta say, I'm surprised to see a human hanging around a half-breed. That's something I didn't think I'd ever see."

"Nagachika's a weirdo, okay? He thinks us ghouls are _interesting_. Like what are we, science experiments?" Nishiki pipes in. He sneaks over to grab some of the human meat behind Sho's back.

The man rolls his eyes as Nishiki rushes back to his seat with a satisfied grin. The young ghoul immediately chomps down on the meat, his kakugan activated and blood splashing onto his cheeks. The man continues watching the two other boys, a smirk rising on his face as he walks over to them.

"So, you like ghouls, huh? And Kaneki, you're not even the _least_ bit interested in tasting your friend here?" Sho inquires in a tantalizing tone. He kneels to the boys' level and keeps his eyes on the half-ghoul.

Kaneki clenches his knees and bites his lower lip, maintaining his gaze on his hands. He then looks up straight into the man's eyes.

" _No._ "

Sho chuckles at the coldness in Kaneki's tone. "You say that now 'cause you're just a kid."

Kaneki's glare pierces through him, but it doesn't leave too much of a mark on the older ghoul. "I assume your father's the ghoul, huh? Alive or dead?"

Kaneki breaks his gaze and looks back down, staying silent.

The man nods his head in thought. "I see. Dead, then. Well…" He points a finger at Kaneki's left eye, which no longer reveals his ghoul side. Kaneki looks up abruptly at Sho's action and he finds his eyes connecting with the man's again. "Bless your mother for bringing you into this world. I know it's not always successful, but you're here now. Alive and well."

He notices Kaneki's scowl at his words and continues. "The struggle never really ends, does it? But look on the bright side, kid."

He walks back to the meat pile and pulls up a piece. "You're essentially a part of two worlds. When you look at it that way, it's not so bad." He offers the piece to Kaneki, who hesitantly takes it from him.

Hide looks at the man with utter curiosity in his eyes. "You seem to know a lot about half-ghouls."

Sho chuckles, turning to Hide with his hands on his hips. "Nah, I don't know that much. But I understand. You see, I had a relation with a human once."

Nishiki nearly chokes on his food. "Wh-what? _You_ , Sho? _Seriously_?"

Sho nods and he takes a seat on the metal bin in the middle of the boys. "Yeah, a long while ago. We were going to have a child too, a half-breed. Just like Kaneki."

Hide leans forward in intrigue and Kaneki looks up, watching the man pick at the small fire with a stick. "But like most cases, the child didn't make it. And neither did the mother." His voice grows solemn and the fire makes crackling sounds that fill the gap.

Sho sighs heavily. "It was a mistake on my part either way."

"My mom thinks the same," Kaneki speaks up, causing all three to look at him.

Hide frowns at his words but Sho beats him to replying. "Well, your mother is wrong. You probably don't even know what you're capable of yet."

Sho rests his elbows on his knees, his hands dangling between them. "You're part human. Ever thought of trying human food?"

Kaneki furrows his brows in uncertainty. "N-No…I don't think I can. I think the ghoul side of me overpowers my human side. My body would probably reject it."

"You sure about that? How can you be certain if you don't try? Of course, us ghouls can't. But half-ghouls can be an exception. You're a special one, kid," Sho explains and he reaches behind him for his own share of meat.

"Special, why do people keep saying that?" Kaneki mumbles to himself.

Hide sighs in a playful manner and smiles. "Because you are, dummy!" he exclaims, wrapping an arm around Kaneki's shoulders.

"You're special and you're rare. If children are born from a ghoul father and human mother, most either die, like mine did, or they become half-human with no ghoul abilities. In my opinion, the latter result is worse considering those half-humans have a shorter lifespan, thus dying prematurely."

Hide laughs. "Liar. You _do_ know a lot, Sho."

Sho shakes his head with a chuckle. "I just did some extensive research when the woman I was with was pregnant. I was scared. But there's not much information out there, so I took what I could get."

He nods at Kaneki. "Own it, kid. It's hard, but someday, you'll appreciate what you got. You could even be a pioneer of sorts when you're older, ya know?"

Hide pulls away from Kaneki and the half-ghoul chooses not to say anything once more. A silence sets upon the four as the ghouls begin feasting on the bloody flesh. Kaneki stares down at the piece he still holds in his hands and his mouth waters at the smell of fresh blood. He swallows hard, wondering if his friend is uncomfortable, but another peek at him shows Hide staring up at the night sky nonchalantly as he leans back on his hands and his legs gently kick the air.

Kaneki then tentatively takes a bite of the meat, wincing as his teeth catch into a tendon. Flecks of blood splatter on his cheek but Kaneki is too overwhelmed by the taste to notice the mess. He closes his eyes, relishing the sweet juiciness of the meat. Every bite satisfies every inch of his body and he tries hard to slow down. He doesn't notice Hide smiling at him by his side. Hide can't help but feel relieved knowing Kaneki is getting his strength and health restored.

"So, Nishiki, how's your fine sister?" Sho teases as he takes an aggressive bite of the meat.

"Ew, don't mention my sister like that, ya pig. She's doing great as an _independent_ woman," Nishiki snaps as he splits his food in half with his fingers.

Sho smirks. "Yeah, we'll see how that lasts. Your sister's working with humans, right? She'll end up falling for one in no time."

Nishiki kicks the man's leg with a harsh blow. "Shut. Up."

"I have a question," Hide cuts in.

The two ghouls turn their attention to the boy, who raises his hand like he's in school.

"So, um, you said half-ghouls could eat human food too?" Hide recalls.

Sho nods and Hide continues. "Is there a difference in the effect human food and human flesh have on a half-ghoul's body? Do you happen to know anything about that?"

Sho hums in thought and he rubs some blood off his chin. "That is a really good question. Unfortunately, I don't have a definite answer because it's not very clear on what a half-ghoul can consume safely compared to regular ghouls."

Hide nods slowly, his stare turning to the flickering flames again as he sinks his words in.

"There's no harm in trying it out, like I said. The most human food can do to us ghouls is make us sick and weaken our bodies and abilities," Sho adds and he glances at Kaneki occupied with eating his share.

"Human food smells like horse shit and tastes like horse shit," Nishiki states proudly with his mouthful.

Sho frowns at the boy next to him and raps him over the head, causing the boy to yell out in anger. "Language! Who taught you to speak like that?"

Nishiki rubs at the back of his head and grumbles. "Ever hung out with the other ghouls lurking on the grounds?"

Sho exhales in exasperation. "Oh…right. You need to spend less time on the streets, boy."

"Like I have a choice with my sister always off at work!"

"Visit a library or something. You need to stimulate your brain some more."

"Stimulate it with useless human knowledge? No thanks."

"If you want to continue living among the humans, might as well learn more about them through the written word, eh?" Sho states, grinding his hand down on Nishiki's head, which annoys the younger ghoul even more.

Nishiki shoves the man's arm off his head and crosses his arms with a pout. Sho cracks his knuckles and looks up in thought. "Right, where was I before this idiot interrupted. Oh yeah, speaking of abilities…"

Hide vocalizes his awe at the bikaku kagune that appears out of Sho as the older ghoul allows it to slither towards Kaneki. The half-ghoul is still enraptured by the meat in his hands until Sho allows his kagune to gently stroke Kaneki's head like it was a human hand. The rough feel of the kagune snaps Kaneki to reality and he immediately stops eating, his mouth and hands covered in blood as he looks up wide-eyed at the bikaku waving in front of him.

"Kaneki, have you learned to use your kagune yet?" Sho asks with a smirk. He pulls his kagune back into his body as his black and red eyes watch the half-ghoul.

Kaneki's eyes remain wide as he swallows hard and begins to wipe the blood off his lips with the back of his hand. He shakes his head. "I…I don't even know if I have a kagune…"

Sho places his hands on his knees and hoists himself up. "Sure, you do, kid. If you crave human flesh, and have that kakugan in your left eye, then you certainly can procure a kagune. Now I'm just curious what a half-ghoul like you can do."

Nishiki scoffs, placing his chin in his right palm. "This guy, he's too nosy for his own good."

Sho glares at the boy. "Not nosy, merely curious. Besides, if he doesn't know how to wield his own kagune, that could bite him in the butt one day."

Hide watches Kaneki stand to his feet, his fists clenching. "I want to try. I think it's time I learned. Can you teach me?" Kaneki asks.

Sho smiles and gestures for him to follow. Hide and Nishiki observe from afar as the adult ghoul leads Kaneki a fair distance away from the fire pit, giving both ghouls enough space. The two end up facing a dead end of the alleyway, a brick wall in front of them.

"So, clearly, you've seen what kagune look like, but every ghoul has their distinct types. Nishiki and I are from the same type, and you don't know what type you have yet. That's not an issue though."

The older ghoul then closes his eyes before reopening them to reveal his kakugan. In the next second, his kagune emerges again from his rear. "It's hard to explain, but we ghouls need to have enough energy to use our weapon. That's where human flesh comes in handy to replenish those energy stores."

Sho's kagune disappears once more and he turns to Kaneki. "Now you try. What I find helpful is harnessing all the energy you have inside you and focus on using that to unleash your ultimate power."

Kaneki nods and shuts his eyes to concentrate. He takes a few deep breaths and imagines what his kagune could look like. He pictures the slithery, tentacle-like appearance similar to Nishiki and Sho's bikaku. He thinks about the movement of the kagune and the crackling sound it makes when it appears.

"Think of some motivating factors too. Why would you want to use your kagune? To fight? To defend? To kill? For _food_?"

Hide stands up from his seat and takes a step forward. Nishiki places a hand in front of him. "Don't go any further, Nagachika. You could get hurt."

Kaneki clenches his fist and squeezes his eyes tighter, trying hard to gather his energy like the man said. He thinks about the first time he killed someone and tries to recall the massive surge of energy and power he had felt before he had done so. He allows himself to enter his ghoul side, his breathing picking up pace.

Sho notices a crimson, particle-like matter erupting from Kaneki's lower back. "Yes, just whatever you're doing, keep at it. I think I have an idea what your type is…"

Nishiki places a foot on the metal bin from where he is standing. "Think he's a rinkaku, Sho?"

"Yup, that's right. Unless he surprises us, that's all I could think of, other than bikaku like us."

Kaneki continues tapping into his ghoul side, trying hard to let his power take over him. After a few more minutes, he finds himself unable to release anything and he opens his eyes, catching his breath.

"No…I don't think I can do it." He shakes his head, panting heavily.

Sho narrows his eyes. "Are you sure? It looked like you were starting to form something."

Kaneki swallows and turns to him with disappointment in his gaze. "I don't think my body is ready yet. I'm too weak. I'm weaker compared to you and Nishiki."

Sho holds his chin in thought and he looks at Nishiki. "Got any other tips for your friend here, boy?"

Nishiki shrugs. "Nothing else I can think of. My motivating factor is getting some decent flesh around here."

Sho hums to himself and his sight wanders to Hide, who begins to walk over to Kaneki. When he sees Hide at Kaneki's side and patting him on the back, the thoughts in his mind begin to swarm. "I see…well, it would seem you can't do it after all, Kaneki."

The half-ghoul doesn't look at the man as he keeps his head down. Hide stays silent as well, and the man can tell that the human is thinking hard by the way his brows knot and his gaze stays fixed on nowhere in particular.

Sho sighs and strides past them. "Keep trying though, kid. Perhaps the next time you and Nishiki scavenge for food, I'll find you two and help you again."

Hide allows Kaneki to move ahead of him first to the campsite. The human scratches at the back of his head, wishing he could do something to help. But right now, his mind draws a blank and it frustrates him to no end.

Kaneki's shoulders are slumped as he slowly sits himself back on the metal bin. Hide feels empty when he catches Kaneki's grey eyes growing darker against the small flames that no longer warm him.

* * *

His legs pedal fast on his bike, the frigid wind rushing through his body. He maneuvers his way smoothly through the town that bustles with everyday commute. For once, he has a paper with directions on hand to where he wants to go. Along with that, he told his dad where he is going instead of wandering off unannounced like usual. So far, he's been following the rules.

All he can hope now is that his surprise will be completed successfully.

He reaches his destination quicker than he thought and he parks his bike on the rack across the street before excitedly rushing into the building. The bookstore.

As he enters, he reads the signs indicating the different sections and heads to the one he has in mind. His eyes scan through the multiple books lining the shelves, the title repeating in his head before he finally finds the novel. He sees several copies of it available and he takes time to pick the one that has the best quality compared to the others with no dents and scratches.

Once he is satisfied with the novel he chooses, he skips over to the cashier. He checks his pocket for the money he earned from dog-sitting for one of his neighbors in the past few weeks. When he passes over the book, the cashier turns it a few times in her hands and looks at him.

"Wow, this book is pretty advanced for someone your age, don't you think?" she says in intrigue.

Hide smiles. "I suppose, but don't judge a book by its cover," he replies playfully.

She laughs lightly at his comment and takes the money from him before giving him the book back in a paper bag. Once he has it in his clutches, he peeks at the book again with a grin and returns to his bike waiting outside.

When he arrives at the rack however, his bike is nowhere to be found. Instead, he finds a note attached to where his ride used to be. Cautiously, he steps closer and takes the crumpled note, unfolding it and reading the contents.

The note contains instructions for him to go to meet the mystery person. But what catches his attention the most is the threat that follows, saying the person would "hurt his friend" if he didn't obey. The person had even written his friend's name down in full, indicating that this is someone he and Kaneki know. Hide thinks for a minute about the possible person behind this message and already has an idea.

"So much for following the rules…" Hide mumbles to himself. He keeps a firm grip on the bag in his grasp and makes the choice to obey the note.

It is quiet and distant from the citizens where he arrives, a dingy alleyway in which is another ghoul hunting area. Against the wall of the building to his right, Hide finds his bike leaning there and he looks around himself before approaching it. Scanning over it closely, the bike luckily sustains no scratches or damage. He then lifts his head up at the cloudy sky between the buildings he stands within and takes a deep breath.

"Hey, Sho! Where are you?"

There is no answer at first and Hide puts his guard up until he sees the mentioned ghoul appearing on the rooftop to the left. The older ghoul stares the human down with no emotion apparent on his face as he jumps down and lands in front of the boy.

"Hurting my friend? What are you-"

His words are cut off when the man's fist suddenly collides with his face. The force of the ghoul's punch sends Hide's body flying a few feet backwards and the paper bag in his grasp loosens and falls away from him.

He feels an immediate throbbing pain in his left cheek coupled with a spinning headache that causes his vision to blur intermittently. He could feel his arms and legs burning from the new abrasions and he rolls to his right side. His hand finds his forehead as he tries to stay calm.

He hisses from the ache he experiences and when he senses the ghoul approaching him, he raises his head to see the ghoul's kakugan and kagune at the ready.

He doesn't bother asking any more questions. His blurred gaze stays fixed on the slithering appendage that rises above him in slow motion, like a snake aiming to inject its venom.

…

It had been a few days since Kaneki has fully replenished himself and when he and Hide had met another ghoul aside from Nishiki. Since then, it's been quiet, and as always, he and Hide would make time to see each other.

This time, though, Hide is not home and hasn't contacted him like he normally would.

Kaneki leaves Hide's father behind after visiting his apartment to check if Hide was there. According to Hide's dad, his friend had gone to the bookstore, particularly one that Kaneki enjoys venturing, which is rare for him as his mother's been busier than ever and he could not afford to purchase any new books.

He doesn't waste any time. When he makes it to the bookstore, he is met with the same result. He is still not there.

He is told that his friend had been in the store, but he had never returned home. His heart races nonstop. His stomach churns with the bad feelings that overwhelm him and, for once, he knows for sure that Hide got himself in trouble.

His mind delves into a mad frenzy when he catches onto the faint scent of his friend barely lingering in the frosty air. He's running now, not caring about the strange looks people give him when he races past like his feet are on fire. He holds onto Hide's scent with a vice grip, a thin thread that seems to fade. With the last of its traces, he arrives at a hunting ground and here, his friend's scent stays the strongest.

The further he goes down the alley, blood enters his senses. He can't think straight anymore and finally, he sees him. On the ground, his head of blond hair tainted with red. He can't see his friend's face. Hide's body is curled right beside a ghoul. His kagune too familiar and his aura menacing, but it doesn't shake Kaneki.

No.

"Came to play, did you boy? Right when I was just about to eat your friend here too." Sho looks over his shoulder, a disturbing grin spreading on his lips.

The ghoul has no time to face the younger ghoul, who launches himself on him, the boy's sole kakugan blaring in fury, the veins spreading down the left side of his face. Kaneki's teeth dig into the man's arm, growls emitting from his throat and blood seeping out from the bite mark. It takes a few swings for Sho to shake him off, and even so, Kaneki would lunge back onto the same arm to leave more vicious chomps that aim to rip his limbs off.

Sho grunts in annoyance and with one forceful push, Kaneki is thrown back to the ground. The half-ghoul grits his bloody teeth, parts of the ghoul's flesh dangling from his mouth before he spits it out. The older ghoul faces him, taking a step forward with his kagune swinging behind him.

"Come on. Is that the best you can do?"

What comes next is a haze in his view. He finds himself avoiding attack after attack, though when he fails, he can't feel the pain. He doesn't feel anything. The only prominent emotion keeping him going sets his insides on fire. It's like a fever taking over him, his thoughts don't reach him as clearly, if at all.

At one point, his body lands next to Hide. When he turns to his side, he sees Hide looking at him behind his matted hair sticking to his forehead from a small gash on his forehead. Just from their gazes meeting, Kaneki immediately sits up and scrambles over to his friend. His shaking hand hovers over Hide's head but his fingers don't touch. He trembles at closer inspection of his friend, who has large scrapes on his arms and legs. The gash on his forehead stopped bleeding, but the red liquid that had spilled covers his entire face and leaks into his hair, turning the blond locks to a rusty brown. Hide takes notice of the horror in Kaneki's gaze, watches his ghoul eye piercing through him with worry. Kaneki is frozen and paler than before, causing Hide to reach his arm out to him.

"I'm okay…" he whispers to him to try and rid the panic that plaques his friend.

Like everything else, his words don't reach. His brown eyes reflect the red matter that begins to emanate from his friend like before when he had tried to unleash his power. Only this time, it's stronger. He feels his breathing stop momentarily as a lone, red tentacle appears out from behind Kaneki's hunched form. He's left speechless when Kaneki grasps his forehead, a beast-like growl emitting from his friend's throat. When he stands to his feet and turns away from him, Hide refuses to blink when he notices two more tentacles beginning to bud from the middle of Kaneki's lower back.

He hears Sho laughing, but it doesn't hold malice. The man sounds delighted.

"Yes! It worked! I knew that human friend of yours is the key! Protection! That is your motivating factor!" Sho exclaims in excitement.

Hide hears his own heavy breathing as he watches Kaneki charging for the man without another second wasted. His vision blurs slightly from the ache in his head. He sees a rush of red bursting in the air. He thinks its blood, but it is also his friend's kagune that spreads wildly with no sense of firm obedience to its master. The man's shouts of pain are dull to his ears, but according to those screams, the attacks are relentless. Crimson stays in his view, the scaly appendages flowing back and forth.

Kaneki moves like he never had before. Every cell in his body is on fire and something in his mind tells him to keep going. One of the tentacles pulls away from stabbing Sho for what seems like the thousandth time. The man collapses in a pool of his own blood. He chuckles despite the pain coursing through him and his eyes stay on the half-ghoul, who's newborn kagune flies about uncontrollably. Kaneki grips the left side of his face and his body begins to twitch from his own overwhelming power. He falls to his knees, his fists landing on the ground as his head bows.

"I can't…I can't control it," he states while he strains to subdue his rinkaku. The kagune slow its movements, but it still does not retract inside his body.

 _More blood. More blood! Kill him!_

Sho grins, his mouth coated in red. "Don't hold back, boy. Go and finish me off. Listen to your instincts."

Kaneki grits his teeth and shakes his head vigorously. He begins to bang his own forehead on the concrete under him in an attempt to shake himself out of his ghoul state.

"Stop, stop, stop!" he shouts at himself over and over each time he slams his head on the ground. He feels warm blood crawling down into his eyes, but it's not enough.

The older ghoul looks on curiously as the human boy he had used as bait staggers to his feet. Hide pauses, making sure the world isn't spinning too fast for him before he takes his first step. The man notices the resolve in the boy's expression as his battered legs limp forward towards the struggling half-ghoul.

The three scaly tentacles flail in anger, ready to strike at anybody. Hide still moves closer, his gaze focused on his friend, who continues to knock his head down. He doesn't feel pain anymore. It's nothing to him. He manages to avoid the kagune, and even if he had been struck, he wouldn't have stopped.

Kaneki lifts his head and opens his eyes to see a circle of his blood staining the concrete under him. He's tempted to gauge his own eyeball out, and just when he's about to inflict more damage to himself, a soft touch catches his attention.

He feels something inside him shift. A sense of calm at the warmth resonating from his shoulder to his heart. He slowly lifts his head and looks to see whoever is standing before him now.

Brown eyes hold his distressed gaze with care. That smile of his appears with no words spoken. The hand resting on his shoulder tightens as his friend's other hand comes up to rest on his head. Kaneki doesn't move an inch as Hide gently ruffles his black hair.

His grin widens and Kaneki feels his body relax from the tension. He finds himself gravitating closer to the boy in front of him. His bruised forehead that stealthily begins to heal rests against Hide's chest as Hide wraps his arms tighter around him. Kaneki lets out a deep breath and his friend's stare travels from his black hair to the tentacles behind them. The kagune no longer writhe in rage, but lay like a tamed dog on the ground as it begins to withdraw into Kaneki's lower back. The last of the red matter disappears, leaving behind a quivering boy in his grasp.

He feels Kaneki's hand reach up to grip onto the front of his shirt. He thinks he hears someone else enter the fray just now. But his chin rests on top of his friend's head and he does nothing else.

* * *

Nishiki sighs heavily as he finally rests against the grimy wall of his shared hut with his sister. He scratches his head and stretches his neck back before glancing over at the duo he finds himself constantly bumping into. The blond human is currently bandaging the gash on his forehead after the half-ghoul had spent over a half hour meticulously treating the boy's scraped up legs. Nishiki scoffs to himself and rubs his eyes in exhaustion after having helped drag the severely injured adult ghoul to his place. Thankfully, the man hadn't been fully unconscious, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to take him anywhere

"You could have just left me there, you know." He hears Sho mumble to his right as the man rests himself against the wall, letting his ghoul powers heal him over time. The man's eyes are closed.

Nishiki smirks and lets out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I should have, right? But I didn't. That was pretty reckless, what you did."

"But it worked. My plan worked perfectly," Sho states proudly with a small smile.

Nishiki rolls his eyes and he looks over to the boys again before shaking his head. "How can it work, a human and ghoul together? It doesn't make any sense."

"You will see soon enough, boy. Someday, you won't be able to resist the charm of humans. They surely are interesting creatures."

The young ghoul turns to Sho, who still does not look his way. "Just like you?"

Sho smiles again and nods. "Yeah. My biggest regret, but what could I do? Things happen."

" _Shit_ happens," Nishiki adds.

Sho scowls and smacks the boy over his head, who punches the man back in the arm. "Does your sister know of your sailor mouth?"

The young ghoul groans and sinks himself to lay on his back. His arms cross behind his head and he stares at the cracked ceiling. "What _does_ she know these days…"

Meanwhile, Hide's tongue sticks out the corner of his mouth as he makes sure the bandage on his forehead is secure before turning to his friend. "Does it look okay?" he asks.

Kaneki nods solemnly, the weight on his chest not leaving at seeing how many wounds Hide has sustained. "I'm sorry…"

His eyes are downcast as he continues. "I couldn't prevent this. I couldn't protect you like I wanted…"

Hide exhales softly and wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders. "No, Kaneki. I'm sorry. I'm just a weakling who got himself into another mess." His smile lessens. "I caused you to enter that side of yourself. I know it makes you uncomfortable and I'm just a stupid human…"

Kaneki frowns and shakes his head. "Don't say that. Don't blame yourself for what you are. Now that I think about it…" His hand travels to his friend's knee. "I'm glad that I was finally able to use my kagune. I didn't know if I could but…" He looks up into Hide's eyes and smiles. "You helped me."

Hide's mouth opens slightly and then his brown eyes shimmer in glee. "Well, when you put it that way…"

Kaneki nods and his hand finds Hide's as he grips onto his fingers. "You are not to blame for anything. You're not stupid, Hide."

He squeezes Kaneki's hand back. "You're not at fault either. I think it's just how it is. We're gonna go through this together."

Kaneki gazes down at their intertwined hands. "I hope so…"

He then looks up. "Hide, why were you going to the bookstore anyway? I thought you didn't like reading.

This makes the blond child laugh loudly and the three ghouls in the hut stare at him, either with curiosity or annoyance. Kaneki furrows his brows in confusion as Hide calms himself and then looks at him, his bright eyes vibrant with joy.

"Kaneki! Do you know what day it is?"

Kaneki shakes his head slowly, baffled by Hide's reaction.

"December 20th," he simply responds and watches as Kaneki's face changes to one of understanding.

"Oh…I forgot…" Kaneki says quietly. He finds this day not worth the attention for the longest time.

"Well, remember when you told me about this new book that you couldn't get?" Hide continues.

Kaneki looks at him in disbelief. "No…don't tell me…"

Hide grins and quickly crawls over to the blood-stained paper bag he left next to the first-aid supplies. "Here, this is for you. Sorry it's all messed up, but I checked and it's still good as new."

Kaneki's eyes widen and he carefully takes the bag from his hands. He reaches in and his fingers brush against the fresh pages. He gasps when he pulls out the very book he mentioned to Hide a week ago.

"But, Hide, you didn't-"

"Nope! It's a present." Hide then places his hand on top of Kaneki's head again and he strokes his smooth hair. "Thank you for being my friend."

Kaneki bites his lower lip and his fingers grip onto the book. He presses it to his chest and turns his head to his friend. Hide feels a rush of euphoria when he sees the most joyful expression on Kaneki's face. A smile so wide that it shows teeth and his grey eyes sparkle in the dim light. Hide's heart jumps and skips like a hyperactive child. He finds his breathing stop then.

"Hide, I'm so happy. You make me so happy. _Thank you_."

Without another word, Kaneki leans into Hide's chest again and buries his face there, the book held firmly in his grasp as he can't stop smiling. Warmth spreads through him so fast, he feels he could burst. Hide holds him close and secure like always and when he hears Hide's heart thumping in his ears, his beats faster.

Their knees press close together and the stinging pain from Hide's injuries fades like it was never there. Hide hears a noise behind him and looks over his shoulder to see the two other ghouls, one of them fast asleep. Nishiki snores loudly and Sho grunts as he gets himself up from having sat on the ground for a long while.

Kaneki hears the movement as well and he glances up at the serious expression on Hide's face. He follows his friend's gaze and the two of them stare at the adult ghoul, who begins to limp towards the entrance of the hut where the boys reside.

The boys both watch carefully as Sho stands before them and he gives a small smile. "I'm sure you both despise me. I understand. I just wanted to help and…I'm sorry for causing you both so much trouble."

They stay silent and Sho kneels to their level. "Stay safe, both of you. It's cruel out there, I'm sure you two know very well. People like me, right?"

Hide smiles lightly and Kaneki merely tightens his hold on Hide's shirt, his eyes showing caution.

"Good luck from here on out. You're both stronger than you look, I can guarantee that," Sho finishes and he stands up straight. No more words are said as the boys watch the man disappear out of their sights and into the cold once more.

His footsteps vanish so quickly, leaving behind an eerie silence.

The boys both have a feeling that is the last time they would ever see this man that entered their lives and exited in a blink of an eye.

"I want to get stronger," Kaneki states finally in a quiet tone.

Hide looks down to see his friend grip his book. His smile broadens.

"You will, Kaneki. You already are, more than you know."


	5. Mother

His skin is hot under the touch of Hide's sweaty palm grasping his hand on the bars. His pulse rises and his teeth chew on his bottom lip as he stares at his friend, who focuses on making sure he is all set to go.

Hide looks up and their eyes connect. "Okay, you got this. You ready?"

Kaneki laughs lightly. "Um…I guess. You better not let go of me."

Hide grins and clenches his hands over Kaneki's in response. "Aww, you just can't keep away from me for a second?"

His bright smile widens when the boy seated on the bike gets red in the face. "Hide! I'm serious! Don't let me fall!"

Hide settles down from his laughter and he rubs his thumb over the other's hand. "I won't. I'll be right here with you."

With his feet planted firmly on the pedals, he slowly begins to trudge forward. He feels Hide's hand on the small of his back, his touch not leaving him for a second.

"There you go! Isn't it easy?" Hide comments with excitement.

Kaneki realizes he's been holding his breath and he lets out an exhale as he concentrates on keeping his balance on Hide's bike. His feet begin to move faster and before he knows it, the wind rushes through him when he speeds up.

He turns his head to his left side, only to find that Hide is not there, nor does his friend's hand stay in contact. He looks over his shoulder to see Hide standing back a few feet away with a huge grin.

"H-Hide!" Kaneki cries out and in the next second, he loses control and begins to tip over. Hide rushes over as soon as Kaneki collides to the ground, the bike following him in a heap.

Kaneki gasps in pain, wincing at what he knew were scrapes on his elbows and knee. The front wheel of the bike continues to spin and Hide crouches next to him, his friend's laughter ringing in his ears.

The half-ghoul punches his friend lightly in the arm. "It's not funny, Hide. You're a liar!"

"But you were doing so well for a minute there! I knew you could go on without me!" Hide calms himself from his fit of chuckles and clears his throat. "You just had to look back at me, huh? Am I that good-looking to the point that you fell?" Hide teases and mocks a loud gasp. "I didn't know I had such power…"

Kaneki smacks the blond twice over the head at those words. He can't stop his face from getting hotter and hotter and it irritates him. It makes him nervous. Exposed.

His heart may as well be in his hand, beating right there for him to see in its bloody glory.

Hide's brown eyes gaze into Kaneki's so gently, yet it's too intense to the other. The sting of the fall doesn't faze him as much as the human boy does.

"Are you okay?" Hide then asks with concern. He looks over Kaneki's body and notices the minor abrasions on his arms, but at the same time, he can see the boy is already healing as they speak.

"I'm sorry, I'll stick with you for real this time," Hide reassures him softly. He places his hand on the other's shoulder when Kaneki breaks eye contact.

Kaneki shakes his head and smiles. "No, it's not a big deal. But I'm blaming you for making me fall." He laughs and pushes Hide while he gets back on his feet.

Hide scoffs and wraps an arm around Kaneki's shoulders, pulling him back in a playful vice grip. Kaneki gasps in shock from the sudden impact when he collides against Hide and then breaks out into more laughter when the blond begins to run his fingers along his ribs, tickling him in his most sensitive spots.

Unknown to the boys, intent eyes watch their antics, especially noticing the pure joy that radiates from the half-ghoul. Her son.

She is relieved, but she can't feel anything else. The weight on her shoulders seems to get heavier by the day and she is surprised her lungs could keep up, for there is barely time to breathe.

 _"Please, you can't abandon me now, sis. I need you now more than ever."_

Ever since her sister's husband lost his job, her workload doubled and it came to the point where she couldn't see her son for weeks on end. At this moment, she is lucky she can catch a glimpse of him now as she continues her work at home.

The boys resume biking across the parking lot and every so often, she would pause and watch them again through the window. She can feel her energy dwindling as the hours pass, but she pushes herself. When she sees her son's happiness from afar, it helps her and she can ignore the rest of her senses urging her to stop.

Eventually, the darkness of night sets in, causing her to turn the lights on and the boys outside no longer circle the vacant lot. She holds her forehead in her right hand, letting out a deep breath that does little to alleviate the stress. She closes her eyes and she can hear the footsteps of the boys scrambling up the stairs. She can tell they are racing each other due to the loud, clumsy steps they take. Once the door opens, she takes in another sharp breath and stands to her feet, leaving her work behind for now.

…

"Thank you so much for this. It looks delicious!" Hide states with a beam. The hamburger platter placed in front of him steams in his view and the smell overwhelms his senses. He rubs his hands together in anticipation.

Kaneki's mother smiles and nods. "Please dig in. I haven't been able to cook much for other people in a long time. I've forgotten how much I enjoy it."

Hide looks to his right to see his friend sitting at the table with his usual book in hand. His grin fades slightly while he watches Kaneki concentrate on the small words. His friend's brows furrow as he gets lost in the literature world again. When Hide turns his attention to his friend's mother, who is busy cleaning her workspace in the kitchen, Kaneki peeks at the blond boy and then his eyes trail to his mother's cooking in front of them.

The aroma of the cooked beef surrounds them; Kaneki thinks he should be nauseated from the smell and not even stand to be at the table with them. But to his surprise, his stomach doesn't churn and he has no urges to gag. Instead, it smells pleasant to him. He swallows as he watches Hide taking his first bite of the hamburger in content and he slowly begins to set his novel down. His mother turns around with a plate for herself and that's when the words spring out of his mouth without warning.

"C-Could I try some?"

Hide looks up almost immediately when he hears his friend's soft voice, his mouth full and causing his cheeks to puff out. Kaneki lowers his head, suddenly embarrassed when he feels his mother and friend staring at him. His mother smiles instantly, a shock of warmth flowing through her frozen veins.

"Of course, dear. This is the first time you've wanted to try human food. What changed?" his mother asks. She reaches across the table to touch his hand.

Kaneki bites his lip and meets his mother's eyes. "Well…I just thought I should, for once. Especially since you made it."

Hide smiles at his words and his mother wastes no time to prepare a dish for him. Hide stops eating and waits as the hamburger is placed in front of Kaneki, who leans over and takes a slow inhale, testing his senses before proceeding. His mother takes her seat in front of her son and feels her heart rate rise when she sees Kaneki grasp the fork and stab a corner of the meat on his plate. She finds herself holding her breath when he pauses, the meat hovering near his lips. He then closes his eyes and places it in his mouth before he could try and stop himself.

Hide and his mother don't move a muscle, their intense gaze not wavering from Kaneki, who chews the hamburger meat carefully in his mouth, his own eyes squeezed tightly shut. After what seems like a long moment, Kaneki's eyes snap open and the two watching him brace themselves.

"It's…good…no…" His grey eyes lock with his friend and mother and they both notice the shine of happiness in them. "It's amazing! I can't believe…"

He stares down at the meat and then up at his mother again. His breath catches in his throat when he sees his mother's eyes glazed over with unshed tears. He almost doesn't know what shocks him more, the fact that he is able to enjoy his mother's cooking, or the fact that his mother looks genuinely happy in the longest time.

A weight collides against him and his face meets with his friend's cheek, who flings himself onto his left. Hide's arms squeeze around his neck and shoulders. "You can taste the hamburger, Kaneki? For real? It doesn't taste bad at all?"

Kaneki grins and wraps his fingers around Hide's forearm. "Yes, I can't believe I can actually eat this!"

His mother observes the two friends sway in their excitement and the warmth from before doesn't leave her body. The boys continue with their first meal together and she takes the time to imprint this image into her mind. She wishes this moment would last and she wouldn't have to leave.

She stays with the boys, catching up on their days in school and realizing how close the boys have gotten in just a few years of knowing each other. She realizes something when she sees her son with her friend. Something that sets her mind at ease.

After a round of seconds and stories of silly shenanigans, she leads both boys to Kaneki's bedroom. She tucks her son in his futon, who is already falling fast asleep. She strokes his soft black hair and notices how peacefully he sleeps with no barriers between him and them. She draws closer over her son's form, holding him against her body, her lips grazing against his cheek. Her chest feels tight and she breathes in her son's scent.

She pulls away from him.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to sleep over? My dad could take me home," Hide says, scratching his cheek.

"I insist. Besides, Ken wants you to stay," she replies gently. She sets another spare futon down next to her son and Hide smiles in gratitude as he crawls over to his space.

When Hide is about to get under the covers, she speaks again.

"Tell me something, Hide," she says.

Hide looks up and waits for her to continue. "What do you think of Ken?"

Hide blinks at the question. "What do I think?" he repeats quietly. His brown eyes trail to his friend beside him. He stares at the way Kaneki's chest rises and falls with each breath he takes.

"He's the greatest friend I could ever have. I don't know why, but it's kind of hard to put into words what I think… We're connected. I can't imagine us not being friends."

Hide chuckles nervously, and he doesn't understand why he feels tongue-tied. He looks down at his hands as they grip onto the blanket.

Kaneki's mother says nothing for a moment, digesting the words the boy had just uttered. "He's important to you?"

Hide looks into her weary eyes. "Yes, without a doubt."

She smiles lightly and then extends her hand to touch his. "I was wondering if you could do something for me. It's not a favor exactly…more like a promise."

Hide nods and his brows wrinkle with concern. He senses there is something off, something she's hiding. He finds reading her quite difficult, forever a mystery to him.

"If what you say is true, and that my son is indeed important to you, I want you to look after him. I have no doubt in my mind that I can trust you in watching over my son and protecting him."

She squeezes Hide's hand and the blond child's eyes widen at her words. "After hearing your stories tonight, I realize how far behind I am. I realize I unfortunately can't be there for my son as much as I want."

"So please…" She locks gazes with the boy. "Please stay by my son's side."

There is a short pause after that and she feels the boy tighten his hand over hers. "You know, I was already planning on doing that before you even said anything," Hide assures her.

Her forehead creases with worry but his strong grasp on her withered hands tell her he's honest.

"I promise I will, with everything I have. I'll be there for your son no matter what happens," Hide states with a firm, but positive, tone.

She smiles again and relief washes over her tense form. She glances at her sleeping son and sighs. "In time, I know my son will realize what he thinks about you."

"That I'm an annoying, loud idiot?" Hide jokes as he wiggles himself underneath the blanket.

She tucks in the humorous child and stands to her feet. "Sweet dreams, Hide. And…thank you."

Hide stares at her retreating form as she turns the lights out. Her dark shadow looks back at them, and he can't make out her expression well. He thinks he might have seen a tear fall down her left cheek when she turns her head away. The door closes and a dead silence fills the room, deafening his ears.

He listens to Kaneki's calm breathing. His heart beats loud and his palms grow cold.

Little does he know, that conversation would be their last.

* * *

He knew this would happen. That his only true friend would have others to offer him their companionship. That others would soon find that the blond child is fun to be around. That he's not the rebellious delinquent people may think when they first see him based on his appearance.

But he can't help how he feels and he absolutely despises himself for it. He hates the sting of the strong emotion filling up inside him when he sees Hide smiling with someone else. It twists his heart, toys with it. Pricks it a few times to draw blood.

It's been four years since he met Hide. Four years in which their bond grew to a promising friendship. When they're both ten years old, it's when Kaneki feels this rabid emotion eating away at him for the first time.

The farther they progress through elementary school, the more involved Hide becomes in school activities. Of course, the blond insists that Kaneki join him, but the boy gets anxious when he's among so many people at once. The multiple smells of human flesh consume his senses and makes his head spin. Not only does he get extremely nervous, but he feels he might lose control. Besides, he knows the clubs Hide joins wouldn't want him coming along anyway.

Though right now, he can't help but want to join Hide simply to cement the fact that he's the boy's _best_ friend. The only one who truly cares.

And when he thinks this way, it makes him so sick. He's selfish, selfish, _selfish_.

 _Let him live._

 _Don't suffocate him._

Hide gives him a strong hug goodbye as always, gives him those puppy eyes when he begs for him to stay a few more hours at school for the so-called fun club activities. Kaneki refuses every time with a smile, rubbing his chin and repeating the same lines over and over.

"I don't fit in, Hide. Besides, it doesn't suit me anyway."

Hide looks too long into his grey eyes and Kaneki knows the boy can see right through him, can read him like an open book. He's okay with being vulnerable like this in front of Hide, but in these situations, he's scared.

As usual, Hide lets it slide and he only embraces him one more time.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, okay? I'll call you when I get home!" Hide says, grasping tightly onto his hands.

Kaneki shakes his head. "No, it's okay, Hide. Go and have fun. I've got a lot of reading to catch up on anyway."

Hide scoffs in a joking manner. "Reading? You're already way ahead of the whole class, Kaneki! But if that's what you want…"

"Hey, Hideyoshi!"

The boys turn their attention to a young girl shouting from behind Hide. Kaneki's eyes narrow slightly as the girl waves at them and notices Hide grin at her. He returns the gesture and looks back at Kaneki.

"Well, I guess I gotta go."

Kaneki nods, keeping a smile on. "Don't make your dad worry by staying too late."

He rolls his eyes and ruffles Kaneki's hair. "Yeah, yeah, I got it, _mom_. See ya!"

Kaneki's feet don't move like he wants them too. Instead, they stay planted on the ground, making him watch Hide run to the girl who is the same age as them. A fellow club member of Hide's. A new friend. Someone else that Hide smiles at.

The girl says something that makes Hide laugh and she reaches out to smack him playfully on the arm. Kaneki steps back a few steps and then turns away from them, gripping his backpack.

He's invisible.

The sun begins to set on him and he keeps his head low during the quiet walk home. He tries to think about something else, like if his mother had time to cook anything for the night. He hasn't seen his mother's face for a long while.

The poisonous emotion still lingers inside him and he tries to convince himself to stop feeling like this. It's no use though, it bothers him. It's too strong. It reminds him how much he hates himself.

"Man, you look like someone just rejected you or something. What's the matter?"

Kaneki lifts his head up, his eyes wide when he recognizes the abrupt voice. His bewildered expression meets the smug look of Nishiki, who stands before him with his arms crossed.

"Nishiki? What are you doing here?" Kaneki asks.

"Well, I thought I smelled someone familiar. Here I am, finding you with such a pained look on your face," the ghoul replies, circling him.

Kaneki sighs and adjusts his backpack on his shoulders. "I'm fine. What do you want?"

"Tch! I don't want anything from you, chill! Thought I'd just say hi!" Nishiki retorts.

Kaneki blinks and then looks down. "Sorry…it's good to see you."

"You don't have to lie."

"No, really. I'm sorry."

Nishiki stares at the half-ghoul for a minute before exhaling and trudging towards the grassy hillside on their left. "Wanna talk about it? I'm bored and I don't feel like heading home yet. You can tell me your sob story all you want."

Kaneki frowns. "I'm not upset."

"Quit lying. Just come over here and sit down," Nishiki insists and pats the space next to him.

Kaneki looks at the empty dirt road ahead of him. He inhales deeply and gives in, approaching the spot next to Nishiki. The ghoul sits with his arms leaned back as he admires the orange sun glittering over the river. Kaneki pulls his backpack off, setting it down on his right. His legs stretch out in front of him and his hands stay clasped on his lap. It's quiet between them and the gentle, late afternoon wind blows past them.

"So? Gonna say anything?" Nishiki tilts his head towards Kaneki.

Kaneki fiddles with his hands and his throat feels dry. He hesitates on whether or not to share his thoughts with the boy next to him. But when he glances at Nishiki, the boy doesn't have that smug expression anymore. Instead, he looks calm with a hint of concern. It's the first time he's looked tame in Kaneki's view.

"You know, I've never really talked about this with anyone, not even my mother," Kaneki begins, his eyes focused on a patch of daises in the grass.

"Oh, believe me, there's a lot of things my sister doesn't know about that I only tell my ghoul buddies, okay? So, if you want me to keep secrets, I can keep secrets," Nishiki says and his gaze moves towards the river again.

Kaneki pulls his knees up to his chest and his fingers graze against the small white petals of the flowers. "Have you…ever liked someone before?"

Nishiki snorts. "There's not a lot of people I like, but yeah, of course I've liked someone before." When the ghoul turns his head to Kaneki and notices the distant look on the half-ghoul's face, his wry smile disappears.

"Wait…what do you mean by 'like'?"

Kaneki chews his lip and hides his mouth behind his knees. "I don't know…just…you like that person…"

"You mean, like a crush?" Nishiki questions with a raised brow.

Kaneki's heart suddenly decides to sprint in his chest and his face flushes in an instant.

Nishiki smirks when he notices the boy's embarrassment. "So that's why you look so rejected before. Found a girl you like at school and she doesn't like you back?"

Kaneki almost breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes Nishiki doesn't know who he's talking about. "Umm…y-yeah…"

Nishiki chuckles. "Ha-ha, figured you didn't have game. Sucks to be you."

"Like you're any better than me," Kaneki mutters.

Nishiki scoffs. "Like I'm interested in anyone. I don't have time for stupid emotions like that, okay? As for your stupid question…"

Nishiki picks at some grass and lets the wind carry the blades off his hand. "Personally, I don't know, but my sister definitely does."

Kaneki rests his head against his knees as he looks at the ghoul. Nishiki stares up at the clouds in the sky. "My sister talks about this man she met at work and every time she does, her face changes. I dunno how to describe it…she lights up? Like she's in a whole other world. She's happy, really happy. I ask her what she thinks about the guy and…"

Nishiki's face turns stern and he looks down. "She tells me she thinks she loves him."

Kaneki's heart doesn't stop racing and his ears feel hot. His stomach feels like it's twisting and turning.

 _Is this it? But it's too crazy..._

"It has to be just a minor crush…" Kaneki finds himself mumbling his thoughts aloud again.

Nishiki shakes his head. "Minor crush? Hell no," the boy replies, thinking Kaneki is referring to his sister.

"My sister is point-blank in love. With a _human_ too. Worst thing ever."

The pounding in his chest starts to make him dizzy. "Is it wrong? For a ghoul to love a human?" Kaneki says quietly.

Nishiki looks at him with disbelief. "Uh, yeah! I mean, it's bad enough to try and live among them. But to fall in love with one of them? I don't know, man. It sounds like a ticket to tragedy island."

Nishiki shivers and shakes his head again. "No. I don't want that. I don't want that at all."

He grows quiet and then meets Kaneki's intense gaze. "I mean…sorry to say this, but what about your parents? Do you think it worked well for them?"

Kaneki's heart decides to stop then and his grey eyes widen in understanding. He thinks about how his father was slaughtered, resulting in his mother changing so deeply. He remembers how his mother was so against his friendship with Hide at first. At the same time, he remembers the times Hide has proven his loyalty to him in their few years of knowing each other. How Hide tells him he's not afraid and that he'll stay.

His mind is full and spinning. But he can't stop his feelings. He doesn't really want to.

"Well, it did, for a while at least. I'm alive because of them," Kaneki replies.

Nishiki nods and smiles. "Yeah, very true."

The ghoul sighs and brushes his pants off when he gets back on his feet. "Anyway, best of luck to you on getting that girl you like, or whatever. Don't hurt yourself too bad."

He gets back on the dirt road and waves at Kaneki. "I gotta go now. See you on the hunting grounds." With that, the ghoul runs off in a different direction, leaving the half-ghoul back to his own thoughts.

Kaneki looks at the nearly vanishing sun and then grabs his backpack. He hurries back on the road and keeps a fast pace all the way home. After talking with Nishiki, he doesn't feel discouraged. He wants to speak with his mother.

 _It can't be that bad. It's just a crush. It'll pass._

He wants to tell his mother how he feels. He thinks she'll help him understand what it is. His mind goes back and forth, however, especially when another darker thought strikes him. If it is a crush, he worries what his mother will think. All his life, he's only read and seen boys liking girls and vice versa. The more he ponders about it, apprehension rises within him and he begins to sweat. He's scared. What if he gets hit? What if this isn't natural? Is he sick? Is this wrong?

 _We're just friends. We're just friends. We're just friends. This is a mistake._

As soon as he stands in front of the door to his apartment, he finds his decision. He doesn't care if he gets hit again. He wants to know. If he's told it's wrong, it's wrong. He'll accept whatever it is his mother tells him. It's worth knowing what it is then never knowing at all.

He steps inside his apartment and immediately, he feels cold. He wonders if it's because he's still nervous. His palms are sweaty and he doesn't take off his backpack until he tiptoes further in the entrance hallway.

"Mom? I'm home," he calls out.

No answer.

He sighs heavily. She must be working overtime again, he thinks.

His spirits sink lower as he passes by his mother's room. It's then that he freezes in his footsteps.

In the corner of his eye, he spots his mother at her desk surrounded by the many white roses she's always cutting. Her head is lowered on her desk, her body hunched over her workspace.

"Mom?"

He pushes the door aside and enters her room. He swallows and narrows his eyes at her form. She's like a statue and he doesn't see her shoulders moving like usual.

He reaches a hand out and his fingers meet with her back.

"Mom? I'm home. Are you okay?"

She doesn't move. She doesn't speak. Nothing.

His mouth goes dry and he uses both hands to shake her upper body. "Mom, I need to talk to you. Can you hear me?"

She still has her glasses on her face, which isn't something she would normally do if she fell asleep. Her mouth is parted and her eyes refuses to open.

His heart beats like a drum again and his nerves are shot. He tries to get under her, moving her upper body over to face him. Her body slumps when he does so and her head leans to the side. Despite the bags under her eyes and her disarrayed hair, she looks peaceful. But this disturbs the boy. His eyes are wide and his entire body trembles uncontrollably.

This is wrong.

He presses his ear against the left side of his mother's chest. He presses a hand over her mouth and nose to feel her breath. He finds her carotid pulses, her radial pulses, any other pulse he can reach. He doesn't hear her heart. He doesn't detect any pulse. No breath escapes her.

His throat constricts on itself and his head goes out of control. His vision blurs, his mind can't focus, and his breathing picks up way too fast. He loses footing and falls to his knees.

"M-mom, please stop playing games with me. Please wake up. Wake up, mom!"

He hates how quiet it is. He begins to imagine her voice in his head responding to her.

 _"Be quiet, Ken,"_ she would say, _"Can't you see I'm working?"_

She might even hit him if she's in a worse mood.

He wishes she would. He wishes she would do anything. _Anything_.

"Mom, _please_." His hand clenches hard on her arms and he hates how cold she feels. "I need you, mom. Please. I need you. Wake up _, wake up_!" He's shouting now and it echoes in the stagnant apartment.

Her head moves with his motions and her glasses slip off her face from how hard he shakes her.

"Oh god, please, please don't do this to me. Mom! MOM!"

His own voice doesn't reach his ears anymore. An overwhelming numbness takes control. His senses no longer function well. His throat hurts from his raw screams. The small smile on his mother's frozen face taunts him and hurts him more than anything. It impales him without mercy and he can barely breathe.

Echoes. Silence.

Pain.

He hates her so much.

 _"I'm working, Ken. Go to sleep."_

* * *

He can't breathe very well. He's outside, standing in the graveyard in the dark of that solemn evening, but it's still too stuffy to him. His brown eyes are blank and he can't really feel anything.

The black suit his father made him wear is the exact same one he wore when his mother was set six feet under. It's been four years. It doesn't really matter how long it's been in the end, he thinks.

The day had seemed to stretch on forever. But he imagines it must have been worse for his friend. It had been hard to get to him all day. The black-haired boy was often smothered by his aunt and her family. Just from mere observation, it was all fake. Their speeches of regret. Their displays of sorrow. The care she displayed towards his friend. It made him nauseous to see it all.

It makes him want to reach him more.

The cemetery in which they laid Kaneki's mother to rest is mostly empty now, save for a few of Kaneki's distant relatives wandering the premises. He doesn't bother to hear what they mumble amongst themselves anymore. He knows what they've been saying all day.

 _"I'm so sorry."_

 _"I should've been there for her."_

 _"May she rest in peace."_

 _"She was the greatest mother, wife, sister, friend, woman."_

 _"All I can do now is care for her precious son."_

His father is off expressing his condolences to the aunt, who couldn't act anymore repulsive in his view. He hates the thought of her even laying hands on his friend, let alone having to take him in as her own now.

He wants to do something. He wishes he could take his friend and get away from here. Even if they are just kids, anywhere is better than for him to live under her roof.

He hasn't seen his friend since the funeral ended. He thinks his friend might be standing beside his mother's grave, but even then, he is not there. His eyes linger on the tombstone engraved with her name. Her last words to him repeat in his mind and he carries onward.

He weaves among the small groups of people gathered on the grass. The sun is long gone and in its place, the moon shines down with a glow that matches the melancholic atmosphere. The trees scattered about the graveyard sway in a ghostly manner that makes the scenery seem hazy to him and it's almost like a dream. One that haunts him for days.

He thinks he should ask someone to know if they've seen his friend, but he changes his mind quickly. Their body language tells him they don't really care.

He makes his way to the nearby temple, his eyes scanning the area like a hawk. It's as quiet as the corpses in the ground. The trees cast eerie shadows on the concrete. He doesn't stop searching, his legs carrying him all over until finally, he spots a small body curled up in the corner behind one of the neighboring homes. Far away from everyone, including the burial site, Kaneki sits on the stone steps behind a stranger's house. His knees are pulled up to shield his face and just from his trembling shoulders, Hide knows he's been crying for hours.

Hide's footsteps are rough against the gravel, causing Kaneki to lift his head slightly. As the blond approaches him, Kaneki begins to turn and in Hide's eyes, the motion is slow. When he reveals his face to Hide, he sees his grey eyes are bloodshot and rimmed red. His cheeks are completely covered in multiple streams of tears and strands of his black hair stick to his face or in different directions.

Hide feels like someone struck his gut with a bat. Kaneki meets Hide's brown eyes and Hide's mouth parts to say something. No words come out.

Kaneki's cheeks redden under Hide's stare and he breaks contact, briskly wiping his eyes with the back of his arm. Though he can hardly make a move, as in the next second, he is wrapped up in Hide's arms and held tightly against the other. His friend's warmth engulfs him, shields him from everything else and all he can feel is Hide. The boy that often leaves his mind fuzzy and his heart on a rampage.

The blond says nothing and Kaneki doesn't stop the flood inside him. It doesn't take long until the front of Hide's suit is soaked.

They're gone.

Winter resides within him and there's a gaping hole that bleeds.

But here, his head rests against his friend's chest and his nose fills with his familiar scent. Hide takes Kaneki's right hand and places it over where his heart lies. He senses the organ beating under his fingertips and his breath catches in his throat.

Hide rests his cheek on top of Kaneki's head, his fingers still clasped over his hand. Kaneki clutches the cloth over where he feels his friend's pulse and Hide's body heat diminishes the weight on his spirit. The gaping hole inside stays, but now it soaks into his friend. They're both bleeding.

Hide pulls himself in to his space and Kaneki can't push him out. No matter how far he tries to go, he's there. Always.

He needed his father. He needed his mother.

But now, his friend grasps his soul, and like every single time, his mind and heart both agree on something, reminding him of the one thing he tried to stop himself from thinking and feeling. He couldn't. It's no use.

They can't be friends.

* * *

Kaneki looks up at the apartment that he and his mother used to share. It's vacant and now tainted with his mother's ghost.

His aunt is already complaining about how much change will happen. About how much time and money will be wasted on him.

Why isn't he dead as well, he wonders. He should be a ghost too. No one really sees him anyway.

Though, he already knows what keeps him here. This strong emotion that humans yearn for and he just so happens to fall in its hands already.

Whether or not this is a blessing, he's already started sinking.

Hide grasps his arm, easily pulling his attention towards him. He smiles and Kaneki doesn't dare look away.

"I'd go with you if I could. I'd pack all my things and assign myself as your roomie in a split second. Things are happening way too fast," he says.

His brown eyes have been dark since the funeral and it causes Kaneki guilt to see how much his sadness affects his friend.

Kaneki smiles back at him and relishes Hide's secure touch. "I know…but…"

Kaneki places his hand over Hide's heart like before. His smile stays but his eyes don't reflect it. He memorizes Hide's pulse.

"Maybe, this is a sign. You've been making a lot of friends at your clubs, right? And that girl at school… she seems-"

Hide yanks him closer, causing him to gasp. Hide places his other hand gently behind his head and his lips find Kaneki's forehead. Soft, warm, gentle. His eyes close as he breathes in Kaneki's scent.

The half-ghoul stops breathing. His temperature rises to boiling point and his grey eyes stay wide open in shock. Without warning, his throat swells and his visions blurs as hot tears fall from his eyes without a care. Hide's lips pull away, but they stay hovering over his head, brushing against the area where his kiss burns against his skin.

Hide's breath flows through his bangs and then his mouth lowers near his ear.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here."

When Hide steps back, he grins wide and his brown eyes sparkle. Kaneki is too stunned to move or speak. Hide's grin dims to a warm smile and his thumbs wipe away the tears on Kaneki's cheeks.

"You have me. Don't forget that."

The blond places a hand on top of Kaneki's head, gently ruffling his black hair like he usually does. Kaneki simply closes his eyes, smiling as the emotions swell inside him. His mind melted into a puddle and he can't form any other words.

All he knows is that he can't stop thinking about how he feels around this boy. He finds himself chasing this feeling like a mad man. He doesn't want it to end. He feels so high up.

Hide follows him every step of the way as Kaneki gets into his aunt's car. He knows he's about to embark towards a new home further away from Hide, but he finds no sadness invading his mind.

He keeps his gaze on his friend, through the backseat window. Hide doesn't move, only continues waving vigorously until Kaneki disappears from his sights.

Hide's beam doesn't cease until the aunt's car is nowhere to be seen. He stands there for a while and thinks about the move he made on his friend. He places a hand over his forehead, barely believing he did that.

 _What got into me? I really am insane._

"Don't worry, son. You'll see him very soon. It's a good thing he's still going to the same school, hmm?"

Hide looks to his left side to see his father, who places a hand through his messy hair.

"Yeah...and you know what, dad?"

"Hmm?"

Hide tilts his head up and grins again. "I'm quitting my club activities."

* * *

 _"Like she's in a whole other world. She's happy, really happy."_

Kaneki's cheeks remain hot to the touch. His hand goes up over his mouth, a smile begging to break through.

They can't be friends.

Why?

He clutches the left side of his chest.

Because now he knows exactly what he's feeling.


	6. Sanguine

"Don't look at me like that."

Instead of hovering over her work, she's facing him, her back against the floor, her head leaning on the desk, and her legs sprawled out in front of her. Her right arm rests over her stomach while her left lies limp on her side.

He's standing at her doorway like always when he returns home. She stares at him, no apparent expression on her face. When he takes a few steps closer, her eyes stay on his form and the rest of her body remains motionless.

She reaches her hand out to touch his cheek and he gasps at how cold she is. Her fingers gently claw at his flesh.

"You hate me, don't you?" she says.

Her words freeze his veins. His throat hurts and his voice fails to cooperate well.

"I need to tell you something."

He grasps his neck. He isn't sure he had even said anything. His voice sounds like a whisper that doesn't reach his own ears.

A grin spreads on her lips, though its leaves him with an ill ache in his stomach.

"You want me gone, don't you?"

He grasps her hand on his cheek, his fingernails digging into her skin. "No, please listen, I need to tell you something important about my friend-"

"I told you, you'd fall in the same path. You and I aren't so different. In fact, we're far too similar."

"You're not listening to me!" He attempts to raise his voice but he still can't hear himself. He grits his teeth in frustration as his eyes lock with hers.

Her grey gaze matches his, except hers are empty and although she sees him, it's as if she doesn't at all.

"Is it wrong? How I feel? I don't know what to do…"

Her hand falls from his face and she begins to close her eyes. He tries to gain her attention back, shaking her. His nails start to draw blood from her cracked skin.

"You don't care for me anymore."

…

His heart races to the point where he feels it might rip right out of his chest. His eyes are wide as they dart all over in the dark, trying to gain back his senses.

When his sights finally adjust to the pitch black of 3 AM, his body calms down and his mood dampens like the dim rays of white light that peeks through the blinds.

It doesn't smell like home and it never will. The bed he lies on brings no warmth. He holds his breath and his ears pick up on the noises in the next room. The sound of a video game buzzes monotonously through the witching hours. Placing an arm over his forehead, he shuts his eyes and remembers what he had just dreamt about. His mother's eerie smile still haunts him, burns in his hazy mind.

He swears he still hears her voice now and then. Repeating the same lines over and over.

One year passes. He's still alive.

* * *

It's honestly not fair, he thinks. As each day passes, he berates himself more and more. He wishes he didn't feel so strong. He wishes if he felt anything, it wouldn't make him such a nervous wreck.

 _I'm such a fool_ , he repeats in his muddled brain. His mind betrays him every time, pushing him closer no matter how much he wants to resist.

Grey eyes linger too long on the boy's face when he's not looking. Teeth cling to his bottom lip as he fights back his teasing thoughts. The tingly rush in the pit of his stomach refuses to dissipate, only growing stronger in the other boy's presence.

"Are you sure I can't come with you?" he asks once again. His brown gaze catches his with a hint of concern.

Kaneki withdraws from his daze and gives a small smile. "You remember what happened last time." He looks down, thinking of the memory when he finally unleashed his kagune for the first time. "I don't want to risk anything happening to you. I wouldn't be able to handle you getting hurt or…"

Hide's hand rests on his shoulder, gaining back his attention as their eyes meet again. "It's okay, Kaneki. Don't worry yourself sick over things like that. Besides, it wasn't even that bad last time. I mean, it was so cool to see you in action!"

Kaneki shakes his head slightly at Hide's words. "You never take things seriously, do you?"

Hide grins and his hand lowers to take Kaneki's in his. "Only when necessary, my friend."

Kaneki's smile returns and widens when he feels Hide gripping his hand in a manner that reassures him. His fingers are squeezed so strongly in his grip to the point he can't move them but he doesn't mind at all. He wants to be held tighter, allow Hide to grab him and take him anywhere he wanted. Kaneki gravitates closer to Hide in response and the other boy says something that doesn't reach his ears.

"Dude, are you deaf?"

At hearing someone other than Hide's voice, Kaneki gasps and blinks in shock, causing Hide to step back abruptly and examine his friend's reaction. "Are you okay, Kaneki?"

"Y-Yeah, I-"

"I called your name like three times!" The other voice interrupts again.

Kaneki looks up at Hide briefly, who smiles and gestures for him to turn around. When he does, he sees Nishiki standing there, his arms crossed and eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"Has he always been this spacey?" Nishiki asks the blond.

Hide shrugs. "Didn't you know? Kaneki's a sucker for space."

Nishiki furrows his brows. "What?"

Hide snorts. "You know, space? As in the moon and stars? The nine planets, oh wait…there's actually eight-"

"Shut up, man."

Kaneki can't stop himself when he notices Hide make the silliest pouty face, with his lips turned down so low, he nearly resembles a bloodhound. His stifled laughter soon turns to one that the boys can hear, surprising them both. Hide looks down at Kaneki's amused state and smiles warmly, his eyes sparkling at his friend's joy. Hide soon chuckles himself from the half-ghoul's happiness.

Nishiki stares at both boys in disbelief until he notices Hide and Kaneki's hands are still intertwined. His gaze softens and something clicks in his mind as he hums in thought.

 _Nerds._

Nishiki lets out an impatient exhale. "I'm gonna leave you behind if you don't hurry up. The day only lasts for so long."

Kaneki feels Hide's hand loosening in response and his eyes grow downcast when he remembers why he's out here. Holding back his hunger also has its limits.

In the next second, the boys' attention turns towards the sound of a car approaching them, the tires screeching hard against the street. The car comes to an abrupt halt and Nishiki shakes his head, clicking his tongue.

"Hey, watch out! You've could run over us!" he shouts at the driver.

Someone sticks their head out and Kaneki notices an adult woman leaning out the side window. She gives a cheeky grin and finger-guns Nishiki. "That's the idea, shorty."

"Who you callin' shorty!"

The woman rolls her eyes and notices Hide and Kaneki. "So, which one of those boys is the halfie?"

Nishiki jerks his thumb at Kaneki. "This one. Now let's get a move on before all the good ones run off!"

Hide narrows his eyes and grabs Kaneki's arm. "Wait a minute, where exactly are you going?" he says quietly.

Kaneki turns around to his friend. He sees Hide's brows are creased with worry and his brown gaze stares intensely back at his. Kaneki feels his breath escape him and wishes he didn't have to go far. But as he smells Hide's scent clogging his senses from being so near, he feels his stomach gnawing at him in pent-up frustration and his kakugan threatens to reveal itself.

"Over the past months, it's been harder finding prey in the hunting grounds near home. We think it's because the humans are beginning to catch on with what's happening so they're much more careful and wary of where we usually find food," Kaneki explains. His eyes wander past Hide when he finishes.

"So that means, you two are forced to go elsewhere, huh?" Hide fills in the empty space.

Kaneki nods and gives a heavy sigh. "Nishiki thinks we need to stop hunting around here for a little while and start finding other hunting grounds in distant parts of Tokyo."

Hide's grip tightens on Kaneki and the half-ghoul tries to reassure Hide with a smile.

"It'll be okay. I'll be back by tonight at the latest."

"There's gotta be some other way… I don't like the idea of you going somewhere with other ghouls far away from home. Now I really want to go with you."

"Hide," Kaneki states firmly and the blond's stern expression doesn't waver. "You're gonna stay here. I'll be fine, I promise. Think about your father."

Hide's frown deepens and he already knows his father would be furious. In fact, his dad's been stricter on his curfew since the news of the deaths caused by the ghouls were beginning to spread. Getting grounded is the last thing he needed to happen.

Hide then feels Kaneki inching closer and before he could move, the half-ghoul's body is pressed against his as he nuzzles his head against Hide's chest in a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around the blond's waist. Hide is surprised at the other boy's sudden action, but it eases his thoughts somewhat and his body warms up at the close contact. Gently, he returns the hug, his arms holding Kaneki secure like he always does. His cheek rests against the boy's black hair and his mind still races with worry.

Vertigo takes over Kaneki simply from Hide's scent overwhelming his senses and his pulse thunders in his ears. He thinks he may pass out any second just from hugging the boy, who has his disastrous heart in his clutches. His body tingles and with his head resting comfortably against the other, he feels protected. With his mind so often in the clouds these days, it's as if he and Hide were truly alone.

Nishiki, already in the trunk of the female ghoul's pickup, turns around from speaking to her to get Kaneki's attention once again, but his words are stolen away when he sees the display in front of him. Nishiki opens his mouth to try and speak but he can't seem to say anything. Seeing the half-ghoul holding the human boy like that, it stirs something in Nishiki's chest. It stuns him.

He thinks of his sister. He thinks about the strange words Kaneki had exchanged with him not too long ago.

For once, Nishiki keeps silent and waits.

When Kaneki reluctantly pulls away, he stares into Hide's saddened gaze. Hide doesn't break eye contact, his heart beating faster at the way Kaneki's expression seems so genuine and full of yearning. The blond finds himself unable to say anymore as he begins to ponder over how Kaneki looks at him in a way he hasn't before. It's as if he's hypnotized.

"Will you wait for me?" Kaneki says to him with pleading eyes.

Hide pauses and then shakes his head at the unneeded question. "Of course, I will. I'm not going anywhere. You better come back in one piece."

Kaneki smiles at him, a wide smile that Hide knows is one only reserved for his sights alone. Hide's pulse is steady, but each beat strikes hard against his chest as his brown eyes shows the other that he's serious, though loyal. Always.

* * *

Ever since he moved farther away, Hide thinks of him often. Usually out of concern, especially since Kaneki lives with someone he deems responsible for the death of his mother. Most days, Kaneki doesn't dare breathe a word of what it's like living with his aunt and her family. It's been about a year, but Hide could already sense a deterioration in his friend's physical and mental state.

At the same time, he notices a change in the way Kaneki treats him. When it comes to this, he thinks he's imagining things. _It's impossible_ , he repeats like a mantra. But he can't stop thinking about how Kaneki looks at him, even if the half-ghoul believes Hide doesn't notice. How Kaneki often stays as close to him as possible whenever they see each other. This doesn't disturb the boy, not in the slightest. He's intrigued, and frankly, it makes him _happy_.

Time goes on and Hide observes many of his classmates in school separate from old friends and move on to the next. Friendship is so weak and fragile, easy to break. Easy to lose trust. Yet, with Kaneki, it's so different. Time doesn't go against them. Hide feels Kaneki drawing closer and closer, willing to break his layers to reach him.

It makes Hide want to protect him more.

His brain surrounds him too much these days. He thinks he has a problem, thinking about a single person all the time. That's why he dubs himself crazy suggesting that Kaneki may be in the same state.

Concerning other matters, it's been hard. Though he may taste and enjoy human food, it doesn't provide Kaneki the energy his body needs.

 _"I guess it's like a sugar rush, huh? Eating what I eat?"_ Hide had joked once before.

He recalls the way Kaneki laughed with a sad smile following.

 _"And then it comes back with a vengeance…"_ he had replied.

It hadn't stopped Kaneki from consuming human food if he wanted. But since his friend has been joining Nishiki on his hunts for flesh in distant towns, his friend returns more weary and cold.

Hide always bikes at lightning speed to the aunt's home, no matter how late it is. He would wait for Kaneki without fail, sneaking into his friend's bedroom window that stays unlocked on those nights because the half-ghoul knows he'd come.

Thankfully, the aunt is lax and doesn't give a damn where Kaneki runs off to, doesn't care if he ever comes back. It's weird how negligence from others works for the two. How it keeps them together.

Each time Kaneki returns from those occasional hunts, he runs towards Hide, his arms hastily wrapping around the other and holding so tight, Hide loses breath. The blond can tell his friend rejuvenated his strength well, but mentally, his friend falls. Killing humans and feeding off them, Hide smells the blood that lingers on Kaneki even if he comes back clean.

Kaneki clings to him until morning, and even then, the half-ghoul refuses to let go. In this way, time isn't so merciful and it will be a lengthy process for Kaneki to grow numb to it all.

 _Or does that feeling ever go away?_

When Kaneki looks at him in this new way these days, Hide doesn't want to separate from his friend. Though it leaves him puzzling over his friend more. He's so unfamiliar with this and he doesn't want to raise his hopes up.

Yet the half-ghoul continues to come closer.

Somewhere deep inside him, Hide is nervous.

…

"Are you hearing me, boy? What's the matter?"

Hide snaps out of his bubble and looks up at his father, who raises a concerned brow at him as he drinks his fresh cup of joe.

"You're out of sorts today, son. Thinking about a girl at school or something?" his father teases.

Hide blinks at the question and then fiddles with the sandwich on his plate. "Yeah, I guess…"

"Come on, talk to me. I hardly get time off like this so you better make the most of it," his father states. He leans back in his chair, perusing their surroundings. "Pretty cozy place we found, huh?"

Hide follows his father's gaze, taking in the warmth of the new coffee shop they discovered. Hide doesn't remember the last time he spent quality time with his father outside of their home, and for that reason, he feels a little uncomfortable. For once, he's not the one to start a conversation. He's too quiet and closed off. He doesn't really know what to say.

Anteiku: the name of the coffee shop they decided to visit. The aroma of the ground coffee beans permeates the air, bringing a calm, peaceful atmosphere to every corner of the small building. It's in the late afternoon, so it isn't particularly crowded. Hide takes the time to people-watch instead of trying to make small talk with his dad.

Not that Mr. Nagachika is going to allow that.

"So, Hide," he starts. The blond frowns, the side of his face resting on his left hand as he continues picking at his half-eaten sandwich.

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

"It surely isn't nothing. I know you better than that."

"It's not anything important, dad."

"Is it about your friend, Kaneki? How's he doing these days?"

Hide pauses and his father knows right away he's hit the mark.

"He says he's doing fine. But I think he's hiding something from me."

His father narrows his eyes as he takes another sip of coffee. "What do you mean?"

Hide sighs and looks up at the ceiling with his lips turned upwards in thought.

"I don't really know… I'm still trying to figure that out myself."

"You two haven't been fighting, have you?"

Hide shakes his head immediately. "No, no, nothing like that. In fact, it's quite the opposite."

"The opposite, huh?"

Hide watches his father's expression closely. Mr. Nagachika doesn't look at his son, his eyes trained towards the window but the corner of his lips turn up into what appears to be a knowing smirk.

" _Dad_ , what are _you_ thinking?" Hide asks. For some reason, his palms start to sweat.

His father chuckles shortly. "Well, son, I was just thinking about something Kaneki's mother told me a long time ago. It's strange how that came to mind..."

Hide reaches out to grab his dad's hand. "What did she say? Was it bad?"

His father laughs again. "No, why would she say something bad?"

"Well, tell me! What was it?"

His father then meets his gaze, his brown eyes growing soft. It shocks Hide and his pulse rises.

"Like you said, you'll figure it out soon, my boy."

Hide's jaw drops in a cartoonish fashion and he grips his dad's hand with both of his. " _Dad_! Come on! That's not fair!"

"You're an intelligent lad, Hide. Stop shaking me like that. We're in public!" his father says between chuckles.

Hide groans in frustration. "No, dad. I'm too lazy to think critically right now. Give me the answers."

His father continues to keep his mouth shut, only taking amusement in Hide's struggle until his cell phone starts ringing from his pocket. The two of them stop their action as his father pulls out his phone and checks the caller ID.

Mr. Nagachika exhales deeply and Hide already knows it's about work.

"Sorry, son, I gotta take this. Be right back."

Hide leans back in his chair with a pout, his arms crossing. His father is already answering the call on his way to the café's restroom. Hide slouches further in his seat, his sights set on the ceiling fan until he hears the bells near the entrance ring. His attention sets on the person entering, a young girl who has her hood over her head.

As if he has a sixth sense, he can tell right away something is different about this girl, especially with the way she tries to avoid people as she shuffles quickly towards the bar area of the café. Hide keeps his sights on her, his fingers fiddling with the bread on his plate. She takes a seat on one of the stools and grabs the attention of one of the servers cleaning a glass. The server nods and then disappears in the back of the shop.

The girl looks around herself, her shoulders tense. She then turns around and Hide quickly directs his eyes on his crumbled sandwich. He hopes she didn't notice him and when he carefully looks back up, her back is facing him again.

In the next moment, Hide sees an elderly man come out into the front to meet with the girl. Based on how the other staff interact with the man, Hide guesses he may be the manager of the café. The girl stands from her stool immediately and she takes something from the man, bowing to him in gratitude before hurrying back to the entrance. She weaves past the tables blocking her way and just as she passes Hide's table, something falls from under her arm and slips down the shiny floor. Hide notices a small brown package sliding in his direction.

He hears the girl gasp as she frantically tries to find where the package fell. As if on autopilot, Hide gets up from his chair and swoops down to grab the package. He is surprised when he finds it has a strangely squishy texture in his hands, almost like…

The girl snatches the package out of his grasp before he could make another move. Hide looks up just in to time to make eye contact with the girl, and when he does, his suspicions are proven correct. In a flash, he sees both of her eyes are black and red, just like his friend's left eye.

She steps away from him, turning in the next second and scurrying out of the café like a mouse running back to its hole. Hide stares after her for a minute longer before glancing down at his hands, remembering how that package felt before returning to his table.

 _She's a ghoul, and she got that package from that old man. So that means…_

Hide carefully looks up to see where the manager is, and to his horror, the man is already looking straight at him. The man keeps his hands held behind his back in the professional way he usually does and he doesn't seem phased by what had just occurred. When he meets Hide's eyes, he smiles.

Hide swallows and turns his attention down to his plate. His left hand goes up to the side of his face in deep contemplation.

"Hide? Hide!"

His thoughts are disrupted again by his father, who returns with a worried expression.

"There you go spacing out on me again. Are you getting sick?"

Hide rolls his eyes. "No, dad, I'm fine."

His father sighs and glances at his wrist watch. "Well, I think it's time we head home."

As the two of them leave the café, Hide braves another look towards where the manager was standing, only to find that he is no longer visible.

By the time the two reach their apartment, Hide already has a plan in mind.

* * *

Kaneki stares at his friend's back, who walks a few steps ahead of him. It's getting dark, approaching around 8 PM and cutting close to Hide's strict curfew, not that the blond cared. Kaneki quickens his pace several times to keep up with his friend, who keeps reminding him to hurry.

 _"I'm going to help you once and for all!"_ Hide had exclaimed with those sparkling eyes.

 _Help me?_ Kaneki thinks in confusion. _But he's already done so much for me…_

His friend's excitement and relentless energy goes on while he's drained and unwilling to move. It's these moments that make Kaneki's chest ache in longing and his mind and body follows the other wherever he wanders. Anytime and anywhere.

Hide turns around, beaming at Kaneki while he grasps his hand to pull him closer. The warmth from Hide's fingers urge Kaneki on and he can't help but smile back.

Hide stops abruptly, causing Kaneki to bump into his shoulder. He swings Kaneki's arm to grab his attention.

"This is it! My dad and I came here a few weeks ago."

Kaneki winces slightly from the collision and then follows Hide's pointed finger. He reads the sign in front of the coffee shop.

"I've never heard of this place before. Is it new?"

"I suppose it opened maybe a few months ago. Who knows? But that's not important! I hope we can meet the guy who runs this place."

Kaneki grabs Hide's arm. "Wait, Hide, tell me why you brought me here."

"Well you'll find out when we meet him!" Hide grins, ruffling his friend's hair with his free hand.

Kaneki tries to say something else but Hide is already leading him closer to the entrance and he sighs in defeat.

The half-moon above them casts a calming glow on the shop that looks about closed. Hide releases Kaneki's hand and presses both of his against the glass to peer into the coffee shop.

"He's gotta still be around here somewhere…"

Kaneki rubs his arm nervously. "I dunno if this is a good idea…"

"Come on, he's a nice man, I can already tell!"

"Hide, please, let's just go home. I'd rather watch those silly movies you like so much instead of wandering out here like this."

"Be patient, my dude. And don't try and bag on those movies. I can tell you like them too, ya know!" Hide replies without diverting his focus on the café.

Kaneki shakes his head, smiling at his friend's antics. That tingling sensation runs through him and his hand presses against his chest.

"I thought I'd see you again."

Kaneki lets out a yelp in surprise when he hears an older man's voice behind him. He jumps forward on instinct and turns to see an elderly man wearing a neat and pristine uniform.

"Oh my god…" Kaneki whispers to himself, feeling his heart race momentarily.

He looks up hesitantly and sees the old man smiling at him. The man's close-eyed gaze then turns to Hide when he comes near Kaneki's side.

"Hello sir! My name is Hide and this is my bestest friend, Kaneki!" Hide grins with his arm around the other's shoulders.

"'Bestest' isn't even a word…" Kaneki mumbles, a hint of blush forming on his cheek as he shrinks against Hide.

"Sure, it is, buddy."

The man chuckles at the boys, grabbing their attention.

"Clearly, you kids are here for a very important reason."

Hide nods and steps forward. "I was wondering…" His tone grows serious. "…if you could help my friend."

Kaneki frowns and cuts in. "No, I don't need any help. Come on, Hide-"

"I see. And you think I can help your friend because…" the man started.

Hide doesn't waver when he continues. "Because…you're a ghoul."

" _What?_ " Kaneki whisper-shouts. His mouth drops and his gaze stays fixed on the tall man before them.

The man smiles warmly again and he turns his head to Kaneki. "I'm surprised your human friend here was able to catch on faster than you could."

Kaneki swallows hard when he feels both staring at him. "I…I…"

The man then places a hand on their shoulders. "Follow me. We'll attract too much attention conversing out here."

…

"A pretty bold statement you made out there, boy. But correct nonetheless. You sure have confidence, don't you?" the man, who introduced himself as Yoshimura, says to Hide.

"Gets me in a lot of trouble sometimes," Hide admits with a cheeky grin.

"I can see that," Yoshimura chuckles.

The manager takes the boys inside the back of the café and into the kitchen area, where a large table is set in the middle.

"Please, have a seat, boys. Need something to drink? You two are a bit too young for coffee, I would think," Yoshimura comments.

"Aw, I'm only twelve! And my boy, Kaneki, here is a baby eleven-year-old."

Kaneki pinches Hide's left cheek with a pout. "I'll catch up to you in December. I'm not a baby."

"Yes, you are. So cute too."

Kaneki feels hot in the face again. "Shut up."

"You two are very fond of each other. It's quite refreshing to see," Yoshimura states outright.

Hide blinks a few times at that statement and Kaneki smiles, his eyes casting down at his wrapped hands in his lap.

"Humans and ghouls getting along is still quite a rarity these days. But I believe a time will come when ghouls are openly accepted. Including half-breed ones like you, Kaneki," Yoshimura says calmly.

Kaneki's hand instinctively goes up to his left eye. "H-How did you know?"

"By scent, we ghouls can detect each other quite easily. Take a moment to concentrate on deciphering the difference between my scent and Hide's," Yoshimura suggests.

Kaneki stares off into space as he focuses on his sense of smell. He recognizes Hide's scent immediately, of course, but when he catches onto Yoshimura's, he finally understands.

"So…do I smell different from regular ghouls?" Kaneki asks.

Yoshimura nods. "Indeed, especially since your kind is so rare and often…dangerous."

Kaneki's face saddens at that statement and Hide takes notice, his brows furrowing slightly. Yoshimura continues, "Please don't take it negatively. It is not all bad for half-ghouls out there. Besides, I believe people like you can stand as a great symbol of how humans and ghouls can get along."

He looks at both boys and smiles. "Actually, you two are the perfect representation of that bond I wish to see."

Hide rubs the back of his neck. "Wow…I don't know... We're just friends. Just kids, really…"

Yoshimura catches Kaneki staring at Hide without the other noticing and it reminds him all too well of his past.

"You will see, in time, Hide," he states.

Hide looks at Kaneki, who quickly turns away, his cheeks still stained red.

"A-Anyway…" Hide starts to say as he wonders why Kaneki is acting weirdly.

"Right, moving on," Yoshimura says as he disappears through the other side of the kitchen.

There is a brief silence between the boys and Kaneki still does not look Hide's way.

"You okay, buddy?" Hide asks quietly. He tilts his head to try and see the other's face.

Kaneki finally turns around and Hide's warm eyes calms the other. "Mm hmm…" the half-ghoul replies and breaks eye contact in the next second, choosing to stare at his hands once more.

Hide scoffs in a joking manner and rubs Kaneki's upper back briefly before Yoshimura returns.

"Here, take this," Yoshimura says. He passes on the same small brown package Hide saw the girl take on his first visit.

Kaneki accepts the package and narrows his eyes. "Is this…what I think it is?"

Yoshimura simply nods. "Yes. You and Hide are both welcome here at Anteiku at any time. As your friend may already have an idea of, this shop is no ordinary café. At the core, we serve as a sort of sanctuary for ghouls who are unwilling to kill humans to feed themselves."

Kaneki stares at the package and then at Yoshimura in awe.

"We only ask that the ghouls who seek help from us vow not to harm the humans here in this area. I can't say the same, of course, for those outside this ward."

Kaneki closes his eyes solemnly and sets the package down. "I'm sorry Yoshimura. I already broke that vow. You see, I've already…"

"That's all right. You're only a child trying to survive. I understand how hard it is, and I'm sorry you had to stain your hands already."

Kaneki brings his hands up to his face and then clenches his hair, breathing heavily and trying hard to hold back his tears. Hide has the urge to touch him, but decides to give him space this time.

"Please take the package, Kaneki. As I have said, you are welcome here no matter what you have done in the past."

Kaneki sniffs and gently takes the package again. He smiles, a single tear escaping his left eye. "Thank you so much. There must be a way I can repay you."

Yoshimura laughs lightly. "Well, we could use a hand around here from time to time. I know you two are quite young, but if you'd like to volunteer, we could always use more help in the kitchen."

Kaneki's smile widens and Hide softly claps his hands together in happiness.

Yoshimura then leads the two back outside as the hour ticks by. The older man watches the boys from a distance and heaves a small exhale. He lifts his head up at the sky, feeling the cool night breeze against his skin before walking back into the shop.

It's the first time he's felt lighter since the day he opened Anteiku.

…

Kaneki ditches coming back to his aunt's place and decides to sleepover at Hide's apartment. The two often take turns rooming from here to there, their nightly supplies already in place in both homes. Whether or not the adults know, it matters not.

Kaneki sits cross-legged in the middle of Hide's room, staring intensely at the package cradled in his hands while Hide finds a different shirt and shorts to change into.

"S-Should I eat this…?" Kaneki stutters.

Hide scoffs in disbelief, and he turns around topless. "Duh! Why did you think I helped you go all the way to meet Yoshimura? So, you wouldn't have to go so far with Nishiki! Giving you more options, eh?" Hide says cheerfully as he walks to his closet.

Kaneki bites his lower lip and he starts to open the package, revealing the fresh bloody human flesh underneath. The delectable scent hits his nose almost immediately and he lets out a shaky exhale. His kakugan appears and his mouth waters.

"Hide, don't look, okay?" Kaneki says as he begins to bring the meat up to his lips.

"Come on, Kaneki, it doesn't bother me. How many times do I have to tell you?" Hide shouts from inside his closet.

"I-It's embarrassing for me…" Kaneki replies, setting down the flesh.

"Just eat, man," Hide says tiredly. He pulls a loose shirt over his head and plops himself down in front of Kaneki. Purposely, he shoves his face right in Kaneki's, staring at him intensely and waiting for him to take the first bite.

Kaneki shuts his eyes tight and his cheeks turn bright red. His eyes flutter back open to see Hide tilting his head at him like a curious puppy.

"Too close," Kaneki whispers.

"Hmm…"

Hide backs away and leans against the make-shift blanket fort they created using his father's old books as the walls. The fort is both spacious and convenient, providing warmth and allowing Kaneki to indulge in his hobby as he pleased while Hide reads manga.

Knowing Hide is too stubborn, Kaneki brings the meat back up to his mouth and hurriedly takes his first bite. Specks of blood begins to color his lips and cheeks and the messiness is Kaneki's biggest pet peeve. He sneaks glances at Hide and his friend, though not perturbed, abides by his wishes and doesn't watch him.

At first.

In the next moment, Hide's eyes slide from his window to Kaneki and he smiles. Kaneki's heart begins to pound at that expression of his, one that never fails to affect him.

Hide then crawls closer to Kaneki and the half-ghoul stays frozen in place. His mouth chews hesitantly while Hide keeps his brown eyes focused on his mismatched ones.

"I like seeing your kakugan, Kaneki," Hide says gently. "You're adorable."

Kaneki nearly chokes on his food and he pauses to hold his chest. "I think there's something seriously wrong with you."

"I know, isn't it wonderful?" Hide teases back.

"But…that's why I like you…"

"What?"

Kaneki gasps when he realizes what he just let slip out. He hides his face behind the package in his hands and it causes Hide to laugh loudly.

"Aww, gosh, you're too much, my friend!" Hide comments as he lays down on the floor. His arms spread out on either side of him.

A silence befalls them again as Hide gazes up at the ceiling and Kaneki continues eating quietly. Kaneki watches Hide's chest rise and fall in the quiet. The lighting around them is dim and Kaneki wonders what's on his friend's mind.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we had a place of our own? Just the two of us, when we're older?" Hide says out of nowhere.

Kaneki marvels at the idea of living with Hide alone. "Yeah…with no one to bother us."

Hide turns to his side, resting his face against his right hand. "Exactly! But it's gonna be a long while until then…"

Hide smiles. "But just think, the two of us, the bestest bros around going on wild, reckless adventures until we become old grandpas."

Kaneki chuckles. "Yeah…"

 _Bros, huh?_ Kaneki thinks. He doesn't like the sadness that overcomes him. _As long as I'm with him, it doesn't matter how I feel._

His chest aches, and this time, it hurts more than before.

Hide catches his change in mood and smirks. "Unless you find a hot girl and marry her, right? Then you won't have to deal with crazy me anymore…"

"What? No! I want to be with you!" Kaneki shouts, a little louder than he intended.

"Or me. Maybe I'll find a hot girl and ditch you, huh?" Hide continues to joke.

He doesn't realize his words hurt the half-ghoul and when he looks up to see Kaneki's eyes beginning to water, he jolts up into a sitting position and grabs hold of Kaneki immediately.

"Oh no! I didn't mean it, Kaneki! All a joke! A joke!" he says hastily, shaking Kaneki's shoulders.

Kaneki sets down the empty, bloody package in his hands and begins wiping his eyes. "I don't think you're joking…"

"No, I am! I swear! God, I'm so stupid! I'm sorry, Kaneki!" he says in a serious tone and grabs hold of both sides of Kaneki's face.

He doesn't care if the blood gets on his fingers. He keeps their gazes connected and Kaneki's mismatched eyes are glassy.

Hide leans his forehead against Kaneki's and he smiles. Kaneki closes his eyes, feeling Hide's breath hitting his face.

Hide is confused. His heart hammers in his chest and seeing how upset Kaneki suddenly became, it leaves his mind boggled.

 _I underestimated his feelings…_

Hide feels like the biggest idiot when he realizes how much Kaneki cares for him. Though, he finds himself wondering what Kaneki sees in him that strikes such a reaction like that.

All his life, his own parents had never cared as much. The kids in school only like the surface he shows to the world. It's not like he thinks he's worthy of much of anything.

All he really wants is for his true friend to be happy. Even if he's no longer in the picture.

 _Things will change…_

Hide feels tears falling over his thumbs as Kaneki lets out shaky breaths against his face. The next sensation he detects, however, nearly takes him out of his own skin. He hears a slight crackle, and before he knows it, two red tentacles begin to wrap around them both, bringing him closer against Kaneki.

"Whoa…" Hide whispers as he pulls away from Kaneki's face. His friend had released two appendages of his kagune and Hide gawks in awe at how scaly and crimson it is up close.

Kaneki watches Hide reach a hand out to touch his kagune. The sensation of Hide's hand against one of the tentacles causes a rush of warmth to burst through Kaneki and he feels breathless. He leans forward, his head resting in the crook of Hide's neck and his cheek pressed against the human's chest. He moves his kagune to pull Hide closer again.

Hide laughs in delight. "Wow, you're getting good at controlling your power. It's like you're giving me a double hug. I love it!"

Kaneki lifts his head to look into his eyes again.

"I don't want you to leave me…"

His voice is so quiet, desperate, easy to miss.

Hide's brown eyes darken and it reveals something Kaneki doesn't know. But it shoots straight through him and he doesn't dare look away.

Kaneki gasps in shock when Hide boldly pushes him down so that he's lying on his back. His kagune still wraps around Hide as the boy leans on top of him. Hide's face shows no sign of playfulness. The blond's fingers graze the veins underneath his kakugan and he breathes heavily at the contact.

"No one can take me from you. No one. No matter what. I promise."

His voice is warm, strong, easy to hear.

He dips closer to Kaneki and the half-ghoul doesn't breathe as Hide gently kisses his forehead. It's hotter than before. Kaneki feels the strength of his promise through his action and his hands grip tighter onto Hide's shoulders.

…

Hide sleeps soundly against Kaneki's body. His kagune is no longer in sight, enveloped into his lower back. Their arms and legs are intertwined and Kaneki turns his head, his eyes fixed on the midnight sky.

He's falling, sinking so hard.

He can't escape this.

He doesn't want to.

He'll happily drown.

 _I'm sorry, mom._

 _I love him._


	7. Written

The teacher's lecture fades like background noise to his ears, making way for the bouts of hushed laughter that comes from the girl's mouth.

Kaneki furrows his brows, his pencil beginning to dig too hard into his sketchbook as he picks up on her excited whispers. He can just tell how high her voice would be if they weren't currently in class. His shading becomes too dark on the lined paper.

His motion softens, though, when he catches onto Hide's lowered voice in response to her words. At the same time, the sharp edge of the poisonous emotion egging him on cuts through his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe.

In his head, she's "the club girl," the one who's chatting with Hide the most out of all his classmates. The one Hide met when he was still in the club she is actively part of. The one that triggers this fire inside him, boiling his blood.

 _She's always laughing. When is she ever_ not _happy?_

His hand has its own mind, sketching out a raging monster with large teeth, multiple eyes and limbs, and guts everywhere. In its gaping mouth, a girl's legs swing in the air helplessly. His grey eyes are dark and blank, staring down at the rough drawing. For once, he doesn't feel ashamed.

The students are all taking turns reading passages out of the assigned book he had already finished weeks ago. His eyes peer over at the club girl and he wonders if she had even read anything.

She touches Hide's hand resting on his desk. Again.

His pencil accidently rips through a part of the paper.

"Now let's see…Mei, it's time for you to read the next paragraph please."

Kaneki watches her flinch in surprise as she had been keeping her attention on Hide behind her the whole time. The students stare at her expectantly while she keeps a smile on, standing to her feet.

"Paragraph 4 on page 12, please. I need you to stay focused, Mei. Nagachika can't be the most interesting person in the world right now."

The students snicker at the teacher's comment and Hide shrugs nonchalantly, a slight smirk curling his lips. Kaneki can't help but scoff at his action.

The club girl reads her assigned passage without falter and if she had been nervous, she didn't show any sign of it whatsoever. Once finished, she sits back promptly in her seat, that grin ever present on her face. Kaneki notices one of the boys gaining her attention when she's done, causing her to turn around and whisper in that fast, excited way she does.

"Okay, thank you, Mei. Now onto the next person…Kaneki."

 _Damn it._

Kaneki knows he can't escape this and begrudgingly stands up, folding his dark doodle over and away from prying eyes. He scans the page and spots where he needs to read. Just as he is about to start, he feels something hit his right side and his ears begin to burn. He hears the object, what sounds like a crumpled paper ball collide to the floor next to him. He doesn't have to look to know the culprit is one of those boys. His shoulders grow tense and he hesitates to say anything. The culprit snickers along with his crew, whispering overused, snide comments.

In the next second, he hears the boy exclaim in shock and Kaneki turns quickly to see that Hide had thrown his book at the boy's head. Hide's face shows complete anger, a hard glare set on the boy.

"Stop this childish behavior this instant! Nagachika, I'm warning you. One more move and you'll be staying an extra hour after class."

Hide doesn't seem to care as he keeps his glare on the boy a second longer before turning to the front, his arms crossed. Noticing Hide's discontent, Mei mouths to the other boy to "quit it."

"Please begin, Kaneki."

Kaneki's initial anxiety is cleared and he follows direction, making sure his voice doesn't sound shaky. Somewhere inside him, a hint of competitiveness strikes him when he thinks of the way Mei delivered her passage and it motivates him to keep going.

Kaneki doesn't realize he went overboard and the teacher cuts him off from going further. Kaneki feels the embarrassment rushing back and he quickly sits back down, but not before hearing a lone, loud clapping from the other side of the room.

His cheeks turn pink when he sees its Hide applauding him, that broad grin on the blond's face. His brown eyes connect with his grey across the room and Kaneki grins back, scratching his cheek nervously in response.

"Well, Nagachika, since you're so intent on getting everyone's attention, why don't you read the entire next page for us?" the teacher commands with growing impatience.

"Are you sure? After that brilliant reading? If you say so," Hide remarks.

He doesn't bother trying to retrieve his book that he had thrown, opting to borrow Mei's instead. Kaneki's gaze focuses on the way Mei stares up at Hide with a sparkle in her dark eyes.

Kaneki looks at Hide's concentrated expression, with his cheeks puffed in a cartoonish fashion as Mei helps him find his place. A soft exhale escapes him. His fingers graze through his sketchbook and he discreetly lifts a corner of a page where he can see a hint of the unfinished drawing he'd been working on.

The students laugh at Hide's delivery while he's reading his assigned page.

"I think that's enough for today…" He hears the teacher state in exasperation when Hide finishes.

"You're so silly, Hideyoshi," Mei says to him.

"Only on Wednesdays," Hide responds cheerfully.

He listens to her fake giggling again and he rolls his eyes. His teeth dig into his index finger, already tasting a drop of his own blood on his tongue.

…

Kaneki gathers his things swiftly and when he gets up from his seat, he sees Hide purposely nudging the boy who had thrown the paper ball at him before he leaves. In return, the boy holds up a middle finger at the blond. Hide pays the rude gesture no mind, bending over to collect his scattered belongings.

Kaneki bites his lip and he weaves through the desks to reach his friend. With Hide's back still facing him, Kaneki grins and places a hand between his shoulder blades.

Hide turns around with a glare but it immediately disappears as his brown eyes shimmer in delight at the half-ghoul. "Hey, there's my boy. I thought you were that asshole at first."

His face grows serious and his hand doesn't hesitate to reach up, holding Kaneki's right cheek and letting his thumb caress his soft skin. "You're okay though, right?"

"It was nothing. Don't worry, Hide," Kaneki replies softly. His hand reaches up to grasp Hide's.

Hide gives a small smile, his eyes warm as he lets his hand slowly fall off Kaneki's face, his thumb briefly brushing down the other's mouth. Kaneki's lips part and he yearns for Hide's touch as soon as it leaves.

The two exit the room side-by-side and once they do, a girl passes next to Kaneki's left and she pats his shoulder. Kaneki blinks and turns to the girl, who smiles at him.

"I liked your reading, Kaneki. I could tell you were really into it," the girl compliments.

Kaneki's mouth drops in surprise and he doesn't know what to say. "Uh…"

"I know, right? Such an underrated talent," Hide agrees in a dramatic manner.

Kaneki eyes him with a hint of annoyance as the girl chuckles in response. She directs her attention back at Kaneki, who shyly smiles at her.

"Well, I'll see you guys later. Keep it classy, Hideyoshi," she says jokingly.

"Hey, when do I not?" Hide replies with a grin.

Kaneki stares at her walk the other direction, still stunned that a girl had given him positive feedback on his reading for the first time.

"Dang, Kaneki, already snagging the ladies, huh? I think she has a crush on you," Hide says in a teasing tone. He wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders.

"That's ridiculous. She's just being nice," Kaneki says quietly.

"No, wait. I have it wrong. _You_ have a crush on her, right?" Hide continues.

Kaneki bonks Hide's head with his book, causing the other to laugh in response. "I swear to god, Hide. Don't even go there."

Hide pouts, bringing on the puppy-dog eyes. "Why are you being so mean, Kaneki? My feelings are hurt!"

"You're being an idiot, that's why."

"Ooh, burn! Where's my ice pack?"

"Today really is Wednesday…" Kaneki sighs at Hide's endless antics.

"Hideyoshi!"

The boys are interrupted by Mei, who comes rushing towards the blond. She stops right in front of him, her cheeks flushed from running.

"Oh, 'sup, Mei," Hide greets her.

"I just want to say, I can't wait to see you again in class! We miss you at the clubs, you know?" she says, grabbing onto his free hand.

Kaneki instinctively moves closer into Hide's arm wrapped on his shoulders when she does so. The club girl pays no mind to him and he's glad for it. His grey eyes burn holes into the hand clinging to Hide's.

Hide shakes his head. "You guys are great without me."

"It's not the same! You make it more exciting!"

"Are you sure I don't make it dumber?"

Kaneki senses himself growing impatient and he begins to step away from Hide. The blond catches onto his body language right away and cuts her off.

"Hey, listen, we'll talk more soon, okay?"

Mei pouts but only for a brief moment as her permanent smile returns and she says a quick farewell before splitting off back to her friends.

Hide scoffs and turns his attention back to his friend. "Such a chatter box, even for me!"

Kaneki frowns. "Then why do you like her?"

Hide's brown eyes regard him for a moment and Kaneki feels nervous under his gaze that seem to know everything about him, no matter if he hides.

"She's actually pretty nice, despite how she carries herself. She's cute too," Hide says in a soft tone.

Kaneki sees Hide focusing on Mei's retreating form as he speaks. He feels Hide's arm beginning to slip away from his body. His hand grasps onto the front of his friend's shirt and Hide looks back down to the half-ghoul in his arm. His grey eyes desperately cling to him and finds relief when Hide's gaze pulls him in and keeps him close.

Kaneki feels hotter than usual when Hide's eyes stray, landing on his lips for a split second. That sly grin slips onto his face when he breaks contact just as fast, leaving Kaneki wondering over the inappropriate thought that crossed his mind from Hide's intent stare.

He swallows the excess saliva collecting in his mouth as the two begin walking down the hall. He can't stop himself.

 _I wonder how he tastes…_

…

"Hey, I gotta go meet with my dad for a bit before I come over. I'll see you real soon, 'kay?" Hide says as he grabs his bike from the rack outside the school.

Kaneki nods with a smile and the blond grins before mounting his bike and riding off in a direction that brings nostalgia to him. His temperament already begins to darken when he starts heading off in the other direction. Back to a place that reminds him of a prison than a home.

He takes as long as possible on his way to his aunt's house, stopping at times to stare off at the sky or the distance. People.

Sometimes, he sees his mom still. In the various older women that pass. In their voices too.

He can't believe he's managed to live with his aunt for three years so far. He can barely remember when his aunt's family acted gracious to him in the very beginning, when he shut down and didn't let anyone in. No one except Hide.

In the end, he and the Asaoka family are strangers.

He catches the sky taking on its orange hue and then forces himself to pick up the pace before he loses track of time. With his stalling, it takes him about an hour before he sees his aunt's home coming into view, along with his cousin, Yuuichi, sitting outside the front door with one of his friends.

He bites his lower lip, his hands gripping his backpack straps. He slowly trudges towards the front door and right away, Yuuichi and his friend look up when they hear his footsteps. Kaneki notices his cousin is playing with his hand-held game console along with the boy next to him. Yuuichi makes eye contact with Kaneki for only a mere second before he whispers something to his friend and the boys then scurry back into the house without another glance.

Kaneki quickly holds the door open before it shuts on him as he finally sets foot into the home. A home that is much bigger and nicer than anything his mother could have afforded when she was still alive. His stomach churns every time he enters. All his mother's money wasted on every valuable possession he sees in this house.

He hears his cousin slamming the door to his room shut. He carefully takes his shoes off at the entrance and makes sure his footsteps are as quiet as possible while he walks further in. To the left of the staircase, he sees the bright, blinking light from the large TV emanating from the living room. He sniffs the air and knows his aunt is currently watching the news. He keeps his eyes on the direction of the living room as he makes his way over to the stairs. Just as he goes up the first few steps, he can barely see his aunt's legs dangling from the couch. Once he's sure she doesn't notice him, or care to, he speeds up the rest of the stairs and towards his room further away from his cousin.

Usually, he feels some sort of relief when he makes it to his own little space in the large house. But this time, something doesn't feel right, especially when he notices his room door is left halfway open. He always leaves his door closed.

His heart begins hammering in his chest and his hand pushes the door aside. His eyes immediately scan his room and as soon as he notices what happened, he drops his backpack to the ground. His mouth goes dry as he breathes heavily in disbelief and his hands reach out to his shelves, which are as bare as bone. All his books, including the ones that belonged to his father, are gone.

He tries to calm himself, but there's no way he can.

He desperately searches his room from top to bottom.

Nothing.

His hands clench and he doesn't stop himself when he exits his room, moving past his cousin who peeks at him in the hallway and down the stairs straight to the living room. He stops when he finds his aunt no longer on her couch. He turns around swiftly, only to find her standing right behind him. He gasps and nearly falls on his bottom. She looks down at him with cold eyes, her arms crossing in an expectant manner.

"Get out of my way, boy," she says. She steps around him to get back on the couch.

He follows her every move as she nonchalantly turns the TV back on. She avoids looking at him.

"Did…did you go into my room?" he asks bluntly. His voice shakes and his hands clench tighter against his sides. He feels he may explode any minute.

She continues to stare at the TV like her mind is controlled by the screen. He grits his teeth, his brows furrowed deeply. He opens his mouth to ask again when she finally cuts in.

"Yes, I did. So, what?" she states. No apparent emotion is written on her face.

"What did you do to my books? They're all gone," he questions.

His patience wears thin. He doesn't care.

When his last few words float in the air, only then does she finally show something. A wide smirk on her face. She's proud of herself and he feels her twisting his heart with that expression of hers. She then meets his eyes and there's nothing but ice in her gaze. Stabbing right through his pupils.

"Books? I threw them out."

She says those words like she is announcing the weather.

His eyes widen in absolute horror and her sly smile spreads. A chuckle escapes her.

"Wh-what? _Why_?" he begins to shout.

She shrugs and throws her legs up on the coffee table in front of her.

"Your room was such a damn mess. So much clutter. I can't stand for that in my house." She gives him a condescending look. "I took it upon myself to do some late spring cleaning. You should thank me."

Kaneki's mouth stays open in disbelief and he tries to say something more. She smiles at his appalled state and turns her attention back to the TV, flipping to a different channel.

He doesn't stop it. The other side of him takes over his actions next. To her utter shock, he snatches the TV remote out of her hands and shuts her show off. He then tosses the remote to the floor, his pupils constricted as his hard glare sets on her. She gets to her feet in an instant, towering over him.

"Pick that up, boy. How dare you show disrespect to someone who cares for you," she snaps and pushes him back.

"I want to know where my books are. _Right now_ ," he demands. His kakugan threatens to make an appearance in front of her.

 _whydon'tyoukillherkillherkillherkillherkillher_

He doesn't recognize the voice speaking in his head.

"I told you, I threw them out. Now do as I say, insolent brat," she continues.

" _Why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to you?_ " he demands.

Before he realizes he crossed the line, the back of her hand strikes his face and the force turns his head to the other side. The sting of her slap lingers on his skin and his hand grasps his left cheek.

"Shut up. You have no right to speak to me like that," she spits at him. She shoves him back again and he stumbles to the ground.

"Get out of my sight, boy, or I'll hit you harder than your pathetic mother ever could," she threatens.

She walks out of the living room, disappearing into the kitchen. He takes in a sharp breath and pulls himself up. Without another thought, he bolts for the front door, running as far away as possible. He lets his legs control where he goes and his throat feels so tight. He can barely breathe and the hit still resonates throughout his body.

 _i'msuchaweaklingican'tdoanything_

He hears himself beginning to sob and his self-hatred grows stronger.

 _stopbreathingjustdie_

…

"Be careful out there, okay? Have fun with your Kaneki," his father says with a yawn.

Hide nearly spits out his last gulp of water from his cup. "What did you just say? Did you just say, 'your Kaneki'?"

Mr. Nagachika stretches his limbs and smiles. "Maybe. I don't remember."

"You just said it!"

"I'm tired, son. Please let me rest."

Hide shakes his head as he opens the door. "I'll be back in the morning."

"You better," his father hollers as he makes his way to his room.

Hide hops onto his bike and heads down the route he knows by heart to where Kaneki is. He sees that the sun is setting and he hopes he didn't make Kaneki wait too long.

 _Dad really kept me behind longer than I wanted…_

He begins humming a song by the Backstreet Boys to fill the stagnant silence. He looks to his right and spots the old apartment Kaneki used to live in. Further ways down, he then approaches the small park where he had found Kaneki for the first time. A pang of melancholy hits him as he slows down, realizing he and Kaneki hadn't visited this park in a long time, ever since Kaneki's mother passed.

He gets off his bike and wanders towards the park, taking in the new additions to the playground. There's a new swing set and play structure, making this park bigger than when they were younger. As usual, though, around the evening, no child is present.

No one, except…

Next to the good ole sandbox, there is a large, dome-shaped, whale structure that has steel handles on the sides of it so people could climb. Hide scans the stone whale, brown eyes trailing up until he comes upon the person sitting at the top of it. His eyes widen in shock.

"Kaneki…?" he breathes.

Kaneki doesn't hear him. His head is buried in his arms as his knees are tucked to his chest. His face is hidden from view, but right away, Hide knows something bad happened. The blond sets his bike down to the concrete and steps towards his friend, eyes never wavering from him.

"Kaneki!" he yells.

He sees the boy flinch and with hesitance, Kaneki lifts his head. Hide's brows knit in worry when Kaneki reveals his tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes. Automatically, Hide's protective instinct comes into full force and he feels a great energy rising inside him.

"What happened? Who made you cry?" Hide asks. His voice is stern but at the same time, it reveals concern for the half-ghoul.

Kaneki is scared. He shakes his head slowly and holds his knees tighter against him. Hide takes a few more steps forward until he's only a foot away from the whale. He reaches his arms out and his voice is gentle as he speaks.

"Come down, Kaneki. I've got you," he says.

Kaneki unravels himself and scoots to the side where Hide waits. He aims to use the bars to get down, but he pushes himself too far and ends up sliding down too fast. He gasps, thinking he's going to hit the concrete but his breath is knocked from his lungs when Hide's steady arms catch him. As soon as he meets Hide's body, his arms wrap around him instantly, head resting on his shoulder. He feels Hide's breath tickling the side of his neck and a shaky exhale leaves him. His eyes become hot again and everything blurs in his vision. He clings to Hide, letting his body grow heavy against the other.

Kaneki doesn't speak for a while as he quietly lets his pent-up emotions out. Hide feels his right shoulder becoming wet from Kaneki's tears and he tightens his grip on him, wanting to instill his strength into the other. His nose nudges against Kaneki's neck and his frown hardens at how upset his friend is.

His hand strokes his friend's back and he whispers reassurance while Kaneki begins to calm down. As the minutes pass, Hide feels so ready to raise hell.

"Who did it? I swear I'll beat them so hard they won't see daylight for a month," Hide states seriously. His hand grasps the back of Kaneki's head gently, fingers running through the other's black hair.

"Y-You can't…" Kaneki begins to say, his voice hoarse.

"Hell yeah, I can. Remember when I told you I thought kung fu looked awesome? Well, I've secretly been practicing, much to my dad's dismay…"

A short chuckle manages to escape Kaneki as he wipes his nose with his sleeve and Hide grins at that when the half-ghoul pulls back so that they see each other's faces. Hide carefully sets Kaneki down to his feet, though his arms still hold him close.

"You can't, Hide…" Kaneki whispers, his red-rimmed eyes wandering to the side.

Hide's glare hardens and he places a hand on Kaneki's cheek, moving his face so their eyes meet again. "Yes, I can. No one hurts you and gets past me."

Kaneki's watery, grey eyes look so fragile to Hide. The blond's thumb wanders over the other's mouth, grazing over his lips. Soft, pure.

Kaneki's breath is staggered as Hide touches him.

"I'm so angry right now and I don't even know what happened…" Hide mutters his thoughts out loud.

Kaneki feels warmth seeping through his veins. He's hot again, like a sudden fever came on. Hide hypnotizes him, holds him down.

 _He doesn't know what he does to me…_

"My aunt…she…she threw my books away."

Hide's eyes widen. "What? _Seriously_? All of your books?"

Kaneki nods, biting his lip.

"I don't know what to do. Those books were the only things connecting me to my parents. And…and…"

Kaneki gasps sharply when he realizes something else. His pupils constrict again and he moves to get out of Hide's grasp but the other keeps him locked against him.

"Hide, oh my god...I'm so sorry…" He closes his eyes, shaking his head.

"Sorry? For what? There's nothing to apologize for!" Hide exclaims.

"She threw away your manga too. The ones you let me borrow," Kaneki stated, unwilling to meet Hide's eyes.

Hide brushes that off. "Oh, who gives a damn? That ain't important!"

Kaneki looks up slowly in confusion at Hide's indifference.

Hide smiles warmly. "It's not over, Kaneki. I'll help you get those books back. Tonight. Right now."

Kaneki begins to smile, but his brows still wrinkle in doubt. "But, how? I bet my books are long gone now…"

Hide shakes his head and releases Kaneki. "Nah, I know where they are. Or should be anyway. You know that one time when my dad accidentally threw out one of my textbooks?"

Kaneki nods and Hide continues with a chuckle. "Well, I mean _I_ was happy, but my dad did the research and dragged me to the nearest recycling center like there was no tomorrow. We ended up finding it safe and sound." He laughs again at the memory. "You should have seen my dad. I've never seen him so hellbent on finding a book before. Crazy old man…"

Hide then snaps out of it and takes Kaneki's wrist. "Come on, my dude. Let's go to the recycling center right now!"

"You remember where it is?" Kaneki asks as Hide pulls him towards his bike.

"Yeah, I mean I was forced there so I remember it well. Get on, Kaneki. We'll get there faster than you can say 'hopeless,'" Hide says with a grin. He taps the extra seat on his bike and Kaneki sits behind him without another word.

Once he wraps his arms around Hide's waist, he recalls the first time Hide took him along on his bike and his cheeks warm up. A smile breaks through and the weight on his shoulders lessens.

Hide reaches down, squeezing one of Kaneki's hands resting on his stomach. "Ready?"

Kaneki nods eagerly and Hide pedals forward as the sun continues to set on them.

…

It's dark by the time Hide manages to take them to the same recycling center he had been to with his dad.

Right away, Kaneki watches as Hide doesn't hesitate to sprint straight to the first staff member he sees once they come into view of the facility.

Kaneki runs after Hide and he hears the tail-end of their conversation.

"Books? Do you happen to know what address you're referring to?"

Hide spits out the aunt's address in seconds and the man snaps his fingers when he remembers.

"Oh yeah. It sure was a lot of books we collected from there. Yes, we still have them here."

Hide lets out a cheer and he reaches back to pull Kaneki closer. "Those books are very important to my friend and we need to find them. Can you please take us to them?"

The man looks at both boys and nods. "Please follow me."

The man leads them past various sections of the recycling center, and although Kaneki is eager to find his books, he hasn't seen so many trashed items in his life. Hide keeps grasping Kaneki's hand as the two finally get to the book section.

"Aw, man," Hide says as he takes in how many books they're going to have to sift through.

The man gives a sympathetic smile. "We close at 10 PM so I hope you find those books fast. Good luck."

Kaneki's eyes roam the books and he swallows in apprehension. A hand rubs his back and he looks to his side to see Hide gazing at the mountain in front of them.

"We can do this, Kaneki. I know what your books look like. We've got about two hours so let's go!"

Like he's diving into a pool, Hide jumps forward and disappears within the columns of literature. Kaneki rolls his sleeves up and quickly gets to work as well. Without those books, he feels like half of him is gone so he puts in 110 percent of his focus on the task at hand.

 _I have to find Hide's manga as well. I have to!_

The two boys forget about the time as they scavenge the area like starved survivors looking for supplies. It isn't hard to know where Hide is by the flying books in the air as the blond tosses them out of his way. Kaneki takes a neater approach, setting aside stack after stack. He wipes the sweat from his forehead and as time ticks by, his anxiety increases.

A half hour away from closing time, Kaneki's eyes nearly pop out his sockets when his hands brush upon the cover of Hide's manga. He lets out a gasp when he picks it up and finds the three other manga books he borrowed underneath it.

"H-Hide! I found them!"

Hide's head pops up from the other side of the mountain. "What? Where?" he shouts excitedly. He drops whatever books he has in his hands and skips towards Kaneki.

Kaneki holds up Hide's manga with a grin, but to his surprise, Hide barely pays it any mind, only focusing on the exact spot where Kaneki found them.

"This is great! If you found the manga, that means your books must be nearby!" Hide replies and gets back to work without another glance at the manga.

Kaneki's heart swells at the prospect of finding his books and he follows Hide. This time, it doesn't take the two long until they finally come upon the stacks of Kaneki's books hidden behind three other massive piles.

"Eureka! We found the treasure!" Hide exclaims like he is captain of a ship.

Kaneki places a hand over his mouth and trembles as he grabs one of his books and holds it to his chest. "Oh, thank goodness…I thought I lost you forever dad…" he says quietly, a few happy tears rolling down his cheeks.

Hide watches Kaneki grasping his books tightly like they are his blood and a wave of relief flows through him. He places a warm hand on the top of his friend's head and ruffles the soft, black hair. "I'm so glad…"

Kaneki lifts his head up at Hide and drops his book, throwing his arms around the other's neck in a vice grip. Hide nearly chokes but manages to laugh through Kaneki's tight embrace.

"Thank you, Hide. Thank you so much! I don't know what I would do without you," Kaneki says to him. He pulls back, eyes on Hide's chest before they trail up to meet his brown gaze. His hand lingers on Hide's neck.

"I really mean that…" he says quietly and Hide sees that look in Kaneki's eyes again. The one that makes Hide nervous as Kaneki looks at him like he's so much more than life.

Hide smiles, his hand reaching up to brush Kaneki's bangs aside. "It's nothing. I'm happy when you're happy."

Kaneki's eyes widen at those words and Hide's temperature rises. Hide steps back and scratches the back of his head, breaking eye contact.

Kaneki's mouth drops open and he wants to say more. But he can't.

"Any luck, boys?"

The two are interrupted by the man from earlier, who comes around in the nick of time.

"Success!" Hide replies in excitement while Kaneki holds up one of his books with a wide smile.

"Well, would you look at that. Great job, boys!" the man says with his hands on his hips. The man glances at his watch.

"And you two barely made it. It's closing time now. I'm sure you both will need a ride home with those books. I presume the address you said earlier is the one?"

After expressing their gratitude, the boys waste no time in carrying the books over to the man's pickup truck. The man also helps get Hide's bike into the open trunk and then removes the cap from his head to wipe off his sweat.

"Unfortunately, there's no room in the front where I'll be. You boys don't mind riding along with your stuff, do ya?" the man asks.

Kaneki shakes his head and Hide grins. "It's actually more fun that way. Thanks again," Hide replies.

The man pulls down the front of the trunk, allowing the boys to climb aboard. Hide goes in first and he turns to grab Kaneki's arm to help him up. Once everything is settled, the man starts the truck and they ride off into the late night.

The two of them are seated in a way in which they are facing each other. They don't say anything for the first few moments of the ride. Kaneki grabs one of his books from a stack and brushes his hand over the cover, smiling to himself and opening it to examine the pages. Hide rests on the other side of the truck, his arms splayed against the metal. He leans his head back and enjoys the breeze blowing past his face. The boys jolt up from time to time whenever the truck runs over bumps in the road.

Hide then directs his eyes on his friend, who is already staring back at him. When Kaneki sees Hide looking at him, he quickly turns his gaze down at the book in his lap.

"Does she hit you, like your mom did?"

Kaneki doesn't move an inch, his eyes frozen wide open at his words. His heart beats hard and his fingers clench onto the cover of his book.

Hide's words shoot straight through like an arrow. Of course, he knew. He saw the bruises when he was younger, yet he didn't say anything because he knew it would make him uncomfortable.

Kaneki puts a hand up to his left cheek and Hide narrows his eyes at his action. "It's the first time she hit me…"

Hide leans forward. "I wanted to say something, you know. I hated having to keep quiet…" he admits in a low tone.

Kaneki shuts his eyes. "It's okay, Hide. I'm used to it."

"And you think it's okay to just take it? Well, I can't. I don't like seeing you get hurt." Hide sighs heavily and he clasps his hands together. "I feel powerless…"

"Hide…" Kaneki shakes his head at those words. "You don't even know…"

"I know what you're doing. Don't try and convince me that you're okay-"

"No…" Kaneki crawls over next to Hide and places his hand over Hide's.

"You're the one who has more power than me. You give me strength, Hide. Did you think I could make it this far if you weren't here?"

Hide looks at him solemnly. "I don't know…but…"

Kaneki gently grasps the left side of Hide's face. Hide doesn't move as Kaneki draws closer to his right. He blushes deep red as his eyes close and he presses his lips softly against Hide's cheek. He smells Hide's comforting scent and the rest of his senses are on fire. He thinks he should stop, but he ends up lingering a little longer than he intended before he pulls away. His entire face is pink by the time it's over.

Hide turns to him, his brown eyes glittering in wonder. Kaneki's eyes don't stray from his and Hide feels his insides burn at this rare show of boldness in his friend.

"I'll always be okay when I know you're with me," Kaneki says with a wide smile.

Hide takes in this sight in front of him. His friend's flushed cheeks, genuine smile, grey eyes that tell him something more.

A smirk crosses Hide's lips and his brown eyes darken. "Be careful with what you do with me, Kaneki."

Kaneki's lips part and Hide stares at the action. "What do you mean?" he asks and Hide can tell he's playing innocent.

Kaneki yelps in surprise when Hide throws himself at him, pushing him down. Kaneki shuts his eyes momentarily and when he opens them, Hide's body is lying on top of his. Their legs are intertwined and when Hide leans closer, their chests press together. Hide holds himself up with his arms on either side of Kaneki's head.

Kaneki can barely breathe as Hide stares down at him with a look in his eyes that makes Kaneki unbearably hotter than ever. He's still flushed all over and it worsens when Hide trails his fingers down from his mouth, to his chin, and to his neck.

"H-Hide…" he whispers between breaths.

Hide lowers himself and Kaneki's heart beats so loud it deafens his ears. The blond stops so that his face is a mere inch from his. But before Kaneki could react, Hide opts to rest his head onto his chest, listening to the drumming his heart plays.

"Be careful with what you're getting into."

Hide's voice is deeper than usual as he speaks.

Kaneki's heart refuses to calm down. His eyes focus on the top of Hide's head, the other's face hidden from his point of view. His hands run through and stay in the blond, messy hair.

He doesn't want to play it safe.

…

Kaneki relishes the look of pure shock on his aunt's face when he and Hide stand in front of her door as she opens it. Kaneki's books are displayed right in the middle of them, like a literal slap to her face.

"Well, ma'am. Would you look at that? We found all of Kaneki's books. And guess what?" Hide states with no fear. His hands rest on his hips with the most confidence Kaneki has seen in his friend.

She narrows her eyes in annoyance at his loud voice.

"You threw my books out too with all of his, ya know? If it wasn't for our hard work, my father wouldn't be too pleased knowing I lost those books for good. He'd definitely demand for payback. In cash," Hide says with a cheeky grin, his fingers rubbing together in her face.

She scoffs and pushes his hand away. She keeps her arms crossed and Hide's face turns serious.

"I want you to apologize to your nephew. _Now_ ," Hide commands.

She glares at Hide but gives in when she notices the dark look in Hide's eyes. Her scowl deepens and she doesn't spare Kaneki a glance as she mutters a flippant apology.

"And if you throw his books out again, you know that I'm going to find them every time," Hide adds with a mocking shrug of his shoulders.

"Get out of my face, boy. I don't care. Just do whatever," she finally spits back and then stomps away into her house.

Kaneki gawks at his friend in awe and Hide beams at him. "You're not going to lose these again, buddy."

"Hide…" Kaneki says. His books pale in comparison to the boy next to him. He steps closer, his hands reaching up to clasp Hide's face.

Hide continues to grin brighter than the sun and Kaneki moves closer so that their noses touch. He doesn't care if his cousin or aunt sees him touching his friend.

On that night, Kaneki knows for sure that he can never love another person as much as he loves Hide.

He is thirteen when he seals a vow to himself. A vow that no matter the circumstance, his heart, body, and soul belong to Hide only.

* * *

 ***The scenario of Kaneki's aunt throwing away his books and Hide helping Kaneki to get them back is based on one of the chapters from the official novel called _Tokyo Ghoul: Past_. Otherwise, everything else comes from moi. Thanks for the support so far! :)**


	8. Flame

High school – some may say this is one of the worst, if not the worst, key points of a person's lifetime. The boys enter their first year of high school at fifteen and, already, Kaneki can understand the reason why people say so.

More friendships fall. Love is weak, not real. Relationships are hardly ever taken seriously. Some classmates change. They become someone completely different from who they were in middle school. Some are meaner than ever. Some reveal sides of themselves no one knew until now.

At these revelations, Kaneki feels even more blessed that he found someone long ago who still stays by his side through it all. He has someone that he loves with his entire being, and he knows it's real. With each year that passes, his feelings only grow stronger. It makes it harder for him to hide. It scares him.

Many times, he's wanted to explode because of how hard he has fallen. He's come so close to telling him, but every time, his throat catches and he ends up choking. He can't do it. He just can't.

Usually, it makes him feel so good and tingly inside. He loves loving him. It makes him happy.

But recently, his feelings are starting to get back at him. His urges to confess shrink further away within the darkness of his mind.

Hide keeps mentioning girls. Talking to them so freely, _flirting_. He smiles so brightly as they laugh.

He gets so mad inside when he sees this. This is what his feelings do to him, controlling him and turning him into such a possessive monster. He hates himself.

Then sadness sinks him down.

Love is a double-edged sword.

He knows it more and more as his friend gives his attention to others.

His feelings cut deep wounds, but they don't fade. Only growing and killing him when he knows he can't control how his friend feels. Of course, he can't.

* * *

He's stuck with a constant tugging in his chest, daydreaming to the point where he could lose himself from reality forever. Yet it ends too fast.

He sighs deeply, fingers absently running down the open book on his desk.

This is the first time he and Hide are in different homerooms since elementary school, making it so that he can hardly see his friend until the day is over or during some breaks in which Hide would sneak out of his classroom.

 _Pathetic_ , he thinks to himself. He feels like a weakling because being away from his friend every school day leaves him lonely, even when he knows he'll see him soon enough anyway. He ends up burying himself more and more into his books.

Though sometimes, there is one person who greets him. The first girl who had ever complimented his reading.

He looks up from his book when he hears footsteps stomping into the room. He's usually one of the first few people to arrive in the classroom so he can't help but observe his classmates' arrival times to lecture. He notices the girl comes in later than normal. Her face has a deep frown, like she is annoyed. Kaneki narrows his eyes at seeing her unusual expression, as she is mostly cheerful. He doesn't have to wait long for an answer when he notices _those boys_ following from behind her.

"Go away. How many times do I have to tell you?" she snaps. She twirls to face the main boy of the gang after slamming her books down on her desk.

The boy begins to say things that don't matter to Kaneki, but as he continues, the girl becomes increasingly frustrated. He can see tears forming in her eyes.

"Stop, just stop!" she repeats. The boy is persistent, and he grabs both of her arms to keep her from moving away.

Kaneki looks around and notices the other classmates shrinking away from the escalating display. He has the instinct to continue ignoring as well, but something inside him urges him to act otherwise. His eyes read the same line over and over in his novel. His hand grips into a fist.

"Why you gotta be so dramatic? Come on…"

"I said, _no_."

The boy suddenly shoves her, causing her to fall to the ground and a round of gasps to erupt in the room. Her body trembles and when she lifts her head up, Kaneki can see the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Tch, you're such a crybaby. Stand up," the boy barks at her.

When the girl refuses to do as he says, he begins to reach for her. Just as his arm goes to take hold of her, Kaneki slaps his hand away, taking him and his friends by surprise.

Kaneki can't believe what he's doing. Something inside him snapped. He was just at his desk and next thing he knew, the adrenaline collected through his veins and here he is, standing in front of the bully that's tormented many of the students in school, including him.

His eyes pierce through the boy.

"Leave her alone," he says. He is shocked to find his voice sounds strong.

" _Excuse me?_ " the boy demands and immediately shoves Kaneki back as well.

Kaneki doesn't fall, though he bumps into the desk behind him. His eyes blink fast at the contact, but his glare doesn't go away.

"Mind your own fucking business," the boy spits. He jabs his fingers into Kaneki's chest. "Get out of my way," he commands.

Kaneki blocks his words out and begins to turn around to face the girl, but the mere action does not sit well with the boy. He takes hold of the front of Kaneki's uniform and yanks him close so that the boy's face is mere inches from his.

"Are you deaf, _Kaneki_?" he says his name with complete disgust. He shakes Kaneki to get a reaction out of him.

Kaneki remains silent and averts his gaze away from the bully. The boy clicks his tongue and shoves Kaneki back again. The boy takes a step forward, ready to do some more damage when the homeroom teacher enters the classroom, much to the relief of the other students watching the drama.

"What's going on here? Get back to your homeroom or you'll be late!" the teacher scolds the bully instantly.

The bully swears under his breath and he bumps his shoulder hard against Kaneki as he walks past him towards the exit, his crew of boys following close behind him. The teacher then gives further instructions to get the class started. Kaneki exhales, fixing his collar and flattening the creases from his shirt. He turns to the girl, who is already getting back on her feet.

He clears his throat. "Um…a-are you okay?" he asks softly.

She wipes her eyes and breathes in before smiling at him. "I'm fine. Thank you, Kaneki. You didn't have to do that."

He shrugs, scratching his cheek. "Well…I couldn't just keep watching."

Her smile widens, and she places a hand on his shoulder. "You're so sweet. I'm sorry that they got rough with you too."

"I'm…used to it…" Kaneki says. His gaze turns solemn, directed towards the floor.

"Kaneki! Yuko! Please be seated, class is starting!" the teacher commands.

Yuko whispers her gratitude once again before retreating to her spot. Kaneki slowly returns to his desk and he rubs his chin in thought.

…

Kaneki is at peace when he's watching him. In the school gymnasium, Hide decides to try out for the basketball team as his first after-school activity in high school. Kaneki presses his fingers against his lips, gnawing at them while he stares at Hide's every move. Witnessing Hide's energy and his bright smile, he feels the rush of euphoria overwhelming him again and he smiles. His heart skips a beat when Hide looks right at him. As their eyes lock, Hide grins and waves at him like a hyperactive child. Kaneki chuckles lightly and he waves back. Hide's grin turns to a smirk as he winks at Kaneki and then he gets back into formation with his team.

Kaneki looks down at his sketchbook in his lap and flips through the pages that holds drawings since his middle school days. He almost needs a new one as he had been practicing all those years. Aside from reading, it proves cathartic for him to capture his feelings down on paper. He stops near the end of the sketchbook, on a particular drawing that he had finished just the night before. It is one he is most proud of, the fondest of.

Anyone looking at this portrait may understand the care and dedication put into each stroke. Kaneki's eyes study the portrait of his best friend, one he had been working on for who knows how long. He had not been satisfied with his earlier drafts and often hesitated to finish from time to time. But he knows his feelings won't let him give up. The finished product shows his friend gazing out to the distance with his trademark, brilliant beam on his face. Kaneki feels his cheeks warm up and he hides his smile behind his hand clasped over his mouth.

 _I want to show him…_

He wonders about Hide's reaction and embarrassment floods him.

 _He'll think I'm such a creep…_

He looks up at his best friend scrambling across the gym. The sounds of sneakers squeaking against the shiny floor and exuberant cheers echo throughout. He notices girls on the other set of bleachers opposite from his side, seeing Mei is there and cheering Hide on.

His mind darkens, and his eyes change to match. The grey of his irises loses its glow.

 _Who am I kidding._

Kaneki drowns in his morbid thoughts. He barely registers the motion when his open sketchbook is suddenly snatched from him. He looks down in shock and then turns around to see _him._ The boy from earlier.

"What the hell? Holy shit…" the boy says. He examines the portrait of his best friend and when the boy realizes who it resembles, his jaw drops, and his eyes already show nothing but mockery towards Kaneki.

Kaneki acts immediately, standing to his feet and his arms stretch out to take the notebook back. The boy dangles it out of his reach. He pushes Kaneki and the half-ghoul stumbles over the bleachers, falling harshly on his bottom.

The noise from the game and the cheering cancels out the commotion happening between him and the boy.

The boy smirks and he steps away from Kaneki, making his way down the bleachers. He continues swaying the sketchbook between his fingers, taunting him to follow. Before he knows it, the boy jets out of the gym, escaping in a blink of an eye.

Kaneki's heart races in panic and he pushes past people as he climbs down the bleachers and towards where the boy ran to. The other side of him takes over, his left eye flashing red for a split second. His blood boils and he growls in frustration. The scent of the boy reaches his nose and he follows it like a wolf. His fingers ache and he has the violent urge to unleash his power.

His senses lead him to the rooftop of the school building. Right away, he hears that boy and his crew laughing and jeering like hooligans. His hands clench at his sides and he strides towards them with no fault in his step.

"Well, well, if it ain't our favorite home boy," the bully announces. He snickers and points a finger at Kaneki's face. "Or should I really call you a _man_?"

His friends howl at that comment, some of them doubling over from how hard they laugh. Kaneki can feel himself getting hotter, but he doesn't cower.

"Give. It. Back," Kaneki says sternly. His gaze is cold and sharp towards the boy in front of him.

"I just wanted a look. Come on, Kaneki, you're damn talented. I mean check out these sweet drawings. We got an artist in the house, everyone!"

He pulls the sketchbook out from under his arm, waving it for his boys to see.

The boy turns back and gives a sarcastic grin. "But I gotta say, this one…aw man…"

Kaneki's eyes widen when he sees that the boy had ripped out the portrait of his friend from the book. The other boys jeer, louder than before.

"This one has gotta be my favorite. Ain't Nagachika so handsome on paper, y'all?" the boy turns to his friends again.

The other boys wolf-whistle in response.

"He sure is!"

"Didn't realize what a hottie he is!"

The main guy laughs. "I mean, don't you just want to swoon? That is, of course..."

His voice turns serious, menacing. "If you're a fucking _faggot_."

The other boys cackle so loud, it deafens him. Kaneki feels his throat go dry. He swallows and hates that he senses a lump forming from his growing emotions. His eyes begin to water, causing his vision to blur.

Kaneki steps forward and reaches for the drawing. " _Give it back now!_ "

"No way!" The boy punches Kaneki in the stomach, causing him to double over and fall to his knees from the impact.

Kaneki clenches his teeth and he watches as the boy steps backwards. The boy reaches in his back pocket and to his horror, the boy pulls out a lighter.

"This is what happens when you get in my way, Kaneki. You should have just minded your own business. I mean, what do you care about defending a hot chick? You're hard for boys only, right?" the boy continues to taunt him.

"Please…don't…" Kaneki's voice gives out on him, turning to a helpless whisper.

"Watch. All your feelings for Nagachika, burning right here," the boy says.

With that, the boy ignites the lighter and holds the small flame to the portrait of his friend.

Kaneki's eyes widen further, his mouth unable to form any words. He is blind to all but the fire that appears like a demon in his view. The edges of black eat away at the paper too fast. The drawing he worked so hard on disappears inch by inch. Hide's smile crumbles, leaving his soul crushed along with it.

Everything moves in slow motion to him. The boys' voices garble in his mind. They sound like the voices of his nightmares. The ones that bug him like maggots on rotten meat. The ones that tell him he's worthless, reminding him that neither of his parents ever loved him. _They abandoned him_.

 _What did I tell you?_ He hears his mother's voice tormenting him again. _Nothing good ever comes from loving a human. Even less so when you love_ him _. Why did you turn out this way, boy? Why are you such a fuck up?_

His chest tightens, constricting him, choking him. It hurts. It hurts so bad.

 _How can it be wrong, mom? Why is it so wrong?_

"Oh, look, our little boy is crying!" the guy hollers.

There he goes again. Kaneki couldn't stop his emotions from taking over as the last bit of the drawing vanishes into nothing but black, burnt specks. It scatters to the ground in front of him like snow. Snow that cuts through him without mercy.

Mindlessly, Kaneki lunges forward and he bites into the boy's arm, his teeth digging in through the cloth of his sleeve as tears continue staining his cheeks.

"Ow, shit! Get off me!" the boy shouts. He punches Kaneki's face multiple times to try and shake him off. Kaneki takes the blows and his teeth don't let him go. He can taste the boy's blood entering his mouth and he chews harder.

Out of nowhere, one of the other boys kicks him hard in his lower back. Kaneki winces, giving the boy the opportunity to strike him in the chest. Kaneki is forced to let go when the other boys rip him off the main. The back of his head slams against the concrete as the boys pin him to the ground. Kaneki struggles against their advances but with all of them ganging up on him and his emotions getting the best of his mind, he feels his burst of energy slipping away.

Kaneki's lips are tainted with the boy's blood. The boy hisses in pain and he pulls his sleeve up to reveal the nasty bite wound.

"You little shit. You asked for it!"

The boy stalks over to Kaneki's form lying on the ground. Two boys restrain his arms and Kaneki begins to sit up despite their grip. The main boy grabs below Kaneki's jaw and shoves him back down. His knees press on Kaneki's thighs, keeping him further immobile.

Kaneki's breathing picks up speed as he starts to realize what's going to happen. His eyes dart all over, trying to figure a way out of this.

He desperately wants to use his power.

" _No_ … _no_ …" he whispers.

The boy grins at him. It burns in Kaneki's frazzled mind.

"Let me show you. Let me show you what a real man looks like."

Kaneki hears the boy unzipping his pants and his eyes avoid the boy at all costs. The hand gripping his neck tightens and Kaneki can barely breathe.

 _ohgodohgodohgodpleaseNONONONONO_

"Are you gonna scream for him? Well, too bad. He doesn't give a shit about you."

He feels fingers crawling under the hem of his shirt. He wants to vomit. His eyes sting and he can't see anything. He hates that all that makes sense to him now are the boy's touches.

He shuts his eyes and tries as hard as possible to think of anything else.

As he begins to withdraw from the world, something happens.

His eyes snap back open when he feels no more weight on his legs. The boy cries out and Kaneki spots someone aggressively yanking the boy off him and throwing him aside like a piece of trash. Kaneki's eyes widen when he sees the one who did it.

"Holy shit, it's Nagachika…" one of the boys restraining him states in disbelief.

Hide's back faces Kaneki for a moment, the blond's bare arms flexed in hard tension, his fists balling to the point where his knuckles are white. Hide then whips around and Kaneki shivers at the enraged expression on his friend's face. He has never seen Hide look so furious.

" _Get the fuck off him!_ " Hide shouts at the remaining followers holding Kaneki down. The boys jolt and release Kaneki out of shock, backing away from the two. They scurry back towards their leader's side.

The leader cackles at Hide as the blond walks towards him. "Oh boy, this is good. I didn't expect you to come to the damsel's rescue," the boy says, zipping his pants back up in a prideful manner that infuriates Hide further.

" _You fucking asshole_."

Kaneki pulls himself up, his eyes staying on Hide. His friend's voice has no hint of the warmth he is used to. He almost sounds like a different person.

"Damn, Nagachika, you have no clue, do you?" the boy says mockingly.

Hide says nothing, his brown eyes void of any apparent emotion. His jaw clenches as the boy nears his face.

"I gotta know man, are you the same?" the boy asks. He turns to the other boys. "What do you guys think?"

They shout nonsensical words, some of them making suggestive motions.

"And another thing…" The boy throws a hard jab at Hide's face straight on, causing the blond to turn to the side. Drops of blood splatter on the ground as Hide's nose suffers, gushing red in an instant.

"Hide!" Kaneki shouts in alarm.

The boys laugh, mimicking the way Kaneki calls for him.

Hide pulls himself straight and then in the next second, his right fist smashes into the boy's face, causing him to stumble several feet back.

Hide takes steps closer as the other boys help their leader steady himself. Hide stares the boy down like he's a wriggling worm, his nose still bleeding down his chin.

The boy shoves his friends away and staggers towards Hide until he's only a foot away. The boy spits out blood, saliva dripping down his lip. The two stare each other down for a few moments until the boy lets out a low chuckle.

"You know…I didn't really think this through. To have you coming here and now that I screwed with your face…" The boy shakes his head. "Mei's never gonna speak to me. But like I'll let that shit happen."

The boy's eyes stray to Kaneki, who stares at Hide like he's the only one there. He narrows his eyes and then his hand reaches out, grabbing hold of Hide's jaw like he did with Kaneki.

"I can't keep wasting my time on weak-ass wimps like you two. Have fun with your toy, Nagachika."

Hide shrugs out of his grip. " _Get out of here_ ," he snaps.

The boy scoffs and then dares to touch Hide's face again, slapping the left side. "Have fun bleeding."

Hide keeps his glare on them as they retreat in a rush. A dead silence envelops them and the smell of burned paper lingers in the cool air. Hide turns around immediately.

"Kaneki!" Hide gets down to his knees, reaching for his friend like his life depends on it.

"Hey…" Kaneki replies with a small smile.

Hide's brows crease with worry as he examines the damage. Any evidence of bruising has already healed from Kaneki's face due to his ghoul ability to heal fast. Despite that, Hide knows better. Kaneki's eyes are dull and dead, reflecting what could have happened if he had not made it in time.

Kaneki feels guilty seeing the deep concern on Hide's face. He tries to look away but Hide grabs hold of his face, keeping their eyes connected.

"I should have got here faster. Damn it…" Hide says. He rests his forehead against Kaneki's. The warmth from Hide triggers Kaneki's emotions to strike back and he swallows hard.

"I'm happy you came at all…don't feel bad," Kaneki assures him gently.

Hide shakes his head and he pulls away. He grips his forehead, his fingers clenching through his hair. "If I was even a second later…he was gonna…"

Kaneki bites his lip and looks down to compose himself. When he lifts his head, he focuses on the stream of blood marring Hide's face. He moves closer and his left hand grips Hide's shirt while his right holds his friend's left cheek.

His kakugan appears just as Hide meets his eyes. Hide holds his breath in surprise while Kaneki comes in, his lips only a centimeter away from his mouth. The blond dares not to make a move, remaining as still as a statue. He feels Kaneki's warm breath brushing his mouth and then, a wet sensation. Kaneki's soft tongue licks over his lips and slowly down to his chin, pulling back up to below his nose. Kaneki can hear his heart drumming hard in his ears as he tastes Hide's fresh blood for the first time. His cheeks feel on fire, but the ghoul side of him doesn't let up. Kaneki lets out a small, shaky breath as he intentionally drags out the time despite cleaning all remnants of blood.

His tongue roams over the side of Hide's mouth once more before withdrawing. He keeps his eyes focused on the ground, afraid to see Hide's immediate reaction. Hide does not pressure him to look up, but Kaneki misses the flash of a new emotion present in Hide's gaze. His brown eyes show an intensity that awakens something within himself and he can't break away from it. In response, his hand reaches for Kaneki's, his fingers curling securely over the other.

Kaneki automatically leans forward, resting his forehead against Hide's chest. The sweat formed from the competitive game still stays on Hide's warm skin. Because of it, Hide's scent is stronger than before, and it dizzies Kaneki. He feels intoxicated along with something more intense.

Hide's scent and the taste of his blood coating his tongue - thick, hot, and strong. It excites him in a way he hasn't been before. It worsens when Hide wraps his exposed arm around his waist, the white tank top Hide wears revealing more of his flesh than Kaneki usually sees.

His entire body is on fire. _He wants him_.

…

Kaneki remains flushed in the face like he's in a constant fever while he watches Hide bending over the bathroom sink. The blond washes his bruised face and when he turns around, Kaneki can't stop staring at Hide's lean frame and his collarbones damp with water.

"Shit, I'm still bleeding. That asshole really got me…" Hide says nasally while he pinches his nose with a wad of paper towels.

He notices Kaneki hasn't taken his eyes off him once and he smiles warmly. When he sees red coloring Kaneki's cheeks, it makes his heart swell. He wants to protect Kaneki all the time, touch him. He fulfills his need, walking closer and letting his hand rest on his soft black hair before thumbing his warm cheek and letting his hand stay there.

"Tell me, Kaneki. Does it bother you when I touch you like this? Push me away if you want to, okay? Don't let people take advantage of you. Including me," Hide says, his voice slightly hoarse.

Kaneki's brows furrow slightly and he shakes his head, grasping Hide's hand on his face. "What are you saying? I _want_ you to touch me…"

Hide's eyes darken at his words and Kaneki licks his lips. Hide lets his hand wander downward to Kaneki's neck, his fingers grasping the back of it. Kaneki gazes at Hide's reddened nose and his parted lips and he recalls how his tongue tasted him mere moments ago. The air is suddenly too heavy between them. He only smells Hide all around him. His head spins but he doesn't mind.

Hide sighs and he pulls away, leaning back against the sink. He puts the wad of bloody paper towel to his nose again.

"I can't believe those assholes picked on you just for defending Yuko. Your sketchbook's okay, right?" Hide asks in the comically nasal voice again.

Kaneki's eyes wander to his sketchbook lying on top of their backpacks and his chest constricts, thinking of his favorite work burning to ashes.

"Well…" Kaneki starts, his fingers wandering to his chin.

"Don't try and hide anything, dude. Spill it," Hide cuts in.

"I…I don't know…it really upsets me to even think about…" Kaneki confesses. He rubs his eye, feeling moisture as it smears on his hand.

Hide says nothing, waiting patiently while Kaneki takes a few deep breaths.

"I had been drawing something for a long while. It was special to me. I had finished it yesterday, but he took it from me and…" Kaneki sniffs and squeezes his arm. "He burned it right in front of me."

Hide throws away his paper towels and the look of fury crosses his face again. "What the hell…?"

Kaneki doesn't speak for a moment and Hide steps toward him. Hide's mouth drops open and he whispers, "I'm so sorry…"

"I wanted to show you too…after the game was over." Kaneki meets his eyes, cheeks blooming pink at what could have been.

"What did you draw? I mean, for him to _burn_ it…"

Kaneki reaches for Hide's hand, his palms sweating as he grips his fingers.

"It was a drawing of you," Kaneki says, his voice stronger than before.

Hide's eyes widen and Kaneki smiles. Hide's fingers move to interlock with Kaneki's and the half-ghoul gasps when he sees, for the first time, water forming in Hide's brown eyes. Hide chuckles, his grin breaking through. He releases Kaneki's hand, placing both of his on either side of Kaneki's face and leans forward until their foreheads meet.

Kaneki breathes in Hide's exhales as the blond closes his eyes and feels his friend's body pressing onto him. Hide nuzzles his forehead against Kaneki's. The half-ghoul keeps his eyes glued on his love, heart reaching for the other until their pulses match.

"I really wish I could've seen it…"

Kaneki clutches Hide's hand. "I know…but it just means I get to draw you all over again. I'm happy to do it."

Hide pulls back slightly so that Kaneki can see his brown eyes still glazed with unshed tears.

"I should have punched him twice then…" Hide offers.

Kaneki holds Hide's knuckles in front of his mouth, his lips grazing against them like flower petals. Hide's heart pounds and he feels himself burning up inside as he fights his urges that only the half-ghoul triggers every time.

He wonders how much longer he can withstand his temptations.

* * *

"Still using the lame way of attaining food, huh?"

Nishiki messes his hair up as he walks past to sit on one of the old crates in the alley way. Kaneki rolls his eyes and then fixes his hair, turning around to see Nishiki sitting on a tower of crates, his arms crossed behind his head.

"It's better for me…and it's nice to help Yoshimura out. You should stop by Anteiku sometime, you know?" Kaneki suggests.

Nishiki shrugs. "I dunno. Maybe. Just hope you're not rusty when it comes to fighting."

Kaneki stares down at his hand and clenches it. "I'll only fight when absolutely necessary."

"Yeah, yeah, you're boring as hell. And because you're so boring, you missed out on something the other ghouls and I discovered last week."

Kaneki narrows his eyes as Nishiki rummages in his backpack and pulls out something that shines when he turns it over in his hands.

"Here." Nishiki bends down, holding out the piece for Kaneki to take.

Once Kaneki has it in his hands, he examines the object and finds it looks like a blade with a texture that feels familiar.

"What…is this? It looks like a weapon of some sort…"

"Yeah, a weapon to hunt ghouls. From one of them officers who attack and detain us," Nishiki says with a serious expression.

Kaneki exchanges glances with Nishiki. "This looks like a broken piece though…"

"Yup. We found shattered pieces of the weapon. You know these things are made from the kakuhou of ghouls they've hunted. And you know how human weapons don't really work on us?"

Kaneki nods slowly and Nishiki continues. "Best be careful with that. It can seriously hurt you like a knife would to a human. It won't heal as fast."

"Wait, you're giving this to me?" Kaneki asks.

Nishiki smirks. "Sure. Think of it as a souvenir. And as a warning to watch your back."

"O-Okay…um…thank you?"

Nishiki gives a small smile and Kaneki stows the piece away in his own backpack. He notices Kaneki smiling to himself when the half-ghoul's hand brushes against the book that Hide gave to him on his seventh birthday. It's been almost a decade since he's been friends with Hide, a decade for his feelings to grow to the point where it's harder to keep inside himself every day.

Nishiki's lips curl upwards in a smug expression. "So, how's high school been, Kaneki?"

Kaneki shrugs. "It's starting off rough…but hopefully it gets better…"

"In your dreams, dude. Did you know I'm attending school now too?"

Kaneki looks up wide-eyed at him. "What? Really? Since when?"

"Since this school year started. After being fucking homeschooled all these years by my damn sister, she finally enrolled me into a real school."

"Which school?"

Nishiki laughs. "You and Nagachika really need to get your eyes checked."

Kaneki gasps. "You're enrolled in the same high school as us?"

Nishiki leans further against the brick wall behind him. "That's right, moron. Better say hi to me if you idiots see me."

Kaneki chuckles and nods his head. Nishiki snorts and then speaks up again. "Speaking of Nagachika, have you confessed your feelings for him yet?"

Kaneki chokes on his own saliva and begins to cough violently once he registers Nishiki's abrupt statement. Nishiki shakes his head. "Man, how thick of a skull do you have? So damn dense."

Kaneki holds his chest, his face red from the coughing fit and realizing Nishiki knows his secret. "H-How… What makes you think I have feelings for _Hide_?"

"Shut up, man. I know all. And I've known you liked him since that time when you asked me about crushes and shit. Remember?"

Kaneki feels himself blushing and he holds his cheeks, overwhelmed.

"You still like him, right?"

Kaneki pauses and then lifts his head up. Nishiki's mouth opens slightly when he finds his answer through the way Kaneki's eyes look.

"Of all people, why'd you have to fall for that loud idiot?"

Kaneki smiles, thinking of his friend and feeling warmth flood him instantly. "I guess we don't get to choose who we fall for…"

"Then what the hell are you waiting for? You've been pining after the idiot for almost ten years."

Nishiki shushes him when Kaneki sputters, adding another point. "Yeah, that's right. I also know you've liked that sucker since pretty much the beginning of time. It's true, don't deny it."

Kaneki holds his face again. "It's so embarrassing when you say it out loud like that."

"Stop wasting time, Kaneki. If you don't tell him, you're going to lose him."

Kaneki's feels his heart jolt at those words and he frowns. "Since when were you such an advocate for relationships between humans and ghouls?"

"I'm not. But despite how annoying you and Nagachika are, I want to see you guys happy. Is that a crime?" Nishiki replies.

"I can't. It's not fair to Hide…" Kaneki says.

"What do you mean? That's bullshit."

"It's not bullshit. Hide's more social than me and he has other friends. _Girls_ that are interested in him." Kaneki bites his lip as he thinks about the way Hide smiles at the girls in school. "Hide's been with me all this time and it's just not fair if I put my feelings out there. He should be allowed the freedom to find who he wants to be with…"

Kaneki hugs his backpack tighter against his chest. "Hide will find happiness with someone else and…I'll be happy no matter what."

Nishiki stares at him for a moment. "Liar."

"I'm not lying!" Kaneki snaps.

"Kaneki, I don't think you're even aware of how deep your feelings are for that guy."

The half-ghoul stays silent and Nishiki knows he's trying to avoid the topic.

"Just think, are you really gonna be able to take it if Hide falls for someone else?"

Kaneki hides his mouth behind his backpack, his eyes glazed over.

Nishiki sighs, gazing up at the afternoon sky. "You gotta be selfish when it comes to this. That's what my sister says…"

* * *

He can barely focus. His nerves are on edge, a reaction no other boy in his class would have if they had been in his shoes mere moments ago. He's already standing next to Hide's bike outside the school, eagerly waiting to see the first hint of blond hair amongst the students.

He doesn't expect it when his vision is suddenly blackened. Over his eyes, a pair of hands blocks his sights and right away, Kaneki knows who it is.

"Hide?" he asks softly.

"Aw, dang it! You just know everything about me, don't ya?" Hide states with a laugh.

He ruffles Kaneki's hair before playfully pressing his mouth against the back of his head. The action causes Kaneki to turn tomato red and he whips around in an instant, gazing at Hide with no sign of annoyance like the blond thought. All he sees in Kaneki's expression warms his chest - those grey eyes cherish him, and he doesn't understand why. Words are lost on his tongue.

"Hide…something happened," Kaneki begins.

Hide turns serious and he takes Kaneki's shoulders right away. "What happened? Is it those assholes again?"

Kaneki gives a small smile at Hide's protective instinct. "No, it's not that. It's just…"

"Just what?"

"A girl…asked me to hang out with her."

Deep inside him, he wants to see a hint of something. A hint of that evil emotion he feels when he sees Hide with another girl. He wishes to see it so bad in those brown eyes he adores.

But there's nothing. Only joy and excitement for him. He's so cruel to feel disappointment when he knows Hide would support him. He always will.

 _But not like this…_

"Really? Like a date, right? A real date? Who asked you?" Hide fires questions at him. His hands grip Kaneki's shoulders to show how thrilled he is for his friend.

Kaneki buries his inner thoughts and forces a smile. "Yeah…it was Yuko. I don't think she likes me like that though…"

"Are you kidding? Why wouldn't she? You're amazing, Kaneki! Any girl would be lucky to go out with you. And Yuko? She's a sweet girl. I approve 100 percent!" Hide exclaims. A big grin stays on his face and he shakes Kaneki back and forth.

Kaneki laughs nervously and scratches his cheek. "I really think she's just trying to thank me…"

Hide groans and throws his arm around Kaneki's shoulders. "Come on, man, _carpe diem_! Just think, this could be your first step to getting an awesome girlfriend! You could beat me to getting one first for all I know!"

With every word of encouragement from Hide, Kaneki's lungs become more and more compressed. His breath seems to escape him, and he can't think of anything else to say. He finds it strange that for the first time, he feels like his friend isn't hearing him, _really_ hearing him. His stomach grows queasy and he leans against Hide's shoulder when his head spins too fast. His friend pulls him close and whispers in his ear.

"I'm so happy for you, Kaneki. Go and have fun! I'll be here cheering you on."

It's difficult for him to keep smiling.

"Okay, I'll do it."

He lies to his friend, this time without his usual giveaway.

He studies Hide's reaction. It's hard to read his friend. He can't find anything.

Hide beams at him. His heart is squeezed so hard, blood leaks into his lungs.

Hide says nothing more.

* * *

 _"It's okay. No hard feelings."_

She doesn't question his rejection, not even a little bit. She's far too understanding. Is she like Nishiki, reading him like an open book? Is he truly that easy?

No. It's because he can't keep his own heart inside his chest. Anyone who looks in his eyes would know right away.

 _There's someone else._

Of course, he couldn't do it. He can't even watch as she walks away. She's not angry though, not in the slightest.

He can't help feeling bad for saying no to her, but even more than that, he wants to see Hide. It's too much. He can't take it anymore.

So, he runs, searching for his friend through the campus grounds. The school day had only ended mere moments ago. He can catch him. He can finally say it.

 _Carpe diem_ , Hide had told him. Well, he is going to do just that.

An adrenaline rush kicks through him and a smile spreads on his face when he thinks about how he'll get to say it. After so long, after almost ten years, he can be free.

Then he hears it. Hide's voice, like music to his ears.

He races to where his friend is but stops in his tracks and nearly falls when he catches another voice. The club girl. _Her_.

His heart is eager to reach Hide, beating against his fingers on his chest in protest. He swallows hard and takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. Shutting his eyes for a second, he then peers behind the wall that hides him from view, spotting Hide and Mei facing each other in the middle of an isolated hallway.

"He's such a fucking bastard, Hide. I hate his guts."

 _Since when did_ she _get to call him Hide?_

"You don't deserve that, Mei. You have to get out of it."

She wipes her cheek with the back of her hand and then looks up at him. Kaneki feels his breathing quicken at the way she stares at him. He wants to stab those eyes.

"You know, Hide, you're a really great guy. Why are you so nice to me?"

Hide rubs the back of his neck. "Well…I dunno…I'm just-"

She steps forward, closing the gap between them.

"I really like you."

She grabs him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

He is stunned, but he returns the gesture. His hands rest on her back. _Is he happy-_

Kaneki can't remember the rest. Because that's when he turns away. That's when he runs. Far and fast. Away from him. Away from the one he wants _so much_.

He doesn't know how he got back to his only safe space surrounded by his father's books. He doesn't feel like himself anymore. Just a ghost now.

Numb. Nothing reaches him.

…

His aunt and cousin aren't home when he hears the doorbell ringing. The floor has been his bed for the past few hours and the sun is gone. He is surprised that the Asaokas are not home yet. Not that he cares.

His groggy mind thinks it's them when his legs carry him down the stairs and towards the entrance. It's too late when he realizes his aunt has the key to her own home and he opens to the door to see him.

Hide stands there. Right in front of him. Waiting.

He's smiling, but it goes away when he sees the remnants of distress on Kaneki's face and he comes to him quick like a magnet.

"What happened?" Hide asks, concern resonating in his voice.

Hearing him, Kaneki's heart reacts and strikes against his chest again. Begging. Wanting.

He puts his mask on.

"She…changed her mind," he says simply.

Hide takes in the dark shadows under Kaneki's eyes and his black hair that's messier than usual. He shakes his head.

"Did she do something to you? Did she hurt you?" His voice carries anger, ready to fight for him. His brows furrow in anticipation of Kaneki's answer.

"She didn't do anything. I told you, she doesn't like me, that's all."

Hide shakes his head again. "That's crazy. What did she say?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Hide. I'm tired, I'm sorry-"

"Kaneki, please talk to me. I hate seeing you so upset. Please…"

Hide takes Kaneki's wrists and the half-ghoul feels his cold front melting already.

 _Why…_

He pulls him in and still, Kaneki does not resist. His right arm wraps around his waist and Kaneki automatically blushes at the warmth of Hide spreading through him. Their chests meet, Kaneki's hand placed over where Hide's heart is. Kaneki makes the mistake of looking into those eyes that tie him down in a millisecond.

"Kaneki…" Hide whispers.

Kaneki weakens in his grasp and he knows he wants to stay like this forever.

A flash of Hide with _her_ invades him.

He feels Hide leaning in closer and that's when his hand moves. Hide catches on fast and his eyes widen when Kaneki pushes him away. Hide stumbles a few feet back and Kaneki keeps his gaze disconnected from him. His face turns so that Hide can only see his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Hide. But…I need space."

His voice nearly breaks on the last few words.

Hide's mouth drops open to say something, but on instinct, he stays silent. Hide wants to disobey and continue pressing the matter. Yet, as always, he doesn't cross the line.

"Okay then. I…I just wanted to help. I'm sorry…"

For the first time, Hide sounds weak.

Kaneki nearly betrays himself to reach for Hide but he stays firm in his place, still refusing to look Hide in the eye.

Hide knows Kaneki won't look at him, but he puts on his smile. His voice changes back to the cheerful one, the one that Kaneki knows is the fake tone he uses with everyone else.

"See you later then. Take care of yourself, okay?"

He hears Hide's footsteps retreating, _leaving_ him.

He finally looks up towards where Hide was standing.

He sees his friend's back. His friend walking away from him.

His exhale comes out sharp and his hand automatically reaches for his friend. He continues bleeding, liquid dripping down his flushed cheeks. His mind calls Hide's name several times. Loud. Over and over.

But his voice doesn't.

He drops to his knees. The floor drinks his tears as they continue falling silently.

…

The brown of Hide's irises are blank with no spark. No sign of life.

His mind can't think of anyone else. Only him.

"Space…he wants space…"

He mutters to himself absentmindedly.

He thinks of how he held Kaneki's body against him. How he was so close. The pink of the half-ghoul's cheeks tempting him to touch him more. The way Kaneki's grey eyes had looked at him at that moment. Eyes that told him to keep going. Told him _not to stop_.

"I shouldn't have done that…"

Hide's fingers tap against his lips in thought. He laughs bitterly. At himself.

 _I shouldn't have done that._


	9. Raw

When he sees him on the way to school, he doesn't hesitate. He doesn't care what may be going on in the other's head. His body moves based on what his heart wants, placing his mind in the corner.

He doesn't even bother calling his name. His breaths come out desperate and fast. His eyes are clouded, blind to everything else but him. His arms reach out and he lunges forward once his legs carry him near enough.

One would think his nose ought to be crushed by how hard he collides into his friend's back. His arms tuck under Hide's and wrap around his core. How he waited to do this. He couldn't sleep at all the previous night after he left. His eyes are still puffy and red, but he doesn't think about it. He wants him back. He never wants to see him leave again.

His chest rises and falls against Hide's back from how hard he ran. Seeing him this morning put him into overdrive. Thinking of him was the very first thought in his distressed brain and has been every day and night.

Hide is frozen in place, his brown eyes wide in shock. He doesn't have to turn around or question the one holding him. Kaneki's grip around his waist tightens, his hands clawing at the front of his shirt. He hears Kaneki whispering.

"Hide…Hide…"

Kaneki repeats his name, his voice lost between breaths. Hide feels Kaneki nuzzling his face into his back and he has the urge to turn around and keep the half-ghoul in his arms forever. Kaneki trembles against him, making it that much harder to resist his instinct to hold him safe and away from everything.

 _No…I can't get my hopes up. He's my best friend. There's just no way he would…_

He thinks of Kaneki needing space, yet here he is grabbing him like this.

 _What do I do…_

Kaneki's heart begins to heal piece by piece as he inhales Hide's scent deeply into his mind and soul. He wants to do so much more. He wants Hide to touch him.

Hide finally grabs hold of Kaneki's wrists, and he starts to turn. Kaneki loosens his hold and he waits for Hide to take him into his arms like he usually would. His trembles worsen in anticipation.

But once Hide takes hold of him, he pulls his hands off from his shirt as he turns. He releases Kaneki's hands in the next second. Losing contact with Hide leaves Kaneki cold and when his grey eyes slowly meet his friend's gaze, he shivers.

Those brown eyes don't hold the warmth he needs. They are blank, distant. Too distant. His friend looks at him like he would towards a casual classmate. It has the default cheerful tinge that Kaneki isn't used to because Hide never looks at him like this. _Never_.

Until now.

"Oh, hey, Kaneki."

His heart throbs. Hide's voice sounds as fake as his eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

Kaneki's pupils constrict at this new tone. He's at a loss for words. His lips part but his throat catches.

Hide smiles, but it's not real.

"Are you okay?"

Kaneki swallows and he forces himself to speak. "Hide…I…"

"Hide!"

Hide turns away from Kaneki to face _her_.

Once she stops running, she immediately grabs his hands. "Hide, I was looking everywhere for you! Come on, you said you'd help me with my lines, right?"

Hide chuckles and Kaneki feels another cut to his chest. He sounds _happy_. Is it just his imagination? That damned emotion screwing with his brain again?

"I was just coming to see you, chill, sweetheart," he says playfully.

She giggles, and Kaneki sees her blushing at the pet name.

 _It's not real. He doesn't really care for her._ He repeats those words in his head to prevent himself from breaking. He wants to hurt this girl so badly. If he could, he'd rip her arm off. Maybe devour it too. He imagines how juicy her flesh would be in his mouth, her blood dribbling down his chin. He'd make it as painful as possible. He'd relish her screams.

She pulls Hide in her direction. The fire in his chest burns. He hates her so much.

Hide steps further away from him and his hand automatically reaches for him again. His fingers graze his friend's arm. Hide looks over his shoulder at the half-ghoul and Kaneki opens his mouth to say something.

"Bye, Kaneki."

Hide walks ahead of him, not looking back once after he says his farewell. Every footstep he takes echoes in Kaneki's head.

Kaneki doesn't move as he watches the girl clinging to his arm and talking so loudly like she wants the universe to know her business. That she has the one he desires in her grasp.

The further away his friend goes, the fire within him diminishes and in its place, water drowns his lungs and his heart bleeds out from wounds that reopen.

The grey of his irises is pale. Lifeless.

His body is hollow. He feels so weak.

He smiles.

* * *

He doesn't see Hide as often these days. If he's being honest, though, he doesn't really see him at all.

He can't find the courage to face Hide after seeing those eyes of his that look at him like he's a stranger. So, he avoids the places where he knows he'd bump into him. Hide no longer visits him during breaks at school.

He is alone.

He doesn't speak to anyone. Avoids everyone and stays barricaded in his own mind. The voices are louder when he's by himself and they keep him company instead.

 _You didn't think that you'd be able to keep him forever, did you? Look at you. Such a liar. You knew this was coming._

His life had always been routine, simple. But now, everything is robotic. He seems to run on autopilot.

Wake up. Go to school. Return home. Sleep. Wake up again.

He waits for the day when he doesn't wake up.

The day when nothing can open his eyes.

The day when he can truly find real peace.

Week after week passes. Soon, it nears the end of the month.

Being away from him for this long, he can't believe it's happening. Hide hates him.

 _He hates me._

He wishes he could find a new brain. He nearly considers killing someone again, so he could do just that.

He's losing it.

 _Like you were ever sane. You're a monster, remember?_

His aunt gets more and more irritated with his presence now that he's a teenager, three years away from the age of eighteen. The age in which he'll enter university. The day when she'll finally be able to kick him out of her house. Though she won't be completely free from him until he is twenty.

"Putting up with this brat for five more years. That boy should be thankful. Thankful I haven't thrown him on the streets all these years. He's such a waste."

She keeps muttering her complaints, loud enough for him to hear. Other times, she ignores him like he doesn't exist as usual. When she notices that his friend hasn't come to see him in the past weeks, she laughs.

"He finally got tired of you, didn't he?"

He hardly left his room the entire day when she said that. He would've soaked his pillows with tears, but he finds he's gone dry. He's just so empty. If someone stabbed through him, he wonders if he'll split in two because there's nothing else keeping him together.

…

He can't forget him. Of course, he can't. There's no way he could. He's a part of him.

He can't draw. He can hardly read.

His mind is slowly consuming him.

He thinks about him as soon as his eyes open. He thinks about him as his eyes close.

His hands rake through his hair, clenching onto his skull. All he can see is him.

He suffocates. His chest feels so heavy and he wants to carve his heart out.

Just end it.

 _"It can seriously hurt you like a knife would to a human. It won't heal as fast."_

His eyes snap open from another dreamless sleep. In the pitch black of his room, his eyes find where it rests hidden. The memento Nishiki found for him.

He rolls off his bed. His hands and knees meet the carpet and he crawls over to where he placed it. He opens the lowest drawer of his dresser. His fingers push aside the pile of folded trousers covering the blade from view.

Once he spots its shine, the sharpness of the edge, his mind goes into a frenzy. For once, he suddenly feels a spark of energy. A burst of happiness. He doesn't understand. But he chases it.

He's excited but he must find the perfect moment. He'll spend a little longer breathing, but he's already losing patience. It takes all his might to shut that drawer and come back to the darkness.

He'll find it. His true peace will come. A few more days.

* * *

He chooses his moment one afternoon when he comes home from another mundane school day. When his aunt decides she wants to give him attention.

"Oh well, look who it is. My ungrateful nephew."

She's drunk. He can smell the alcohol on her breath from where he stands near the entrance. Her in-laws paying her a visit are gathered in her living room. The television's volume is up to its max limit. He feels their eyes on him, studying him. Judging him. He shrinks within himself and his skin crawls. His hand clutches on his bag hanging off his right shoulder.

"This brat thinks he's so much better than my son. My brilliant Yuuichi."

She spits her words at him and her in-laws murmur amongst themselves. He keeps his eyes on the ground and bites his lower lip. He needs to get away from her. He shakes in fear.

"Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you, boy."

He blocks her words out and tries to get around her towards the stairs. She stands in his way and pushes him back. He stumbles and refuses to follow her command.

"You're a piece of shit. I see my sister in you so much and it makes me want to vomit. I wish you would just disappear. Why couldn't you have died instead of her?"

Those last few words repeat in his brain like a broken record. For once, he agrees with her. Why didn't he die? Then his mother wouldn't have had to deal with the burden of raising a child. Aside from helping her sister, she could have been free. She could have lived a little longer.

It would have been so much better if he was gone.

At this revelation, he doesn't realize that he's smiling. Twisted, but a smile nonetheless.

The aunt reads his emotion wrong. His apparent joy angers her.

"You think it's funny, huh? Or are you mocking me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

She shoves him harder and this time, he dares to look her in the eye with the disturbing smile still intact.

" _I hate you!_ "

He doesn't realize she had been holding the bottle in her hand. He doesn't move as she swings, and the glass bottle collides with the side of his head. The force of the blow knocks him to the ground. It leaves him with a throbbing headache, but it hardly hurts. He's disappointed.

He feels a stream of blood flow down the left side of his face, but it doesn't last long. The minor gash to his head heals in a second but his aunt doesn't notice in her plastered state. She stares down at him with utter disgust, her lips turned up in a sneer. The bottle in her hand is shattered, the broken pieces of glass scattered at her feet. The last bit of alcohol it held stains Kaneki's uniform.

She kicks him hard in the stomach as he lies on his side, his gaze focused on the floor. She lets out a few hiccups and staggers away from him.

"Piece of shit. Can't stand him…"

Her next few words are slurred together as she returns to where her in-laws are. None of them had paid any further attention to the commotion.

He truly doesn't exist.

He gets back on his feet once he's sure she won't see him. He drags himself up the stairs and towards his room. He pays his cousin no mind as Yuuichi stares at him and the blood on his face.

He drops his bag to the ground, closing his room door shut and effectively muting the noise downstairs. He keeps the shades on his windows closed, though the late afternoon sun manages to peek through. Lines of orange light decorate the carpet as Kaneki sheds his drenched uniform, tossing it into the laundry basket near the small bathroom. He throws on whatever clothes he finds from his dresser, and when he does, he remembers his idea. The idea that excited him a couple nights before.

His hands take hold of the cold blade and it glints at him, teasing him with its menacing edge. His pulse begins to beat harder as he stands and enters his bathroom. He closes the bathroom door, so he knows for sure he won't be disturbed.

He stares at the blade for what seems like an extended hour. Everything feels like ice around him; he swears he's in a freezer instead. Slowly, his eyes leave the shard and he looks up at the mirror. He nearly screams when he doesn't see himself, but his mother. Staring right back at him.

"Oh, Ken. I miss you."

His breathing is staggered, and he almost drops the blade in his hand. His eyes are wide and rounder than ever. His heart stops for a split moment.

"M-Mom?" he whispers. He trembles at the sight of her, smiling at him. The smile of hers reflects his own - manic.

He's so much like her. Deranged. Lost.

"I need you here, my son. Come with me."

She reaches her hand out to him. As she extends her hand, the flesh disintegrates, revealing the skeleton underneath. Her bony arm coaxes him forth.

He has the urge to take her hand, but at the last second, he thinks of him.

"I…I can't leave…I…I still haven't…"

He can hardly speak.

"Forget him. He's already forgotten about you."

Her steel eyes stare him down. The left lens of her glasses cracks as she tilts her head at him like a porcelain doll.

He shakes his head. "No…I can't do that…you don't understand anything. You never did!"

She laughs then, and it chills Kaneki to the bone. The blade in his hand feels heavier than before.

"So naïve. So stupid. You won't find peace unless you come with me."

He grits his teeth and shakes his head, vigorously this time. "No! I can't do that! I won't!"

"Yes, you can! No one cares for you like I do! No one knows you like I do!"

Her scolding voice hurts his ears and he begins to hyperventilate.

"Mom, you never listen to me. No one will listen to me!" He grips his aching head.

"You know what made me stay sane, my boy?"

He looks up and sees his mother giving him a gentle gaze. He gasps when her neck begins to ooze blood from a long slit across her skin.

"It feels so good, Ken. It makes you feel so alive."

As if there is some unknown energy controlling him, his head lowers and the blade shines brighter in his view. Like treasure so divine; only for him.

His eyes switch over to his left arm. He pulls down his sleeve, revealing the pale flesh underneath. Veins, blue and waiting for him. Inviting him to take the plunge.

He doesn't think anymore.

Next thing he knows, his right hand moves, and the blade makes its first mark. He exhales heavily. The stabbing pain shakes his entire body. He's never felt pain this intense before. His eyes water immediately.

He doesn't stop. He continues drawing the blade down the inside of his left wrist. He takes deep breaths as he does so. His head spins. His pupils roll back. He whimpers and hisses.

The first cut he makes is long and extends to midway down his inner arm. His blood seeps out fast, flowing to the ground and coloring it deep crimson.

His mouth is dry and uncontrollable tremors take over his limbs. He begins to sink to his knees as he proceeds to decorate himself more. Slash after slash. He crosses them this time, one after the other over the vertical first cut.

 _Mom! It's like a game!_

Tears begin falling down his cheeks and he manages to laugh. Mirroring his mother once again.

An image of his friend enters his mind just then.

It's true.

The wounds on his arm heal slower. But they heal still.

Yet he's bleeding fast.

His friend turns away from him for the thousandth time like he did the last time they spoke.

The blade drops from his hand, clattering to the ground in a messy heap. Blood splatters all over. His head hits the floor hard as he lies on his left side. His left arm splays out before him, revealing his gruesome craft. He feels his kakugan activating as his ghoul abilities hasten to heal the wounds. Red fibers rise from within his flesh like worms, desperately working to stop the bleeding.

His gaze stays fixed on his cuts and his mind stays on his friend.

 _Good boy._ He hears his mother say. _You're such a good boy, Ken._

His eyelids grow heavy as his blood seeps onto the cool floor.

The silence is deafening.

…

He's too kind. Kindness costs him and pulls him away from who he wants to be with the most.

No other person can fill the gap that exists in his heart and soul. No one.

He needs to see him. He needs to see him _now_.

Kindness dragged him behind to help her. He feels guilty if he doesn't, and it's only temporary. He tells himself that over and over.

Yet time slipped by him and he knows how long it's been. It causes him such strain. He can't stand it.

He leaves her behind when he knows she's distracted by her other friends. He makes an excuse and she buys it.

All those weeks, he gave Kaneki what he wanted. But he can't stay away anymore. Even if his friend has grown to hate him. Even if his friend may have found interest in someone else.

He knows he wouldn't have a chance anyway.

He is unsure if his friend knew, but every day, he had stopped by the aunt's home before it got too dark. He didn't knock or climb up to his window like he usually would. He had stood by, staring up at the window of his friend's room. Hoping his friend was okay and sleeping well. Taking care of himself.

It took every muscle in his body to not barge in and run to his friend.

He needs to get it off his chest.

 _No. I'll never do that. I won't force my feelings on him._

One afternoon, he is finished helping her. She tries to get him to stay longer but he escapes without another word. Anything else she says falls on deaf ears.

No more of this. He won't stay away anymore.

He bikes hard and fast, the summer sun beating down on him. He wipes the sweat from his brow, his mind working overtime on what he'll say to his friend. This is the longest they haven't spoken since the day they met. His nerves drive him near mad.

When the aunt's home comes into view, he has never felt more nervous. He hesitates in his step multiple times as he gets off his bike and walks it over to where his friend's window is.

Normally, it's quiet from where he stands outside. But that afternoon, he hears loud noises from the inside and from what he can tell, it sounds like music or a television show. Either way, it's a ruckus he'd rather avoid.

He walks over and uncovers the ladder he borrowed from his dad hidden behind a large row of bushes, still intact and steady. He uses it every time to climb up to where Kaneki's room window resides. Sometimes, he wonders if the aunt or anyone else had ever discovered it, and if they did, no one had any say on the matter.

Before he readies the ladder, he notices there is no light coming out from Kaneki's room and his shades are closed. First, the loud noise and now this. Hide's instincts make him more anxious.

Once he sets up the ladder, he takes a deep breath to calm himself and then makes his way up. At the window, he pauses before knocking on the glass.

No answer.

Hide figures Kaneki might ignore him. He sighs and knocks again, harder this time.

Nothing changes.

The gut feeling in Hide's stomach worsens and he knows for sure that something is wrong. Immediately, he thinks the aunt hurt his friend again.

The commotion inside the home continues. The window is locked and Hide knows he has no other choice.

He makes his way back to the ground and then walks around to the front of the house. He doesn't let his nerves get to him as he goes straight to the door. He rings the bell and knocks for good measure. He taps his foot impatiently and he goes to knock once more until the door opens just as he raises his fist. He braces himself, expecting to confront the aunt but he comes face to face with Yuuichi instead.

Yuuichi holds the door open and takes in the blond's appearance. Hide is still in his school uniform, although he has removed the outer black top, leaving him in the white dress shirt and black trousers. Hide feels hot and sweaty from the afternoon sun but none of that matters. His gaze is serious and the cousin stares at him with indifference and boredom.

Hide looks down and notices that Yuuichi is holding a broom and dustpan, which contains broken glass. His eyes narrow and he takes it in as another clue to his suspicions of what occurred.

"I need to see him. May I please come in?" he asks, his tone unwavering and stern.

Yuuichi glances Hide up and down a second time, irritating the blond. He has no time to waste.

"Please. It's important," Hide says earnestly.

Yuuichi lets out an exhale and he opens the door wider, stepping to the side and clearing a path for Hide. The blond steps inside, placing his shoes neatly next to the other guests. The loud noise seems to shake the house and he peers to his left to see what looks like a family gathering in the living room. He glances behind him to see Yuuichi cleaning up the rest of the broken glass on the hardwood floor.

"She hit him again," the cousin announces nonchalantly when he feels Hide's intent stare. He doesn't bother looking at Hide as he scoops up the glass.

Hide's expression hardens into a glare and he turns away towards the stairs. He glances at the family members who are too occupied to notice anything else but their own carefree world. Hide races up the stairs and straight down the hall to Kaneki's room. The door is closed and once he stands in front of it, he speaks.

"Kaneki?" he calls out.

Still, no answer.

He wonders if his friend is sleeping as he turns the door knob and slowly enters. His feet pad the carpet softly. It's dark in his friend's room. The bit of light spills between the shades and under the bathroom door, which is also shut.

Hide freezes in place. His arms shake, and he doesn't understand why he suddenly thinks of his mother. He hadn't thought of her in so long.

He doesn't get scared often, but at that moment, fear creeps in on him.

It's too quiet.

He walks over to the bathroom and presses his ear against the door. He hears no sound and without letting the fear get to him, he opens the door.

Nothing makes sense to him anymore.

…

Seeing Kaneki on the ground. So much blood. All over the floor. His friend's face covered from view.

He can hardly breathe.

A flash of his mother hanging from the ceiling enters his mind. Her legs swinging. Her neck snapped.

Everything blurs together.

His jaw drops open and at first, no word comes out.

First, it's like a squeak. His breaths are rapid.

Then he yells. His voice cracks and he doesn't recognize it.

His brain doesn't work anymore.

Kaneki's name is the only thing that registers out of his mouth.

He collapses to his knees and his arms grab for his friend. They hold on tight. Drowning in blood.

His vision blurs and he finally has Kaneki in his grasp. He supports Kaneki's shoulders under his left arm while his other reaches over to Kaneki's wounded limb. He can't make out the cuts because it's covered in dark red. In his frantic state, he leans up to grab a hand towel lying near the sink and presses it to Kaneki's left arm in an instant. Keeping a strong hold there, he then looks up at Kaneki's face. The half-ghoul's head is limp in his hold, and his skin is paler than normal. There are dark shadows under his friend's eyes.

Hide shakes Kaneki's body, calling his name over and over.

No one hears him. No one cares.

Kaneki is still breathing. He can see his friend's chest rising, though it's shallow. His fingers pressing into the bloody arm detects a weak pulse.

"Open your eyes, please. _Please! Wake up!_ "

Through his numbed state, he doesn't realize that he's sobbing. His cheeks are completely stained with tears he hasn't shed in years. His voice becomes garbled, but he doesn't stop yelling for his friend. Begging him.

His hands are coated with his friend's blood. He can't stop his overwhelming emotions as they come pouring out of him like dynamite.

He cradles Kaneki close against him, rocking his form back and forth. He buries his head in Kaneki's collarbone, muttering his pleads.

…

Someone is calling his name. He hears it, like a distant echo in a never-ending tunnel. He thinks it's his mother haunting him, and he tries his hardest to block her out of his head.

But the voice is persistent and soon, he begins to realize it's not his mother or any other voice that lingers in his brain. It's him.

 _Hide?_

He thinks maybe this is a sign that he's fading. Yet it sounds too real. So close.

Hide's voice sounds desperate and distraught. It saddens Kaneki but even more, he is worried. He must get out of this limbo he's stuck in.

 _Hide!_

First, his hand twitches. The one that he feels is being held firmly by someone. He doesn't feel as cold as he used to. Warmth envelops him, and as he opens his eyes, his vision takes a minute to focus on the ceiling above him.

His body twitches and that's when he senses someone lifting themselves off from where the person rested on his shoulder.

He thinks his mind is playing tricks on him again when he sees the messy blond hair he can spot a thousand miles away. He takes deeper breaths in, filling his compressed lungs with much needed oxygen. He smells Hide's scent permeating the air, and he knows for sure, Hide is real.

His grey eyes search and find those brown eyes looking straight at him with an intensity that ignites his empty soul. His temperature rises the longer their eyes lock. Hide is in tears. When he sees how red his friend's eyes are, the anguish on his face, it snaps Kaneki fully awake.

In all the years of their friendship, he has never seen Hide cry.

"H-Hide?" he says, his voice hoarse.

" _Oh my god_ ," Hide gasps and he presses his forehead against his friend.

Kaneki can't keep his eyes off Hide as he breathes out in relief, the remnants of his sobbing still racking his system.

"Kaneki, I'm sorry. _I'm so sorry._ I'm sorry," Hide repeats, his eyes shut tightly in remorse.

"Hide, you're here…" Kaneki whispers. He can't explain the exuberant rush of joy that surges through his weakened body. His friend is here by his side.

"I was so scared. I thought you were dead! I-it was like mom! _All over again_. I couldn't- I-" Hide can barely get his words straight and Kaneki can feel his friend shaking against him.

The half-ghoul feels Hide's agony and immediately, guilt seeps through his pores. He's a fool.

"Hide, it's okay. I'm okay," Kaneki tries to reassure him. His voice is still small, but it doesn't stop him. He tries to lift his left arm up despite Hide's grip.

"It's not okay. I should never have left you alone. I'm so, so sorry. _Hate me_. I deserve it. Please. I'm so sorry," Hide pulls away. His eyes stare into Kaneki's and they show how deeply upset he is. How he can't forgive himself.

"Hate me. Tell me how much pain I caused you. Tell me I deserve to suffer," Hide pleads.

Kaneki's mouth drops opens at his friend's statements. His heart beats strong now, pushing him.

"Hide, don't ever say that again," Kaneki tells him. His voice comes out louder.

"Why? You know I did wrong. Don't tell me I-" Hide tries to say.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Hide. Don't apologize. And I could never, _ever_ hate you. _Never_ ," Kaneki says. Hide's grip loosens on his wounded arm and he raises it to touch his friend's cheek.

Hide glances down at the feel of Kaneki's hand and the cuts he can now see up close. His brows knot together and he looks Kaneki in the eye once more.

Kaneki's grey eyes seem to sparkle in his view, gazing at him like he's his entire world. A tear escapes from Hide's right eye as Kaneki continues.

"I love you, Hide."

Hide stops breathing when he hears those words. Water gathers in Kaneki's eyes and they spring out in an instant, falling sideways down the half-ghoul's face.

"And not as just friends. It never was to me," Kaneki confesses.

Kaneki's cheeks redden, and he smiles brightly at his friend. His true love.

"Please, I know I'm selfish, but…please stay with me. _I'm sorry_ ," Kaneki whispers. His left hand moves to cling to Hide's shirt and he nuzzles against his chest. He inhales his love's scent and grips tighter onto him.

Hide breaks out of his speechless state and he grasps Kaneki's chin, pulling him gently so that their eyes meet again. "Kaneki, of course, I'll stay with you. _Of course,_ I will. You're the only person I want to be with forever. Because I feel the exact same way."

He rests his forehead on Kaneki's once more.

"I love you too."

Hide's brown eyes are warmer than ever. Seeing them after those solitary weeks, Kaneki can't stop the relentless tears leaking out of him.

"A-Am I dreaming? Is this all in my head?" Kaneki asks and Hide grins at him.

"This is real, Kaneki. It's real," Hide reassures him.

Hide hugs Kaneki's body against him with all the strength he has. Kaneki exhales and he cries harder, not in sadness. He's so happy. So deeply in love with the boy holding him.

"I'm right here, Kaneki. I'm never letting you go."

Hide's shirt dampens with his love's tears. Kaneki embraces him just as tightly. His hands claw at his back. His heart bursts and collides with Hide's steady pulse.

He is free.

…

Hide cleans the blood from Kaneki's face, his arms, and off the floor. The warm water in the bathtub is crimson as he washes the tainted towel.

Kaneki sits on the covered toilet as Hide doesn't let him lift a finger to help. He stares at his left arm. The cuts are mostly closed, though it lingers longer than usual.

"You cut yourself pretty deep, it seems," Hide says. He wrings the water out of the towel with both hands.

Kaneki bites his lip and he can't find the words to say anything else.

Hide holds up the blade that Kaneki used, now cleaned, and he narrows his eyes at the unusual look of it. "Where did you get this?"

Kaneki rubs his arm. "Nishiki…he found it on one of his hunts. Human knives wouldn't work on ghouls. He said this was part of a weapon used by these people that go after us…"

Hide flips the blade over in his hand. "I didn't know these things even existed…Why the hell would he give you something so dangerous?"

"Well…no one ever said he was smart…right?" Kaneki tries to make light of the situation, but of course, Hide doesn't buy it.

Hide sets the blade on the tub side, intending to dispose of it later.

"Did you want to die? Tell me the truth," Hide says seriously when he turns back to his friend.

Kaneki's gaze saddens, and he shuts his eyes. "At first, I did. But then I realize…it's more because I needed to feel something. Anything. The pain was something I wanted. Because it was all I had."

Hide smashes his fist against his forehead then, causing Kaneki to gasp in shock.

"Hide?"

"I hate myself. _Fuck_. I messed up, Kaneki. I'm so sorry." Hide shakes his head and grips his hair.

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" Kaneki questions.

Hide looks Kaneki in the eye. "I thought…I thought you needed space. I thought that was what you wanted. That maybe you found someone you liked. I…" He sighs heavily. "I didn't want to smother you with me hanging around."

Kaneki reaches out to hold Hide's free hand. "I thought…you were mad at me. That you hated me."

Hide shakes his head and he grabs Kaneki's face in his hands. "No. I _never_ hated you."

Kaneki smiles at him, losing himself in Hide's eyes. Hide glances at Kaneki's lips and he restrains himself, pulling away.

Kaneki watches Hide setting the towel on the side of the tub near the blade, allowing it to dry while he lets the bloody water flow down the drain.

Kaneki then thinks about what Hide said, about his mother. "I…I wish you didn't have to see me like that."

Hide grips the tub, his muscles tense. He slowly turns his head, his lips forming a thin line and his eyes unveiling a mix of emotions that leaves Kaneki feeling low.

He chooses not to speak and continues to fix his friend. He looks through the cabinet above Kaneki's head and grabs the box of band-aids in there.

Kaneki holds his left arm out, turning it to reveal the cuts on the inner side. He doesn't bother telling Hide there's no need to bandage him, allowing his friend to do what he needs. Hide handles Kaneki like he's fragile glass. Kaneki stares at Hide's concentrated expression while he uses about seven band-aids to protect the cuts.

"Sorry…a gauze roll would have been better. I just don't want these cuts to re-open," Hide explains.

Kaneki smiles. "It's fine. Don't worry."

Hide gives half of a smile back and then stands up from his kneeling position. Kaneki lifts his head and feels Hide's arms wrapping around him. Next thing he knows, he's being carried in Hide's arms, bridal-style.

He gasps and puts his arms around Hide's neck as the blond takes them out of the bathroom and towards Kaneki's bed. When Hide sets Kaneki down onto the mattress, the half-ghoul turns and opens the shades to let natural light in. The sun is setting outside, casting a deep orange glow on them.

Hide takes a seat next to Kaneki, who faces him right away. Hide grabs Kaneki's hand, clutching it firmly.

"I'm so afraid of losing you. When I thought I lost you like my mom, I… There's no way I could handle that. Just no way…" Hide admits softly, closing his eyes.

Kaneki holds Hide's hand back with both of his, fingers intertwined. "I'm sorry, Hide. Really, I-"

"It's not your fault, Kaneki. I'm not blaming you for anything. I just hate myself for not seeing how much you were hurting. I hurt you." Hide turns to him and they make eye contact.

"I did it to myself, Hide. You didn't hurt me. I was hurting because I wanted to tell you how I felt for so long. And when I saw you with other girls…with Mei…I didn't think you'd ever feel the same way," Kaneki says.

Hide's strong touch comforts him like nothing else. He doesn't want to let go.

Hide chuckles bitterly. "It seems we both were thinking the same thing…that our feelings weren't mutual. I shouldn't have been so blind though. Or I guess I was protecting myself in a way…just in case you liked someone else."

Kaneki dives closer, head resting on Hide's shoulder as he pulls his friend against him. His arm embraces him around the waist, his left hand still holding onto Hide's.

"Hide…I couldn't even go on a date with Yuko. _I couldn't_."

Hide's eyes widen, and his free hand brushes through Kaneki's hair. "You didn't?"

He feels Kaneki shaking his head. "I couldn't stand the thought of my first date being with someone else but you."

"Kaneki…"

Hide pats his friend's head, prompting him to pull back so they are face to face. Kaneki's cheeks burn red, and they are enhanced in the orange glow from the sun slipping through the shades. Hide's breath catches in his throat at the sight of him.

"Technically, you and I have been on several dates, right?" Hide jokes and he beams when Kaneki laughs at that comment.

Hide can't believe how strong Kaneki's feelings are. He doesn't understand.

"I don't deserve your love…"

Kaneki tugs on Hide's shirt over his chest. "You deserve all of it, Hide, more than anyone. I want to be yours… There's no one else. No one."

Hide smiles, his eyes tearing up. His hand clasps over Kaneki's and he rubs his thumb over his soft skin.

Kaneki moves to lower himself on the side of the bed closer to the wall. He coaxes Hide to lay beside him and he follows. The blond rests his head next to Kaneki, their hands intertwined between them.

The noise downstairs goes on and on, muffled by the closed door. The boys gaze at each other, a comfortable silence surrounding them. Kaneki glances down, hesitant to ask.

"So…do you like Mei? I…saw you hugging her once."

"You saw that? Shit…" Hide whispers and Kaneki smiles.

Hide looks at him seriously. "I don't have feelings for her. None whatsoever. She's just a friend."

Hide sighs. "She's been going through some rough times, and she needed help with a school play she's preparing for. I just helped her. I felt bad for her, that's all."

"And that's one of the reasons why I like you. You're considerate," Kaneki says. Hide blushes in embarrassment.

"Nah…it's nothing. But now that I think about it, I should have kept my distance more…"

Hide squeezes Kaneki's hand. "It's over. I'm staying with you. Always."

Kaneki gives a sad smile. "Sorry…I can't help it. I get so lonely when you're not around. I try not to feel that way, but…"

At those words, Hide scoots closer and grabs Kaneki into his arms again. The half-ghoul buries his face into his chest, soaking in his heat. Hide's nose brushes through his black hair. His fingers clutch Kaneki's waist and pulls him in until their bodies touch.

The sunlight disappears bit by bit, making the room darker as the minutes pass. The noise downstairs finally begins to diminish. No one disturbs them. No one knows.

"Please…don't do that again…"

Hide's words float in the air. Kaneki takes them to heart.

"I won't. I promise."

…

Yuuichi is shut away in his room fast asleep, along with the rest of the household by the time Hide and Kaneki exit their sanctuary. The boys continue holding hands while they quietly walk through the hallway. As they make their way down the stairs, they notice the in-laws have left and the aunt has long passed out on the couch.

"What a mess…and I thought teenagers were bad…" Hide mutters, making Kaneki giggle at his comment.

Kaneki feels Hide loosening his grip on his hand and he already dreads seeing Hide getting ready to leave as he finds his shoes at the entrance.

"I'm gonna get rid of this abomination. And maybe punish Nishiki if I ever see him for giving you something so crazy like this," Hide announces, waving the blade between his fingers.

Kaneki nods with a smile and he steps down to where Hide stands near the front door.

Once Hide puts on his shoes, he straightens himself and heads for the door. "Well, I gotta get home or dad's gonna have my head as usual."

Before Hide opens the door, however, he feels Kaneki tugging on the back of his shirt.

"Hide…"

Hide turns around when Kaneki speaks but can't make another move. The half-ghoul has already closed the gap between them, making it so that his body touches the other. Hide feels Kaneki breathing on his face and his friend places a hand behind his neck.

Kaneki doesn't wait. He leans in, lips pressing softly onto Hide's. His body temperature escalates through the roof as their mouths meet. Kaneki blushes deeply, his lips moving shyly against the other. He notices Hide doesn't respond and after lingering for a few more seconds, he pulls away. He looks down, nervous and thinking he shouldn't have done that.

"Sorry…I…"

He gasps when Hide yanks him closer and grabs the back of his head. When he looks up, Hide's brown eyes are intense and full of an emotion that's new to him. But he knows it matches his own. Hide glances at his mouth again and Kaneki moves in like a magnet that won't stay away. He captures Hide's warm lips once more, and this time, Hide takes the upper hand.

Kaneki feels terribly hot as Hide presses his lips harder on his. Kaneki wants more and more. He keeps up with Hide, greedily taking in all he can. He feels Hide's tongue slipping through and caressing the soft flesh of his mouth. Kaneki's arms move to wrap around Hide's neck to pull him in deeper. He slowly opens his mouth and moans in delight when Hide's tongue delves into the moist cavern. Their tongues touch, and Kaneki's breathing grows heavier when he finally tastes Hide. Fully. Completely.

Drool crawls down the side of his lips as Hide grows more aggressive, exploring every depth of Kaneki's mouth. Kaneki gasps when Hide pulls away for a split second and comes right back, tongue reuniting with his insatiable one.

He can hardly stand it. Hide tastes so good. _So good_.

He feels something stirring in the pit of his stomach, driving him crazy. He can't stop moaning at the insanely delicious taste of his friend. His tongue fights back and moves into Hide's mouth and once he enters, there's no going back. Hide is overwhelmed as their lips meld together with a fierce energy like they've been starved for all their lives. Kaneki tastes sweet to him and he lets him do what he wants as the half-ghoul savors him over and over, tongue roaming and marking its place. Claiming him.

Kaneki doesn't want to pull away, but he knows Hide needs to breathe and he lets him go, their mouths parting with a wet smack. When their eyes connect, Hide's brown eyes are dark, and Kaneki drowns in them with no reservation. Kaneki's grey eyes are hazy, but they emit the sparkle that lets Hide knows he's truly happy.

Hide holds Kaneki's right cheek so tenderly, his thumb running over his friend's reddened, bruised lips. Remnants of saliva cling to his friend's mouth, enticing Hide to lick it away. He's at his mercy, so eternally tied to this half-ghoul.

"I love you, Ken."

He tells him softly.

Kaneki's eyes widen when he hears Hide say his first name. He almost doesn't believe his ears. No one ever calls him by his first name besides his mother. But he finds he adores the way Hide says it immediately, more than the way his mother did. He wants to hear him say it again.

He smiles so wide and he shakes his head slowly.

"I love you more. _So much_ more."

His heart speaks the definitive truth.

Hide responds by taking his lips again. Kaneki's open mouth savors Hide's luscious flavor once more as his lips collide hard with the other repeatedly. Their lips brush and mix together in a hot mess, exciting Kaneki so much and increasing his craving. He _needs_ him.

When Hide withdraws, he's panting as he grins. "God, you're making it so hard to leave."

"Then don't. Stay. Stay with me all night," Kaneki whispers against Hide's full lips.

" _Fuck_ …" Hide mutters as he seductively licks Kaneki's tempting mouth. Kaneki hums in pleasure at the action.

Hide's right hand grabs hold of Kaneki's neck, like he's choking him. Kaneki's eyes gaze at him with the heated emotion, urging him to go on.

"Almost ten years and this is what I've been missing with you, Ken?" Hide states with a smirk.

Kaneki smiles and licks his lips, still tasting Hide. "Have you been kissing someone before me?" he asks in return.

Hide's smirk widens, and his fingers move to grasp behind Kaneki's neck. "Only you, Ken. Just you."

Kaneki relishes every time Hide says his name. "Me too. Only you."

Hide releases his neck and grabs Kaneki, his arms wrapped strong and secure around his lover. Keeping him within his grasp, his nose buries into the crook between his neck and shoulder. Lips wander and graze against his collarbone. His body heat burns Kaneki up more and he takes it all in.

Kaneki clings to him hard. He feels so full. It's almost as if he had never hurt himself. The cuts on his arm don't cause him pain whatsoever. Hide is so warm, and Kaneki can't get enough. He could never get enough. He melts in his lover's arms. Every time.

What he feels for him. What he would do for him. Kaneki is convinced this isn't wrong. It's what he truly wants.

If what he wants is considered wrong, then so be it. Nothing could keep him away from Hide.

Not even death.


	10. June 10th

The noon sun is unforgiving, beating down on his already sunburnt skin. He exhales deeply and wipes the sweat from his forehead against the back of his hand and off his neck. It's bright outside, hot and full of energy. A summer day in full swing as June kicks in.

His mind doesn't match. He feels drained.

There's a nagging headache that comes and goes, bugging him like the thoughts of earlier. Why is it that when he's finally happy, truly happy, it's when the energy is stolen out of him.

He can't let anyone know he feels this way. To everyone, he's cheerful and light-hearted. Just like the hot sun. Like the rays that never seem to die.

That's what he's good at, after all. No one expects anything more from him.

Except maybe one.

When he sees him, time stops, and he can't focus on anything else. His mind clears as he takes in the black-haired boy waiting for him in front of Anteiku. He admires him, the way he looks nervous. His grey eyes trained on his shoes as he kicks at the ground. The way he bites his lip. He smiles and forgets about the other thoughts dragging him down.

Kaneki looks up at him when he hears his footsteps approaching and, in an instant, the half-ghoul's face lights up. Once more, Hide's breath ceases and he blinks. The smile on the other's face is bigger and brighter than ever, the happiest he's seen his best friend.

 _He_ is the cause of this? _He_ is the one that makes Kaneki happy?

 _I'm dreaming. Ever since I left his aunt's house that day, I'm still dreaming._

He remembers how he rebelled, as usual, and stayed with Kaneki that whole night. Lying by his side, with the half-ghoul clinging to him like he's the weight keeping him on earth. The content expression on the boy's face. The cuts that were fresh but could not compare to the intensity of adoration in those grey eyes.

 _He chose_ me _? I'm fucking dreaming._

"Hide!"

Kaneki says his name breathlessly and throws himself into the blond's arms. He nuzzles his head against Hide's chest, closing his eyes and soaking in the other's body heat. It's hot, but he needs Hide's warmth. He finds he'd rather be overheated than frozen.

Kaneki lifts his head after a few minutes, staring up at the brown eyes he's addicted to. "Hi," he says simply with a beam.

Hide finds himself chuckling. The boy is too adorable, even more so when he's happy. One of his hands lifts off the other's waist to brush the bangs framing the right side of Kaneki's face.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he says softly.

Kaneki pulls away but grips Hide's left hand. His radiant smile doesn't disappear.

"Hide, I'd always wait for you."

Hide grins as Kaneki begins blushing at what he just said. "Aww, you cheeseball!" He then grabs Kaneki's head, drawing him closer and pressing his lips hard against his temple.

Kaneki laughs in response and his eyes sparkle as they lock gazes. Hide's heart beats harder and he reminds himself to keep breathing.

As he walks side by side with his friend, their sweaty palms interlocked so tightly, he glances at Kaneki and takes in every detail of his joy. Kaneki's hand fits with his so well, and the half-ghoul never loosens his grip.

Hide wants this to last forever. This is all he wants, for his best friend to stay at peace.

He can't let his stupid problems get in the way.

He can handle it.

…

"You're okay? Replenished yourself and everything?" he asks Kaneki as they wait in line in front of an ice cream truck with a small crowd.

Kaneki chuckles and squeezes Hide's hand. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. I've never been better."

Hide runs a hand through his messy hair. "Please, I always have to worry. I can't help it."

Kaneki stares at the bead of sweat rolling down the side of Hide's jaw and he swallows. His pupils dilate and as Hide brushes aside the blond locks sticking to his forehead, his pulse rises.

Hide's scent is thick and the only thing filling his senses, despite how many other humans were around them. He feels so high. His head spins and he doesn't mind.

 _He's mine. All mine._

His fingers glide up Hide's bare arm, feeling the moisture and eying the flushed color marring his flesh.

"Does it hurt?" Kaneki finds himself saying out loud as he touches Hide's sunburns.

Hide's brows furrow at his sudden statement but when he looks down to where Kaneki's eyes are focused, he waves it aside. "Nah, not really. It stings but it's nothing."

"You need to be careful. You're not using sunscreen, are you?" Kaneki asks him with that incredulous tone.

Hide smiles at Kaneki's motherly concern. "No, guess I forgot. I get so caught up in things…I don't really think about myself…"

The way Hide says those last few words strikes something in Kaneki. Somehow, the blond sounds distant to him. He doesn't look him in the eye.

He wants to say more. He senses something off about his friend, and it's made clearer as Hide remains silent and his gaze stays forward.

"Did you want any ice cream?" Hide asks him as he nears the front of the truck.

"No, I'm good," Kaneki replies.

Hide narrows his eyes with a silly pout. "Hmm, I'm gonna get double scoops then. We'll share it."

Kaneki shakes his head slightly at Hide's persistence and walks over to one of the few benches nearby. He chooses an empty one closest to the shade of trees lining the small park with a water fountain in the center, where other people are seated. He sighs when he sits down, feeling a brief gust of wind blowing past, and then he looks towards where Hide stands.

He can't stop smiling these days. So, this is how it feels to love someone, and for that love to be returned. He can't believe it, after all those years of wondering and doubt.

 _He makes me want to live._

In the next few minutes, Hide comes to his side in a flash, a chocolate and strawberry ice cream cone in his grasp.

"Ha-ha! Look what I have. Two scoops, my dude. Want to taste first?" Hide says with a grin. He plops himself close next to Kaneki, his arm resting on the back of the bench behind Kaneki's shoulders.

"You go first," Kaneki urges him.

Hide rolls his eyes playfully and obliges, his tongue running slowly along the chocolate and strawberry dessert. Kaneki bites his lower lip, his eyes too intent on the action.

Hide hums in pleasure. "Dang, this is refreshing. Not to mention, tasty!"

"Oh? Let me try."

Just as Hide begins to push the cone towards his friend, Kaneki moves his hand under Hide's chin, his fingers tickling the skin there. Hide barely breathes when Kaneki's lips brush onto his, his tongue prodding at his mouth. Hide parts his lips, allowing Kaneki's tongue to slip through and tangle with his. Kaneki's hand is gentle under his chin and he feels Kaneki breathing hard against his mouth, his hot tongue taking in the taste of him before he withdraws.

Kaneki is flushed in the face as he licks his lips. Hide's eyes are intense on him and Kaneki smiles shyly.

"Delicious…" he whispers. Hide's cheeks redden in response.

"Damn…I think I like this side of you," Hide replies with a smirk.

He keeps his eyes locked with his friend's gaze as he takes another mouthful of ice cream. Kaneki grins and swoops in again, his tongue running greedily on Hide's sugary lips. His arms wrap around Hide's waist to bring him closer. Kaneki chews on Hide's bottom lip and pulls slightly, causing them both to laugh as Kaneki continues to press his mouth on Hide's over and over.

Hide grins against Kaneki's lips and their eyes meet. Kaneki moves back, but only slightly, and he stares at Hide with all his feelings bursting forth from his heart. Hide's wide grin fades to one that is soft and warm. He can never get used to the way Kaneki looks at him.

Kaneki smiles at his lover once more before he opts to cling to Hide's left arm, his head resting comfortably against his shoulder. Hide enjoys the warmth of his friend and continues eating the ice cream that begins to melt down his fingers.

His grey eyes wander to Hide's hand between their thighs and his fingers touch the veins that pop out on top of it. Automatically, their hands interlock and Kaneki turns his head up to see Hide looking out into the distance with a serious tint to his gaze. Kaneki is reminded of his inkling feeling before and he pushes himself to ask.

"Are you okay, Hide?"

Hide blinks out of his daze and he looks down at his friend. "Huh? Of course, I am. Why do you ask?"

Kaneki's black hair tickles Hide's skin as his head moves. "Well, you're always asking how I'm doing, so I should do the same."

Hide chuckles and he leans his cheek on the top of Kaneki's head briefly. "I'm fine. I'm here with you and that makes it all better."

"Are you sure?" Kaneki asks.

"You think I'm lying?" Hide replies with a slight frown.

"No…but you know you can always tell me anything." Kaneki lifts his head to look at his friend. "I just sense something…I feel like you're hiding something from me…"

Hide doesn't conceal the melancholy in his eyes and Kaneki doesn't shy away as he waits patiently.

Hide smiles and shakes his head. "It's nothing big. It's my problem, really."

"Well, your problems are my problems. What's going on?" Kaneki presses.

Hide takes another bite of the ice cream that's nearly finished. "It's just my dad. He's being an ass, as usual."

"What do you mean?"

"I guess he's stressed with work. And I feel like…he's been avoiding me a lot lately. I wonder if he's mad at me. Dammit, I can barely read my own dad!" Hide exclaims with a bitter laugh.

"When did all this start?" Kaneki says gently.

"A week ago? I think it's gotten worse since…" Hide stops himself and his frown deepens.

"Since what?"

Hide chews on the waffle cone, the crunch breaking the silence. "I think he hates me."

Kaneki shakes his head at his words. "He doesn't hate you. What reason does he have to hate you? You're the only important person he has, right?"

"I wonder if I remind him of mom… I look like her a lot, remember?" Hide turns to meet Kaneki's gaze.

Kaneki smiles and nods. "Yeah… reminds me how my mom said I look like my dad."

"It's all in the genes, right?" Hide replies sarcastically. He continues crunching on the cone in his hand.

Kaneki's lips form a thin line in thought. His eyes light up when he remembers something. "Hey, it's your birthday tomorrow! Don't forget!"

Hide snorts. "Oh yeah. I'm gonna be sixteen already." He then tightens his grip on Kaneki's hand with excitement. "We should go out tomorrow. Do something really cool, like maybe head to the beach or something?"

Kaneki gives a guilty smile. "I really wish I could. But…" He sighs heavily. "One of my aunt's in-laws is getting married tomorrow and she's forcing me to help her out to make sure things go smoothly since it's being held at her house."

"Well, can't you tell her, 'Fuck you, I'd rather be making out with my boyfriend'?" Hide says with a smirk.

Kaneki blushes deeply at hearing Hide say the 'b' word for the first time out loud. His heart flutters happily at how real it sounds.

 _I love him so much._

Kaneki leans back against the bench. "You don't know how many times I've had to literally bite my tongue, but if I don't help her, she said she'd kick me out of the house for good. And I really don't think it's wise of me to be on my own yet so…"

Hide smiles in understanding. "I get it. Don't worry. I don't want you being homeless either. Situations like this, I wish I was turning twenty instead."

Kaneki rests his chin on Hide's shoulder, his eyes set on his friend. "So, are you and your dad going to do anything special?"

"You know what? Yeah, crazy enough. He said he'd take the day off to spend it with me. I wonder if he'll actually keep that promise though…"

Hide grins again. "If he ends up breaking it, I'm coming over and crashing that wedding to see you."

Kaneki's eyes widen, and he shakes his head. "What? You don't have to do that! My aunt will be furious!"

"Oh, come on, I'll sneak in like I always do. Ninja Hide, remember?" he laughs.

"Your dad better keep that promise, oh my god…" Kaneki says as he places a hand over his forehead at Hide's ridiculous notion.

Though, he knows deep inside, he wants to be with Hide. All the time.

Ice cream completely gone, Hide runs his free hand through Kaneki's soft hair and smiles as the half-ghoul lets out a calming breath at his caress.

 _Everyday should be like this…_

"And here right in front of our eyes, ladies and gents, are the two lovebirds who took _fucking forever_ to decide they are soulmates. I mean, how dense are these idiots."

The two are interrupted by the familiar voice of Nishiki, who approaches them from behind. Hide and Kaneki jolt in surprise and turn their heads to see the ghoul smirking at them.

" _You_. Why are you always popping up outta thin air?" Hide states, pointing a finger at the ghoul.

Nishiki chuckles. "I've got secrets that your inquisitive mind will _never_ figure out."

Hide scoffs. "Try me."

Nishiki keeps his smug expression as he walks around to stand in front of them. He takes in the sight of the two sitting closely together and then his eyes wander to their intertwined hands. He nudges his glasses up his nose and smiles.

"So, finally snagged him as your boyfriend, huh? Did you piss your pants confessing?" Nishiki says to Kaneki with a snicker.

Kaneki blushes again. "N-No…"

Hide releases Kaneki's hand as he stands to his feet. "No, he didn't piss his pants. He was _bleeding_ all over the floor. He almost lost his life and it's _your_ fault!"

Nishiki's expression turns perplexed. "My fault? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Hell no! Because of that _thing_ you gave him, you nearly killed the love of my life!" Hide shouts and he lunges towards the ghoul.

Nishiki stumbles when he dodges Hide's attempt to pound him. "Love of your life? Damn, things are that serious already? I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Nagachika. Has love made you crazy?"

"I'm going to murder you! Come here!" Hide yells as he chases Nishiki down.

Kaneki watches with his mouth agape as the two run all over the place, spitting comments back and forth.

"Chill out, man! Kaneki literally bled his heart for you. If that ain't a gesture of his undying love for you, I don't know what is!" Nishiki states. He snickers as he continues dodging the rocks that Hide begins hurling at him.

"Shut up!" Hide spits back and quickens his movements.

Kaneki gets up off the bench and catches up to Hide. Before Hide could make another aggressive move, Kaneki wraps his arms around Hide's waist from behind and nuzzles his head against the middle of his back.

"It's okay, Hide. You don't have to punish Nishiki. We all know he's a moron," Kaneki says, his cheek pressing on Hide's back.

Hide hesitates, his jaw clenching a few times before he gives up. He throws a hard glare Nishiki's way before turning around towards Kaneki. Meanwhile, Nishiki takes up the bench, both of his arms resting on the back of it as he watches Hide pressing his hands on either side of Kaneki's face to squish his cheeks. The half-ghoul makes a sound of protest but laughs when Hide bites his puckered lips.

"Just like my sister. Lovesick," the ghoul mutters to himself.

He knows for a fact that these boys in front of him are worse. They've got it bad.

Anyone who sees them for a second would know – they would _die_ for each other.

* * *

He inhales sharply, and the air seems to cut through his lungs. His right arm feels numb and heavy as it rests over his sweaty forehead. His eyes are blank, fixed on the ceiling fan that rotates fast and blows stale air throughout his room.

He hates that he feels so exhausted. He's been meaning to get out of bed for the past hour, but he's barely moved a muscle.

He's the only one in the apartment again. As usual.

He slaps his forehead and then groans loudly while he stretches his stiff limbs. He needs to get up, but his body disagrees. Of all days, today had to be the day he wants to stay in bed.

He moves, and next thing he knows, he's rolling off his bed and colliding onto the carpet with a hard thud. The floor feels nice, and once more, he hesitates to make another move. But as always, he pushes himself.

His father is still ignoring him. He's in his own world, even more so now, and refuses to let Hide in.

 _Who the hell is he?_

He misses his mother more often these days.

He rubs at his right eye when he stands to his feet and drags himself to the kitchen, where his dad had ended a phone call an hour ago before leaving for work. As expected, he left a note of the same old lines.

Hide shakes his head with a bitter smile. There's no point in waiting anymore. He places the note back on the kitchen counter and then glances at the digital clock on the microwave.

6:46 PM.

At that, Hide makes his decision, slapping his hands down on the counter before heading straight back to his bedroom. He rummages through his closet, trying to remember if he had a spare tuxedo that still fit.

The last time he ever wore one was for two funerals.

When he remembers that detail, he curses under his breath. Buried in the furthest corner of his closet, he finds his old suit and can tell right away he's long outgrown it.

"Shit…"

He knows he has no other suit. The only option is to look through his father's wardrobe, who he knows has multiple suits for work. He hesitates for a moment before he leaves his room and enters his dad's.

His father's room is cluttered with dirty clothes and papers all over the floor. The unkempt state of the room seems to match his father's mind, scattered and disorganized. He skips over to the closet and inhales deeply once he catches sight of the suits hanging before him.

"Here goes nothing…"

…

 _"Just don't embarrass me and don't make a sound. Also, don't even come near me or Yuuichi."_

Easy enough, Kaneki thinks in his head. Essentially, act as if he doesn't exist. Not that this was ever a challenge for him in this messed-up excuse of a family.

Thankfully, he didn't have to attend the silly wedding ceremony himself, but since 5 PM, he's been helping for the reception part of it. Minding his own business, acting like he's a stranger they hired, he goes through the motions like a battery-powered robot. The only payment he gets is another few more years under his aunt's roof. He'll take what he can get.

He doesn't know anybody. Every person he sees walking past, the question arises as to how he's even related to the Asaoka family. No one pays him any mind, so he continues to blend in. The large house is crowded with many of his aunt's friends and in-laws and countless other people he doesn't bother remembering. People seem to constantly bump into each other up the stairs and down the hallways. The music is booming, the chatter buzzes through the air, and alcohol runs through the adults' bloodstreams.

The deafening sound reminds him of how it felt when the knife carved through his flesh in his desolate bathroom. How much it hurt, and how much he _liked_ it.

He grips his left wrist. Not again. _Never_ again.

Every time his mind drifts, as the party progresses, as the hours tick by, he thinks of him. He hopes he's spending time with his father. Hide's usually keen on hiding how he feels, but after being with him for so long, Kaneki knows when something's bothering him.

Hide's too good at keeping things from him that aren't his concern. Things that could worry him more.

It's getting hard to breathe in the house, so he makes his way outside in the backyard, where there are fewer people. The night is cooler, but remnants of the summer heat lingers. His eyes scan the strangers outside scattered in groups and the decorative lights lining the surrounding fence. He then spots the long table outside containing various foods and desserts that couldn't fit inside the house.

He walks over to the table, chewing on his index finger as he peruses the partially finished food and littered plates. He stops on the half-eaten cake and immediately, he wonders if his friend is enjoying birthday cake. Since he's known Hide, his friend always made sure that he had some form of dessert whenever December rolled around. In turn, it was the same every June.

Keeping with tradition, Kaneki looks around, checking that his aunt or cousin is not watching before he grabs an empty plate and the knife lying there. Once he takes a slice, he finds a spare plastic fork but pauses.

He can't help the empty feeling that stirs inside him as he stands there. He doesn't realize the people outside have now gone back inside the house. The festive noise sounds dull to his ears and his eyes stare at nothing.

Lost in a trance, he soon shakes out of it and then cuts into the spongy cake with his fork.

 _This is for you._

He takes his first bite of the cake, tasting the combination of whipped cream, strawberry, and vanilla on his tongue. He exhales, smiling to himself as he digs his fork in for another piece.

Stuck in his own world, he doesn't sense it fast enough when he feels someone enveloping him from behind. A pair of strong arms suddenly wrap around his body and pulls him against the person's chest. His heart picks up in speed at the surprise motion and at first, he thinks it's his aunt or cousin trying to mess with him. His mouth is occupied with the dessert and his voice refuses to cooperate with him anyway.

"Hey, what's this? You're eating cake without me?"

A voice of disbelief questions near his ear. A voice he so wanted to hear.

"H-Hide?" Kaneki chokes out with his mouth full.

He angles his head to see his friend better. Hide flashes him a bright grin that seems to glow against the moonlight shining brightly above them. Hide holds him tighter from behind and heat floods Kaneki's body from head to toe. His breaths are shallow and in a mere second, he feels undeniably safe in his friend's arms. His back rests comfortably against Hide's chest. All the muscles in his body loses tension.

 _So warm…_

He melts.

"I'm here, Ken," Hide whispers.

His brown eyes are dark as he inches closer to Kaneki's cheek. Blood rushes to the half-ghoul's face in an instant. His breath is unstable when he feels Hide's lips pressing lightly on his velvety skin and then stops when Hide licks at the corner of his mouth, his tongue tasting his lips.

Kaneki grows lightheaded and he almost passes out right there. He closes his eyes and moves to feel Hide's lips again, but his friend pulls away just then to look at his face. Hide smirks as he sees Kaneki's grey eyes stuck in a dazed state and his soft cheeks colored pink.

He can hardly contain himself. He is surprised he has so much self-control.

 _He's so damn tempting. Fuck._

"You had whipped cream on your mouth. But I got it," Hide states, his voice huskier than usual. He licks his lips and smiles.

Kaneki swallows and he slowly turns around, Hide's arms still wrapped securely around him. He smiles wide at his lover, his eyes sparkling.

"You actually came? But…what about…"

Hide shakes his head. "It's okay. Forget about it." He bends closer, his nose touching Kaneki's. "I want to be with you."

Kaneki chuckles, rubbing his nose against his friend and shutting his eyes in bliss. "I'm _so_ happy."

Hide laughs and releases his friend. "Well, you should be. It's gotta be worth wearing this monkey suit in the summer, man," he says in a joking manner.

Kaneki takes a moment to appreciate Hide's appearance, seeing him in a black suit for the first time in a long while. He chews on the plastic fork in between his teeth and smiles. "You look really handsome."

Hide scoffs, blushing in embarrassment. "I know, right?" he replies sarcastically.

"No, really, you're hot," Kaneki says with his eyes scanning his man up and down.

Hide laughs. "Oh, shut up. You should look at yourself. I'm literally trying so hard to keep my hands off you."

Kaneki tilts his head, his grey eyes mischievous. "Hide, don't do that. Touch me all you want. I'm all yours."

Hide's eyes darken again, and he shakes his head slowly. "You really should watch what you say."

Kaneki takes a step forward, placing a hand on Hide's chest and slowly, his fingers crawl up to the side of his neck. He says nothing as he locks eyes with his friend, coaxing him to do more.

Hide's expression turns sly and he draws his face closer to Kaneki, who closes his eyes as Hide's lips brush over his. Kaneki inhales Hide's scent and sighs in content.

"I'm gonna need some of that cake. It looks way too good," Hide says out of nowhere. Right then, he moves away, leaving Kaneki hanging as he dives for the plates.

Kaneki blinks fast, frowning slightly and then shaking his head at Hide's nonsense. When Hide turns around, he had taken not one, but two, slices of the cake and had already stuffed his face. Kaneki laughs as Hide's mouth is already covered in cream.

"You're so messy, like a baby," Kaneki says. He reaches over to the table and hands Hide a napkin.

With their dessert, the boys find a spot at one of the empty tables in the backyard. They take the chairs, placing them side by side as they sit close together. Kaneki smiles when he watches Hide happily eating the cake and his hand wanders through the blond's soft, wild hair.

The boys stay silent while they munch on the leftover cake, gazing at the ongoing party from afar.

"A bore-fest, huh? Bet you don't know anybody here," Hide states.

"Yup," Kaneki says flatly.

"I don't even remember the last time my family had a gathering like this. My father's so distant from everybody. He's like a stranger now…" Hide's voice trails off.

"You're my only family, Hide," Kaneki declares with a smile.

Hide turns his head, meeting Kaneki's joyful eyes. He smiles back. "It's always been that way, between you and I."

Kaneki's cheeks turn pink again as he feels himself growing warmer. Hide reaches over, holding Kaneki's hand. Kaneki can't stop thinking of how they are now. How he's always wanted them to be.

A thought strikes him then. "I hope she doesn't see us…"

Hide snorts. "Who cares. I bet she's too drunk to see herself."

Kaneki laughs. "Yeah…I guess you're right."

Hide takes a moment to listen to the music shaking the house and the sporadic laughter from afar. Setting his empty plate aside, he gets up off his chair, taking Kaneki by surprise.

He turns around, a grin on his face as he holds his hand out. "Dance with me, Ken."

Kaneki blushes and sputters. "I-I don't know if that's a good idea."

Hide pouts. "Aw, come on, I can't be dancing on my own. I'll look even more stupid than I usually do, especially in this sweaty-ass getup."

Kaneki bites his lip, pausing before putting down his finished plate and taking his friend's hand. He nearly trips on his own feet due to his nerves and he looks up at Hide, who smiles confidently at him.

"If you end up with bruised toes, don't blame me," Kaneki warns him.

"Oh, I blame you all the time. How else do I get away with it?" Hide jokes.

Kaneki rolls his eyes, sighing deeply as he places his arms around Hide's neck. The blond wraps his arms around Kaneki's waist and pulls him in. Their chests touch and Kaneki gazes at Hide's brown eyes, which brighten further in the night.

"You're beautiful," Hide comments out of nowhere, making Kaneki lose his cool again.

" _Hide_ , please."

"I still can't believe…you like me…" Hide whispers.

Kaneki hears the insecurity in his tone and notices the way his eyes break away from his.

"Hide…" he says gently.

Just as Hide looks up, Kaneki moves in, his lips touching Hide's and claiming what he wanted from earlier. He feels Hide responding as his friend holds him tighter and his hand clutches the back of his head. Kaneki slips his tongue through to taste Hide and takes his time kissing both of Hide's lips, the soft, moist flesh of their mouths meshing together and drawing out jagged breaths.

Kaneki stops himself from deepening the kiss to pull back and look at his lover dead in the eyes. "How can you even say that? You don't know how long I've waited for this. I've wanted you for so, _so_ long. It hurt me because I wanted you so much."

Hide places another delicate kiss on Kaneki's open mouth. "I'm sorry. I should've known better."

Kaneki smiles and presses his forehead against his friend's. "Maybe you did. But like the kind person you are, you didn't want to push yourself on me."

Hide chuckles. "Damn, guess you know me better than I thought."

Kaneki looks at Hide with all the adoration he has. "I actually don't… Sometimes, I wish I could read your mind."

"That'd be scary! Thank god you can't!" Hide exclaims dramatically.

Hide then picks up Kaneki in his arms, making the half-ghoul gasp in shock as the blond spins him around. Kaneki holds onto him tighter than ever and laughs while Hide continues to spin them both around until dizziness takes over them.

When Hide sets him to the ground, he holds Kaneki's face in his hands, his eyes closed as he rests his forehead on Kaneki's once more. Kaneki's breathing calms him down and he feels the half-ghoul touching his face so tenderly, his eyes begin to burn.

"Let's get out of here," Hide whispers, his gaze meeting with Kaneki's intent stare.

"To where?" Kaneki asks.

Hide pulls back and grins. "Anywhere. I have my bike. Let's just lose ourselves in the city. Get away from here for a while."

Kaneki smiles and then glances at the house. "She's gonna know I'm gone…"

"Like she ever cared? You're done here, Ken. I'll bring you back before she can even get over her hangover."

Kaneki laughs. "Oh, when you put it that way, okay!" He turns to the house, causing Hide to look perplexed.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Hold on, I've gotta get my bag real fast," Kaneki hollers back.

Hide watches Kaneki disappear within the bustling house and he takes this time to retrieve his bike he left against the wooden fence. Not long after, Kaneki rushes out, panting once he reaches Hide with his school bag hanging off his back.

Hide snickers. "What, planning to study while I take you on a whirlwind adventure?"

"Shut up and let's go. My cousin nearly caught me on the way out," Kaneki says.

"Then let's skedaddle on outta here," Hide says, sticking his tongue out.

Kaneki scoffs at his silly choice of words. Clad in their fancy suits, the boys sneak away from the party and once they make it to the vacant street, there's no going back for them.

* * *

Normally, Kaneki is terribly self-conscious and would rather stay invisible forever. He'd rather die than stand out like a sore thumb.

But with _him_ , god, he doesn't give a single care in the world.

The power this boy has over him is endless.

The unconditional love he has for him is infinite. He can't stop it. It won't ever stop.

He'd do anything. Jump off a cliff with him. Die with him. It didn't matter.

The people walking the streets at night stare at them in their black suits and riding past on Hide's aging bike. The boys can't stop laughing at themselves, but it's just too fun.

They're crazy and addicted. Crazy in love.

The city lights seem to glow brighter in Kaneki's view. Maybe it's how he feels that makes everything seem so fuzzy and beautiful. All the colors blind him and energy courses through him like lightning.

His arms grasp Hide closer against him, his head resting on his back. Everything spirals fast around him. Hide is the only one he can see.

"If you could get a tattoo, what would you pick?" Hide asks him when they take a break from their bike ride.

Standing in front of a tattoo shop down one of the streets they walk along, Kaneki shakes his head at his random question.

"I don't know. I don't think I'm comfortable with having something on my skin permanently…"

"Just hypothetically, dude," Hide says. He nudges Kaneki with his elbow.

"Well, if I had to choose…god…" Kaneki pauses, pursing his lips together. "I don't even know. Maybe…maybe something that reminds me of you."

He blushes and looks up at Hide, who smiles warmly at him.

"What about you?"

He ruffles the half-ghoul's hair. "You said my answer for me, mind-reader."

Hide chuckles. "Usually, I think getting relationship tattoos is a dumb idea. But..."

He grabs Kaneki's hand and the other squeezes his in response.

The two do indeed get lost in the city. They lose track of direction multiple times and nearly get stuck in some dodgy areas. Still, Kaneki manages to keep both of them away from the ghoul-infested areas, using his sharp senses to sniff them out. Despite the hiccups on their spontaneous journey, Kaneki's belly aches from laughing so hard. The way Hide thinks he knows where he's going and then watching the blond lose his composure and swear loudly, he can't help himself from doubling over so many times.

Hide never gets mad. The sound of Kaneki's laughter thrills Hide, lifting his spirits higher and higher.

"Oh snap, I know!" Hide grins and turns to his friend. "Are you getting hungry?"

Kaneki shrugs his shoulders. "Umm, sure?"

"Don't say 'sure' like that! Say ' _hell yeah_ ' because I just remembered this new burger place that opened this year. I heard about it from some guys at school and I've been meaning to check it out myself. We should go!"

"I haven't had a burger since my mom died…" Kaneki says quietly in thought.

"Which makes this destination our path to paradise! I think it's called 'Big Girl'," Hide says, tapping his lip.

"Sounds perverted," Kaneki jokes. Hide laughs loudly at that.

"Oh, I heard there's a bunch of cute girls on their staff. Too bad, I'm happily taken." Hide gives a cheeky grin Kaneki's way.

Kaneki smiles and then clings to Hide's arm. "Am I going to have to fight off some random chicks? Maybe we should go somewhere else."

Hide smirks at him. "It's gonna be okay, Ken. They're probably gonna be more attracted to an adorable, innocent boy like you."

"That's creepy," Kaneki comments as he leans on Hide.

"They ain't cougars, my man!" Hide states with a chuckle. "Or I hope not anyway… In any case, I'll protect you."

Hide scratches the back of his head. "Now I gotta figure out where it is…"

"Oh boy," Kaneki says. He knows it'll probably take at least another hour or so until Hide finds his bearings, but like before, it doesn't matter to him. Staying by his side is all he wants.

It's 9 PM by the time Hide shouts "Eureka!" when they come upon the Big Girl restaurant, which is filled with other teenagers around their age.

"I knew this was perverted," Kaneki says. He looks up at the sign that showcases a girl wearing a skimpy skirt as part of her tight-fitting uniform.

"What do you expect from horny high school boys, right?" Hide replies and takes Kaneki's hand in his.

Once the boys enter the restaurant, they are greeted simultaneously by multiple waitresses, who put on grins that look so plastic, Kaneki winces.

"Welcome to Big Girl, gentlemen! How many?" the hostess asks with enthusiasm.

"Two please," Hide replies and the hostess tells him they'll have to wait a few minutes for a table.

Hide turns to Kaneki. "Not so bad, right? Friendly girls. And would you smell that? My stomach's growling from all that walking around."

"Well good job, explorer Hide. Thanks to all your hard work, I'll be picking up the tab," Kaneki states with a smile as he runs a hand through Hide's hair.

"What? No way, I can handle it," Hide insists.

"It's your birthday, remember?" Kaneki retorts.

Hide's bottom lip juts out in protest. "At least let me pay half?"

Before Kaneki could answer, the hostess returns and takes them to their booth near the window. As soon as they are settled and the hostess heads towards the front, another girl replaces her.

"Wow, you boys look so handsome all dressed up. What's the occasion? Did y'all just leave a party?" their waitress comments.

Kaneki glances at Hide before replying. "Umm…just a wedding."

"A wedding?" The girl's eyes bulge and she shrieks in delight. "No way. Is it…?"

Her large eyes dart back and forth between the two, causing the boys to grow flustered and shake their heads rapidly.

"No, no, it's not ours. _Yet_ ," Hide says with a wink. The girl squeals louder at that and Kaneki slaps a hand to his forehead.

"Aww…I could have sworn it was you two getting married. I saw you both holding hands when you got in. So cute, both of you!" she comments as she takes out her notepad to write down their orders.

"Um, yes, when can we order, please?" Kaneki cuts in with a forced grin.

"Sure, sure, what will we be having tonight?"

Hide glances at the menu for a few minutes. "Guess I'll just have the regular hamburger, since it's our first time here and all."

"Make that two, please," Kaneki adds.

The girl grins and sticks her pen behind her ear. "Coolio, sounds good. And what kind of drink would you like?"

The boys settle for water and with that, the girl leaves, her skirt swishing with her every move.

Kaneki blows out his exhale in exasperation, clutching his forehead and narrowing his eyes at Hide. The blond smirks and reaches out to poke at his lover's cheek. "Don't be so sour, baby. It's all fun and games."

Kaneki's cheeks turn pink at Hide's new pet name for him and he hides his eyes behind his arm, deciding to play with his lover. Hide whines like a child, coaxing his friend to come out of hiding.

"Don't leave me alone, Ken! I'll die if you do," Hide states dramatically. He pokes at Kaneki's arm repeatedly and then scratches at the side of Kaneki's head, the black silky hair slipping through his fingers.

At the last statement, Kaneki shows his face. "Boo," Kaneki replies in a soft tone and clutches onto both of Hide's outstretched hands.

Hide cheers and his fingers grip onto Kaneki's equally strong hold on him. They stare at each other across the table for a minute before laughing at the same time and then pulling apart.

Discussing about how many times they got lost like headless chickens, their burgers arrive amid Hide recalling them coming across a dingy area of the city.

"I need to bring like a GPS or something next time. We don't even have phones, dammit! What are we, cavemen?" Hide exclaims.

"Well, there's no way I'm getting a phone until I'm on my own," Kaneki says with a shrug.

"Then I won't either until you do. Otherwise, who am I gonna text? Just my dad? Please," Hide comments.

"I think it's funny that we're dating but we don't have phones like other teenagers. We're weirdos," Kaneki points out with a laugh.

"I know right? Most people our age is single and/or struggling in relationships…"

Kaneki gazes at Hide with those adoring eyes again. "I'm so lucky…"

Hide grins at him. "Cheeseball."

The boys take in the smell of the steaming hamburgers in front of them and Hide rubs his hands together in anticipation.

"Oh man, you ready, Kaneki? We should take the first bite at the same time."

Kaneki chuckles. "Okay, that's fine."

Hide takes his knife and fork, figuring out which part is the meatiest section for him to cut into. Once he finds it, he starts chopping the corner while Kaneki readies his own.

As soon as their forks spear their pieces, Hide looks up at him, eagerness written all over his face. "Okay, on the count of three…"

"One…" Hide starts.

"Two…" Kaneki says with a smile breaking through.

"Three!" the boys finish in unison and place the forks in their mouths. They both take the time to assess the taste and once their senses sink in, their reactions follow.

"Holy shiitake mushrooms," Hide says with wide eyes.

Kaneki covers his mouth in shock. The taste of the hamburger immediately takes him back to the first time he tried his mother's homemade burger. He can't believe it.

"This is so good, _oh my god_. Kaneki?" Hide looks at his friend and sees Kaneki smiling wide, his cheeks glowing at the taste.

"It's like mom's… It's delicious," Kaneki meets his gaze with pure joy.

Hide then finds Kaneki's expression more amazing than the burger he just sampled. He watches Kaneki going for another bite and reaches over to ruffle his hair. "See? Told you coming here was a great idea."

Kaneki playfully pushes him away and the boys continue savoring their meal together, their night escapade passing on with no one to disturb them.

…

Hide burps for the second time that night, causing Kaneki to laugh at the exaggerated sound.

"Oops, that wasn't me," Hide states. He looks around, acting as if it was someone else.

"You shouldn't say 'oops' if it's not you then," Kaneki points out. He swings their intertwined hands between them.

It's close to 11 PM by the time the boys make it to the same park where they had ice cream the previous day. The park is empty at this hour and the boys decide to rest near the trees, the leaves swaying in the breeze and the moonlight shining through, casting ominous shadows on their bodies.

Hide props his bike against the large trunk of the tree before he lets out an exhausted groan, allowing himself to lie flat on the grass. Kaneki follows him, lying right beside him as he sets his bag on his left side.

"We shouldn't have to come back. We should just stay out here. Become those underground hobos or something," Hide suggests, his arms propped behind his head.

Kaneki chuckles. "If we're staying together, Hide, I'm making sure we're living in proper conditions where you're safe and away from the monsters of society."

Hide looks over at him with amusement in his brown eyes. "So…we _are_ getting married?"

Kaneki blushes and fiddles with his tie. "Well…I…I don't know…"

"I'm just kidding, Kaneki. We're only fifteen. Wait, I'm sixteen now."

Kaneki gasps loudly and shoots up from his lying position, blades of grass sticking to the back of his suit and hair. "Oh crap, I almost forgot!"

"What? Did you forget to read the dictionary?" Hide teases as he shifts himself to his side.

Kaneki rummages through his bag like a madman until he finally grabs hold of a neatly wrapped package. Turning around, his arms hold the item behind his back.

"I didn't bring my bag for nothing. I needed it so that I could give you this." Kaneki then reveals the package in his hand, wrapped in bright yellow paper and a green ribbon to tie it all together.

"Sorry…these colors remind me of you so…" Kaneki scratches his cheek, already beginning to sweat with his nerves.

Hide had sat up in an instant once he laid eyes on the present. His jaw drops, and he can't say anything at first.

"M-May I?" he whispers and Kaneki nods quickly, gesturing him to go for it.

Carefully, like he's holding a baby, he unravels the ribbon and removes the paper without ripping it off. He sets the paper and ribbon aside and then holds the box up for a closer look. Once he realizes what it is, he's left speechless again. He goes to open the box.

Kaneki rubs his hands together. "I noticed you've been listening to music a lot more these days and then you mentioned your old headphones wasn't working properly so… I figured…"

Hide holds up the new set of headphones Kaneki got him. Shiny, orange ones that glisten in the moonlight.

"I hope the color's okay. It made me happy seeing it because I imagined it fit you and umm…" Kaneki finds himself babbling but he can't stop. He's so nervous for some reason.

 _I've given him a present every year. Why is it so different now?_

Hide places the headphones around his neck, having said no words so far. Kaneki swallows hard, wondering what's on his mind. Hide looks at him with a serious expression, causing Kaneki to think of the worst.

"I could always return it if you don't-"

Kaneki's eyes widen when Hide grabs him into his arms, his warm lips colliding onto his. His cheeks flush immediately at the contact, his sound of surprise muffled as Hide moves his lips hard and rough on his mouth. Kaneki closes his eyes, parting his lips for Hide to invade and tie his tongue with his eager one. Something inside him burns his veins and he dives into the fire completely. Hide's tongue is so hot, wet, tingling as it meets his own aggressively, tying him down. His breathy gasps are swallowed by his friend, saliva dripping out the corner of his mouth. Hide's hand grips the back of his head, pulling at his hair slightly and exciting Kaneki more. Hide moves away for a split second for air before returning, claiming Kaneki's taste for himself and effectively bruising the half-ghoul's lips.

Hide's arm is strong around his waist while Kaneki weakens from his touch. Soon, Hide has him pinned to the ground. He lets Hide do what he wants, all he needs is more. _More._

Hide withdraws a second time, their greedy mouths causing lewd, wet sounds to fill the thick air between them. Kaneki lets out a whine in protest as he pulls on Hide's tie, reeling him in so that Hide's tender lips touch his bruised ones. Hide gives in, allowing his tongue to slip through to pleasure his lover once more. Kaneki moans shamelessly, sucking on Hide's tongue once he has it in his mouth.

Hide slowly breaks away, licking at Kaneki's insatiable lips. Kaneki's kakugan appears with his lust-filled gaze as he breathes heavily, never letting go of Hide's tie.

" _I want you_ ," Kaneki breathes, his voice heavy and desperate.

Hide leans down, biting Kaneki's lower lip and then sucking on the top one. Kaneki lets out sighs that arouses Hide far too much.

"Goddammit, Ken…" Hide whispers on his mouth.

It takes a minute for both of them to settle down from the thick haze that traps them and tempts them to keep going. Once their minds are cleared, Hide's hand wanders to grasp the right side of his new headphones.

"I could never get used to this. I could never get used to you giving me a present every year. I cry like a baby when I get home every time, you know?"

Kaneki's face is still flushed, and he takes in a few breaths before letting loose a sweet smile. "You do? I'm sorry…"

"No, don't say that! I'm just so happy. I feel so blessed and this birthday is the best one. You wanna know why?"

Kaneki's trembling hand reaches up and Hide grabs it in his secure grasp.

"Because I finally have you. I held myself back for so long because I didn't think you would choose me. But you did, and I still don't understand why."

Kaneki shakes his head and he leans up, their noses bumping as he presses their lips together. "Hide, take me, just take all of me. _I belong to you_."

Hide lifts him up so that he's holding Kaneki from behind. Kaneki sits comfortably between his legs, his head resting against his left shoulder and his back leaning on his chest. Kaneki turns so that Hide's lips graze his forehead. He stares down at their hands clenched so hard, nothing could break their grip.

"You're mine, Hide. I'm never letting you go," Kaneki says, his voice strong.

No stranger but the moon listens to this declaration.

"I won't leave you alone, Ken. You're stuck with me," Hide responds.

It's midnight when the half-ghoul's soul finds safety with the human boy who already owns every part of him. This time the human no longer questions why. He knows it's real by the way those mismatched eyes look back at him. The human and ghoul side agreeing on one thing entirely.

There are no more secrets.


	11. Airplanes

There is only one emotion consuming his entire being now that he's drained himself. He never cries, not him. He would not allow himself to shed tears in this world that already views people like him lower than dirt.

But now that she's gone, what else can he do?

Somewhere in the back of his fucked-up mind, there's a line that repeats itself.

 _I_ _told you so, I told you so, I told you so, I told you-_

It's already been a week since she died in his arms. He still feels her blood seeping through his skin. The distress over her boils like lava and it overwhelms him. It drove him on a manhunt for the one who betrayed her in the days that followed.

And now, he finally found the rat. Cornered right where he wants him. It's like luck is on his side because it didn't take too long. Just a week.

There's no one else. Just the two of them. Far from society and dragged in the outskirts where no one could hear his screams.

"Please you don't understand! It wasn't me! I loved her, _I loved her_!"

He is so sick of hearing excuses. Humans are pathetic. Why did he even think that humans and ghouls could get along without one of them hurting the other. They just weren't meant to be.

All he can think about is the pain his sister went through in her final moments. How much blood surrounded her, like she was drowning in it. The fact that she was still in love with this maggot cowering in front of him till her last breath.

 _Love. What the fuck is love?_

Nishiki doesn't bother saying anything, his eyes changing to the eerie red. He feels so empty; nothing but the fires of rage scorch his insides.

All sound is dull to his ears, including whatever else the man tries to holler in his desperate attempts to stay alive. When his kagune runs free in its fully-fledged form, tearing through the flesh and guts of the man who his sister admired so much, he doesn't experience any satisfaction.

While he stands there, his kagune flailing dangerously around him and splattering blood everywhere, the rage begins to dissipate to a heavier emotion that hits him harder than anything else.

He is alone. He has nobody.

He can't help but suffer a sense of abandonment. He hates his sister for leaving him. He hates her for leaving him to survive completely alone in this wretched world while she got to escape with her foolish faith in love.

He doesn't bother bringing the corpse back to the feeding grounds. The other ghouls would find it eventually. He sees a picture of his sister in the man's phone, smiling so brightly with him wrapped around her. He crushes the damned device in his bare hands till it's nothing but scrap on the concrete.

He continues walking and walking to nowhere in particular. He still smells blood on him. His sister's voice echoes in his head over and over. His body begs him to stop.

He doesn't listen.

He fades.

* * *

Hide stretches as his eyes adjust to the darkness of his room. School left him so exhausted that right after finishing his work, he passed out. He doesn't know how long he slept but from how pitch black it is, he guesses it's the late hours of the night.

With one eye open, he turns his head and notices the light from the living room seeping underneath the bottom of the door. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he rolls off his bed, meeting the ground in a clumsy heap. Still dressed in his white shirt and black pants from his uniform, he quietly opens his door and makes his way towards the light.

On the couch, his father sits with a cup of cold coffee set aside in front of him. He has his hands clasped together near his mouth, his elbows resting on his knees. His brows are knotted together, and his eyes are closed as he is deep in thought.

Hide hesitates when he spots his father seated calmly in silence. He can't really remember the last time he saw him take time to rest let alone take a breather.

It's been months since he had a decent conversation with his father. He doesn't know how to start or what to say anymore.

His father looks up slowly when he feels Hide's lingering stare on him and he breaks out of his thinking state. "Hide, I didn't realize you were awake."

Hide gives a thin-lipped smile and looks around. "What time is it?"

Mr. Nagachika glances at the watch he still has on. "Almost midnight."

Hide furrows his brows. "When did you get home?"

"About an hour ago."

Hide sighs heavily and Mr. Nagachika gazes at his son for a moment before he gestures for him to come sit by him on the couch. "Come here, Hide. There's actually something…I've been meaning to tell you…"

Hide swallows. He feels nervous because he knows that whenever his father says that, it's about something he is not going to be pleased to hear. But since they haven't said more than a sentence to each other in a while, he gives in.

Hide strides over to the empty space on his father's right side. Mr. Nagachika doesn't look at him and he brings his hands together in thought once more.

"Dad, what's going on?" Hide asks quietly.

His father takes in a deep breath before he finally meets Hide's eyes. "So, my job…there's nothing more for me here in Tokyo…in Japan really. I…we, we're going to have to move again."

As expected, there is a brief silence and Hide narrows his eyes. "When did you know about this? How long has it been-"

"I've been thinking of moving since June so…about six months. I'm planning for us to move to America. There's more for me over there, more for the both of us. I know this is a lot to take in-"

"Yeah, it's a lot! Why did you wait six months to tell me?" Hide asks him, his voice rising in volume.

His father's forehead creases. "I knew this wasn't going to be easy but…I needed time to think…"

Hide shakes his head. "Dad, I can't. I'm done moving. We've done that enough and I thought we were happy here in Tokyo. I can't leave. I'm not going."

His father stares at him for a moment, seeing the firm decision in Hide's eyes. "Are you sure you don't want to come with me? America has so many more opportunities for us."

"Maybe for you. But not me." Hide gets up from the couch, walking over to the kitchen counter. He rests a hand there, his knuckles curling against the cold surface.

"It's because of him, isn't it?"

Hide's hand stops moving on the counter and once more, a tense silence fills the air.

"You know, Hide, I never told you this, but I knew that boy wasn't like everyone else. I know he's not human."

Hide's eyes widen and his breathing stops. Suddenly, the apartment is colder than before.

"He's a ghoul."

"H-How long have you known this?" Hide turns to him, his voice hoarse.

Mr. Nagachika's lips press together tightly in thought and he shuts his eyes. "I don't remember, maybe when you two were both ten years old. Around the time his mother passed away."

Hide's brain can't function, his mouth frozen. He can't find the words.

"He looks at you like your mother looked at me." His father gives a dry laugh. "His mother knew, for sure. He's looked at you like that since the start, I think."

A small smile breaks through as Hide listens quietly.

"I was scared when I realized that my son was prancing around with one of those creatures that everyone knows exists. That everyone hates so much. But over the years, I just couldn't stop you two. You were happy. It…it was like you were his lifeline or something…"

"Dad…" Hide whispers.

"I still worry, son. I don't know much about these ghouls, but I just wonder how long things will stay…safe..."

"He wouldn't hurt me, dad," Hide tells him firmly.

His father exhales hard. "I don't know. I just don't know." He then raises his head, looking at his son straight in the eyes. "But I know you, Hide. I know you so well."

Hide waits, watching how sad his father looks. It hurts his chest seeing him like this.

"You're the most selfless person. So kind…too kind," his father says. His hands are clasped between his legs, his eyes fixed on the carpet.

"That boy, I'm sure, would do anything for you as you would do for him. But at the same time, he depends on you. And you being you, you'd sacrifice yourself."

Hide's lungs feel like they're being squeezed. Not many people can read him because he makes sure to shield himself. But here, his father tears those walls down so easily. It's only natural, of course. But it frightens Hide. He still can't move.

"I'm going to be heading to America in the next month. I have a feeling I know what your ultimate decision will be, but at least think it over. I will support you." His father stands to his feet, walking over to Hide, who stares into space with blank eyes.

"I just want you to think about yourself and what's good for you in the long run. Do you understand?" his father says gently.

Hide's eyes shift from blurred vision to his father's face shrouded in the dim light. He nods slowly, and his father places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly.

"Think about it, son," his father repeats with a small smile. His eyes are still downcast as he walks past Hide and into his room.

Hide stands there for a minute longer, his father's words loud in his mind. His eyes direct towards the door and next thing he knows, he's outside his apartment and heading down the streets in the quiet of the isolated night.

As he walks down the pavement, passing by multiple street lights on the way, his mind goes on overdrive. The cold, winter air of December blows right through him. He hadn't bothered bringing his jacket along, but it doesn't matter to him. He needs to breathe.

He can only hear his footsteps, one after the other.

It's too quiet.

He leans against one of the street lights, gazing up at the black sky, his breath coming out in small clouds.

It's starless.

Somehow, it matches how he feels.

* * *

For most of the holiday season, Kaneki hasn't seen his boyfriend as Hide had told him he wanted to spend more time with his dad. Of course, Kaneki isn't upset in the slightest. In fact, he pushed Hide to spend as much time as he wanted with his father.

The boys are a few months away from ending their first year of high school and heading on to their second year once April approaches. Studies also occupy their days, keeping the boys separate from each other even more. Still, Hide manages to see Kaneki between classes from time to time, never leaving him alone entirely.

School work keeps Kaneki distracted so he doesn't have to bear his aunt's abuse. He'd rather study at the library then stay at her home.

Kaneki is happy though. Because of the busy season, Hide always leaves a note in Kaneki's shoe locker before he arrives. Every note, Kaneki treasures, and it becomes a collection that makes him smile like a fool every time.

 _I tried to cook today for my dad and failed miserably. He still ate it though. Thankfully, we didn't get sick. I really need to get better though 'cause I gotta make burgers for my baby someday! XO_

 _Dad says I talk about you too much. He says I'm like my mother in that way. What am I, I might as well be her male clone. Talking about you calms me down, you know?_

 _I couldn't sleep well last night. So much on my mind. I wish I had a phone so I could text you. You'd probably hate me though for texting too much. Sorry._

 _I love you. I always cheer up when I remember you're mine._

In return, Kaneki would write a note back without fail and place it in his shoe locker before the school day ended.

 _I can already imagine the catastrophe the kitchen must be in. I wish I was there with you, but I know you need this time alone. I miss you so much. I'd eat everything you made regardless of how bad it looks, I promise! :)_

 _I remember my mom said I daydreamed too much. I was thinking about you when I was younger, and I still do every day. You need to get out of my head, Hide. I can't concentrate on anything. But I can't stop._

 _I wouldn't mind you texting me even if it kept me awake. I don't sleep some nights anyway either because I get nightmares about getting choked to death…Or being eaten alive. I wish you were here with me. But don't worry. I'm okay._

 _I'm crying, damn you. I love you more. Always._

True to his words, Kaneki thinks of him every day. He hopes Hide is happy when he doesn't see him. Many times, he drifts off into space, especially when he lies on his bed alone while his aunt and cousin aren't home. He counts his heart beats and imagines Hide lying beside him. He reads the notes over and over as his boyfriend's words help lull him to sleep on nights he can't.

 _Yes, you may think I'm crazy, but I'm already thinking of us getting married when we're older. But it's fucked up that we can't get legally married here. Makes me sad…and mad. :(_

He chuckles softly when he reads this note again and he remembers how he had responded:

 _Marrying you would be a dream come true. It's okay if it doesn't happen though because I know that I'll always love you. We don't need legalities to define how we feel._

He takes the note from underneath to read Hide's next response which appeared in his school desk before lunch on that same day.

 _Now it's my turn to cry. Say goodbye to your spine because I'm going to hug you so damn hard today._

Kaneki smiles again, remembering how Hide had grabbed him during their break and embraced him so tight that he loses breath, just the way he wants it. The classmates watching them had mixed reactions, he recalls. Most were disgusted, but love makes him braver. He doesn't give a damn.

He presses the note to his lips, feeling warmth spread through him.

His peace is interrupted when he hears his aunt and cousin returning home. His aunt sounds happy while his cousin chatters in an excited manner. As always, everything else is background noise. Kaneki clutches the notes to his chest and closes his eyes.

* * *

He nearly drops the grocery bags he's carrying when he spots an unexpected visitor in front of his aunt's house. Clearly, no one is home because there would have been no way he'd be there in the open.

Nishiki sits on the concrete steps leading up to the front door. He leans back on his hands as he stares up at the evening sky. When he hears Kaneki approaching, they meet gazes. Something is different about Nishiki's energy. Kaneki senses it right away and his eyes hold something that was not there before.

He's colder. Ruthless.

"Where've you been half-breed? Slaving away for that bitch of an aunt?" Nishiki asks him.

His voice is different too. Sharp and direct. Kaneki is stunned at his tone.

Kaneki sighs and sets down the bags at his feet. "Well, I certainly don't need this much food for myself."

Kaneki studies Nishiki's blank expression, his eyes narrowing. "I haven't seen you for months. Has everything been okay?"

Nishiki scoffs and then laughs out loud. This surprises Kaneki again and the sound of his laughter sends an unnerving chill through him.

"Have I been okay? Fuck no. I've been through hell," Nishiki states abruptly. His eyes are steely and void of any of the innocence it used to have the last time he visited him and Hide.

"What happened?" Kaneki is almost afraid to ask.

Nishiki stares at him and shakes his head. "Anyway, I just came by to check how my idiot boys are doing." He raises an eyebrow at Kaneki. "Are you and Nagachika still on good terms and all?"

Kaneki smiles. "Of course, we are. He's just been with his dad more often these days. But we're doing good."

NIshiki rubs the back of his neck. "You sure about that? 'Cause I saw him a few hours ago after school."

Kaneki's eyes widen slightly. "Really? What did you guys talk about?"

Nishiki scoffs again. "What kind of boyfriend is he, he didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Kaneki asks, his tone revealing his growing impatience.

"His dad's moving to America next week."

Kaneki doesn't speak as he takes in this new information. It all makes senses now, why Hide wanted to be with his dad for the past month.

"Doesn't that mean Nagachika's leaving too? I don't understand why the hell he didn't tell you any of this," Nishiki states with a judgmental tone. "Humans are just really good for nothing except lying and keeping secrets."

Kaneki's brain automatically orders him to move and he turns around fast.

"Hold it!" Nishiki stops him, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back with a hard tug. Kaneki stumbles slightly but he doesn't turn to face the other ghoul. Nishiki's grip on him tightens, his fingers pressing hard into his skin.

"You know the hell I've been through? Well, lemme tell you, my sister was goddamn murdered last month."

Kaneki doesn't try to resist Nishiki, staying motionless as he listens.

"The one responsible for her death? It was the fucking human she was so in love with. And she still loved him when she died. He betrayed her. He lied to her the whole time."

Nishiki sees that Kaneki won't turn to look at him and so he tugs on the half-ghoul once more. "You know what I'm getting at, right? It's true. I knew it all along and yet when I saw you and Nagachika together…" He pauses and then continues. "I thought that maybe I was wrong. It was always peaceful between you two and it shocked me how long you guys stayed together."

The ghoul clenches his teeth. "But humans are trash. They're not meant to love ghouls and we're not meant to love them! You and Nagachika need to part ways. You never know! He could-"

Kaneki finally turns his face towards Nishiki and when he does, the ghoul stops speaking. Nishiki's mouth opens but any other statements are dashed.

Those grey eyes hold no regret, no hint of doubt. They overflow with the strong feeling that Nishiki doesn't understand. He saw it in his sister's eyes and he hates it so much. It's like she is looking back at him. For a split second, he sees his sister and it scares him.

When he's distracted by his vision, Kaneki's hand slips out of his loosened grip and the half-ghoul runs out of his sight. Nishiki doesn't have to question where he's going. The ghoul's outstretched hand trembles for a second before he clutches his forehead. He feels his eyes burning and he curses under his breath.

He doesn't know what's right or wrong anymore. To his disdain, the only thing he can comprehend all too well is that he misses her terribly. He only knows pain.

…

Kaneki takes a moment to catch his breath, bending over his knees with the winter air cutting through his throat. Once he gathers his composure, he walks towards the front of Hide's apartment. He rings the bell once he's at the door, just then realizing that he hasn't rehearsed what he's going to say.

Yet, when he sees Hide answer the door in the next minute, he knows he doesn't need to.

"Ken? It's freezing outside, get inside quick!" Hide says right away once their eyes meet.

Hide grabs Kaneki's arms and gently pulls him into the apartment, closing and locking the door as soon as they're both out of the cold.

Kaneki gives a small smile when Hide takes his hands, rubbing his frozen fingers between his warm ones. He looks up at Hide but his lover doesn't return the gaze. Hide keeps his eyes down at their linked hands.

Kaneki thinks Hide will say something first, but the blond doesn't say a word. He's too quiet and the air between them gets thick. Hide's rigorous rubbing slows to caresses with his thumbs over his pale skin. The half-ghoul leans forward, his head touching the other as he does so.

"I just saw Nishiki in front of my aunt's house. He…hasn't been doing well," Kaneki begins, his voice soft.

Hide's hands tighten over his.

"You're moving, aren't you," Kaneki breaks the ice, his question more like a statement.

Hide finally looks up at him and Kaneki sees the strain in his brown eyes and the concern written across his face.

"I'm sorry for not telling you. It was something I wanted to handle on my own," Hide speaks up.

Kaneki opens his mouth to say more but Hide beats him to it. "And just to be clear, _I'm_ not the one moving. My father is moving to America for his job. I'm staying here."

Hide releases Kaneki's hands and shakes his head, chuckling to himself. "I don't know what lies Nishiki was trying to drill into your head, but I ain't going anywhere."

Kaneki frowns and he takes hold of Hide's forearm. "But…that means you won't be seeing your father anymore."

Hide gives a sad smile and shrugs his shoulders slowly. "Yeah, that's how it's going to be."

"It doesn't have to be that way! Are you sure you want to stay here? I mean…won't you be sad about being away from your dad?" Kaneki says.

"Of course, I'm going to be sad, of course. That's why I've seen him more than I've been seeing you," Hide replies quietly, his eyes downcast.

"Then…you should go…" Kaneki whispers.

Hide looks at him, his brows furrowed. "You want me to leave, Kaneki?"

Kaneki bites his lower lip and pauses for a moment. "Well…it's not about what I want…"

"Well then, it's about what I want, right? And you know, if I leave, what happens to us?" Hide says seriously.

Kaneki's heart skips a beat and his hand clutches at his chest subconsciously. "I…I'd still be here…"

"You'd be here, waiting for me? Kaneki, I don't think so. I'm sure you'd forget me and move on."

" _No_! How dare you even say that!" Kaneki shouts at him angrily.

Hide's eyes widen, and Kaneki's cheeks redden, his fingers scrunching the front of his jacket.

"How can you even say something like that? _Me_ forget _you_? I'd rather die," Kaneki says, his head shaking.

Hide sighs and looks away. "It's easy for you to say something like that when I'm still here."

Kaneki steps closer and he grabs Hide's face in his hands, his grey eyes piercing through his saddened brown irises.

"God, Hide, don't you understand me at all? Have I not proven how much I love you? It hurts, Hide. It hurts even thinking about you leaving me," Kaneki tells him, his eyes searching through Hide's soul.

Hide's eyes begin to water, and they wander to Kaneki's soft lips.

"There's no one else for me to love. I've fallen for you completely. Every part of me is yours. Forever," Kaneki breathes. His face inches closer, his eyes closing halfway as his lips brush onto Hide's.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm so stupid," Hide whispers. He shuts his eyes and inhales Kaneki's scent.

"I'm not mad, Hide, and you're not stupid. I just want you to know," Kaneki says gently, his thumb stroking his cheek.

Hide captures Kaneki's waiting mouth, his lips pressing hard onto his. Their tongues touch and meld at an uneven pace, the half-ghoul constantly starving for his taste. Kaneki clutches Hide's shirt, pulling him so close that Hide ends up pushing Kaneki against the door, their bodies colliding roughly. Kaneki's breathless moans arouse Hide so much, driving him to grab his legs. The half-ghoul wraps them around his waist as Hide hoists him up.

They're both panting hard when Hide pulls back, their lips creating a loud, wet smack that makes Kaneki blush deeply as their eyes lock with a fiery tension. Kaneki's hands rest on his shoulders and they move to link around Hide's neck. Hide leans in, his hot mouth caressing Kaneki's lips again before he speaks.

"I'm staying, and you wanna know why?"

Kaneki feels the delightful sting on his mouth from the bruising kiss and his eyes dilate while he stares at his lover.

"I'd rather die too. I'd rather die than live life without you. Even if it means I have to say goodbye to my dad," Hide tells him.

Kaneki's heart soars hearing those words and his head spins. He can't help himself – he thinks he should feel bad about Hide choosing to stay than to leave.

"I'm sorry, I'm always selfish, aren't I? I want you so much," Kaneki whispers, his arms tightening around Hide.

"You're not selfish, Ken. We're just addicted," Hide says against his lips. He parts his mouth, his teeth catching onto Kaneki's bottom lip, making the other hum in content.

"Can I stay with you tonight? I miss you so bad," Kaneki begs him. His legs tighten around Hide's waist.

Hide grins and he begins carrying his lover towards his bedroom. "See, how the hell can we survive being separated in different countries if we can't even handle a few weeks apart?"

Kaneki smiles wide and he hugs Hide closer while he's carried.

…

Kaneki feels so hot and he can't get enough. Once he's lying on Hide's bed, he gazes up at his lover who hovers over him, his hands placed on either side of his head. Hide reads the look in Kaneki's eyes - they hold strong love for him along with a new fire. He watches Kaneki's chest rising from his heavy breathing. Those grey eyes twinkle and contrast with the dark red that flush his pale cheeks. His black hair is in slight disarray and it just entices Hide even more.

"You're so fucking beautiful. What should I do with you, baby," Hide wonders out loud.

Kaneki reveals his kakugan at those words and his hand reaches up, grasping Hide's left cheek. Seeing his mismatched eyes, Hide smirks and he sinks lower, his face mere centimeters from Kaneki's. The half-ghoul licks Hide's lips and Hide allows his own tongue to meet his in response. A string of saliva connects their tongues when Hide pulls back slow. He dips down, taking Kaneki's mouth for another taste and then he wanders to his cheek, his lips tickling Kaneki's soft flesh. The half-ghoul releases stifled whines as his hands roam through Hide's hair.

Hide's mouth drifts lower and they attach to the untouched skin of Kaneki's neck. The half-ghoul gasps and he angles his head so that Hide can have better access. Hide grows dizzy from his lover's scent that fills his nostrils and the sweet taste of his skin on his tongue. His mouth laps at his flesh, biting and nipping. Once he starts sucking hard, Kaneki's moans rise in volume and his hand grabs Hide's shoulder.

"Wait, Hide…" Kaneki says between breaths.

Hide stops immediately, much to the half-ghoul's dismay. Kaneki smiles at him, his eyes shimmering with joy until that fire returns. Their gazes don't break from each other as Kaneki unzips the jacket he wears. Pulling the sleeves off, he tosses it aside and then his fingers grasp the ends of his shirt. Hide finds himself not breathing as Kaneki removes his shirt over his head in a slow manner that teases Hide. Kaneki's reddened lips part and his back arches as the shirt comes off completely. With his impatience, Hide grabs the shirt clinging to Kaneki's wrists and throws it to the floor. Kaneki stares at his lover with hazy eyes, more of his untouched skin exposed for him. Under his intense watch, Hide's smirk widens, and he pulls his shirt off over his back, adding it to the messy heap. Kaneki's eyes shine at the sight of Hide's lean upper body and he can't breathe. He needs him so much; his trembling hands reach for him. Hide's eyes are dark, and he grabs his hands, interlocking their fingers. Kaneki smiles, his parted lips remembering to take in breaths. Hide then takes the time to tease his boyfriend back. He pins Kaneki's hands back down on either side of him and his face sinks to his flesh at a snail's pace, his gaze never leaving those grey eyes that begin to show desperation.

"Hide…" Kaneki repeats, his voice husky.

Once Hide's warm lips touch his chest, Kaneki closes his eyes, focusing on the new sensation. Hide listens to Kaneki's breathing, which begins to pick up speed. The sound of him inhaling and exhaling calms Hide and he continues marking his territory over his lover's flushed skin. His mouth presses onto his skin so tenderly, as if Kaneki's body is fragile like thin paper. Every so often, his tongue peeks out, leaving wet trails that causes Kaneki to gasp and the hand through his blond hair to tighten.

"Keep going…" Kaneki whispers. Hide looks up to see that Kaneki still has his eyes closed and his face is entirely pink.

He could stare at him forever.

Hide picks up where he left off and moves his mouth upwards midway from the abdomen, placing small kisses all the way until he reaches the left side of Kaneki's chest. Here, he feels Kaneki's bounding heart pulse against his mouth and the sensation makes Hide's heart skip multiple beats. He stays here, his mouth touching over where his heart is again and again, as if to show Kaneki how deep his feelings run. Deeper than the ocean. Infinite.

Kaneki is surprised he hasn't passed out. Every one of Hide's touches excites him so much. His veins are aflame and his mind melts and makes everything fuzzy and hot. He wants this to last, he wants time to stop.

But then he feels something wet over where his heart is, and it's different from before. Unlike the marks left by Hide's tongue, he senses droplets over his skin and this is when he opens his eyes and looks directly down at Hide. He gasps when he notices tears dripping from Hide's eyes. The blond freezes in his motions and he doesn't make eye contact.

"Hide?" Kaneki says his name with so much love, Hide feels himself more overcome with whatever emotion he is feeling.

Hide sits up, distancing himself from Kaneki. "Shit, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm…"

"No, no, please, come here," Kaneki says, his voice soft.

Kaneki pulls himself up and his arms grab for his lover immediately. "Hide, look at me."

Hide sniffs and wipes his eyes but feels them becoming watery again. He can hardly see his lover through his blurred vision. The only thing he can perceive now is Kaneki coming closer to him, Kaneki's breath flowing over his face as the half-ghoul places wet kisses over his lips over and over.

Hide inhales deeply and he blinks away what he thinks are the last of his tears, the droplets rolling slow over his cheeks. Kaneki's hands hold his head in place, those grey eyes taking in every detail of his rare state. He can see the half-ghoul's eyes become glassy as well.

"What are you feeling, my love?" Kaneki asks.

Hide's heart beats hard at how Kaneki addresses him, and he gives a short laugh. "I don't know...everything? I just…"

"Just what?" Kaneki coaxes him. His fingers scratch at his scalp lightly.

"Over the past month, ever since my dad told me he was leaving…I feel…I feel so lonely…" Hide laughs when more tears come to his eyes. "And it's so stupid too! I shouldn't feel lonely because I have you. But my mom died…and now my dad's going away. And I don't know how I'm going to handle being by myself."

Kaneki's brows furrow in deep concern and he draws ever closer to his boyfriend. He takes in every word, all his senses dedicated to Hide only.

"You're stronger than me, Ken. I don't know how you do it. You lost both of your parents and me? My dad's just moving away. I'm so fucking weak…" Hide lets his walls crumble and he can't hold them back. It's like someone broke the dam inside him and he's falling apart. He's drowning.

Kaneki shakes his head and he presses his lips to the side of Hide's mouth. "That's not true, Hide. You may feel this way now, but I want you to know, I'm not stronger than you. The only reason I'm strong now is because of you. It's you, Hide."

Hide's eyes clash with his again and Kaneki smiles warmly. "It's you. And Hide, I hope that I can do the same for you. I want to be by your side forever and ever. I want to make the same impact on you like you're always doing for me."

Hide smiles back and he leans down, pressing another tender kiss to Kaneki's neck. "You're already doing it. You're healing me now."

At those words, Kaneki embraces Hide, their bare chests colliding and their arms wrapping around each other so tight. Hide leans forward, pushing them back on the bed as Kaneki clings to him without breaking their bond. Kaneki breathes in, soaking in the sensation of their skin touching and their body temperatures mixing and melting his soul. His fingers wander over Hide's back and then press hard, locking him in his arms. His nose buries into the side of Hide's neck, the blond hair tickling his cheek.

Hide stays on top of Kaneki for a while, enjoying the way Kaneki holds him and then he rolls to the side. Kaneki doesn't stop touching him, his hands moving over his chest and feeling the soft muscle there. Hide smiles at the way Kaneki's eyes appreciate his upper body like an awestruck child, and he finds himself unable to look away from his lover as well. The taste of Kaneki's skin lingers on his tongue and he moves forward, licking over his chest again and causing the other to gasp in pleasure.

 _So good…_ he thinks, marveling at the taste once more.

He feels Kaneki's arms wrapping around his neck and head, his face pressing on the half-ghoul's chest. Hide complies, closing his eyes as he listens to Kaneki's heart and rests against the warmth of his body. Kaneki smiles while his fingers crawl through Hide's hair again, brushing through the soft locks. He hears Hide's breathing begin to slow down and he places his mouth on the top of his lover's head.

Hide's words spiral through Kaneki's brain and he can only think of one more promise to himself.

Another vow.

Hide's breathing is the only music to his ears in the silence.

* * *

A week after the New Year arrives, Hide's shared apartment with his father is half empty. Now, it becomes his own. Now he is alone.

The airport is already buzzing in the early morning. The sun hasn't made an appearance yet as the dark skies remain. Hide walks and helps his father with his luggage through the vast airport. He watches his dad prepare himself and makes sure he's at the right gate for his long flight.

They sit together in the waiting area, making promises of keeping in touch.

"Just know, I'm still supporting you from afar, so don't go doing anything crazy and/or reckless, like spending money on some fancy car or whatever," Mr. Nagachika states, ruffling his son's hair.

"Aw man, how the hell am I supposed to live that thug life without my whip?" Hide jokes, throwing his hands up in the air.

"I did not spend years raising my dear son only for him to become a poorly dressed gangster," Mr. Nagachika says. He grabs Hide under his arm into a choke hold, causing his son to laugh and beg for mercy.

"You hurt me, dad! I'll have you know I'll be a star in the fashion industry, just you watch!"

"Dear lord, that'd be the day. Fluorescent, neon pants everywhere? The eye doctors will be pleased with their influx of customers."

Hide's laughs simmer down when they hear the announcements coming on, signaling that his father's flight will be starting in just a few minutes.

Hide sits up and his father looks down at his watch. "Well, looks like I gotta get going."

They both stand up at the same time and make their way to the boarding line. Before his father joins the other passengers, he turns around and grabs his son into a strong embrace. Hide's eyes turn solemn and his hands grasp onto his father's back.

"I'm always here for you, Hide. No matter where I am. Don't be scared."

"Aren't you scared, dad? Going off on a whole new adventure without me?"

His father pulls back to look at him. He smiles. "Of course, I am. My nerves are shot! But you and I always have a knack of hiding how we really feel, huh?"

He places his hand through his son's hair again. The blond locks remind him of his wife and he sighs.

"I'll miss you like I miss her…" he says quietly.

"It's crazy…we've always traveled together…and now…" Hide looks down.

His father keeps his smile on. "I know what's more important to you."

Hide looks up again, frowning. "You're important to me, dad. Don't ever forget that. You're important."

Mr. Nagachika chuckles. "Yes, I know. But…"

The announcements return and inform them of the arrival of his plane.

The two walk further down the shiny floor of the airport. Mr. Nagachika wraps an arm around Hide's shoulders.

"I held back on telling you this for years now, but you probably don't remember when I said Kaneki's mother told me something significant a long time ago."

"Oh yeah, what did she say? Are you finally going to spill the beans?" Hide asks.

His father smiles, thinking fondly of the memory. "What she said stuck with me for a long time. It surprised me, but as the years went on, I realize it's just too true."

He turns to his son and Hide waits with bated breath.

"She said Kaneki found his soulmate. You."

Hide's mouth opens and then it turns into a wide smile.

His father nods. "Yes. And I remember how she looked when she said that. She looked happy. At peace. I remember because it was the first time she truly looked alive. All the stress left her face and I knew, she loved her son. She loves him so much."

"You need to tell Kaneki this. He needs to know," Hide says.

"Oh, you can tell him just fine, my boy. He trusts you completely as much as he adores you," Mr. Nagachika states.

Right before his father boards his plane, he grabs his son into another embrace.

"Take care of yourself, my son."

"You too, dad. Be careful out there without my supervision."

His father laughs at his words and over Hide's shoulders, he looks up and spots someone from afar.

"I hope you and Kaneki stay happy together. I know you two will."

With that, he breaks away from his son and takes his luggage. He walks further in, this time alone, and he doesn't look back once.

Once his father disappears past the gate, Hide gazes down for a moment, thinking of what his dad said before turning around. When he does, his eyes widen at seeing Kaneki standing there a few feet away, waiting for him.

"Ken? Wha-what are you doing here?" Hide asks. He quickly closes the distance between them.

Kaneki is panting hard, as if he had run miles. "I took the earliest bus possible this morning to get here and then went on a goose chase trying to find the right gate. I'm glad you told me where your dad would be boarding because otherwise I'd be lost here forever."

Kaneki continues taking in oxygen, his hand placed over his heaving chest. Hide smiles as Kaneki mumbles about how winded he is. When the half-ghoul settles himself, he notices the melancholy sweeping over his lover's expression and he closes the final gap between them.

He doesn't care how many people are around them.

He holds Hide's cheeks in his hands, bringing their eyes together. Kaneki's smile is bright, already shooing away the dark clouds hovering over his boyfriend's mind.

"I'll take care of you, Hide. I'll protect you from everyone and everything. You won't be alone," Kaneki tells him his second vow out loud. His voice is confident and determined.

Hide is shaken by this new side of Kaneki he witnesses. The side that makes Hide feel incredibly safe.

"Thank you, Ken," Hide replies quietly, his eyes shining.

Kaneki grins and he kisses the tip of Hide's nose, his heart jumping when he finally hears his lover's laugh.

They link hands, their fingers fitting with each other like puzzle pieces as they hang around at the airport, waiting until they see Mr. Nagachika's plane take off. The sky begins to brighten as daybreak approaches.

"Off to America he goes. You know my English is better than his," Hide states with a chuckle. His eyes follow the plane for a while.

"I need to work on my English. It's embarrassing. Don't even dare asking me," Kaneki says, already cutting Hide off from making him say any English words.

The boys are in no hurry to head home. They decide to explore the airport for a while, watching other planes take off into the sky. Soon, the sun is bright and letting its rays break throughout the airport, through the glass separating the boys from the outside. Hide admires how the rays gleam against Kaneki's black hair when they walk past the areas where it shines vibrantly.

He strengthens his grip on his lover's hand when he tells Kaneki about what his mother said. Kaneki cries immediately when he hears that his mother loves him. They have to stop as Hide kisses him all over his tear-soaked face.

"I wish she told me… She hurt me, and I thought she hated me," Kaneki says through sobs. His face is red, and he buries himself against Hide's chest.

"She loves you, Ken. Sometimes, it may not seem that way, but I don't believe any mother could ever hate her child," Hide tells him, his hand brushing his black hair while his other arm wraps securely around Kaneki's waist.

Kaneki calms down, the left side of his face pressed onto Hide's chest and his right hand over his heart. Hide sways them both back and forth as they stand in place for a spell.

"It's you and me against the world," Hide speaks his thought aloud. His eyes follow another plane ascending into the blue sky.

Kaneki turns his head, following where Hide is looking. "Sometimes I wish airplanes were like shooting stars…" he admits quietly.

"What's stopping you, baby? Make a wish. I'll do it too," Hide tells him.

They continue holding each other, their eyes on the plane and their minds thinking of their one wish.

The airport becomes more alive the longer they stay, and while they wander aimlessly among a stream of rushing strangers, the wish they make sails off into the sky like the airplanes.

Rising higher and higher like their feelings for each other that never grow old.


	12. Warm

He exhales deeply, his fingers clicking away rapidly on his laptop and his brows knotted in concentration. The music from his headphones has stopped hours ago as he tries to maintain complete focus on his work. Aside from the turning of pages and the tapping of the keyboard, it's far too quiet.

But he needs to get this done, especially since he procrastinated longer than usual.

"Fuck…" he mutters under his breath. He clicks out from his word document to look through his research articles again before clicking back in and picking up where he left off.

Yet, just as he begins to type his words out like his life depends on it, something blocks him. Or more like _someone_.

"Wha-"

Kaneki wordlessly moves his body through, his legs pushing Hide's arms away from his laptop before bending his knees and settling down to sit himself in Hide's lap. The entire time he does this, his back is turned to the blond as if this is something he does on a daily basis. Hide doesn't see the satisfied smile on Kaneki's face when the half-ghoul sighs and nestles himself in the comfy crater created by Hide's crossed legs.

"Ken! What do you think you're doing?" Hide exclaims with a laugh. He feels his lover leaning back on him and he can't help but melt immediately at feeling the warmth emanating from Kaneki's body against his.

"Sitting down. Isn't it obvious?" Kaneki states with an innocent tone. He angles his head to reveal his round, grey eyes that stare at Hide with endless adoration.

Hide runs a hand through his hair that's messier than usual. "Come on, babe, I have to finish this damn thing. It's due tomorrow."

"Well, it's your fault for waiting until the last minute," Kaneki reminds him. His black hair tickles Hide's neck as he continues to lean in closer to his boyfriend.

"Yeah, yeah, I don't need reminding," Hide rolls his eyes and ruffles Kaneki's hair. "What about you, you done studying already?"

"No…I just miss cuddling with you. So, you should stop too because I want what I want," Kaneki says playfully. He shifts against Hide to grasp onto the front of his shirt.

Hide sighs heavily but smiles. "As much as I'd love to, I really don't have the time right now."

Kaneki pouts at him, the expression tugging on Hide's heart way too easily. "Please? Just for five minutes? It's too quiet and it's too cold in here."

"Then we should turn up the heat," Hide jokes with a smirk.

Kaneki's frown deepens, and he nuzzles his head into Hide's chest, his arms wrapping tightly around his waist. "I miss you…we've been studying for hours. Hold me." His voice is delicate, but it grips Hide's heart so hard.

Hide sighs again, this time in defeat. "Dammit, Ken. You don't have to ask me to do that. Come here, stupid."

Kaneki grins so big, his cheeks hurt as Hide peppers wet kisses all over his face. Already, he feels his body growing hotter and hotter, his skin flushing and his belly aching from laughter as Hide continues to attack him with multiple bites and kisses.

Hide's mouth lands on his and it takes his breath away. His fingers weave through the blond hair automatically, pulling when Hide's tongue touches his. Kaneki's mind only surrounds him, and his eyes remain closed for a minute longer when Hide slowly moves back, their lips still grazing against each other. His smell and his taste, he can never get enough. When he finally opens his eyes, that familiar gaze welcomes him with safety and devotion. Hide's warm smile burns in his retina.

 _I need you…_

It takes more convincing for Kaneki to reluctantly withdraw from Hide, giving the blond much needed space to continue with his delayed work. Meanwhile, Kaneki resumes reading through his textbooks, though he stays closer to his boyfriend this time, sitting back-to-back with him as he flips through his pages. Feeling Hide's body move with his breathing in the silence keeps Kaneki calm and satisfies his need to be near him.

It's like this every day since Hide's father left for America. Every day, Kaneki stays over at Hide's apartment, occasionally returning to his aunt's house to retrieve his belongings. In the end, though, the arrangement is favorable for both parties. His aunt is pleased she doesn't have to see her nephew's face around as much, and Kaneki gets to escape her neglect. Even more, he sees his lover every single day and he can't think of anything else that makes him more whole.

Loneliness doesn't affect the boys.

Here they are, another long study session after school in Hide's room. Time ticks by, but each passing second is a blessing in Kaneki's view. He watches the clouds covering the sun, making everything grey and colder outside. It's been a year since Hide's been living alone with Kaneki, another frigid winter running its course. They are both seventeen and nearly through with their second year of high school.

Kaneki finishes his work by the time the sun is gone, and the sky darkens through the window. He can still hear Hide typing on his laptop and he releases a yawn, exhaustion sinking into his bones. He contemplates sleeping on the extra mattress Hide had set for him in his room ever since he's had the apartment to himself.

His back still touches Hide's hunched form and he leans on him, noticing how tense his boyfriend's muscles are. He turns his head, glancing at the screen that now serves as the single light in the room. Hide holds the side of his face in deep thought, eyes flicking through the words on the white screen.

When Hide focuses on something, it's hard to break him away from it. Kaneki knows that much.

The half-ghoul stretches his limbs out and cracks his knuckles before crawling away from Hide and towards the light switch. The ceiling light now brightly illuminates the room, though Hide hardly flinches in response. Kaneki chews his thumb, watching his lover for a few seconds and then around the room. It's been cleaner since he's been with Hide, though now, empty bags of junk food litter the ground and clutter around Hide's study area.

Kaneki takes this time to get rid the trash, and still, the blond makes no other move. Once Kaneki's finished with that task, he's on his knees and looking out through the window once more to see the clouds parting to reveal sparse amounts of stars glittering the sky.

He turns his head back to his boyfriend, and a smile crosses his face when he thinks of his next move. Slowly, he crawls towards him again.

Hide rubs his eyes and releases a deep breath when his focus is finally broken. He feels a weight on his lap and he looks down immediately to see that Kaneki had slithered his way back, though this time, his head rests on his lap only, using his thigh as a pillow. Hide's eyes soften when he sees that Kaneki is resting, no trace of stress on his face, and as he notices the way his breathing slows, he finds the half-ghoul has already fallen asleep.

Hide grins, a small chuckle escaping him. His fingers reach down and brush aside the stray black bangs that cover Kaneki's cheek. His thumb rubs the supple skin there and a small smile breaks through Kaneki's face at his warm touch.

"What a dork," Hide mumbles to himself. He shakes his head and gets back to work, his right hand caressing Kaneki's cheek a little longer.

Once Hide's in the zone, he loses track of time again. It may have been another hour or so that passes, but as Hide nears the end of his work, he hears a whimper coming from below and he looks down and finds Kaneki's face wrinkling in distress.

"Bad dream…?" Hide whispers. His hand reaches down, gently rubbing his cheek again though this time, it doesn't seem to reach him.

He takes it a step forward and leans down, his head hovering near Kaneki. His lips touch his cheek this time, his nose grazing against the side of his lover's face. He hears Kaneki's breathing begin to calm down and when he pulls back, he sees Kaneki is relaxed again.

 _I never want to leave your side. I won't._

Kaneki shifts slightly, nuzzling into his lap further and Hide saves his work before closing his laptop, finally done for the night.

* * *

"So, Kamii University. That's your first choice, huh?"

The boys take their time strolling, deciding to explore an alternative, longer route back to Hide's apartment. It's a reprieve from all the studying they've been doing for weeks now. Frankly, the boys haven't been outside much aside from attending school.

Kaneki's smile is slightly hidden behind the scarf around his neck and his hand drifts towards Hide's, their fingers tying together and swaying between them.

"Yeah…it just seems like the best fit for me. It has a decent literature department that I'm interested in. Plus…it's not too far from here."

Hide's breaths come out foggy and Kaneki admires his side profile against the sun that shines brightly above them. It's an odd day, the kind that's deceiving because the sun makes it seem like it would be warm outside. Hide feels Kaneki's stare on him and he turns, his brown eyes locking automatically with his lover.

"I heard it's pretty competitive to get into, plus the entrance exams are _hell_. You just had to pick the hard one, huh, my dude?" Hide states dramatically.

Kaneki gives a guilty smile, scratching his cheek lightly.

Hide squeezes Kaneki's hand. "It's okay. Wherever you go, I'll follow."

Kaneki's brows furrow in concern. "Are you sure? Just because I want to go there, it doesn't mean you have to aim for it."

"It's what I want, don't worry. Besides, I'm not up for moving to a different prefecture. I need stability for once." Hide sighs and closes his eyes. Kaneki can tell he misses his father.

Kaneki moves closer and rests his head against Hide's arm. Hide opens his eyes at the contact and smiles, keeping the half-ghoul glued to his side as they continue down a road they rarely cross.

The half-ghoul has been noticing that the cold doesn't affect him much anymore. In fact, sometimes his body temperature feels too hot, like he's running a constant fever. It doesn't make him ill, per se, but it makes his mind fuzzy at times. His desire to be near Hide is the strongest it's ever been, and the hours away from him in school drives him near insane. He hopes the blond doesn't mind his clinginess, but at the same time, he wonders if there's something wrong with him.

As far as he can tell, he doesn't think it's wrong.

"Are you feeling sick, babe? Your skin feels hotter than usual…"

Speak of the devil, Kaneki flinches when he senses Hide's hand pressed firmly on his forehead and when he looks up, Hide notices Kaneki's gaze is intense, yet dazed at the same time.

"No, I'm fine," Kaneki says with a smile. His eyes close at Hide's fingers gliding over the side of his head.

Hide stares at Kaneki's content expression and licks his dry lips. The way Kaneki doesn't shy away from him one bit, only taking in more and more of his touches. The half-ghoul could never get enough and Hide knows his resistance is on its final legs.

His eyes scan their surroundings briefly. No one is around them as they stand in the middle of the dirt road. He hears Kaneki's breathing heavily and looks down to see the half-ghoul staring back at him with that dreamy look in his eyes.

He _needs_ to try something.

Without hesitation, Hide reaches for the scarf around Kaneki's neck and pulls it off in a hasty manner, causing the half-ghoul to gasp in surprise. He throws the scarf onto his shoulder for now and before Kaneki could utter a word, Hide aims for his target. His hungry mouth lands on the exposed, hot flesh of Kaneki's neck. He leaves rough kisses there and begins to suck hard, his tongue lapping lightly between his teeth. The taste of his lover's skin knocks down his will to hold back and he can't control himself.

Kaneki's mouth parts, his breathing faster now and he lets out soft moans in response to Hide's abrupt actions. The fact that it's spontaneous just worsens Kaneki's condition further and his hands rack at Hide's back to near ripping through his clothes.

"H-Hide…that feels so good…" Kaneki says between hard gasps. His mind can't comprehend anything else but the way Hide sucks the raw skin on his neck.

Hide pulls back suddenly, causing Kaneki's eyes to water in an instant. Hide is breathless, his lips slightly red from his action and his brown eyes darker than ever. Kaneki looks ready to cry and Hide immediately feels regret.

"I-I'm sorry…I shouldn't have-"

He doesn't get to finish as Kaneki draws closer and his hands clench fistfuls of his jacket.

"Why did you stop? I want _more_ …please don't stop…please…" Kaneki begs, his eyes wide and glassy.

Hide's mouth stays open in shock and he places a hand on the side of his lover's face. Kaneki closes his eyes again and the half-ghoul moves in until his lips drift over the other.

"You want me? Do you want me to keep touching you? Because I've been holding back, you know? I don't think I can stop…" Hide whispers. His eyes search for any sign of hesitance or rejection. Yet when Kaneki locks their gazes, he only sees desperation and deep desire. It triggers him with the way he opens himself with no reservation.

"Please, _please_ don't hold back with me. Do whatever you want. _Anything_ you want. I need you so badly. Don't ever stop touching me," Kaneki tells him. His voice drips with his dire need.

Hide goes forward, his lips attaching to Kaneki's jawline and Kaneki's breathing deepens once more. Listening to the whimpers from his lover drives Hide over the edge.

"We need to get home," Hide says. His eyes are clouded with the one emotion they're sharing so heavily now.

Kaneki bites his lower lip and, in his state, Hide forces himself to build up his resistance again before he takes his boyfriend down on the ground right there. He takes Kaneki's hand and the two pick up their pace towards their destination. With every agonizing second, Hide regrets taking the longest route back to his place.

They reach a bridge over a small river and across it, they see the familiar park from their younger years, indicating they are close to home. Kaneki's grip on his hand remains strong and Hide continues guiding them towards the bridge. Yet as they approach, they notice a commotion blocking their way.

"It's them…" Kaneki's voice mutters behind him. Hide looks back to see Kaneki on the defense already, his grey eyes becoming void of emotion. He clings to Hide's arm with a firm grip.

Up ahead on the bridge, Hide sees the unmistakable gang of boys that harassed Kaneki a few years back. As they walk further in, they see the boys have cornered their newest victim. Another boy who cowers on the ground while the leader kicks his weakened form.

Hide stops them in their tracks. "There's gotta be another detour…" He says while looking left and right.

He glances at Kaneki again and notices the half-ghoul staring intently at the boy on the ground, who cries out in pain. His grey eyes show empathy and Hide doesn't have to ask to know that Kaneki wants to do something.

Before they can make another move, one of the boys spots the couple at the start of the bridge. When he sees Hide and Kaneki, he nudges his leader, who turns away from the boy on the ground to look back at the pair.

"Shit…" Hide curses under his breath.

"No fucking way," the leader exclaims and the boy on the ground is temporarily forgotten. "Holy shit, are those my favorite faggots I see in the distance? Goddamn."

Hide feels Kaneki grip harder on him and he sighs before the two of them walk forward without wasting any more time.

Once the boys are on the bridge and the gang block their way, Kaneki lets go of Hide and he begins walking over to the victim on the ground, who already has bruises on his face.

"So, it's true after all! You two are actually together now. Damn, I didn't know our school allowed fags to stay there," the leader states with a cheeky grin.

Hide says nothing as he watches Kaneki, but before the half-ghoul can even get any closer, the leader cuts him off and pushes Kaneki. "Back off, twig. If you even touch this guy, you're dead."

Kaneki glares at him and Hide doesn't try and interrupt what Kaneki wants to do.

"You're such a piece of shit."

Hide's eyes widen hearing those bold words coming out of the half-ghoul's mouth. The leader's face contorts with rage and he grabs Kaneki's shirt, yanking him forward.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"I said, _you're a piece of shit_ ," Kaneki repeats without falter.

The leader immediately punches Kaneki in the face and pushes him to the ground. This time, Hide intervenes and he shoves the leader back and away from Kaneki.

"Oh, you want some too, Nagachika? This time I'll beat the two of you so hard, you won't be able to finish school. The two of you can continue your faggot love story in the fucking hospital!"

Hide steels himself, ready to protect Kaneki when the boys suddenly hear an ear-splitting scream. The leader turns around to see one of his goons on the ground, bleeding incessantly from his arm. Hide gasps when he notices it looks like someone took a large bite out from him. His heart beats faster and all the boys then quickly notice the new figure that entered the fray. A tall woman with long black hair in mad disarray is bent over, blood dripping from under her and when she lifts her head, she lets out a squeaky, maniacal laugh.

" _So delicious! So juicy!_ " she shrieks in bliss. The blood continues dribbling down her chin and she sticks her fingers in her mouth, her eyes revealing the signature black and red.

"What the hell is that!" one of the bullies shouts.

"In broad daylight…?" Hide whispers in absolute shock.

"A fucking ghoul!" the leader yells in alarm.

The boys back away from the woman immediately, some of them falling to their bottoms as their knees buckle. During the scramble, the leader pushes Hide forward so that he becomes the only man standing out.

The ghoul laughs again, and she staggers forward. Hide begins to sweat and he feels his body trembling. He grits his teeth, hating that he's scared.

"One of you boys smells _so good_. I can't stand it! I need flesh! _Flesh!_ "

She charges towards Hide but before she can even get within a foot from him, Kaneki jumps through and takes the hit. Kaneki winces as she throws a hard blow at his chest and then her other hand wraps around his neck, choking him. Kaneki gasps for breath and his legs swing back and forth as the woman lifts him off the ground while her hold on his neck tightens.

"Ooh, it's you! _You're_ the one that smells the best! Are you even human?" she wonders aloud. Her mouth overflows with saliva.

Hide is frozen in place, some of his senses delayed as he hears all the boys running away screaming. He and Kaneki are now left alone to face the deranged ghoul.

Kaneki's hands claw on the woman's arm and his vision blurs the longer he loses oxygen. "L-Let me go. I-I don't want to hurt you!" Kaneki barely manages to say.

Hide snaps out of himself and without thinking, he runs and throws his body against the woman. She loses her grasp on Kaneki due to the collision and the half-ghoul instantly takes in air as he lands on the ground, his hand holding his sore neck.

Hide realizes what he just did but he doesn't move until the woman kicks him in the stomach, forcing him backwards. His back hits the ground and he feels his elbows tear against the concrete. Once she smells his blood beginning to seep from his fresh cuts, she crawls toward him with her body convulsing uncontrollably.

In the next second, Hide watches in awe as the woman stops dead in her tracks when something stabs straight through her neck. Towering above her, Kaneki's kagune comes out in its full glory, all four appendages ready to strike at command. Hide's eyes are filled with wonder as he notices his lover's kagune shimmer in the sunlight. The crimson color shines brighter and more vibrant than ever before. The scales on Kaneki's kagune ripple like a snake and the ghoul he impaled tries to reach for Hide once more. Kaneki's kakugan stretches veins down his face as he drives his kagune deeper through her throat before he allows his other appendages to come forward and pick up her body. Her eyes remain wide open along with her mouth and blood continues to splatter from her wound. Without a care, Kaneki's kagune rips through her throat, decapitating her before he tosses her body and the head into the river. A splash emits a few seconds later and Kaneki's kagune flails in the air, still soaked in her blood.

Hide remains speechless as Kaneki takes in deep breaths. His exhales come out in clouds and the vast energy coursing through him doesn't cease. He feels as if he could do more, like he could destroy a whole town. For some reason, he feels unstoppable. His body temperature stays steaming hot to the touch.

"Ken? Are you okay?" Hide's voice calls him. Kaneki turns around in an instant and he gets on his knees, rushing towards his lover.

"Hide!" He moves so close, his arms reaching for him. Kaneki ends up sitting between Hide's legs, his ghoul eye in stark view as he stares lovingly at his boyfriend. His kagune settle down around them, slithering on the ground and circling around Hide.

"Are you badly hurt?" Kaneki asks him with concern.

Hide smiles warmly and his hand reaches under Kaneki's chin. His fingers tickle the soft skin there, causing his lover to blush.

"Just some scrapes, but it's nothing. I'm good," Hide replies. Seeing Kaneki like this, he wants the half-ghoul all to himself. He doesn't want anyone else to come between them. For once, he wants to be selfish.

"Nobody hurts my Hide. _No one_ ," Kaneki says seriously as his kagune begins to withdraw into his lower back.

Hide's smile morphs into a smirk and he shifts his body around. Kaneki doesn't make a move when Hide's arms come under his legs and around his back. When he realizes he's being lifted, he wraps his arms around Hide's neck quickly.

His heart skips a beat as Hide carries him up bridal-style and their eyes lock with that same fervor from before.

"We're going home. Right. Now," Hide tells him, his voice rough.

As Hide walks forward, abandoning the traces of violence, Kaneki comes closer to the side of Hide's face. His kakugan is still visible as his tongue licks from his jaw and up to the base of his ear. He giggles, the tingling adrenaline coursing strong in his veins. His warm breath tickles Hide's skin and tempts him further towards what he wants.

He's so addicted and there is absolutely no cure. He could happily die right there in his arms.

…

Hide manages to carry Kaneki to his apartment complex and once there, they make their way towards his unit. As soon as they enter Hide's apartment, the warmth from inside engulfs them like an embrace in contrast to the dry, chilly winds outside.

"I gotta bandage my elbows real quick. Meet you in my room," Hide says. He frowns at the sting of the scrapes affecting him.

Kaneki nods, his eyes both grey now as Hide disappears into the bathroom across his room. Kaneki watches him close the door and he slips into Hide's room, which is mostly dark, save for the sunlight beaming through the blinds. He goes over to pull back the blinds completely, letting the sun shine onto the floor. He inhales deeply, Hide's scent empowering his senses and the electric energy running through him doesn't stop. He feels dizzy, but it's the kind that makes him happy. His body is on fire and before he knows it, he's shedding off his school uniform. His clothes pool around his ankles and with his heart beating so fast thinking about Hide, he doesn't feel embarrassed. His legs then take him across the hallway and his hand is already turning the door knob to see his love.

His tunnel vision focuses on nothing else but Hide. The blond had relieved himself of his shirt, leaving him topless as he places two bandages on each of his elbows. Spots of blood stain the dressings but he's satisfied enough. He doesn't notice Kaneki at all until he feels a hand stroking his back. He turns around and his breath catches in his throat when he sees that Kaneki is completely naked in front of him. His face blooms red with need as he takes in Kaneki's exposed, pale flesh. All else is forgotten in his mind and now, he can hardly think straight.

Kaneki gazes up at Hide, lust clouding his grey eyes and they glaze over in the dim light of the bathroom. His hand crawls up Hide's abs and then to his pecs in a slow, teasing manner. He licks his lips and moves forward, pressing his moist mouth on Hide's warm skin. His breathing is hot and heavy, and he continues leaving wet kisses all over Hide's chest.

Hide exhales his trapped breath and he immediately grabs Kaneki's body against his. Kaneki lets out a small squeak that turns into a laugh as Hide's mouth attacks his shoulder and neck.

"Ken, you're so beautiful. So beautiful. I love you so much."

Kaneki pulls back so that he can look at Hide's flushed face. "I love you. I want you. Make love to me, Hide. Please. I can't take it anymore."

Hide's eyes widen when he hears what Kaneki so desperately wants. "Are you sure?"

Kaneki nods fast and he slams his body onto Hide, holding him so tightly. "Yes. _Please_. Touch me."

Hide feels himself breaking those walls down and his inhibitions no longer exist. "I won't be able to stop…"

Kaneki's lips are slippery on his collarbone. "Don't ever stop. Give it to me."

Hide's hands are greedy, caressing every part, every muscle of Kaneki's body that his lover offers to him. They wander, down to his bottom and he squeezes the round globes of his ass. It's all too exciting. No one has ever touched the half-ghoul like this and it is the same for the other. Kaneki gasps and his fingers dig into Hide's shoulder as the blond continues squeezing his ass hard and then smacks the soft flesh. The slap leaves a lovely sting that resonates through Kaneki's body and it turns him on so much. His breathing is fast and desperate, and he wiggles his bottom, whispering "more, more" in Hide's ear.

Hide lets out a deep chuckle as he slaps Kaneki's ass again, harder. His fingers then carve their way up to the raw, sensitive area where his kakuhou resides just above his bottom. He strokes the area, and, in an instant, Kaneki lets out a loud moan that arouses Hide easily like a switch.

"Hide, ahhhh! That feels so good!" Kaneki exclaims, and it takes Hide by surprise. Kaneki's voice sounds so erotic in his ears, so _thirsty_.

"Touching you here, huh?" Hide says, his voice deep.

Kaneki only responds with more breathy moans as Hide rubs his fingers on the sensitive area harder and harder. He feels Kaneki's cock getting stiff against his thigh and he knows his own is causing him pain with how rigid it is.

Hide can't take it anymore. He clutches Kaneki's head and pulls him back, slamming his lips onto the other. Their tongues clash and play with each other in a game that leaves them drooling and hungrier. Hide hoists Kaneki's legs up and the half-ghoul immediately wraps his legs around his waist, his hold strong as their wet lips connect over and over, emitting moist sounds that quicken their breathing and heart rates. Hide grabs something off the counter and then, with Kaneki clinging to him, he takes them out of the bathroom and into his room, their bodies hitting walls here and there as they refuse to end their heated kissing.

Hide doesn't bother closing the door and he can't think anymore with the way Kaneki looks as he forces himself to part from his lush lips. They don't care to make it to the bed. Kaneki's tongue searches for his when Hide pulls away, multiple strings of saliva connecting their mouths and splattering on Kaneki's chin. Kaneki's chest rises and falls with how fast he's breathing, his grey eyes shining and his reddened mouth open and waiting for more.

In contrast, Hide's blond hair is already a mess and his brown eyes look black with the overwhelming lust that consumes him. His thumbs find his pants and he yanks them off along with his underwear, tossing them aside to wherever. Once Kaneki takes in the full view of Hide's naked form for the first time, he moves onto his knees and his tongue sticks out like a thirsty dog. His large eyes focus on Hide's erect cock, thick and throbbing in front of him. The bulging veins on Hide's dick practically ask for Kaneki to lick and suck them till his mouth falls off. His hands move to touch his dick but Hide slaps him away with a smirk.

"No touching, baby. I'm touching you first."

"I want it. _I want it_ ," Kaneki begs him. His eyes are watery, and he bends down like he's bowing his head to the ground. His posture makes his round ass stick up and he wiggles his bottom to show how much he wants it.

"Do as I say, and I'll give it to you and more, babe. Now turn around for me."

Hide's voice is deep and husky, and Kaneki loves that he's being ordered by him. He makes a show of turning around, doing it slowly and arching his back once his ass faces his lover. He looks over his shoulder, his own hard dick swaying as he moves his ass back and forth in a motion ready to get fucked.

Kaneki's eyes dilate as he watches Hide stroking his cock and it gets harder and longer with his vigorous motion. Hide's cheeks are blood red and he breathes hard as he speaks.

"Sorry, babe. I need you too much. Is it okay if I skip the foreplay for now?" he asks, his brown eyes sweet on his.

Kaneki's heart melts at the way Hide looks at him and he smiles. "It's fine. I want you inside me right now."

Hide turns and hastily grabs the container on the floor he took from the bathroom during their make-out. "I don't have any better lube for this, but I think this will work for now…" Kaneki sees him opening the container of Vaseline he has, and he feels his dick aching so much at the way Hide slathers the lubricant on his cock back and forth.

"I'm gonna touch you here, okay? Tell me if anything hurts and I'll stop right away," Hide warns him.

"Do what you want, Hide. I'm all yours," Kaneki reminds him, and he spreads his legs farther.

Kaneki feels Hide's fingers covered in the lubricant coating his hole, moving one finger inside first to test it out. Hide watches Kaneki's reaction and sees Kaneki closing his eyes and moving his hips back, telling him he wants more. Hide obliges and places another finger in, and then another. As soon as he has four fingers inside Kaneki's hole, he begins thrusting them in and out, observing Kaneki while he does so. Kaneki opens his eyes and gasps, loving the way Hide's fingers feel inside him. He moves his hips back and forth again, his gasps coming out sharper as Hide pushes his fingers in deeper.

"You like that, huh? You want something bigger, baby?" Hide taunts him, that husky voice arousing Kaneki to the core.

"I want your dick. Fucking give it to me," Kaneki demands in a sultry tone.

Hide swallows hard hearing his baby swear for the first time. He then leans up and Kaneki stares at Hide's cock with bated breath.

"I'm gonna go slow so I don't hurt you too much. I'm sorry," Hide tells him ahead of time.

Kaneki thinks he won't feel much pain and Hide's eyes stay on Kaneki's hole that shrinks and then widens with his growing arousal. Waiting to suck the life out of his dick.

Hide grabs Kaneki's ass with one hand while the other guides his throbbing dick inside of Kaneki's hole. Kaneki's mouth hangs open, nothing coming out at first when Hide finally pushes his cock inside him. Hide groans softly and he hovers over Kaneki, his hands now gripping both sides of his ass.

"Mmm, so tight. God, ahhh…"

Hide breaths in and then he continues pushing his cock in inch by inch. Kaneki takes it all well, barely flinching as his ass swallows his dick with endless greed. Hide's hips soon meet Kaneki's skin and Kaneki moans at the feeling of being completely filled for the first time. There is pain, but aside from that, Kaneki needs more. _So much more_.

"Fuck me, Hide. Fuck me good and hard. Don't hold back," Kaneki tells him. He moves his ass back and wiggles it from side to side, eyes closing at the feel of his lover's dick moving and rubbing his walls when he does.

Hide doesn't say anything else, letting his body give in to his desire entirely. He pulls his dick out until only the tip resides in his hole and then he slams back in to the hilt. Kaneki's moans increase in volume, sounding so delicious to Hide's ears. Hide's smirk widens, and his fingers dig into Kaneki's hips as he repeats his thrusts, his dick moving in and out in a repetitive pace that increases in speed. He drools at the way his dick is so nicely consumed by Kaneki's ass, disappearing and reappearing in a blur as he fucks his lover faster and faster.

The sound of skin smacking is so loud, echoing around the room, across the hall, filling the entire apartment. Hide grunts as he feels his dick getting squeezed by Kaneki's ass every time he thrusts in and he can't get enough of how damn good it feels. Kaneki pants like a dehydrated mutt, his lust increasing to an impossible new height at the way Hide's dick rubs his insides in all the right places. The stiff, rigid flesh of his dick grinds on every corner of Kaneki's hungry hole and he wants it again and again and again.

"Ah! _Ah_! You're so big and thick, Hide. It feels so fucking good in-inside me!" Kaneki moans uncontrollably. Drool seeps down both sides of his mouth as his body jerks back and forth from Hide's relentless thrusting. His voice vibrates slightly with every rough thrust and he just loves every second of it. He feels like a filthy sex toy for Hide only and it turns him on more and more.

"Fuck me har- _Ahh_! _Ahh_!"

Kaneki screams, his ass getting pounded like mad as Hide goes in harder and harder, deeper and deeper. Hide's nails leave marks on Kaneki's hips and he move his hands to the floor, placed on either side of his lover as his hips move vigorously back and forth. Their skin is sweaty and creates a sticky louder sound every time their bodies slam together. Kaneki feels Hide's hot breath on his shoulder and he lifts his head. Their eyes meet and so do their mouths, saliva dripping and making a mess as their tongues rub hard on each other. Hot, wet, _delicious_. Kaneki feels his knees getting sore from his position, but he loves it. Hide concentrates on finding the special spot that will drive his lover further to the edge.

"Oh god! _Hide_!"

Hide smirk deepens. _Fucking found it._

"Mmm, Ken, you feel so good squeezing me like that. So dirty," Hide says into Kaneki's ear as he stops briefly.

Hide adjusts his footing and then at the new angle, he slams into Kaneki so deep and hard, Kaneki's eyes roll back into his head. His prostate is hit every time with barely a second passing between thrusts. Kaneki can hardly breathe from the intense pleasure.

Kaneki has tears streaming down his face from how good he feels, and his moans hurt his own ears. His head bends down and from where he's looking, he sees his dick flailing back and forth helplessly with every one of Hide's thrusts.

Kaneki's eyes then widen for a split second before shutting tight, and he screams so loud. His muscles tense up and he arches his back, a strong, pulsing wave of pleasure enveloping every part of his body. His sudden orgasm crashes into him without mercy and he rides it out, his ass sucking on Hide's dick like a vacuum.

Hide groans at the glorious feeling of his dick getting choked like that and his cock continues moving in and out of Kaneki's ass until he feels himself coming close as well.

" _Aahh_ , Ken, I'm gonna-"

"Don't pull out!" Kaneki tells him when he feels Hide trying to do so.

Hide obeys and he lets out a long, loud moan as he cums just as hard as Kaneki did. His heavy load stains the inside of Kaneki's hole and Kaneki's tongue sticks out at the feeling of his lover's hot semen filling him up. Hide's forehead rests on Kaneki's shoulder, his muscles tense and tough before he slowly pulls out of Kaneki. Kaneki nearly cries when he feels Hide leaving him and he looks back to see a thick, long string of cum connecting his ass and Hide's dick, which hasn't gone soft just yet.

Hide's sticky cum flows down his hole and to his thighs and Kaneki's own cum taints the floor below him. Kaneki doesn't feel disgusted at all, he feels so happy. With Hide's essence inside him and flowing out of him, he feels he belongs to Hide completely and forever. He loves this man with his entire soul.

His sore legs shift, and he flips onto his backside, his knees red from holding himself up.

"Kiss me, Hide," Kaneki begs him. His arms reach for him. His eyes shimmer, old tears still covering his rosy cheeks.

Hide's body is wet with sweat, his skin entirely flushed. He moves and climbs over Kaneki's body lying on the ground. He bends down, his lips sucking on Kaneki's waiting mouth, tongue tasting every corner of his moist cavern. Kaneki's fingers run through Hide's blond hair that sticks up in various directions as their kiss deepens and warms every part his body.

When Hide pulls away, his heart soars at Kaneki's unwavering gaze that shows him love. He feels blinded, nothing else matters to him. He wants all of him every day.

Hide dips lower and Kaneki watches his tongue circle his erect nipples. Hide sucks on them lightly, his mouth covering them from view and dampening them in his saliva. They harden further with Hide's breath on them. Hide gives the same attention to the other and Kaneki squirms under him. He already craves to get fucked again.

Hide looks up and he sees the strong lust returning in Kaneki's eyes and he chuckles. He ventures further down and grabs Kaneki's dick. Kaneki gasps in response and his hips move up off the ground, urging Hide to go on as they buck upwards. Hide's brown eyes are dark as he stares at his lover, his tongue running up the side of his leaking cock. He enjoys the feel of the hot flesh as he flicks his tongue repeatedly.

"Hide, Hide, _Hide_ …" Kaneki repeats breathlessly. He clenches onto Hide's hair and arches his back off the floor the more Hide mouths his cock.

Hide wastes no more time and he takes his dick fully in his mouth. The feel of his hot lips surrounding his dick causes Kaneki to moan loud again and he grips Hide's head. The blond's saliva soaks Kaneki's cock and he moves up and down, his ears burning red as his head bops faster.

Kaneki's head leans all the way back and he moans continuously, the veins on his neck popping out as Hide gives a hard suck every now and then. Yet before Hide can make Kaneki cum, the half-ghoul pulls on his hair, making the blond stop in his movements. Hide pulls away with a lewd pop, his mouth wet with saliva and his lips red. He gives Kaneki a puzzled look and Kaneki's cock twitches in protest.

"Did I do something wrong?" Hide wonders, his voice hoarser than usual.

Kaneki smiles and he crawls towards his lover, pushing him so that Hide now leans on his elbows.

"My turn to touch you, my love," Kaneki grins at him.

Hide smiles back and Kaneki's blush deepens as his hands wander over Hide's toned body. He nibbles on his chest and then flicks his soft tongue over Hide's nipples this time. Hide's moans sound like music to his ears and he continues with what he's doing, sucking on his chest like a baby. Hide can't get over how adorable and gorgeous his lover is, and he lets his hand caress down the luscious curve of Kaneki's back and to his cum-filled ass. He fondles his ass, squeezing it while Kaneki kisses and licks over his chest and abdomen. When he sees strings of his semen still spilling from the hole, his cock hardens, and he leans his head down, his lips pressing on Kaneki's neck. He inhales the smell of Kaneki's sweat and he licks his way to his ear.

"I really made you filthy down there," Hide whispers.

Kaneki sinks lower and he sticks his ass up as he does so. He smiles at him and his eyes appreciate Hide's thick cock that stands stiff in front of his face again. Kaneki's tongue finally gets to lick on the veins that pulse against his mouth and he hums at the rare taste. His tongue is a beast on his dick, not letting an inch of his flesh go untouched by his mouth alone. His lips envelop the crown of his weeping cock and he turns his head side to side, causing a small friction that makes Hide hiss. The ache in Hide's dick worsens and he moves his hips upward.

"Fuck…Ken…"

Kaneki sticks his ass up higher and his face heats up when he feels more of Hide's semen leaking out of his hole. He takes Hide's cock into his mouth, saliva spilling from his lips in an instant. He hums as he goes down.

The feel of his cock in his mouth is almost as good as how it feels in his ass. He looks up at his lover as he begins moving his lips back and forth on it. His lips drag over the veins on his dick and Hide moans drive him to go faster. Hide's dick hits the back of his throat, causing him to gag at first but he forces himself to get used to it. Kaneki moans at the taste and feel of his lover's cock and he sucks it like a porn star, his head bopping up and down fast. Hide's breathing is heavy, and he leans his head back against the dresser behind him.

"Ken!" Hide shouts, his mouth wide open and his eyes screwed shut.

Kaneki hums deeply in response and just like that, Hide's semen explodes into his mouth. Kaneki pulls back, releasing his cock as spurts of cum splash onto his face. Hide watches in amusement as Kaneki laughs and laps at his throbbing cock like someone who hasn't had water in days. His cum splattering and coating Kaneki's pink cheeks arouses Hide; the view is so erotic and the fact that Kaneki enjoys it so much makes him want to fuck him till he can't walk.

"You taste so good, Hide. I want more. I want more!" Kaneki says, his hand moving up and down on his dick to milk out as much cum as possible.

Kaneki licks every drop of his cum, swallowing every gulp and he sucks his fingers after wiping the remnants of Hide off his face.

Hide can't look away from Kaneki and when the half-ghoul notices Hide getting hard for the third time, he grins. "I'm so glad you're not done. I want you to fuck me again."

Hide's eyes dilate. "R-Really? I want to as well…but…is it too much?"

Kaneki shakes his head, licking his lips. He sits himself on Hide's lap, his legs tightening around him and his arms slung around his neck. "Fuck me all day long. All night long. I want it."

Kaneki raises his hips, ready for Hide's dick to fill him up. Hide notices he hasn't used the lube again yet and he tries to stop Kaneki. "Wait, Ken, don't-"

Kaneki doesn't listen, and he sinks down on Hide's erect cock, moaning loudly as he does. "Ahh! Yes! It's so deep inside me!"

Kaneki wastes no time to bounce on his dick like no tomorrow and when Hide realizes Kaneki isn't in pain, he indulges in the dirty act completely. Every time Kaneki's ass meets his hips, Hide thrusts upwards, causing him to hit his prostate without falter.

"Ahh! _Ahhh_! _Ahh_!"

Kaneki's eyes roll back again, and he doesn't stop his motion, his skin slapping loud and hard on Hide's hips.

"Hide! I need it deeper! Please!" Kaneki screams.

Kaneki's hands grip hard onto Hide's shoulders, drawing blood from him. Hide obliges, pushing Kaneki off him and pulling out temporarily. Kaneki whines in protest and he raises his hips up, his hole gasping as it begs for his cock to enter him over and over.

Kaneki is breathless as Hide pushes his thighs back as far as they can go.

"I think this will work…" Hide whispers and with one hand, he pushes his dick inside of Kaneki's hole once more.

As soon as he's inside, Hide places his hands on either side of Kaneki's head and his hips move back and forth fast. The clapping sound from their skin meeting is louder than ever and Kaneki's heels dig into Hide's back as he's fucked mercilessly into the floor.

Kaneki can't talk anymore as his moans combine with Hide's grunts. His nails scratch Hide's shoulders and arms with the immense waves of pleasure that shake his body. Hide loves the stinging pain from Kaneki's desperate clawing, knowing full well he's making his baby feel so fucking good. While his dick moves in and out, he kisses Kaneki's wet cheeks, treasuring the soft skin against his lips. Kaneki gasps and his eyes meet his love. Hide's adoring smile at him clutches his heart and he moans when Hide hits his prostate again. His hand reaches from Hide's shoulder to touch his face and his mouth parts. He leans up, his lips tasting Hide's hot mouth. Their breaths mingle as their kiss turns messy and Kaneki feels his orgasm coming. He clings onto Hide so tight and Hide speeds up his thrusts.

" _Hide! Hide!_ "

Kaneki leans his head back, his mouth wide open as his cum spurts out all over his stomach and on Hide's chest. Seconds later, Hide's body tightens as his orgasm shakes him, his semen filling Kaneki's hole for the second time and overflowing. The cum spills down Kaneki's bottom while Hide's cock still resides within him, spurting out every drop. Kaneki exhales and grins, loving the feel of being filled with Hide's cum again.

This time, Hide collapses on top of Kaneki, his energy completely exhausted. They both breath hard from their activity. Sweat coats their skin and their bodies stick together. The smell of sex is thick in the air and it makes Kaneki dizzy. But he loves it.

Hide's arms and shoulders still sting from Kaneki's claw marks and his entire body feels sore. He embraces it all, and he can't look away from his love. Kaneki looks back at him just the same and his hand doesn't stop touching him.

Hide moves to pull out, a trail of cum connecting his cock with Kaneki's ass again. Kaneki feels empty right away and he clings to Hide's side immediately and Hide holds him in his arms close in response.

Kaneki hears Hide's pulse beating hard like a drum and he kisses where his heart lies. Hide grins at the action and he tips Kaneki's chin up to capture his bruised lips.

They stare at each other for a long while, just breathing in each other's air and sinking in the fact that they made love.

"W-Was I okay? Did I make you uncomfortable in any way?" Hide asks him for the sake of asking.

Kaneki licks Hide's lower lip. "No, I loved every part of it. You make me feel so good. If I could, I would want to do it again."

Hide laughs and brushes a hand through his sweaty hair. "Fucking god, Ken. I should have known you were bad."

Kaneki smiles and his fingers touch Hide's lips. "What about you? Did you like it?"

Hide grins and kisses Kaneki's fingers. "Are you kidding me? You're my drug, Ken. I'll never get enough of you."

"I…I was your first, right?" Kaneki asks him. His arms wrap around Hide's waist and his chin rests on his chest.

"Yeah, of course you are. And I was yours, unless you're keeping secrets from me," Hide jokes.

Kaneki nuzzles his cheek against Hide. "You're the only one allowed to touch me, Hide. Only you."

"Hell yeah. If anyone ever touches you like I did, I'll kill them. I'm dead serious," Hide says.

Hearing those words makes Kaneki so elated. "Really? You would?"

"Yeah. You're mine, Ken. I'm sorry, but I'm not letting you go no matter what."

Kaneki smiles and he moves up so his lips touch Hide's. "Don't ever let go of me."

Hide closes his eyes, their foreheads leaning against each other.

"Move in with me, Ken."

Kaneki's cheeks flush at his statement.

"When we get into university, wherever that may be, I want you to live with me. Officially. We'll get away from all this. From your aunt. You can have your own freakin' library for all I care. We'll be together."

Hide's voice is gentle and sincere in every way. Kaneki smiles so wide and he nods his head.

"Yes, yes! I want to live with you too. Promise?"

Hide grabs Kaneki closer against his body. "I promise."

Kaneki's smile stays on his mind and they don't part from each other. The sun from the window cascades on their sweaty bodies, making them seem like the only two people on Earth.

Hide feels Kaneki kissing his chest again and again, imprinting his love.

It's cold in the world, but here in Hide's safe arms, Kaneki is warm.


	13. Fervor

He's almost scared to open the envelope that seems way too heavy in his hands. After what seemed like forever, the moment of truth arrives, and he had been waiting eagerly. Yet now when it comes, he's hesitating and standing in the middle of his living room for a solid seven minutes.

His heart pounds against his chest and he looks up at the ceiling for a split second before heaving a big exhale. He rips open the top of the envelop slowly and when his fingers take hold of the letter inside, he shuts his eyes as he pulls it out.

 _Don't be such a chicken! Just get it over with!_

Without a second thought, he opens his eyes and quickly reads the first sentence.

When he does, his mouth opens in shock.

"Holy shit…"

Right at that moment, like destiny is at play, his doorbell rings, somehow louder than usual in his ears. He can't keep his eyes off the letter and he walks towards the door without tearing his gaze away from it. His hands find the door knob, turning it, and once the door opens, he hears panting.

"Hide! Y-You got it too, didn't you!" The voice of his lover is the only sound that could break his frozen state from the letter in his hands.

There is concern written on Kaneki's face when he finally meets his eyes and he thinks he must look like he's seen a ghost.

Hide swallows and he grabs Kaneki's hand, pulling him into his apartment. Kaneki has a similar envelope in his other hand, already hastily opened and folded over. Once Kaneki takes off his shoes, Hide continues leading him in until they're in the living room.

"So…"

They both speak at the same time and Hide stops himself quickly. "You go first," he urges him.

Kaneki bites his lower lip and looks down at his feet. "Umm…I…"

Hide's eyes narrow and his heart beats louder. He fears the worst outcome and he's already formulating his next action.

Kaneki doesn't speak for another moment and then, suddenly, a wide smile breaks across his supposedly nervous expression. "I got accepted! Look!"

Kaneki can't stop his excitement from bursting forth as he shoves the paper in Hide's face, showing him his wrinkled acceptance letter to Kamii University.

Hide nods slowly in response and his lips form a thin line. Kaneki notices Hide's stoic reaction right away and his smile disappears. His grey eyes grow wide and he steps closer to his lover. "Hide? What about you? Did you…"

Hide shakes his head and Kaneki gasps, his hands reaching for him. "Hide…no…"

"Just kidding, babe, look at this sucker! I got in too!" Hide shouts in the next second and he also proudly reveals his own acceptance letter to his boyfriend.

Kaneki covers his mouth in pure joy and he tosses his paper aside, lunging forward and jumping into Hide's arms. In response, the blond drops his letter as well and spins Kaneki all over the room as his lover tightly wraps his legs around his waist. Kaneki's arms are secure on Hide's neck and his face presses against the side of his cheek.

The boys cheer and laugh loudly, not caring if the neighbors hear their ruckus. They become dizzy, but they don't mind. After all the blood, sweat, and tears poured into the books, they've finally made it.

"Oh my god, I can't believe we actually did it! We got accepted together!" Kaneki shouts between laughs. He hangs onto Hide with all his strength, not letting go for a second.

Hide's spinning slows down, and he loses his footing, causing him to fall over along with his lover in his arms. Kaneki gasps as he finds himself lying on top of Hide and when he pulls back to see his face, he's happy to see the blond beaming. Hide's cheeks are red from his emotions and he slaps a hand to his forehead.

"At long last, we did it! Can I die now? I think I can die now," Hide says dramatically, his eyes closed.

"You can't die, Hide! We've only just started!" Kaneki tells him with a chuckle and he bends over, kissing his nose.

Kaneki stays lying on his boyfriend, clinging to him like a baby. Hide strokes his back with his right hand, his other hand caressing his lover's soft black hair. Kaneki can't stop smiling as he listens to Hide's loud heart. He gazes at their crinkled letters on the floor and he slowly lifts his head. His grey eyes meet the brown eyes that are warm and calm.

"I get to stay by your side. We'll be together, won't we?" Kaneki says, his voice quiet. His hands rest on his lover's chest, his legs straddling his core.

"You're stuck with me, Ken. Like you said, we're only just starting," Hide replies.

Kaneki grins and Hide's hand wanders to touch his cheek, enjoying the delicate feel of his skin under his fingertips. Kaneki's hands reach up to grab the one holding his face and his fingers curl over Hide's as his face tilts into his touch. His eyes close and he sighs softly, his grip tightening on his lover.

"We really tried to scare each other earlier, didn't we?" Hide breaks the silence.

Kaneki smiles and he opens his eyes. "I was so ready to deny my acceptance if you didn't get in, you know?"

Hide's eyes widen, and he begins to sit himself up. "What? You're joking right?"

Kaneki ends up sitting on his lap as they are face-to-face, his hands grabbing onto Hide's shoulders with the change of position. He frowns, his brows knotted. "No, I'm not."

Hide shakes his head. "Don't do that, Ken. Don't throw your dreams away just because of me. If I didn't get accepted, I would want you to go. I'm serious."

Kaneki's eyes disconnect from Hide and he looks down, saying nothing.

"No matter where you go, I'm still with you. You know that."

"Okay…" Kaneki replies quietly. He leans forward so that his head rests against Hide's chest.

Hide's arms squeeze him, and he smiles. "But anyway, we did it, Ken! Let's keeping looking forward, yeah?"

Kaneki nods and Hide feels his black hair brushing on his neck. While Hide begins to mutter about calling his father to tell him the news, Kaneki knows what decision he'd make in the end if this didn't happen. His fingers clench onto Hide's shirt and he soaks in the warmth he needs.

* * *

Over the next whirlwind months, the boys finish high school and ready themselves on their new path towards university. Every milestone, they accomplish together. Hide's father can't make it and Kaneki's estranged family is ready to kick him out. It doesn't really matter to them either way.

Moving out of old homes and on to the next, the boys leave behind their childhood neighborhood and live closer to the university. It's bittersweet as they have many memories attached to their old home, both good and bad.

"Sometimes it feels like a part of you dies when you leave a home you've lived in for so long…at least I feel that way whenever I have to move…"

Kaneki remembers Hide saying that when they both get into their new apartment.

"It's silly… Sorry. I should be happier, right? All this talk over the years and when it finally happens…"

Hide's smile doesn't match his body language or his eyes. It's too clear; Kaneki notices every detail about him and he understands. He always does.

Hide quickly tries to mask his feelings, rambling on about their future, their new lives as fresh college boys, all the possibilities they could explore. He's exhausted but he tries to keep his energy high. That's when Kaneki brings him back down to earth.

Kaneki holds his face in his hands and pulls him so that their foreheads touch.

"It's okay, Hide. I'm tired too," he whispers to him.

Hide slows down and he breathes in Kaneki's words.

Things are happening too fast and it's overwhelming, even when it's all exciting. So, they make it a habit to take things one at a time.

Kaneki always keeps a close eye on Hide. When he senses Hide is better, that's when he's happiest. At the same time, Hide looks over Kaneki, protects him. Now that Kaneki lost his aunt's feeble support, he takes on the role of both lover and guardian. He vows to make sure Kaneki is safe with him every day. This is something he cannot let himself screw up. It's imprinted in his brain.

They take their time adjusting to the changes at a calmer pace. Together.

Kaneki smiles as he looks up, sitting on his knees in front of the small bookcase that holds all his books. His father's books, his own, and now with some of Hide's old manga combining with his collection. His fingers reach out to stroke the spines of the books in front of him.

"How's your library lookin'?" Hide says with a smile. He enters the room that they deem the office or study room, right across from their shared bedroom.

Kaneki looks up at his love and his smile widens. "I'm so happy that I get to keep them in a better place. Not in my aunt's house, but here. I feel at peace."

Hide grins and he ruffles Kaneki's hair. "I'm so glad to hear that. I'm sure it'll grow over the years." Hide stretches his limbs and he cracks his neck from side to side.

"I gotta finish unpacking the rest of my stuff. Better hurry my ass up!"

It's been almost two weeks since they've settled into their new home. Kaneki already feels he can breathe easier now. He is free from his poisonous relatives and even more, he's living with the one person he adores the most.

He doesn't want to be anywhere else but here.

 _I hope we can be like this forever…_

Kaneki has long finished unpacking his stuff, not having much in the first place aside from his books, so he goes to help Hide. The blond finds he's hoarded too much junk over the years, so he ends up trashing most of it, some he doesn't remember even owning. Kaneki can't help but laugh every time Hide makes the silliest confused expression when he comes across another item he forgot about.

By the time they get Hide's stuff organized, they have two large trash bags to toss out. Hide jokingly hides his face in shame when Kaneki gives him a pointed look. His hand covers the right side of his face.

"Okay, we're done. Finally. Thank you. I'm horrible, I know," Hide says with a nervous chuckle.

Kaneki shakes his head and then lifts the trash bags. "I'll get rid of these."

"You sure? I can handle it," Hide tells him, stepping forward to take the bags. Kaneki moves his arms out of Hide's reach.

"I got it. You should rest. That was a lot of stuff we had to sift through," Kaneki smiles.

"I can't believe I had so much crap. Okay then. Well, I'm gonna go take a bath. I'm all sweaty, man," Hide comments in disgust. The two then separate temporarily.

Their apartment unit is located on the first floor so it's easy for Kaneki to locate the large waste receptacle outside. When he returns, he can hear the water running from the bathroom. Without hesitation, he sneaks towards the bathroom door, standing in front of it for a second and then quietly opening it an inch. His eyes peek in and he sees Hide taking off his clothes, his bare skin catching Kaneki's rapt attention.

Hide's arm and leg muscles entice him further with every movement he makes and once Hide gets into the bathtub, Kaneki lets himself in. He _needs_ to be near him.

Hide looks up in surprise at Kaneki's silent entrance while he's in the half-filled tub. A smirk crosses his face when he notices Kaneki blushing. "Oh, you wanna join me?"

Kaneki doesn't answer, letting his action do the talking as he removes his clothes. Hide watches with darkened eyes, his mouth dry when he takes in Kaneki's body. Pale, but beautiful in every way. His thighs beg for Hide's hungry caress.

Kaneki bites his lips raw, his foot dipping into the water and he makes room for himself in the tub that luckily is big enough to fit them. He turns off the faucet once the tub is filled up and he scoots himself closer to Hide until their wet bodies touch.

Kaneki's breaths are heavy on Hide's mouth and he licks the flesh there. "You're so hot…" Kaneki whispers and he sucks on Hide's lips.

Hide presses his mouth harder on Kaneki's soft lips, his tongue taking the other's breath away as he tastes his lover.

"Mmm!"

Kaneki moans against his mouth when Hide's hands grab onto his ass in the water, squeezing the round cheeks. Hide brings his body closer, pulling Kaneki into him and making water splash out of the tub with his aggressive movement. Hide finds Kaneki's thighs enveloping him and his hands massage his muscles there, causing more delightful sounds to spring forth. Kaneki's desire for him only increases.

Kaneki breaks their heated kiss, gazing at the brown eyes that own his soul. Hide reads all of Kaneki's feelings in his desperate gaze. Overflowing with love. All for him. It burns him up and sets his own soul on fire.

"Can I tell you something, baby?" Hide whispers to him. His lips touch Kaneki's as he speaks.

Kaneki loves the way Hide calls him by that term and he answers by inching closer, his breath stolen when Hide kisses him hard again.

"I used to be scared with the way you look at me."

Kaneki's grey eyes sparkle as he listens to Hide. His lips are red, and he whispers back. "Why?"

"Because you always look at me like no one else does. Like I'm the one holding you down. Like I'm the only one that matters…" Hide doesn't break their gaze.

"That's all true. You are the one that matters the most," Kaneki replies.

"And now when you look at me, I just want you _more and more_."

Kaneki's heart beats faster with every word his love whispers to him. He hangs on every word like it's his life.

"I feel selfish to say this but you're mine. _Mine_."

Hide's mouth takes Kaneki's lips again, his tongue swiping in his lover's mouth in all the places he's touched repeatedly. Kaneki's heart melts like lava, the organ squeezing in Hide's grasp so hard with the way he's kissing him.

"I'm insane. If anyone else takes you from me, I don't know what I'd do. I don't want anyone else to touch you."

Kaneki grins and his fingers claw on Hide's neck. Their mouths connect again, and he speaks. "God, you don't know how happy I am to hear that. Hide…"

Kaneki brings Hide's hand up to touch his chest and Hide's brown eyes grow warmer when he feels how hard and fast his heart beats. "I _am_ yours. Fully. Completely. Touch me. Kiss me. Do anything with me. My body, my mind, _everything_ , it's yours."

The hot water flushes their skin and Kaneki's mind spins with the heat and his feelings for the man holding him.

Kaneki's hand grasps Hide's neck and he feels Hide touching the sensitive area where his kakuhou resides. The sclera of his left eye slowly change to black, the iris red, when their eyes meet again.

Hide's lips find Kaneki's neck, licking and sucking his wet flesh. His tongue finds his pulse and he sucks hard there, loving the way Kaneki moans for him.

"I love you. _I love you_."

Kaneki is breathless as he speaks, and his hands claw down Hide's back and through his hair.

Hide's heart swells at those words and he holds his baby tighter, so tight that Kaneki may bruise.

When Hide lifts his head, Kaneki holds his face, his lips desperate to connect with his mouth. He can taste his sweat and indulges in the way Hide's hands roam on his wet body. His senses suffocate with nothing but the man he loves.

Hide presses his lips on Kaneki's shoulders when they clean each other. They can't stop. It's hard for Hide to get clean when Kaneki continues kissing him again and again. Kaneki smiles when he succeeds in getting what he wants. His lips take in Kaneki's mouth deeply each time, leaving his lover impatient for another while he's washing himself.

"You're gonna kill me, babe," Hide manages to say between Kaneki's greedy kiss.

Kaneki's smile is so bright in his eyes. Hide can't say no to him.

Kaneki's lips are bruised and slightly swollen from Hide's teeth and hard kisses. He loves it too much and he still wants more.

"Delicious. You taste so good," Hide whispers on Kaneki's waiting mouth.

The water is cold by the time the boys finish bathing and they don't bother putting any clothes on. Kaneki smiles wider as Hide carries him in his arms, taking them to their bed once they're dry.

Hide's breath catches in his throat admiring his lover's body as he sets him on the mattress. Kaneki notices his intent gaze and he bites his lip, his hands gripping his arms.

"I like the way you're looking at me. It excites me," Kaneki tells him.

Hide pulls back the blanket, his eyes never straying from his lover. Kaneki's arms reach for him, eager for him to hold him close. Hide wastes no time to please him, letting their warm bodies collide as they embrace, the blanket covering their lower half.

Kaneki sighs happily when he's finally back in Hide's arms. He looks up and finds Hide staring at him with such endearment, like he's treasure. Kaneki's hand caresses where his lover's heart lies.

Hide's eyes close then and his breathing slows. Exhausted from the weight of the changes they've been through the past few weeks, he lets himself breathe. He's vulnerable in front of Kaneki, sleeping soundly in the next moment. Kaneki's eyes glisten and he inches closer, his lips pressing gently on Hide's mouth once more.

"I love you."

He could say that every day and it won't be enough. His heart still pounds too hard and too fast.

His fingers trace his lover's face. He listens to his rhythmic breathing. Euphoria floods his veins. He watches over his man with his endless feelings pouring out.

* * *

Another month passes, and the boys start their university days. They find college life much more enjoyable than their high school days in terms of classes. They also learn soon enough that Nishiki had been accepted into Kamii as well. The ghoul has been keeping his distance from them, however, not because he hates them. He's still in pain. He's still angry. The boys continue to give him the space he needs.

"Yoshimura offered me to work for Anteiku. As a barista, since I've been loyal to him for so long…" Kaneki says one day while they lie together in bed.

Hide grins and he tickles under Kaneki's chin. "That's great news! Take the job. Then I can stop by and try some of his coffee."

"I…honestly haven't tasted it either. I never thought to try all those years…" Kaneki admits. "It smells awfully good though. It's one of the few things ghouls can consume aside from human flesh."

"Except for you, my special half-ghoul," Hide says, bopping his lover on the nose.

Kaneki's cheeks turn pink and he giggles. "Yeah…I guess…"

Hide's eyes break from Kaneki's and his thumb rubs over his boyfriend's hand. "I should get a job too, huh? It's only fair."

"You don't have to, Hide. I'm only gonna do it part-time anyway. We've got classes keeping us busy."

"Yeah…still though."

"If you get a job, you won't have any time for me. And I'll be sad," Kaneki says. He pouts, his large eyes shining at Hide.

"Well, at least let me find a part-time job too. Like a super easy one. I swear, I'll make time for you, babe. You think I can survive without seeing or touching you?" Hide tells him. His hand grasps Kaneki's chin.

Kaneki smiles. "An easy one then. Maybe just once a week or something. And then I'm on your schedule for the rest of the week," he states with a grin.

"Jeez, I feel like I spoil you too much. Oh whatever. Fuck it!" Hide shouts. He grabs Kaneki in his arms, attacking him with kisses and bites and making his lover laugh uncontrollably.

In the days that follow, Kaneki accepts Yoshimura's offer and soon, he embarks on his first day on the job. Naturally, he's nervous, but Hide instills confidence in him.

"I'll see you during your shift, I promise," Hide tells him.

Kaneki kisses him on the cheek. "Wish me luck on not burning anybody. Or myself."

"You can do it, Ken. Besides…their uniform looks great on you," Hide says with a sly grin. His hand wanders to Kaneki's bottom.

Kaneki pinches Hide's cheek in response. "I'm gonna get in trouble if we can't keep our hands to ourselves at work."

Hide withdraws and Kaneki sighs. "It's gonna be hard to follow that rule…"

Hide chuckles and he whispers in his ear. "It's okay. Yoshimura knows about us. He'll let it slide."

Kaneki smiles at him.

Hide attends his class while Kaneki heads to Anteiku. The day goes by in a blur and it's in the afternoon when Hide finishes his school day. He spends the rest of the time scouring the streets of Tokyo, perusing the stores in search of job openings and "Now Hiring" posters.

"Kinda wish I brought my bike…" Hide mutters to himself.

As he explores further down in the area near Anteiku, he hears music, specifically a guitar strumming gently in the distance. Coupled with the string instrument, a man sings, his voice sounding cheerful and full of energy.

A sucker for all things music, Hide is naturally pulled in the man's direction and he forgets about what he'd been doing. As he strolls towards the source, he notices the man's back as he sits on one of the many benches lining the long stretch of stores and restaurants. Up closer, the man is wearing a beanie, which covers his dark brown hair. A few people stop for a minute or two to listen, some of them kind enough to spare him change into his open guitar case. He continues singing, nodding and smiling at the folk who appreciate his music even if just for a moment.

Hide is bolder, and he takes the time to crouch down in front of the young musician, smiling warmly as he rests his chin in his right hand. Hide can tell his abrupt appearance surprises the man and he stumbles over his next lyric for a split second before continuing.

The man finishes his song in the next minute and then he clears his throat, a small blush appearing on his cheeks when Hide claps enthusiastically.

"Wow, dude, that was awesome!" Hide compliments him as he stands to his feet.

The man gives a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his head. "Th-Thank you, sir."

Hide grins as the man tunes his guitar and then gets off the bench. When Hide sees him packing his guitar away, he frowns. "Aww, man, did I miss the show? That sucks. When will you be playing again?"

The man looks up at him in surprise again and his face becomes more flushed. "Uh…well, I try to come play around here every day…so…"

Hide cheers. "Oh boy, that's great! I'll stop by tomorrow and find you, so I can listen to you again! Your voice is so nice!"

The man chokes on his own saliva and he suffers a loud coughing fit, making Hide chuckle. "Thank you. Forgive me. I'm not really used to getting so much praise at once."

Hide places a hand on his hip. "That's weird. People should pass compliments out a lot more if you ask me."

The man smiles. "I agree, it surely would make the world a happier place, huh?"

Hide watches the man bending down to pick up his guitar case once he stowed his instrument away, but his fingers slip, and the case stumbles out of his hands. Hide's eyes widen in concern when the man falls to his knees.

"Are you okay?" Hide asks him right away. He kneels in front of him, his hands outstretched for the man if he needs them.

"I…I'm just exhausted. Don't worry," the man assures him with a smile. Hide doesn't buy it, especially when the man has to exert himself to stand.

"You seem pretty weak. Are you hungry or thirsty? I could get you something real quick," Hide offers.

"No, no, I'm fine. Don't waste your time on me," the man tries to convince him, waving his hand.

Hide shakes his head and he takes the man's arms, pulling him up. "I don't think so, buddy. Look, there's tons of restaurants around here. Just tell me what your favorite food is, and I'll get it for you, okay?" Hide states with a grin.

"Favorite…f-food…" the man repeats quietly. His eyes are blank for a moment as he stares at the ground.

"Yeah, come on, I'll get you anything you want," Hide coaxes him.

The man hesitates, giving Hide a nervous glance but the blond only continues smiling at him. The man sighs softly. "Well...actually a drink sounds nice. I'm not that hungry for now."

"Dude, are you sure? Just a drink?" Hide asks with furrowed brows.

The man nods and Hide keeps a strong hold on him. "Okay then. What are you thirsty for? Booze? Just kidding," Hide jokes with a laugh.

"Umm…if it's not too much trouble, you can use the change I earned to buy me some of the instant coffee drinks they have in the vending machines over there," the man states. He points over to the brightly colored vending machines lining an area in the center of the outdoor mall.

Hide thinks about where his boyfriend works, and he grins. "Wait, I have a better idea! How about I take you to a coffee shop I know! They have way better coffee than these vending machine ones."

The man shakes his head vigorously, making Hide's smile disappear. "No, it's okay. Thank you for offering, but I'll just be fine with the instant coffee. I really don't need much, honestly. Besides, I don't want to trouble you any longer than I need to."

Hide scratches his head. "What? Trouble me? This isn't any…" He stops himself when the man looks down with a solemn expression. Hide pauses, his lips pressed together firmly. "Alright then, I'll do what you want. Let's go to the table near the vending machines."

Hide bends down, taking the guitar case, despite the man's protest and he stays near the man as they walk over to the table. Once there, the man lets out a breath of relief once he sits down on the metal chair and before Hide could even whip out his wallet, the man thrusts his change into his hands, urging him to use the money he earned instead.

"Dude, relax. You're not troubling me at all, okay? I wanna help," Hide tells him as he takes the money from the man's hands.

The man laughs nervously, and he watches the blond skip energetically towards the vending machine, finding the instant coffee he wants. His eyes close as he takes in deep breaths, leaning back in his chair. Next thing he knows, he feels something cold patting his cheek.

"Wow, you really are tired. You didn't hear me for a minute there," Hide says. He pulls back the drink he held to the man's face.

The man blinks rapidly, and he notices the two cans of instant coffee and two bottles of water Hide bought for him. "Wha-this is way more than I asked for."

Hide grins. "Yup, that's right! You're going to need it so drink up!"

The man's smile is the brightest Hide has seen on him and he grins back. "Thank you so much…umm…what's your name?"

"I'm Hideyoshi Nagachika. But call me Hide," the blond introduces himself as he pulls up a chair next to him.

"Nice to meet you, Hide. I'm Ikuma. Ikuma Momochi."

Hide smiles warmly at his introduction. "So, Ikuma then?"

"Yes, sir. I mean, Hide."

Hide laughs at that and Ikuma blushes in embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so awkward, aren't I?"

Hide wipes his eye and he leans forward on his hand. "Nah, it's all good. You just remind me of my boyfriend when I first met him eons ago."

"Oh, you have a boyfriend?" Ikuma asks him as he takes a sip of his coffee.

Hide nods, his eyes changing when he thinks of him.

"What about you? Got someone special in your life?" Hide nudges Ikuma in the arm.

"No, but it's fine. I enjoy being single and it's hard to be in relationship anyway when you can hardly feed yourself," Ikuma says with a shrug.

"Hey, that's totally cool. I respect that. Independence is hot," Hide states with a cheeky grin.

Ikuma smiles. "Y-Yeah, I guess so!"

The boys laugh and enjoy the spring breeze that blows past.

"So, how long have you been performing?"

"Not too long actually. I moved here from my hometown recently."

"For real? Wow. Need a tour around here? I know Tokyo like the back of my hand."

"No, I'm good. Thank you though."

Ikuma clutches the can of coffee in his hands as he leans back on his chair. "I love music. It's my life and I've been practicing with my guitar since I was small. I came here, hoping I can become a musician someday."

Hide smiles. "You can achieve anything when you put your mind to it. When you become famous, I'll definitely buy your album and attend your concert."

Ikuma chuckles and he brushes a hair strand behind his ear. "I don't know if I'm going to be _famous_ , but…"

The blond smacks him on the back, causing the man to jolt in his seat. "No negativity! Someday, everyone's going to be cheering your name. And then, you'll have all the girls, and possibly some guys, chasing after you."

Ikuma scratches his cheek. "Oh my…that's a little frightening to think about."

"Go hard or go home, dude." Hide scoffs. "Look at me throwing out all these clichés. You can tell me to shut up if you want."

Ikuma laughs again. "Oh gosh, you're so funny! Also…" Hide notices Ikuma's eyes trailing up to his head. "I really like the color of your hair. I've never seen anyone with bright hair like that before."

Hide touches the top of his head and he grins. "Aw, thank you. My mother gave it to me."

"Bless her then. She must have been beautiful, because you are."

Hide's eyes widen and Ikuma immediately covers his mouth, his whole face turning into a tomato. "Oh my god, oh my god! Pretend you didn't hear that! I-oh gosh!"

Hide bursts out laughing, this time so hard he bangs his fist on the table and gasps for breath. Ikuma feels his ears burning and he berates himself in his head.

 _I'm so stupid! How could I say something so bold like that? I'm so weird!_

"Man, you're cute, Ikuma. My stomach hurts so much right now," Hide says, wiping tears from his eyes.

Ikuma clenches his beanie and pulls it over his eyes. "I'm such a weirdo. I can't believe I just said that."

Hide is still chuckling as he looks out into the distance, giving Ikuma time to cool down from his seething embarrassment.

"Anyway, what are you doing wandering the streets of Tokyo? It can be dangerous out here by yourself, you know?" Ikuma changes the subject.

Hide looks at him with a smirk. "Speak for yourself, music man. They say I'm a lot more dangerous than one may think."

Ikuma narrows his eyes and Hide grins again. "Kidding! You really need to relax, man."

Hide sighs and brings his arms behind his head. "To be real though, I was trying to see if there were any job openings around here. My boyfriend works at this café I was going to take you to, so I was hoping I could do something part-time as well."

Ikuma smiles then. "You know, I work a few odd jobs on the side when I'm not playing music. There's a slot that just opened at this department store I work at not too far from here. You interested?"

Hide immediately turns, grabbing the man's shoulders and shaking him with his excitement. "Really? Are you serious?"

Ikuma nods and laughs. "Yes, Hide! I swear I'm not lying!"

"Is it part-time? What's the pay like?"

"I believe it is part-time only and the pay is not too bad either. You're going to break my neck, Hide!"

"Oh, my bad! I get carried away sometimes," Hide says and he quickly lets him go.

Ikuma takes a breath, fixing the collar of his sweatshirt. "Phew, you know, you're pretty strong for a human…"

Hide narrows his eyes at what he just said and Ikuma doesn't notice as he downs the rest of his first coffee can.

"Yeah, not to brag, but I can pump some mad weights," Hide says nonchalantly and he cracks his knuckles.

"Now I believe you're joking."

"Check me at the gym, dude. You'd be surprised. I can knock people the fuck out if I wanted to. People who deserve it anyway."

Ikuma chuckles. "You never cease to amuse me, Nagachika."

Ikuma then gasps loudly and he grabs onto Hide's arm. "Wait, what time is it?"

Hide's eyes widen, and he looks around until he sees the several TV screens on the buildings that show the news not too far from them.

"It's 4:35 PM, oh shit, I gotta see my babe," Hide mutters to himself.

The boys stand up at the same time and they hesitate for a minute.

"Oh yeah, you got a phone number or some kind of contact info so we can keep in touch about that job opening?" Hide asks him right away.

"No phone, but we can meet again tomorrow in this exact spot. What time works for you?"

"Umm…how about noon? That okay?"

"Yes! I'll be playing at that time too."

Hide pumps his fist in the air. "Perfect, dude! Up top!"

He raises his hand for a high-five and Ikuma blinks before letting his hand meet with the enthusiastic blond.

 _He's so warm…_

"Take care of yourself, okay? Drink all that up!" Hide says, pointing at him with a stern look.

Ikuma nods with a smile, holding the rest of the beverages in his arms. "Yes, thank you again. I will see you tomorrow!"

Hide gives him a thumbs-up and then quickly departs in a different direction.

Ikuma watches Hide until he can no longer see the head of blond among the other shoppers around him. "He's so energetic…but…"

His expression darkens, and he places a hand to his chin in thought. "Why does he…smell like a ghoul?"

Ikuma thinks for a moment and then shakes his head. "No, he can't be one of us. No way… It must be someone else's scent I smell on him…"

Ikuma's worry is still present on his face and he heads towards his next destination.

…

Kaneki looks up immediately when he hears the bell ringing on the door of Anteiku and his mind and heart soar with instant joy when he sees Hide bustling right in.

"Hide!" Kaneki calls for him, a wide smile already on his face.

Hide is out of breath once he hurries towards Kaneki and he takes a seat on one of the bar stools in front of his lover.

"I'm so sorry for being late! I…I got distracted…" Hide says while panting. He places a hand on his chest as he calms down his beating heart.

"Are you okay, my love? Did you-" Kaneki freezes and his grey eyes grow larger in horror.

Hide notices his expression right away and he takes Kaneki's wrist. "What's the matter?"

"I…" Kaneki glances nervously from side to side, making sure no one is watching them or listening. Thankfully, the late afternoon tends to be the slower hours at Anteiku and the customers are sitting far away from them.

Kaneki sets down the cup he is cleaning, and he leans forward, his grey eyes serious as they meet with Hide's concerned gaze. "Why…why do I smell a _ghoul_ on you?"

Hide sinks in his words and he nods his head slowly. "Ahh…I knew it…I knew he-"

" _He_?" Kaneki spits out.

Hide hears the change in his lover's voice. Kaneki turns away, walking out from behind the counter and taking the seat next to Hide. He doesn't care if he's still on duty.

Hide doesn't move as Kaneki moves closer and sniffs his clothes. A deep frown is set on Kaneki's face. "Tell me what happened. Did you get attacked? Who is it? I'll hunt him down," Kaneki demands, his voice colder than before.

Hide's hand takes Kaneki's trembling fist and his voice is gentle as he speaks. "It's okay, Ken. I didn't get attacked. I didn't know he was ghoul, but I had suspicions. It really does make sense now when I think about how he acted…"

"Hide…" Kaneki's eyes turn desperate and his fingers intertwine with his lover. "Please…be careful. You know I worry and my anxiety gets the best of me. If you got hurt, I…I don't think I could control what I'd do. _Nothing sensible_ …"

Hide clenches Kaneki's hand that grips his fingers so hard, they turn white. "Ken, I'm fine. It's okay. The man I met is just a street musician. I just helped him a little because he nearly fainted. He's harmless, I can already tell. Pacifist, I'd say."

Kaneki bites his lip and he looks down at their hands. "Do you know his name?"

"Yeah. Ikuma Momochi. Really nice guy."

Kaneki looks up, searching Hide's eyes that show no hints of lies whatsoever.

"You don't trust me?" Hide whispers.

Kaneki shakes his head slowly. "Of course, I trust you. I'm just…freaking out a little. Sorry."

Kaneki's fingers begin to loosen but Hide keeps him from slipping away. "Don't apologize. It's all good, Ken. I'm sorry for worrying you though."

Kaneki gives him the sweet smile he adores. "No…I'm just being stupid…I'm happy you're here with me."

Hide grins and he leans forward, placing his lips on Kaneki's left cheek. "You're not stupid, cutie."

Kaneki smile widens, and he nuzzles his head against his shoulder.

"Please don't get mad at me, but I'm gonna be meeting Ikuma tomorrow. To make a long story short, I was job hunting when I met him, and he said he knows of a job opening at a department store downtown."

Kaneki pouts slightly and he clings to his arm. "Why didn't you drag him over here, so I could see him with my own two eyes?"

"Babe, I tried, but he was being pretty stubborn and terribly passive. He kind of reminded me of you."

Kaneki rolls his eyes. "What, you think he's cute?"

Hide chuckles. "Oh, the cutest!" he comments in a teasing manner.

Kaneki's frown deepens, and he starts to move away from Hide. The blond pulls him in closer, making the half-ghoul collide with his chest. Kaneki blushes deeply and he can't bring himself to break away no matter how hard he tries. Hide's breath tickles his ear as his head lowers.

"Ken, you know how I feel about you."

Kaneki can't stop himself from smiling.

 _I can't stop how I feel... He just pulls me back in…_

When Hide releases him, he adores the beautiful blush on his lover's pale skin. Kaneki scratches his warm cheek and he shyly looks away from Hide until the blond pulls his chin towards him.

" _You're mine_ …" Hide reminds him, his voice husky.

Kaneki swallows and he feels the fire igniting in his body. Just those words and a simple touch. He's hypnotized in mere seconds.

"I…I gotta get back to work," Kaneki reluctantly interrupts their moment. Hide lets him go and Kaneki already misses his touch as he quickly returns behind the counter.

There is a silence at first while Kaneki continues cleaning the cups until Hide asks him how his first day went.

"Oh god, I messed up a few orders, but thankfully the customers were nice. I think they understood it's my first day. I'm still getting oriented on making coffee so don't ask me to make you a cup. I might poison you accidentally," Kaneki warns him, his face flushed from remembering his embarrassment of the day.

Hide smiles and he taps his fingers on Kaneki's hand that rests on the counter. "Oh, but I wouldn't mind if I died by your hands…"

" _Hide_ …" Kaneki shakes his head in disapproval with a small smile. He then sets his towel aside and his eyes turn serious again. "Anyway, tell me more about this Ikuma guy."

Hide smirks and he complies, describing the young man and telling Kaneki the details of their conversation. The more Kaneki hears about him, the more he begins to relax. Still, the sting of that green emotion inside him stirs. He just can't help it.

"Mine…" Kaneki says absentmindedly. He grips onto Hide's outstretched hand again and Hide chuckles in response.

Hide stays until Anteiku closes and he uses the time to work on his homework. Now and then, he enjoys watching Kaneki serving customers and he feels his lover staring at him when he thinks he doesn't notice.

By the time the last customer leaves the café, Kaneki is wiping the tables down and Yoshimura comes out behind the counter.

"Good evening, Hide. It's been a while."

Hide sets aside his books and he waves with a grin. "Hi Yoshimura! It's nice to see you again."

The old man looks over to Kaneki, who had just finished his task. He gestures for Kaneki to come over and when he does, he tells the half-ghoul to take a seat.

Kaneki sits next to Hide again and Yoshimura smiles. "Well, I think it's about time you boys try some coffee, hmm? It'll be on the house."

Hide's mouth opens. "For real? Are you sure?"

Yoshimura nods. "I've known you two for a while now. It's not a problem at all."

Kaneki smiles. "Thank you, Yoshimura. We would love some."

"All right, watch me closely, Kaneki. Soon, you will be able to make coffee for Hide as well."

The half-ghoul blushes slightly when Hide bumps him in the arm with a grin.

The boys closely watch Yoshimura brewing up his coffee, listening to his instructions that seem easy, but the task itself is harder than it looks.

"Any questions, Kaneki?"

Kaneki laughs nervously. "Well, no, it makes sense. But I'm going to need practice for sure."

Yoshimura smiles. "Yes. Practice and patience. It won't be too bad once you get the hang of it, of course."

Yoshimura then pushes two steaming cups towards the boys. "Here you are. Enjoy."

"Thank you!" they both exclaim in unison. The smell of the beverage fills their senses immediately.

Hide takes his cup and he looks over at Kaneki, who is already staring back at him. He holds his cup up at him. "Cheers?"

"Cheers," Kaneki says with a chuckle and they clink their cups gently before taking their first sip of the hot coffee.

The boys react in similar ways once the drink touches their taste buds.

"Holy sh- I mean, oh my gosh," Hide stops himself from swearing in front of Yoshimura, who looks at them both with a pleased expression.

Kaneki looks at Hide and then at Yoshimura. "We've been missing out. This is so delicious!"

Yoshimura nods as the two take in more of the coffee. The hot drink warms their bodies up in an instant and leaves them feeling safe and at home.

"This is like out-of-this-world amazing! Did you put some kind of secret ingredient in here and we didn't notice?" Hide asks him.

"Secret ingredient? Well, I suppose there is one ingredient that makes for a good cup of coffee," Yoshimura replies with a soft chuckle.

"And that is?" Hide urges him and Kaneki scoffs in a joking manner at how earnest he is.

He looks at the two boys before him and the nonexistent gap between them. "I'm sure you boys understand what it is quite well. You both have experienced it together for many years after all. Since the day you two met, I'm sure."

"We have…?" Hide states slowly, and he taps his lip in thought.

For once, Kaneki understands Yoshimura's hidden answer before Hide and he leans on Hide's shoulder in response, waiting for the blond to look back at him. When their eyes do meet, Hide smiles in realization.

" _Oh_ …"

Hide looks up but finds that Yoshimura had already disappeared, leaving him and Kaneki alone. Kaneki lifts his head off his shoulder but presses his body closer next to him, his eyes shining in absolute bliss.

Hide's arm slips around Kaneki's waist and he pulls him against his body. In the comfortable silence, with the murmur of the bustling city outside and the grandfather clock that ticks in the background, Hide and Kaneki finish the coffee made special for them.

The taste of it is stronger and lingers when Hide presses his lips softly on Kaneki's mouth.


	14. Sharp

He clings to his arm, sticking to his side like glue with every step that it almost makes it hard for them to walk. His lover smiles though, and he doesn't mind if they stumble from time to time; he only laughs and holds onto him just as tightly. Kaneki bites his lip when he looks up, staring at his lover again and admiring him like always. Hide's wearing one of his caps today and Kaneki can't help thinking how cute he looks in it. His hand clenches tighter on his lover's bicep and he doesn't want to leave his side.

Hide feels Kaneki's gaze and when he looks to him and smiles warmly, those brown eyes glittering, Kaneki's heart skips too fast and his face burns up with his emotions.

He wishes he didn't have to share him with anyone else.

The boys finally make it to the same place where Hide had met Ikuma the previous day. Kaneki is eager to meet this man and at the same time, he's afraid of that evil emotion inside of him rearing its ugly head. He can already feel it beginning to bubble and control his every move, keeping his senses on a higher level. All he can see and feel is Hide.

"Guess we're a little early…" Hide mumbles when he notices Ikuma is nowhere in sight.

Kaneki sighs softly and he leans his head on Hide's arm. "Can I skip class? I just want to stay with you all day…" he speaks his thoughts aloud.

Hide chuckles and he turns to place a soft kiss on Kaneki's head. "Hey, come on now. It's your turn to get to class and my turn to get that job. We can handle a few hours apart right, babe?"

"I guess…" Kaneki replies with a pout. Hide smiles and his fingers find his lover's cheek, stroking his soft skin.

Kaneki closes his eyes, reveling in his touch until an unfamiliar voice interrupts his peace. He feels Hide's fingers withdrawing from him as the blond waves at the man who exclaimed in their direction. Just as Hide had described, the man is wearing his usual beanie and carrying his guitar case like a backpack.

Kaneki watches his boyfriend exchange words with Ikuma and then soon enough, the attention is on him when Hide goes to make introductions.

"You probably guessed it, but this beautiful man beside me is the love of my life!" Hide says proudly with a grin so bright, it almost blinds Ikuma.

Those words snap Kaneki out of his daze and in an instant, he blushes with a mix of embarrassment and adoration for the man he clings to.

Ikuma smiles and he bows his head at Kaneki. "I'm pleased to meet you. You were one of the first topics Hide mentioned when we met here so I don't doubt his words one bit."

Kaneki gives a shy smile and he bows back, his hands still hanging on to Hide. "It's nice to meet you too."

Kaneki looks up at Hide, who's still smiling wide as he glances between the two men. Ikuma notices the way the half-ghoul gazes at the human and he holds his chin in thought.

 _So, he's the one I smelled on Hide after he left yesterday…_

"We should get going, right? I don't want to make a bad first impression by being late!" Hide states, shaking Ikuma out of his thoughts.

Ikuma blinks a few times and then nods rapidly at his words. "Ah, yes, yes! We'll head there this instant!"

Ikuma begins to lead the way but pauses when he sees Hide turning to face Kaneki.

Hide's hand moves to caress his lover's face. "I'll see you back home, okay?"

Kaneki nods, his eyes shining as his hand touches Hide's. "Please be careful. I'll be waiting."

Hide hears the hidden sadness in Kaneki's tone and he bends down, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. When he moves back and sees Kaneki struggling to smile, he pulls him into his warm arms and smothers his lover in a strong embrace that melts the half-ghoul's heart to pieces.

Kaneki immediately buries his nose in the crook of Hide's neck, inhaling his scent as his hands grip hard under Hide's arms. He feels Hide's lips on the tender skin of his neck and he exhales softly. For some reason, his throat tightens, and when Hide separates from him, he feels cold right away.

Ikuma watches this entire display before him and he doesn't realize his mouth is hanging open. He is in awe at the genuine show of affection between a human and a ghoul. In all his years of living, the only human love he's known is the one given to him by his adoptive mother. Other than that, he's never seen a human and ghoul show love so freely like these two do. He feels a warmth stir inside him and he smiles.

 _If only more people can realize this…_

Kaneki's unbreakable gaze at Hide strikes a chord in Ikuma. It's intense and unyielding. Once again, he's not seen a ghoul reveal such a strong emotion so openly before. It almost makes him shiver. It's almost scary.

Hide turns and walks towards Ikuma, and the ghoul notices the immediate change in Kaneki's eyes as those grey turn from bright to dark. Ikuma shakes his head ever so slightly.

 _Does Hide know? That look…_

He remembers what his adoptive mother described to him many times of how his biological mother sacrificed herself for his sake.

"Lead the way, friend," Hide says with a grin.

Ikuma puts a smile on and nods, his eyes flickering to Kaneki for a split second before moving first. His hand grips the strap of his guitar case over his shoulder and he contemplates his thoughts a little more. As he hears Hide's footsteps following close behind, he thinks of his adoptive mother's words and the grey eyes of the half-ghoul that loves this human.

 _Those are the eyes of someone who'd lay down his life for another. No question. No hesitation. It's scary…_

Ikuma glances back at Hide, who has his arms crossed behind his head as the blond looks out into the distance.

 _I need to be careful…_

* * *

Ever since his boyfriend successfully got the job at the same department store as Ikuma, it is only natural that the two new found friends would be spending more time together. Kaneki is happy for Hide, of course, happy that he can make friends with another ghoul. But even more, the other side of him overshadows all those positive thoughts. Because of that, he's more sensitive to his surroundings, more alert, and way too on edge. He's irritated. But most of all…

Kaneki frowns, his chin resting in his right hand and the other drumming lightly against the counter as he stares through the glass windows of Anteiku. It's the slow afternoon again and at any chance he can get, he spends his time worrying about his lover. The ghoul side of him jabs at his brain and boils up his already seething thoughts. He feels he could snap at any minute.

Kaneki sighs deeply and places his head down on his arms. "Why am I like this? Damn it…"

"Down in the dumps again? What's with you?"

Kaneki's head snaps up, a glare set on his face. Right in front of him, Nishiki had taken a seat and he jolts back in surprise when he notices the hard look Kaneki wears.

"Holy shit. Chill! You look like you're going to murder someone," Nishiki glares back, his hands up in front of him.

Kaneki's expression softens immediately when he sees it is an old friend and he takes a breath. "Sorry. I might as well have killed someone, huh?" Kaneki mumbles to himself. His grey eyes wander and glaze over.

Nishiki rests his face against his palm and he shakes his head. "Did Nagachika do something stupid again? I always know the reason is him when you're lookin' sadder than a sack of potatoes."

Kaneki frowns again. "I'm not sad!"

"Yeah, you are!"

"No, I'm just…" Kaneki cuts himself off and he huffs in frustration.

Nishiki narrows his eyes, waiting for the half-ghoul to say something else, but when he doesn't, he scoffs. "Man, you love that man so much. Are you mad? _Jealous_?"

Kaneki freezes when Nishiki puts emphasis on the last word and the ghoul laughs in triumph. "I fuckin' knew it. Jealous of who? Who's taking your man away?"

"Don't be so dramatic, Nishiki. Hide is not getting taken away from me. I'm just being stupid that's all. I shouldn't…feel this way…" Kaneki says quietly. He tries to occupy himself by wiping down the already clean counter top.

Nishiki watches Kaneki trying to distract himself and he looks down in thought. "It's normal to feel that way. It's fine. It's not a bad thing."

"But doesn't that make it seem like I don't trust him?" Kaneki blurts out.

"No, not if you know you do. Jealousy and love go together, whether you like it or not," Nishiki shrugs.

"Gee, thanks counselor," Kaneki says with a small smile.

Nishiki moves forward, pushing Kaneki's arm in response and in turn, the half-ghoul tries to shove Nishiki back, but the ghoul dodges his hand and then spins in his seat. Kaneki chuckles and attempts to whip Nishiki with the towel he has while the ghoul spins.

"Did you want some coffee?" Kaneki asks once they settle down.

"Nah, I'm good. Just came here to relax…and I wanted to say something to you. Kinda wish Nagachika was here too."

Kaneki nods and waits while Nishiki rubs the back of his neck. He stares at his hands and then speaks.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry for what I said a long time ago, when I said you should split from Nagachika. I was angry. Nothing I said or did made any sense. And to be honest, I'm still trying to sort shit out."

Kaneki smiles and he shakes his head. "You don't have to apologize, Nishiki. I already knew you were going through rough times. I'm sorry about your sister."

Nishiki smiles softly and then he grasps his head, still not looking up at Kaneki. "You know…this is really stupid…but after all those fucking years…"

Kaneki leans forward when Nishiki stops suddenly.

"I…found someone…"

Kaneki pauses, replaying what Nishiki had barely uttered in his head before his face lights up and he places his hands together. "Really? You did? When?"

Nishiki finally lifts his head and Kaneki can see the slight blush on his face. "Uh…like two weeks ago? Her name is Kimi. She's…a really nice gal."

Kaneki claps his hands softly. "Aww-"

"Don't get all mushy on me!" Nishiki exclaims right away.

Kaneki pouts but complies. "Well, I'm happy for you! Did you meet her in school?"

"Yeah, it's kinda weird how fast she and I clicked. Is that how it feels? I ain't used to that."

Kaneki nods his head. "Yeah, it's weird at first. But you'll get used to it. And then you'll grow to like the feeling."

Nishiki wrinkles his nose. "Ugh…I don't wanna think about that."

Kaneki rolls his eyes. "Wow, for once I know more about something than you do."

"Shut up! Why don't you go back to groveling over your man and leave me alone!"

"What the-you're the one who came to me! And I'll gladly grovel over Hide any day, thank you."

Nishiki laughs and Kaneki feels his face heat up when he realizes what he just said out loud. He stares at Kaneki for a moment while the half-ghoul scratches his hot cheek in embarrassment.

Nishiki stands up from his seat and shoves his hands in his pockets. "I don't know if I'll ever care for someone the way you care for that idiot. It's rare, what you two have, you know?"

When he sees Kaneki's eyes shine in happiness at his words, he can't help but feel the sting of jealousy attacking him this time. He'd never admit that he yearns to have what the half-ghoul had and continues to have for most of his life with Hide.

"Did I mention how much I hate you and Nagachika today?" Nishiki says with a smirk.

Kaneki scoffs. "No, I think you missed that detail."

"Well, my mistake. I hate you guys. See ya!"

Kaneki chuckles again while he watches Nishiki ditch him, the door bell ringing as he takes his leave. "Hide would have definitely punched him if he were here," Kaneki mutters to himself and soon enough, his mind wanders back to his lover once more.

* * *

"I'm a ghoul."

Ikuma's abrupt words float in the air and immediately, Ikuma shrinks into himself, his shoulder tense and his body closed off. He doesn't dare look up at the blond sitting beside him as they cool off outside after their shift.

"Yeah, I knew that already."

Ikuma's eyes widen and he slowly lifts his head to look at his friend. Hide smiles warmly at him, his brown eyes calm and honest. Ikuma gives a nervous laugh and he scratches his head.

"Y-Yeah…I just figured I should get that out of the way so…"

"Did you seriously think that would bother me? You do know I'm in love with one of your kind, right?" Hide states with a laugh. He slaps Ikuma on the back and the ghoul jumps in his seat from the contact.

Ikuma shakes his head vigorously. "No! I didn't think of it that way! I just didn't want that aspect of me kept secret between us. It's me after all."

Hide nods firmly. "Yup, that's right. You're you. That's all there is to it."

Ikuma smiles at his words and he breathes out his trapped exhale. The boys each have a drink in their hand, soda for Hide and black coffee for Ikuma, and the two stare up at the evening sky.

"So, you said your real mom died and your adoptive mother is a surgeon? That's amazing. I can tell she's a kind and giving woman," Hide says as he sips his drink.

Ikuma leans back on his hand. "You have no idea. I would be dead with my mother if it weren't for her. It's because of her that I'm so fond of humans and wish that both sides could see that we can get along. I know it's hard…but…"

Hide smiles and he watches Ikuma's forlorn expression. "I'm with you on that, dude. No doubt about it."

Hide sighs and clasps both hands around the soda can. "You and your mom still keep in touch?"

"Yeah, at least a few times a week. She's a bit of a worrywart."

"Lucky. Kaneki and I lost our moms when we were young too. I hardly even know what it's like to have a mom," Hide says quietly.

Ikuma gives a look of sympathy until Hide adds another thought. "I do have a dad still. But he's in America now."

"You and Kaneki have really gone through a lot together, huh?" Ikuma states.

Hide nods, his brown eyes distant. "I want to keep him safe. I want to protect him. He's been hurt too many times in the past…"

"Hey, don't forget to look after yourself too, sir. Kaneki would be devastated if something happened to you."

Hide's ears turn red when he hears what Ikuma said and he laughs. "Yeah, you make a good point."

Hide then turns, his face close to Ikuma's. The ghoul yelps in surprise and he backs up a bit. In this proximity, he can see how bright the blond's eyes are and it makes him flustered.

 _He truly is beautiful up close like this. He makes me so nervous…_

"So, you're a ghoul. And that means you've got a kagune, right? What type do you have? Wanna show me?" Hide teases with a grin.

Ikuma's words jumble in his mouth and he stammers. "I-I-I don't think that's a good idea. Besides, it's not as brilliant as you may think. I'm pretty weak in ghoul standards, you know."

Hide returns to his space. "You can't be that bad. I wonder what type of kagune I would have if I were a ghoul…" he says in thought, his finger tapping his lower lip.

Ikuma shakes his head fast again. "Don't even entertain the idea! You don't want to be one of us!"

Hide smirks. "Chill out, dude. It's just a harmless thought. There's no way I can be one anyway. Unless you guys are like vampires and can like, what, transform someone with a bite? Is that how it works?"

Ikuma is both amused and horrified by Hide's endless curiosity with his kind. "I won't let you become a ghoul. Being a human is so much safer and peaceful. Ask your boyfriend."

"Hah! Kaneki wouldn't allow that to happen either. Hell would have to freeze over. And even then…"

Ikuma stares at Hide's expression turning serious until a grin breaks out and he suddenly stands to his feet. The sky had changed to a dark purple, and more people around them hustle on their way home from work. Hide stretches his arms, groaning loudly as he does.

Crushing the soda can in his hand, he aims for the trash bin a few feet away from them like a basketball hoop but misses the target.

"Dang it!" Hide shouts and he scrambles to pick up the can.

Ikuma still has his half-finished coffee in his grasp and he continues watching Hide fooling around as his friend steps back and attempts to make the bin once again. He laughs when he misses a second time, amused at his friend's frustration.

While Hide continues to play around, Ikuma remembers the last phone call he had with his mother one night.

 _"Still doing okay over there in Tokyo, son? Are you having a tough time finding food?" She often asks him every time._

 _Ikuma doesn't want her to worry her so much. So, he makes it seem like things aren't so bad. He can make it on his own._

 _"No, I'm managing fine, mom. I love it here in the city. I feel like I can do so much with my music. I feel so free."_

 _He hears his mother humming in response._

 _"I miss you so much. But as long as you're happy, then I'm happy. Just please look after yourself."_

 _"I know, mom."_

 _"Anyway, have you made any friends? Are people being nice to you?"_

 _Immediately, he thinks of Hide's cheerful face and a spark of happiness runs through him._

Ikuma smiles as Hide finally makes his shot into the trash can. The blond cheers in victory and he spins in circles. The street lights around them seem to brighten with Hide's energy, his blond hair shimmering and making his smile more vibrant than ever.

 _"Yeah, actually…I met this guy. He's so kind to me…"_

"Yo, are you done with your drink yet, Ikuma?" Hide exclaims.

When he notices the human charging for him, Ikuma feels himself growing nervous again and he tightens his grip on his coffee.

"N-No, not yet!"

Hide grabs his shoulders once he's close enough. "Hurry up, dude! I need something else to throw so I know for sure that wasn't just a lucky shot!"

Hide's strength knocks the breath out of Ikuma like the first time and he can't help but laugh. While Hide continues to whine and plead, Ikuma quickly chugs the rest of his drink down. As soon as it's empty, Hide snatches the can out of his hands just as Ikuma was tipping it upwards. With his tongue partly out as Hide had left him at an odd angle, Ikuma can't help but grin at Hide's endless shenanigans.

 _He's so crazy…_

He thinks of his mother's words again.

 _"Oh? Is that so? I'm so glad to hear that. Are you sure you can trust him though? Do you feel safe?"_

"Woo hoo!" Hide roars too loudly as he makes the shot in one go.

Ikuma claps while the blond takes a dramatic bow towards his one-man audience. Ikuma notices some people passing curious glances their way and he feels himself blushing in embarrassment. But when he sees that Hide has no care in the world, that bashfulness disappears into the night.

 _Ikuma smiles as he speaks his next few words. "Yes, mother. I know I can trust him. I'm happy. I'm safe."_

* * *

If only things could stay easy.

When Ikuma begins to miss a week's worth of shifts at the department store, Hide inevitably worries. Kaneki notices this distress in an instant when his lover comes home at night.

The half-ghoul always waits for him, spending his time reading on their couch as he does. He runs into Hide's arms as soon as his lover enters the apartment.

"He missed work again?" Kaneki asks. His brows furrow at Hide's sadness on his face. His hands resting on Hide's chest move upwards to hold his cheeks.

Hide smiles, but Kaneki knows it's a forced one.

The half-ghoul can feel himself boiling inside. To think there is someone else that can affect his love like this, making him upset and marring the smile he adores so much. His chest aches seeing and knowing this. He doesn't want to share him. _He doesn't want to at all_.

"I don't know, it's so strange. He was fine last week and now he just disappears off the face of the earth. I don't even see him playing his music anymore…" Hide says. His eyes are downcast, and they don't meet Kaneki's concerned gaze.

Suddenly, Kaneki feels hate. He feels selfish and mean, but he can't help it. He wishes he could tell Hide to stay away from him, but that's impossible. Hide would be angry at him for saying that. He knows it's wrong. His mind is so conflicted.

Hide steps away and peers at the door. "Maybe…I should try looking for him…"

Kaneki's eyes darken, and his hand snatches Hide's wrist. His fingernails pierce through his skin and Hide's eyes widen when he notices how hard Kaneki is holding onto him.

" _No_. Don't even think about it. That's crazy! I'm not letting you go wandering the streets in the middle of the night!" Kaneki scolds him.

Hide's mouth drops slightly at his boyfriend's harsh tone. He sees the sharpness in Kaneki's eyes and he sighs. "Yeah…I guess you're right."

Kaneki feels a fire in him and it won't calm down. "I'm sure he's okay. Just give it a few more days, and if it's been too long…" He pauses. "I can help you look for him."

Hide smiles at his words. "Really? You would?"

The ghoul side in him protests, clanging against his ribs like an enraged prisoner.

 _I want you for myself. Who cares about anyone else? You're mine!_

Kaneki takes a deep breathe. His chest still hurts, and he has to remind himself not to break Hide's wrist on accident.

"Hide, how can you even ask that? Of course, I would! When you're sad, I'm sad. I'll do anything for you," Kaneki tells him. His heart is honest.

He notices Hide giving him the long look, the one that studies him and tries to figure out how he really feels. Kaneki allows him to do it. He wants him to figure out how he's drowning in jealousy. He wants him to forget everyone else. He wants him to grab him. Take him down. _Own_ him.

Hide smiles, this time a genuine one. "No, you're right. I think he'll be fine. But thank you for saying that, Ken."

Kaneki loosens his grip on Hide's wrist and feels his lover brushing past him. When he turns around to watch his man, Hide doesn't look back at him as he heads towards their room.

Kaneki lifts his thumb to his mouth, his teeth gnawing at his flesh.

 _It doesn't matter how I feel._

His fangs break his skin. Blood taints the tip of his tongue. The ghoul side of him laughs in his head.

 _Liar. Such a fucking liar._

* * *

Ikuma plops down on his usual bench, his body completely depleted of energy. He can hardly move a muscle, let alone try and play any of his music. He leans back against the bench, breathing in and out slowly and trying to ease the intense pain he feels gnawing at his insides.

 _"Have you been eating well, son? Are you okay?"_

His mother's voice echoes in his head, taunting him, reminding him of his lies.

 _God, it hurts so much. Just kill me already._

He thinks he hears his name getting called in the air. Everything coming through his ears is muffled though and he passes it off as one of his hallucinations. He's been having those quite frequently the past few days.

 _I wonder if my own body will consume me…_

The muffle in his ears grows louder, however, and his brows furrow in irritation. He tries hard to remind himself to keep control. He keeps his eyes shut and focuses on deep breathing.

"Ikuma!"

His eyes snap open when his senses finally catch up with him. His vision blurs at first but as it clears in seconds, the first thing he sees is _him_. The one he'd been trying to avoid over the last week.

Hide is panting, his eyes filled with concern and his mouth open as he takes in air. He's bent at the waist so that he's talking face-to-face with his friend. "I thought I was dreaming at first. Where have you been, buddy?"

Ikuma doesn't answer. He's scared to say anything. If he tries to open his mouth, he thinks he won't be able to control himself. To his dismay, a swift wind blows past them and right away, his nose picks up on the delectable scent of the human standing before him. Hide's scent overwhelms him completely, driving every nerve in his body on edge and his stomach screeching in agony.

Hide notices fear in Ikuma's eyes and he places his hands on the ghoul's shoulders, frowning when he sees the ghoul flinching under his touch.

"What happened to you? You really scared me for a minute there. I thought someone had kidnapped you or something."

Ikuma trembles and it only worries Hide further. His mouth opens and closes several times.

"H-Hide…I…"

"What's wrong? Talk to me!"

"I…I need your help…" Ikuma manages to choke out and he grasps his throat.

Hide narrows his eyes, and studying Ikuma's frigid body language, he thinks of a solution.

"Come on, I'm taking you to where my boyfriend works," Hide says in a firm tone.

Hide goes to help Ikuma stand despite the ghoul's hesitance. He wraps Ikuma's arm over his shoulders and once he is sure he has a strong grip on his friend, he guides them towards his intended destination.

Hide listens to Ikuma's heavy breathing and he glances over the musician's body. He doesn't see any obvious injuries.

"You haven't been taking care of yourself, have you?" Hide states gently.

Ikuma doesn't answer, his head lowered. It's even harder for the ghoul to focus now, especially when his body is touching the human. His eyes peer to the side and at his current angle, he can see Hide's exposed collarbone. His skin looks so soft and smooth. As he examines his upper neck, he can see Hide's carotid pulse beating faintly, pumping the juicy red blood he knows is right under there.

 _Please…I can't…no!_

"I should have taken you there in the first place. There's some awesome people there who can help you. Trust me."

Once again, Hide's voice is muffled in his ears and Ikuma tries holding his breath.

 _I won't hurt him. I won't._

…

Kaneki paces the floor back and forth while Nishiki watches him at the front counter of Anteiku.

"Would you stop doing that? It's getting on my goddamn nerves!" Nishiki exclaims.

Kaneki chews on his thumb and when he looks down at the bite marks, it heals in the next second. He goes to gnaw at his own flesh again.

"Why are you so nervous?" Nishiki asks in irritation.

"Hide said he would stop by after class but he's late. It's been two hours. I think he's going off to try and find that other ghoul," Kaneki rambles and he doesn't stop pacing.

"Other ghoul? You mean your man stealer?" Nishiki says with a smirk. He leans against the counter, now thoroughly amused at what could happen.

"Yes! I-I mean, no!" Kaneki shouts quickly. He stops in his tracks and looks at the grandfather clock for the trillionth time.

"Oh boy, I smell drama. Y'all gonna tussle?" Nishiki asks, grinning wide. "I've been craving some violence. It's been a while."

Kaneki walks over to the window. Anteiku had just closed for the day a half hour ago and still, his lover has not appeared.

"Please, don't be reckless…" Kaneki mumbles. Still dressed in his work uniform, he grasps the front of his shirt over where his heart lies.

He is damn near ready to storm out and find him.

…

Hide smiles, sweat crawling down his face from dragging his friend under the setting sun. He can see Anteiku in the distance.

"We're almost there. You doing okay?"

Ikuma hadn't said a word to him the whole time but after he speaks, the ghoul suddenly stops dead in his tracks.

The streets are vacant around them. It is quiet and peaceful in this stretch. But in the ghoul's mind, there is chaos.

"Ikuma?" Hide calls for him.

Everything else happens in a blur through Hide's view. Next thing he knows, Ikuma lifts his head, his dual kakugan activated and before Hide could even gasp, Ikuma's hand grabs his throat and he loses footing. He collides with the ground, his head knocking against the concrete and shocking Hide with shooting pain.

Hide groans at the harsh contact and his breath is caught in his throat as Ikuma's hand tightens on his neck. The ghoul is now pinning him to the ground, his legs straddling his core. Hide's eyes are wide, meeting with red irises that stare down at him like a vicious predator.

Ikuma's mouth begins frothing, his saliva dripping onto Hide's chest.

" _Do you know how delicious you smell? Let me taste me! Let me bite you!_ " Ikuma shouts in a voice that doesn't sound like him.

Ikuma's face draws near and the ghoul's fingers dig into his neck. Hide's expression loses all emotion and he stares at the ghoul with blank eyes.

Ikuma's maniacal laugh echoes all around him.

…

Nishiki can't stop Kaneki when the half-ghoul charges out as soon as he smells his lover in the vicinity. Kaneki feels relief washing over him, knowing that Hide is nearby. He walks fast and when he sees the head of blond hair, his eyes widen in horror at finding his lover lying on the ground. The one keeping him down is none other than his new friend.

Just like that, the raging monster inside of him breaks free and his left eye changes. He runs towards the boys and right away, he throws himself at the ghoul pinning Hide. Their bodies smash together and skid a few feet away. Hide gasps in shock and he lifts himself to a sitting position. He sees Kaneki now reversing the situation as he has the upper hand over Ikuma. The older ghoul struggles like a wriggling worm under Kaneki's enraged grip.

"Ken, wait! Stop!" Hide shouts.

Kaneki doesn't hear him, his mind clouding with numerous ways to murder the ghoul that thrashes under him. His hands are choking the ghoul and his teeth are clenched in anger. All he sees is red. His heart hammers in his ears.

"Snap out of it, Ken! He's starving! He can't think straight and that's why he attacked me!" Hide raises his voice. He reaches for the half-ghoul, noticing the way Kaneki's shoulders tense up and his muscles harden.

Ikuma is gasping for breath and his struggle weakens the longer Kaneki is choking him. When Hide manages to touch Kaneki's back, the half-ghoul slowly lifts his head, looking up at him with eyes that are cold and full of malice.

Hide has never seen Kaneki look like this before and once more, he is shocked to the core. He steps back from his lover when the half-ghoul moves to stand up, grabbing Ikuma while he does. Hide doesn't try to intervene as Kaneki drags the older ghoul like he's a rag doll towards Anteiku, avoiding Hide's intent gaze the whole way.

…

Nishiki and Yoshimura aid Ikuma as soon as Kaneki brings the ghoul over to them. The tension between Kaneki and Hide is obvious and it cuts straight through the room like a sword. Knowing this, Yoshimura ushers Nishiki and the now unconscious Ikuma to the kitchen, leaving the couple alone.

The grandfather clock ticks and it sounds incredibly loud in the heavy silence. Kaneki has his back turned to Hide, his arms holding himself in a way that shows he's on the defense. Hide knows he made a mistake.

"How could you do that?"

Kaneki's voice is fragile and sounds like it could break like glass. Hide carefully walks closer to Kaneki.

The half-ghoul turns around, and when he does, Hide sees angry tears collecting in his eyes.

"I know you, Hide. You were going to let that man bite you. You were going to let another _ghoul_ bite you!" Kaneki's voice shakes with his rising emotions.

Hide's brows furrow and he keeps his composure as calm as possible. "I was trying to help…"

"Trying to help? Hide, you don't have to sacrifice yourself for people like that. One of these days, you're going to get yourself killed! _How could you do that?_ " Kaneki finds himself repeating, but he doesn't care.

"I'm only willing to sacrifice myself for people I care about. Of course, I wouldn't be so stupid as to do that with just anybody," Hide tells him, his tone serious.

"Do you care about him more than you care about me? You would've let him bite you and leave a scar? _You would really do that?_ " Kaneki shakes his head, his eyes glazing over with more tears.

Hide takes another step closer. "I care about _you_ , Ken, more than anyone in this world! You know that…"

"But that doesn't change the fact that if I hadn't stopped him, you would have let him eat from you," Kaneki states coldly.

Hide doesn't say anything, only a heavy exhale leaves him.

Kaneki's chest hurts more than ever. "Hide, listen to me. I don't want you letting another ghoul feeding from you, ever. _Never._ "

Hide looks his lover in the eyes when he listens to those words.

"You're _mine_. If a ghoul tries to bite you next time, I'm killing that ghoul, friend or not," Kaneki tells him. His voice doesn't tremble.

Without another word, Kaneki turns away from his lover and aims to head to the bathroom, so he can let go of his tears alone. But Hide doesn't let him.

Kaneki feels Hide pulling him, his back meeting with Hide's chest as the blond wraps his strong arms around him from behind. Hide tightens his hold, his warmth flowing into Kaneki. One arm wraps over Kaneki's upper chest while the other grabs around his waist. Kaneki doesn't move away from him. He feels his throat constricting the longer Hide embraces him.

Hide's chin hovers over his right shoulder and he shifts so that his lips press onto the delicate skin under Kaneki's ear.

"I'm sorry."

Hide whispers and it hangs above them.

In the next second, he hears Kaneki sniffling and wet droplets landing on his hands. He feels Kaneki gently holding onto his wrist and his breathing is ragged with his quiet tears. Hide only strengthens his hold on his lover, drinking in Kaneki's emotions that flow out of him like a broken dam.

…

"How's your head, my love? Does it hurt?" Kaneki asks him. His hand reaches up to run through Hide's hair.

Hide looks up and he rubs the back of his head. He winces, and Kaneki's eyes grow concerned. "I think I may have a bruise, but I'll be okay. My mind is still intact after all."

Kaneki holds onto his hand and Hide grips it back as the two head to the kitchen. When Hide opens the door, they spot Nishiki seated across from Ikuma. The musician has a plate of fresh, bloody human meat in front of him and it's nearly finished. One could tell he had scarfed it down as the musician's mouth is covered in blood. His fork is up in midair and there is an awkward silence as all four boys stare at each other for a minute.

As his mind awakens, Ikuma drops his fork with a huge clatter and he gets down to the floor in an instant, much to Nishiki's surprise. He has his head to the ground, bowing to Hide and Kaneki.

"I am so sorry! There are no words to describe how ashamed I am! I can understand if both of you despise me. Please, if you wish to punish me, do so now! I deserve it!"

Ikuma doesn't lift his head as he spouts his apologies. Nishiki sighs in exasperation.

"He really means it. He couldn't stop talking my ear off about how sorry he is," Nishiki states to back up Ikuma's words.

Hide releases Kaneki's hand to kneel to Ikuma's level. His hand touches the ghoul's back, causing the man to flinch.

"We're not going to punish you, Ikuma. We only want to help you. Isn't that right, Ken?" Hide says, looking back at his lover.

Kaneki smiles and nods his head. Ikuma hesitates and then slowly lifts his head. He wipes the blood off his mouth with his sleeve and his face shows distress and sadness. Hide pulls Ikuma into a hug, rubbing his back with soothing strokes. Ikuma is unsure about returning the embrace, his eyes trailing up to meet the half-ghoul. Kaneki doesn't react negatively, and he also gets down to his knees.

"We want to help you, Ikuma. Tell us what we can do," Kaneki reassures him.

The four boys settle themselves at the kitchen table. With his plate empty and his mind clear, Ikuma explains the truth.

"Ever since I came here to Tokyo, I told myself that I'd be able to fend for myself. And that includes getting food for myself, without having to fight or kill anyone. I want to avoid conflict as much as possible, and I know it's hard to do when we're like this…"

Ikuma grabs his head and the three boys listening wait for him to continue.

"But now I got myself into trouble because I so happened to cross into another ghoul's feeding territory while he was still there. Ever since then, that ghoul has been trying to track me down to kill me and I've been too scared to cross into any other feeding grounds. Yes, I'm a coward, but that's why I've been starving myself and living off coffee for over a month."

Nishiki shivers at that. "I couldn't do that. No way. You know what a ghoul's hunger can do to you."

Kaneki thinks back to his younger years when he and Nishiki would hunt on the feeding grounds and he completely understands Ikuma's situation.

"That ghoul is still hunting you down?" Hide asks him.

Ikuma nods and his lips form a thin line.

Hide and Kaneki exchange glances and they make their decision.

Kaneki stands up from his chair. "Let's go then."

Ikuma looks to the half-ghoul in fear. "What? _Right now_?"

Kaneki smiles. "Now is the perfect time to catch that ghoul. It's the time to feed after all."

The half-ghoul points towards the outside and they see that it is now dark. The preferred setting for monsters to prowl the streets.

…

"I've been noticing there's a lot of rogue ghouls going insane recently… The news has been reporting attacks during broad daylight, like that one time. Remember, Ken?" Hide states while he, Kaneki, and Ikuma head to where the feeding grounds are.

Kaneki nods, his mind serious and alert. He stays close beside Hide while Ikuma leads them to where he first met the stray ghoul.

"A-Are we sure we should do this? Maybe the ghoul forgot about me by now," Ikuma tries to convince himself to no avail.

"We're settling this once and for all! You can't keep living with a crazy ghoul on your tail," Hide replies.

The closer they get, the more Ikuma trembles and his heart gallops into his throat. But hearing his friends' footsteps behind him, he reminds himself to stay strong and face his fears. Once the boys meet the start of the feeding ground, a desolate area in the darkest alleyways of Tokyo, Kaneki tells Ikuma to walk in alone to draw out the ghoul.

Ikuma complies and steadily steps out into the open. A dim lamplight flickers above him and to calm himself, the musician hums a song he'd been working on. Meanwhile, Hide and Kaneki are not too far from him, ready to help him at the right moment.

Ikuma stops when he's standing in the middle of an open space behind the buildings nearby. He can smell remnants of old blood and flesh clinging to the walls and the ground. A rat passes by his feet and he gulps, his humming changing to whistling as he continues to look around him.

"So, you finally showed up, chicken boy?"

Ikuma's whistling comes to a halt when he hears a loud thud behind him and he whips around to see the tall ghoul had landed behind him.

Immediately, the ghoul grabs Ikuma's shirt and lifts him up in the air. The musician's legs swing helplessly, and he grits his teeth as the ghoul stares up at him with a menacing grin and his dual kakugan in full view.

"I have been waiting far too long to sink my teeth into you. So, you're finally ready to die, huh? Have you said your prayers?" the ghoul spits at him.

The tall ghoul's expression falters and his nose twitches when he catches onto something new. "Wait a minute. I smell something. And it smells so delicious! Better than you!" He drops Ikuma to the ground harshly, causing a small dust cloud to pick up.

The musician rubs his sore bottom and then he looks up to see the ghoul surveying his surroundings.

"Oi! Come out, whoever you are! I know you're there!" the ghoul demands.

Ikuma doesn't realize he's holding his breath when the ghoul is suddenly struck in the face with a tin can. In the next second, Hide comes racing towards him while the ghoul is momentarily distracted.

"H-Hide! No!" Ikuma whisper-shouts at him.

Once Hide meets him on the ground, the blond grins wide. "Guess my aim isn't bad after all, huh?"

Ikuma smiles back but the moment is disturbed right away when the ghoul towers over them.

"A human? It must be my lucky day! So, you're the one I smelled, huh?"

Hide has no time to turn around as the ghoul goes to grab him but at the same time, Ikuma's eyes change to black and red and he shoves Hide aside. Hide watches in awe as Ikuma finally releases his kagune, a koukaku shield coming out and covering his left arm.

With his power, Ikuma blocks the ghoul's downward swing and they engage in a deadlock. Ikuma clenches his teeth, his koukaku pushing back against the tall ghoul. In turn, his enemy releases his own kagune, like his, and they continue to try and tip the other off.

"Get. Out. Of my way!" the ghoul bellows. He grunts and manages to kick Ikuma's waist, weakening the musician and giving him the advantage. Ikuma is thrown to the side, his body skidding on the ground. He looks down and sees his kagune cracking slightly.

 _I'm so damn weak. But I must protect Hide!_

"Stay away from him!" Ikuma shouts and he lunges himself onto the ghoul's back, biting into his neck. The ghoul shrieks and he grabs Ikuma's head, hurling him hard to the ground from over his shoulder.

Ikuma groans, his head spinning too much and his ears ringing so loud. His eyes are blurry, but he can see the ghoul approaching Hide.

 _No! No!_

Right then, Kaneki comes charging in and he knocks the ghoul to the ground with a powerful shove to his side.

The ghoul grows more and more frustrated with each interference, but when he catches onto Kaneki's distinct scent, something in the ghoul changes further. The ghoul's red irises dilate and his mouth bubbles with streams of saliva.

"You…you! It's you! Not the human! You're the one that calls for me!" the ghoul declares with a shrill tone that sends shivers down Kaneki's spine.

Kaneki narrows his eyes at his bizarre words.

 _This is not the first time I've heard this coming from another rogue ghoul…_

"Ikuma, stand up. You can do this," Kaneki encourages Ikuma without keeping his eyes off the ghoul.

Ikuma hisses in pain but he forces himself back on his feet. Yet his knees give out and he falls to the ground again.

"Ikuma! You can do it! You're strong!" Hide shouts from the other side.

Kaneki's eyes stray to his lover when he hears his voice and that's when the ghoul takes his chance. With his defense down, the ghoul lunges his body on top of Kaneki. The half-ghoul falls hard to the ground and before he can react, the ghoul's long tongue hangs out of his mouth and his crazed eyes pierce through Kaneki's grey ones.

The ghoul's words become nonsensical the closer he is to Kaneki. When the ghoul's teeth are bared, and he goes to bite his neck, Kaneki blocks him with his left arm. He cries out when the ghoul's fangs dig into his forearm and rips out his flesh.

Hide's eyes constrict at the sight and he scrambles to his feet.

"Hide! Stay back!" Kaneki shouts. He winces, but he can sense his lover trying to come close.

The ghoul throws his head back like he is experiencing a drug-induced high once Kaneki's flesh coats his tongue and overwhelms his mouth. His laughs seem to shake the ground and it scares all three of the boys to their bones.

" _SogoodsogoodsogoodsogoodsogoodAAAAAAHHHH!"_

Kaneki breathes heavily and just as the ghoul goes for another bite, Hide comes up and strikes the ghoul hard with a large brick to the back of his neck. The ghoul is distracted by that hit and when Ikuma sees the ghoul getting off Kaneki to go for Hide, a surge of new found energy courses through his veins and he yells out, sprinting towards the ghoul. His kagune crashes into the ghoul's head and a loud, cracking sound emits.

Just like that, the ghoul stops moving altogether and his eyes show nothing but black. Ikuma pants hard and watches as the ghoul's body drops to the ground in a messy heap. No blood escapes him, but the ghoul doesn't say another word or move another muscle. Hide dares to step closer and examines the body. He finds the ghoul is no longer breathing.

"Did I do it? Is he unconscious?" Ikuma asks between ragged breaths.

"He's not unconscious. He's dead," Kaneki speaks up from behind him.

Hide and Ikuma turn around as Kaneki approaches them, holding his bleeding left arm.

Ikuma's eyes change back to normal and his mouth drops in horror. "I _killed_ him? He's _dead_?"

Kaneki nods solemnly but gives a small smile. "It's okay, Ikuma. You did it to protect us, right?"

Ikuma stares at the dead body in front of him, his kagune disappearing into his body. He falls to his knees and can't stop thinking about what he had just done.

"No, I can't have…no…I didn't want this…"

Kaneki's left eye reveals his kakugan and his arm begins to heal. Hide looks at Ikuma with sad eyes and then glances at his lover. Kaneki feels Ikuma's regret all too well and he steps closer. He rests his hand on his shoulder as Ikuma is frozen.

"I'm sorry…"

…

Nishiki comforts Ikuma on his bench, allowing the ghoul to let out his emotions after his first kill. While Ikuma stays silent and covers his face from the world, Nishiki tells him stories of his struggles in the past, along with stories of other ghouls who were like him.

Not too far from them, Hide and Kaneki sit close together on a separate bench. Hide washes the blood from Kaneki's arm with water from the drinking fountain nearby, using the ends of his shirt to wipe it off.

"You're ruining your shirt, you know," Kaneki tells him with a smile.

"Yeah, but you got your work uniform ruined because of that bite," Hide points out. The sleeve of Kaneki's uniform is ripped to pieces and blood stains everything else.

"It's okay. Yoshimura will just pull the expenses from my paycheck, I suppose…" Kaneki says, no hint of regret in his tone.

Hide pouts and Kaneki stares at his lover. "You said I shouldn't let another ghoul bite me. But look what happened to you…"

Kaneki smiles wider and he pecks Hide's cheek. "This is different, Hide. I can heal from this and I'm a ghoul, so it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me. Do you think I enjoy seeing you get hurt?" Hide tells him seriously.

Kaneki sighs and Hide looks down solemnly at the wound. Kaneki's flesh has already been restored, but the memory of his boyfriend getting bitten in front of him is still fresh in his mind.

When he looks back up, he sees Kaneki gazing towards where Nishiki and Ikuma are.

"I wanted to kill him, you know. When he was on top of you like that earlier…I was so close to doing it…" Kaneki says with blank eyes.

Hide furrows his brows and Kaneki regards his questioning stare.

"He's a better man than me. He's kind and peaceful. And me…" Kaneki's fingers brush over where his wound was. "I'm so cold and ruthless. Killing comes naturally to me now. I don't feel anything anymore."

Hide touches Kaneki's hand, his fingers intertwining with his lover.

"Hide…"

Kaneki leans in closer and his voice weakens.

"Are you sure you can care for someone like me?"

Their eyes meet in an intense stare.

"I'm no good…"

Hide grasps Kaneki's chin and his thumb runs over his lover's lip. "Ken, I don't care if there are other people who are 'kinder' or 'stronger' or 'better' than you. I don't give a damn whatsoever."

Kaneki's eyes shimmer under the moonlight and his mouth parts.

"You're the only one for me. No matter who comes along, no matter who I meet, no one has my heart but you. You have it forever. You own it."

Kaneki feels the annoying sting in his eyes as his heart fills with so much love for this man. "Damn you, Hide…"

The blond laughs when Kaneki throws himself on him, his arms wrapping around his neck. He kisses Hide all over his face and holds him so tight against his body. Hide finds it harder to breathe but he doesn't mind at all.

"Hide, I want you for myself. I don't want you to be with anyone else. Stay with me! Stay with me forever!" Kaneki spills his true feelings out. His fingers claw at Hide's back and he tastes the flesh on Hide's neck.

Hide's body shakes with euphoria and he presses hard kisses on Kaneki's arm. "You're such a greedy little ghoul, aren't you?"

"Yes, so no one can have you. You're all mine," Kaneki says proudly. He moves back and his fingers touch Hide's soft lips.

Hide's eyes don't break from his as he takes his fingers, biting them lightly. Kaneki grins at his action and he pulls his boyfriend's head against his chest where Hide can hear his heart calling for him every time.

Once Ikuma manages to gain some conscience, he looks over his shoulder to see the happy couple and he smiles lightly.

"They're so disgusting, aren't they?" Nishiki comments, his face leaning on his right hand resting on the bench.

Ikuma thinks back to how Kaneki avoided using his own ghoul power to fight against his enemy. He let Ikuma conquer his fear on his own. He gave Ikuma something he needed.

Strength.

"I'm glad to have met the two of them," Ikuma states. "They inspire me."

"Sure, sure. But if you get in between them, you won't live very long," Nishiki replies with a scoff.

Ikuma chuckles and looks up at the midnight sky. The stars gleam with the love that radiates from the human and half-ghoul.

"Then lord have mercy on the one who does."


	15. Taken

12:26 AM.

Hide scratches his head, yawning after waking up from a nap. Catching up on his studies quickly zapped his energy and he feels he hasn't seen anything or anyone for most of the day except for his books.

His throat is dry, and he trudges his way to the small kitchen in the dark, reaching his hands out to feel for objects and bumping into some of them along the way. Luckily without tripping, he makes it to the fridge and opens it up to grab a bottle of water. Tilting the plastic bottle to his lips, his gulps are the only sounds he hears in the dead of night.

"Hi."

Hearing the familiar voice, he chokes and coughs up water. He slaps his chest repeatedly and he turns to where the voice came from.

"Babe? Is that you?"

"Mm hmm," Kaneki replies in a nonchalant tone.

"Where's the damn light…" Hide mutters to himself. Without closing the fridge, he uses the white light coming out of it so that he could find the switch for the kitchen lights.

Once the kitchen is no longer bathed in darkness, his eyes immediately find his lover curled up against the island across from the fridge. Kaneki stares up at him with round, innocent eyes and in contrast, his mouth is covered in blood from the equally reddened plate he has in his clutches. A slab of human flesh is halfway eaten on the dish. Kaneki's hands are stained with blood as well and if Hide was anyone else, he would have thought Kaneki had just killed someone. Straight out of a horror movie.

Hide finds himself smiling at the sight of his boyfriend sitting like that and in return, Kaneki looks down shyly and wipes his mouth on the back of his hands, smearing the red all over.

"S-Sorry…I didn't mean to scare you. I know this is gross…" Kaneki says quietly.

"Why are you on the floor?" Hide asks and he walks over to him.

Kaneki meets Hide's concerned gaze and he feels embarrassed. "I…I just wanted to…"

Hide gets on his knees. "Are you hiding from me again?" he asks, his voice gentle.

Kaneki begins to blush, and he wipes his face with his hand once more, staying silent.

Hide sighs and he reaches over the counter to grab some spare napkins lying there. He then settles himself right next to his lover on the floor.

"Here you go, baby," Hide says with a smile.

"Thank you…I should have thought of that…" Kaneki replies. He is careful not to touch Hide when he takes the napkins. Hide notices the way his lover keeps his distance when he's eating, and he frowns. Just as Kaneki starts to clean off his fingers, Hide scoots even closer and wraps his arm around Kaneki's shoulders.

Kaneki gasps, his plate nearly falling off his lap from the sudden action. "W-Wait, Hide, don't! I'm gonna get blood on you!"

"Who cares? Not me," Hide states and he leans his cheek on top of Kaneki's head when his boyfriend rests against his chest.

At the way Hide holds him tight in his strong arms, Kaneki feels happy, despite his worries and self-consciousness. His body warms up in an instant and Hide continues pressing himself closer.

"You're so cute," Hide tells him. At the same time, he squeezes Kaneki to show he's honest.

Kaneki finds himself smiling at those words and he lifts his head. Hide's kind eyes melt his heart and the blond takes the napkins from his hands to help wipe off the excess blood from his mouth. Once his lips are clean, Hide leans closer, his mouth landing softly on his forehead. Kaneki's eyes glisten once Hide pulls away and his smile widens.

"You're so weird," Kaneki responds and Hide laughs.

Kaneki rests his head back on his lover's chest. Hide's fingers tickle Kaneki's cheek before they slowly wander through his hair, the black strands flowing over his hand while he lightly scratches his scalp. Under his touches and with Hide's body warmth running through him, Kaneki feels himself relax and drowning in complete bliss. He listens to Hide's calm heart beat while he chews on the bloody flesh in his hand. In the silence, he still feels self-conscious when the blood drips onto the plate or when he hears his teeth gnawing on the juicy meat, which makes a sickening sound to most people. But Hide doesn't move or make any other indication that he is disgusted.

"How long were you sitting there all alone in the dark? Don't tell me you were here the whole time I was napping!" Hide's voice vibrates against his head.

"No, but it doesn't bother me, Hide…" Kaneki says.

"But it makes me sad. Don't feel ashamed. Sit at the table. Eat your food. And wake me up so I can keep you company!" Hide tells him. He kisses the top of his head, his nose burying in the black locks.

Kaneki chuckles at his insistence. He lifts his head off Hide's chest to meet his eyes. If it's even possible, his feelings for him continue to grow. Every day and night. Slow, steady, and so easily. There's just no end. He's not scared.

Hide brushes his bangs framing the right side of his face. "So, have any weirdos been trying to hit on my beautiful ghoul at work, other than this weirdo?" he states, pointing at himself on the last part.

Kaneki laughs, and he fights the urge to kiss him while he's eating. "No, but I don't know why this blond weirdo keeps coming to see me. He doesn't get it."

They both laugh at that and Hide leans his forehead against Kaneki's, basking in the joy emitting from the half-ghoul.

Kaneki's smile doesn't go away as he stares at Hide, until another thought crosses him. "Well, actually…I have noticed something…"

Hide moves back a little and he tilts his head in curiosity.

Kaneki bites his lower lip in thought. "I've been noticing this woman who I know is a ghoul. She's actually quite pretty…"

Hide smirks. "Dang, do I have competition?"

Kaneki looks him in the eyes, shaking his head. "No, Hide, never."

"I'm just kidding…"

"Yeah, but…I feel her staring at me sometimes…and I see her reading my favorite novels. What a coincidence right?" Kaneki nibbles on his index finger. "It's kind of…unnerving. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. But it's almost as if she's watching me."

"Hm, she could be. Does she come in every day?" Hide rubs his hand over Kaneki's shoulder.

"I don't think so. I only work three days a week, but she always seems to be there when I'm on shift. I wonder if she wants something from me."

"Maybe she wants to eat you."

"Oh god, please don't say that…"

"Is cannibalism common between ghouls?" Hide wonders aloud. He leans his head back against the cabinets behind them.

"Sometimes, I guess. I have considered it in the past, to be honest…"

Kaneki nestles himself closer in Hide's arms. Hide senses the change in Kaneki's mood and he strengthens his hold. "I wish I could take my classes at night, so I can see you on the days you work more often."

Kaneki smiles. "How are you going to sleep properly with that type of schedule?"

"I can do anything, Ken! Besides, I don't want creeps laying their hands on you. They gotta get through me first," Hide says, his expression serious.

"You can't do that, Hide. It'll be okay."

"Are you sure? Are you scared?" Hide asks quietly.

Kaneki pauses. "A little…"

At that, Hide grabs Kaneki and pulls him onto his lap, causing the half-ghoul to gasp.

"If only I could split myself into two…" Hide mutters.

Kaneki smirks and he chuckles lightly. "Oh, that sounds fun. Especially if we're in bed and-"

Hide laughs loudly before he could finish. " _Oh_ , you're into that shit! Fuck, now I really need to find a way to clone myself or something."

Kaneki's ears turn red. "Well, I don't want to have sex with another person! I'm not into _that_! I'm just saying if there were two Hides…"

"Gosh, you're so damn cute," Hide repeats with a chuckle. He nuzzles his nose on Kaneki's forehead.

Kaneki gives a bright smile and he grasps the side of Hide's face. Hide's grin is warm, and Kaneki doesn't dare look away.

"Okay, I'll stop talking. Finish eating, cutie."

Kaneki smiles and happily obeys. Meanwhile, Hide gets lost in thought over what Kaneki told him. His hand brushes through his lover's hair once more.

…

He scrubs his mouth vigorously, almost to the point of making himself bleed. Once he knows that no trace of the human flesh he had consumed lingers, he leaves the bathroom and towards their bedroom.

On the mattress, Hide is already passed out, lying horizontally across the bed. Kaneki tries not to make a noise. He crawls over near Hide, and once he's right next to him, the blond suddenly springs awake and grabs his waist, rolling to lie on top of him.

Kaneki yelps in surprise and his large eyes look up into Hide's gaze that shines with mischief.

"H-Hide? What are you-"

His breath escapes him when Hide sinks lower, his face hovering over his and his eyes staring right through him. His lips caress his jawline before he makes his way to his neck, where he sucks on the delicate flesh there.

Just like that, Kaneki feels his body responding immediately, growing hotter and hotter and his mind is consumed with only him. Hide listens to Kaneki's breathing and knows he's sucking on the right spot when he hears his breathing become rapid. Kaneki's fingers grip onto his back and the half-ghoul begins to whimper. Hide pulls back to admire Kaneki's pink cheeks and hazy eyes.

He sees Kaneki's lips moving and his voice doesn't come out. But he reads them, and they beg him, "more, _more_."

Hide's fingers undo the buttons of Kaneki's white shirt, noticing the way his lover's chest rises and falls with his excited breaths. As he opens his shirt, he takes in the site of Kaneki's exposed skin and his toned core. His pale skin is completely flushed. His nipples look soft, pink, enticing. Hide feels a fire burning inside him while Kaneki shrugs off the rest of his shirt. Hide wastes no time once Kaneki's hands clutch his shoulders.

His lips latch onto his nipple, licking around the areola. His teeth pinch the soft skin, quickly causing it to harden the more he stimulates him. Kaneki's gasps turn into audible moans and Hide moves onto the other, sucking, licking, and biting until his nipples are wet with his saliva, hard and red.

Hide moves on, his lips leaving several marks down to his abs. Kaneki's eyes are shut, his mouth open, face flushed, and his body tingling nonstop from every one of Hide's touches. His body feels much more sensitive than ever and he think it's because he had just replenished himself. He knows it's way too late at night, but he can't help himself. His moans become louder because his body responds too well, loving and wanting more and more.

When Hide's hands glide down from his chest to his waist, he exhales at the way his fingers leave a hot trail on his skin. Hide's mouth burns him as he kisses his stomach and hips. He grips onto Hide's head, his motion telling his lover to never stop.

Kaneki feels the cool air on his legs when Hide pulls the rest of his clothes off. Hide finds Kaneki's cock is already getting hard and when his hand takes it, running up and down in a fast motion, he feels his dick hardening further within his grasp.

"You really like what I'm doing to you, huh? Look how hard you're getting," Hide says in a husky tone. His hand quickens its pace and Kaneki whines loudly, his hips moving in time with him.

Kaneki's face turns even more red and he nearly loses his mind when Hide's mouth takes in his entire dick in one go, a loud, slurping sound filling the air.

"Oh god, _aahhh_!"

Kaneki's head moves from side to side, unable to keep up with the endless waves of pleasure coursing through him like volts of electricity. His fingers pull on Hide's hair as his lover's head bobs up and down on his cock, his mouth wet and slipping easily over the pulsing, hot flesh.

Hide's tongue flicks rapidly over his dick so well, knowing exactly what Kaneki wants. His humming causes vibrations, making Kaneki cry his name out. A quick idea crosses him, and he acts on it, his fingers finding Kaneki's hole. Without warning, he inserts two fingers into his hole, thrusting them in and out while he sucks his wet cock.

Kaneki's eyes snap open at Hide's surprise move and he can't take it anymore. "Hide! Ahh! I can't- _Ahhh_!"

Kaneki cums hard in seconds and his head leans so far back, his mouth hanging open in a silent scream. His hips elevate, his cock spurting out thick cum down Hide's throat over and over. Hide's lips slip off in the middle of his orgasm and he takes in the view. Kaneki's hips move up and down in the air as his cock continues to shoot out more cum and Hide licks his tainted lips, his pupils dilated. He sees Kaneki drooling, his erotic moans loud and turning Hide on so much. He _needs_ to fuck him.

He swallows the rest of the cum in his throat and then hastily rips off his shirt and underwear. His hard dick swings back and forth as he climbs over his lover.

Once Kaneki comes down from his high, he senses Hide above him and his eyes take in Hide's lust-filled stare and reddened lips. He looks down and feels aroused in an instant at the sight of Hide's swollen cock twitching over his groin.

"I want you inside me," Kaneki begs him.

Hide smirks and before he does so, he moves back, snatching the lube off the dresser behind him and then pouring it over his cock. He hisses as he rubs it over his sensitive erection. Kaneki opens his legs, lifting them up to expose his hole that gasps for him.

"Fuck me! Please, please!" Kaneki shouts, his voice dripping in mad lust.

Hide drives his dick inside him in the next second and Kaneki screams in delight. His eyes roll back at the immense feeling of Hide's thick cock stuffing his ass. How he loves this every single time. At moments like this, he doesn't care what Hide does to him. All he wants is to be treated like his toy.

Hide thrusts in and out at a rough and fast pace. His hips are used to this, pleasing Kaneki immediately and he doesn't hold back at all. He fucks Kaneki hard into the mattress, Kaneki's legs swaying back and forth with his motion.

Their skin smacks loudly in their ears and Kaneki's hole greedily sucks Hide's dick every time he thrusts in all the way. Hide pounds into him relentlessly and he watches Kaneki's body jolting up and down with his movements. Kaneki's chest shakes from how hard he's fucking him and the sight itself drives Hide to go deeper.

" _Ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahhh!_ "

Kaneki's moans sound so thirsty and once Hide hits his prostate, his screams get filthier.

" _Harder!_ _Right there!_ " Kaneki demands. His legs wrap around Hide's waist, locking him into place as Hide's dick slips and slides in and out, a slurping sound echoing from the way Kaneki's hole sucks his cock again and again.

"Mmm! _Fuuck!_ Ahhh, ahhh! _Ahhh!_ "

Kaneki continues to moan so loudly while Hide grunts from how good Kaneki feels on his dick. He grinds onto Kaneki's ass, moving his hips in a circular motion that causes his dick to rub and touch every corner inside of his lover. Kaneki's eyes are stuck on the ceiling from the overwhelming pleasure and his mouth begins to emit incomprehensible noises as his body moves back and forth with Hide drilling into him so deeply.

In the next few seconds, Hide sees the white of Kaneki's eyes as he cums again. His hole tightens around Hide's dick and with a few deeper thrusts, Hide moans loud when his orgasm shakes him. His semen fills Kaneki's hole, some leaking between where they remain connected. Kaneki's fingernails dig into his shoulders, his toes curling as his cum splatters onto his chest and stomach.

They both breathe heavily as soon as they finish. Hide rests his head on Kaneki's shoulder for a moment, his hot breaths brushing over Kaneki's sweaty skin. Kaneki's vision clears from his second high and he holds Hide tight against him, his thighs rubbing on Hide's waist.

Hide is the first to move, his numb arms pushing himself up. His face hovers near Kaneki's again. Those grey eyes show him nothing but endless adoration like always and he smiles lightly. Kaneki moves to kiss him and Hide closes his eyes as their mouths meet. Kaneki savors Hide's delicious taste but Hide separates from him quicker than he wanted. Hide moves to get off him, his cock exiting his hole and pouring out more semen that drips down Kaneki's ass.

"Don't go…" Kaneki says breathlessly. He moves onto his knees in a smooth motion, the semen now slipping down his thighs.

When Hide straightens up, Kaneki kneels before him, taking his cock in his hands. Hide feels himself getting hard from his touch and he warns him. "Ken, don't-"

"Cum on my face," Kaneki tells him. His grey eyes look up at him with the naughtiest stare Hide's seen on him. Kaneki's right hand strokes his cock fast, his gaze never breaking from Hide's flustered expression.

Hide's dick is still wet from semen and leftover lube, so Kaneki's hand makes a wet, squishy sound when he strokes up and down. Hide moans and bites his lip, leaning his head back while Kaneki moves closer. His tongue flicks out, greedily licking on the crown of Hide's cock. His teeth scrape lightly on the pulsing veins over his cock when Kaneki's mouth takes in his dick, causing Hide to groan.

"Fuck, babe. _Mmm_."

Kaneki's round eyes continue to look up at him with his mouth full of hard cock, his cheeks puffed out slightly. Hide fights the urge to choke him with his dick but Kaneki does it himself, taking him in all the way to the hilt. Hide feels himself hitting the back of Kaneki's throat and Kaneki sucks hard, his lips slipping up and down. Saliva makes the slurping sounds louder and Kaneki grabs onto Hide's thighs while he enjoys sucking on Hide's cock like it's his only source of food.

Hide admires Kaneki's naked body, his round ass cheeks spread apart with his thighs propping him up. At the sight of Kaneki's well-fucked ass and his dick getting choked on, Hide feels himself coming close already. Kaneki notices Hide's cock getting bigger in his mouth and he pulls it out, rubbing his hand over it until Hide releases himself. Kaneki gasps in pleasure as jets of semen splatters on his cheeks, nose, and mouth, just the way he wants it. Hide breathes heavily and watches Kaneki's face getting covered in his fluids.

Kaneki doesn't let up and he moves in, his hands clutching on Hide's thighs again as his tongue darts over the tip of his cock, sucking it. The last few streams of semen drip out and he whines softly, taking all of it for himself, his nose rubbing on his dick as he licks every inch.

"Look at you. You just keep wanting more," Hide tells him with a wide smirk.

"It's all mine," Kaneki's words are muffled due to him mouthing his thick cock without pause.

When Kaneki slowly withdraws, he gazes up at Hide's slick abs, to his chest, and then up at his eyes. Hide's smile is like heaven and he smiles back, cum still all over his face.

Hide can't help but love the sight of him right then. "You're so dirty, Ken…"

Kaneki tilts his head and he begins wiping off Hide's semen with the back of his hand, licking it off as he does and not wasting a single drop.

Hide lowers himself from his upright position to grab Kaneki into his lap. Kaneki nestles himself between his legs, his thighs wrapping around his waist and his hands grasping Hide's face. Hide feels Kaneki breathing on him and then their lips connect, Kaneki's tongue desperately searching for his. Saliva stretches between their mouths when they part and when they kiss again at a new angle.

Hide's fingers claw down Kaneki's back, feeling his shoulder blades and holding him tighter. Kaneki keeps kissing him hard, bruising his lips on Hide's and running his hands through his messy hair.

Their heart beats quicken together and when Kaneki's lips ghost over Hide's mouth, Kaneki takes in Hide's scent.

Warm, comforting. Home.

"Don't let go of me."

* * *

A week passes, and the news becomes more alarming. The doves that try to maintain the peace between humans and ghouls are beginning to show less mercy, aiming to target any ghoul that loses control.

Kaneki sees Yoshimura less these days and that makes him nervous. Hide has class all day so he can't see his boyfriend until near the end of his shift.

On that same day, the woman who's been watching him chooses to sit at the counter where he's making coffee. Right in front of him.

He does his best to maintain his cool and keep his mask on. He tries not to make too much conversation. But she initiates it.

"Excuse me, sir?" She stops him suddenly right after he finishes setting her coffee in front of her.

"Um, yes?" he says in a polite tone.

"What's your name?" she asks him. Her violet eyes regard him behind her red-rimmed glasses. She brushes a strand of her long, purple hair behind her right ear.

Kaneki hesitates, blinking a few times before he replies. "Ken Kaneki. But most people call me Kaneki."

She hums to herself in thought, and he feels uncomfortable under her gaze that seems to invade his soul.

"And you are?" he asks.

She smiles, though for some reason, it seems fake to him. "I'm Rize Kamishiro. Call me Rize," she greets him.

"Pleased to meet you," Kaneki states with a short bow of his head. She nods, her eyes closing with her widening smile.

"So, you like to read? I do too," Kaneki says. He doesn't know why he didn't just stop talking right after she said her name but from the way she's staring at him like she's studying him, he can't help but possibly learn what type of person she is.

"Oh, is that so? Have you read this one?" She holds up one of his favorite novels and he nods eagerly.

"Yeah, I've actually read that one many times," Kaneki admits with a short laugh.

She tilts her head at him, and her eyes glisten for a moment. Kaneki continues to keep his nerves in check.

"Isn't this book so wonderful? The author's words connect with me so well," she comments. She lifts her coffee cup, taking a few sips.

"I know, I feel the same way. No other author seems to reach me like this one does," Kaneki replies. He moves to wipe down the counter top in between them.

"Indeed. You want to know what my favorite part is?" Rize says. Her voice sounds taunting to his ears and he freezes in place.

Rize chuckles when she notices Kaneki's stiff posture and she leans in closer. Kaneki's eyes meet hers and she places a hand on the side of her mouth like she is telling a secret.

"I just love the part when the main character chases after his victim and rips his intestines out! Ah! It's so thrilling!" At her last few words, she reveals her dual kakugan at him and he moves away from her. His wide eyes scrutinize her and in the next second, her ghoul eyes disappear, and she nonchalantly takes more sips of her coffee once she settles herself back in her space.

Kaneki remains speechless and he begins to tremble much to his dismay. Rize sighs, her fingers running through her silky hair.

"Come on, Kaneki. Admit that you enjoy that part too. Doesn't it just send a delicious chill down your spine?"

Kaneki doesn't meet her sharp eyes and he looks down at his clenched hand holding the towel.

"Don't act all innocent. You may be a half-breed, but you've got ghoul blood in you. You should embrace that side of you so much more!" she urges him.

Kaneki looks up at her with a serious expression. _Of course, she knows._

"Hey, come closer. I won't bite," Rize coaxes him with that fake smile.

Kaneki scans around them to see that no one pays any mind. He doesn't want to move.

"Please, Kaneki. I'll cry if you don't," Rize pleads. She puts on the saddest pout that could bring any man to his knees in an instant.

Kaneki hesitates a little longer and then he grits his teeth and slowly walks toward the counter again.

Once he's within reach, her hands dart forward, taking his hand and making him drop the towel. Her hands are soft on his and his brows furrow at her abrupt action.

She brings his hand up to her nose, taking in a deep whiff and humming in content. "You know, you smell differently from the rest. You almost smell more human than ghoul."

He tries to pull away from her, but she tightens her grip.

"Tell me, are you mating with a human? That's the only explanation…" she asks him upfront.

Kaneki blushes at her bold statement and he snatches his hand back in an instant. "Th-That's none of your business!"

Rize laughs, and it rings in his ears like bells.

"Oh, so you _are_. But isn't it boring? You should consider finding out how it feels with a ghoul. It's so much better that way…" She smirks at him, flipping more of her hair over her shoulder.

"No, thank you," Kaneki tells her firmly.

She pouts again. "Is she really all that great?"

"Yes, _he_ is," Kaneki continues with the same tone.

Rize blinks at what he just said and her eyes narrow. Kaneki can now see her façade breaking like glass and her face is no longer friendly. She then removes her glasses and leans on the counter.

"Oh, sweet Kaneki, you really are in trouble," she states. Her nails are suddenly interesting to her and she stares at them with a look of indifference.

"What do you mean by that?" Kaneki asks. Again, he thinks he should have kept his mouth shut.

Her eyes move to his, and her smile is disturbing to him. "You won't last long with him. Wake up and face reality."

Kaneki's mouth drops open and he wants to say something else, but she moves off her seat, placing her glasses back on and taking her book.

"A human and ghoul together is destined to fail. You will realize this soon."

She then giggles, and her façade is back in full force.

"Farewell, Kaneki," she says with a wave.

She exits the shop like the wind, her cup empty and a cold gust blowing behind her.

He doesn't believe her.

* * *

Two more weeks pass. Yoshimura is still absent and so the staff on duty must close shop when the day is over. It happens to be Kaneki's turn that day and so once all the tables and chairs are clean and set up for the night, he goes to take out the trash.

 _Hide is late today…_

He wonders if his boyfriend went to visit Ikuma in the city. Or maybe one of his professors kept him behind a little longer.

He looks out through the glass windows, hoping to catch a head of blond in the distance. Nothing. It's empty outside and the night is darker than yesterday. He hopes Hide stays safe on his way over.

Everyone had already headed out and barely anyone passes by the shop. Once Kaneki gathers the trash bags, he drags them outside and hurls them into the large metal bin in the alleyway.

Satisfied, he starts to head back to lock up the store when he suddenly senses someone behind him.

"Rize? Is that you?"

A deep voice that booms in the dark. It seems to shake his bones and before Kaneki could even turn around, the stranger grabs the back of his head and yanks him in his direction. Kaneki can barely make any noise and his eyes catch sight of the man holding onto him. A giant, monstrous man towering above him, his large hand still clutching his head like he could snap his neck any second.

"No…you're not her…"

Kaneki tries to break free from him, but the man takes his arm, his grip so brutal, he feels his humerus bone snapping between the man's fingers.

Kaneki cries out in pain and he clenches his teeth. He breathes heavily, and the man laughs in delight when he sees Kaneki's left eye change.

"A half-ghoul! Yes! You're perfect! _You're mine!_ " the man bellows.

Kaneki bites into the man's arm, drawing blood and pulling at his flesh, but nothing works. His eyes bulge out when his body feels like it's splitting in two and his teeth loosen on the man. Peering down, he feels something wet dripping over his stomach and slowly to his legs. His blood.

He coughs up the red liquid when he realizes he's been impaled by this man, no, this _ghoul_. His massive kagune stabbed right through his chest and stomach.

He can barely stand, and his vision begins to fail on him. Black spots take over and he can't even scream because it's all too fast. His entire body is numb and just as he fades, the man knocks him over the head.

…

Hide runs as fast as he can, nearly tripping several times. He's already thinking of how he'll explain himself to Kaneki, how he was kept behind in his last class longer than he wanted. He's prepared to face an angry Kaneki and ready to apologize and make it up to him a thousand times over.

Hide pants hard once he's in front of Anteiku and as expected, the store is darkened and closed.

"He must have gone home…" Hide mutters to himself.

Still, he looks through the large windows and for the sake of checking, he tries the door handle. He is shocked to find that the door is unlocked and his brows furrow in confusion.

 _He's still here?_

Hide carefully steps into the empty shop, scanning the front and listening for any footsteps or voices. Nothing.

 _Did someone forget to lock the door?_

Hide walks further in and checks the back rooms. He peers into the kitchen and the break room. No one. Not a soul.

"Is anybody in here?" Hide calls out.

No answer.

He explores the break room again and notices Kaneki's bag is still there, along with his jacket. Hide's heart skips a beat and immediately, he has a bad feeling.

He returns outside, this time through the back door. He keeps going until he ends up in the alleyway where the waste receptacles are.

 _Where are you?_

A few steps forward and he hears a wet sound below his shoes. He stops and thinks it's a puddle at first but when he gazes down, his eyes widen at the large pool of blood under him. Without thinking, he kneels, his fingers sweeping through the red liquid. The blood is cold, but still fresh.

Hide's mind goes out of control. He thinks about what happened that could have caused so much blood to spill. His nerves break loose and he feels himself sweating. His heart beats rapidly. Lost and unable to reach for him.

The world spins and the cold blood drips from his fingers. The blood splashes onto his shoes, staining them the longer he stands there. He can't feel anything.

He can only smell blood. _His_ blood.

He can hardly speak. His eyes dart all over the place and he steps further into the darkness.

When he hears his own voice, it's too loud.

" _Ken!_ "

No one responds to him.

He grips his head, blood staining his blond hair.

His eyes don't see anything when he gazes out into the distance. Empty. His breathing is ragged, the only sound he can hear now.

It's too dark. The sky is pitch black and so are his eyes.

* * *

 _Where are you?_

"You're going to last much longer than my last toy. _I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait_!"

 _I'm scared. I don't know what to do._

He tastes old blood in his mouth and he coughs it all up, large clots spilling from his lips.

"Look at you! I stabbed right through you and you've already healed so perfectly like it didn't even happen!"

True to his words, his vision blurs but when his hand pats his chest and stomach, he feels no gaping hole. Just sticky blood and his clothes ripped apart. His body is intact and there is no pain whatsoever.

Wherever he is, it reeks of rotting flesh and blood. Like that night, it's pitch black. It's cold.

 _What do I do?_

He blacks out more times than he can count. He's been tossed around and carried and despite healing that wound, he feels too weak. He needs to fight.

 _Where am I?_

The next time he wakes, his consciousness is fully intact, but his body is like lead. His eyes are blinded by the vast room he's in. No, not a room. It's too spacious. Too broad.

The floor below him is black and white like a chess board. Cracked in several places and it smells like it's been cleaned recently.

 _I need to get out of here!_

"Finally awake, huh? Too bad for you. Now the real fun begins!"

Heavy footsteps approach him and when he looks up, the giant man from before stands above him again.

"Ah, I've got something for you. Think of it as a welcome to my special playroom." He laughs, a maniacal one that drills through his skull.

" _What do you want from me?_ "

His voice is as weak as he feels. Raspy and choking on blood.

"Didn't you hear me? I said you're going to be my new toy. You belong to me!"

The man grabs the front of his ragged shirt, lifting him in the air. His legs dangle and he grips onto the man's muscular arm.

"I never imagined I'd capture a half-ghoul into my play pen. Like a diamond in the rough."

The man shifts his arms so that his large hand grasps onto Kaneki's neck, keeping the half-ghoul right where he wants him. Kaneki can't catch his other hand reaching for something behind his back.

 _I can't see you._

A large needle is jabbed into his left eye and immediately, it feels like half of his face is on fire. His scream is suppressed by the man's other hand that now envelops his mouth and jaw.

"Now, you'll get to be almost human for a little while. Tell me, which side did you like better? The ghoul side or the human side?"

The beastly ghoul roars in laughter.

His whole face burns and it travels down to his neck.

"You'll know your answer soon enough."

 _I can't find you._

…

…

…

 _"Don't let go of me."_

…

 _"_ _I won't."_


	16. Without

He thinks about what Kaneki told him two weeks ago.

He had stopped by to wait for him like he always does once classes were over. Anteiku was empty by the time he came by and all the chairs were set up on the table. He noticed all the staff had already left except for him.

It was just the two of them.

He thinks about how soft his black hair felt against his neck and how warm his body was when Kaneki ran into his arms.

"I'm so tired…" he had whispered.

He smiled at him, his fingers clutched the back of his lover's head. "Busy day, huh?"

"No…that's not what I mean…"

He thinks about how Kaneki's eyes looked up at him. Glassy, full of love, a hint of sadness.

"I'm tired of people telling me that we won't last. That we can't be together. That someday, we won't be together anymore."

Kaneki's voice was quiet, but the words he said rang loud in his mind. He remembers how tender the half-ghoul's cheeks felt against his hands when he held his face.

"I don't believe it. I never will. I don't care what people say about us…"

When he recalls how his lover's eyes burned through his soul with those words, he feels his chest hurt.

"I want to be with you forever."

Kaneki had held him like he was going to lose him in the next moment.

That was when he finally responded to him.

"I'll never leave you."

Kaneki's bright smile fades from his mind.

…

Ikuma doesn't know this Hide that is in front of him. The one who's eyes are no longer brown. They're black like that night. The night Hide spent searching the streets for hours and hours until the sun rose. Yet that didn't stop Hide until he collapsed on the sidewalk in some distant part of Tokyo he never crossed.

Hide can't remember how he got home that day. It doesn't really matter.

The two of them are seated at Ikuma's usual playing spot in the city. The day is calm and peaceful. Shoppers passing by them are carefree, but a blur.

Ikuma feels sick to his stomach.

The musician doesn't know what to say to him. His mouth opens and closes every time he thinks of something, but the longer he stares at Hide's empty eyes looking off into nowhere, he swallows his words down.

All he knows is that Kaneki wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want Hide doing something reckless. He can't stop thinking about how many times Hide could have gotten attacked that night. How a ghoul could have easily hunted him down.

But he just can't say anything. Not even his music can get through to him.

"He was all alone…no one was there to see. I wasn't there…"

Ikuma feels his heart skip a beat when he hears Hide's voice speak up for what felt like the longest silence.

His voice sounds normal. When Hide looks at him, Ikuma tries not to flinch at his dark eyes.

"Yoshimura hasn't been around for almost a month. They say he's been taking care of business with those doves. Saying he's trying to provide evidence that Anteiku is a safe place for ghouls and that all the ghouls employed there wouldn't harm anyone."

Ikuma forces a smile. "Yeah, I guess it's because things have gotten more dangerous in Tokyo over the past months…"

Hide gazes at Ikuma but the older ghoul knows he's not really looking at him.

"I should have been there sooner. I should have protected him. I don't care what happens to me. But now…"

Hide laughs shortly and this time, Ikuma winces.

Hide grins at him, his eyes too black. "I don't even know what's happening to him. I don't know where he is. I can't reach him anymore."

His smile seems so sincere and Ikuma realizes how good Hide is at keeping his true emotions off his face when he wants to. _Too good_.

"Let me help you, Hide. I'll do anything to get Kaneki back to you. Just tell me what to do," Ikuma urges him. "I may not be as strong as other ghouls, as strong as Kaneki is, but I'll do my best to fight and protect you."

Hide's smile fades. "It's okay, Ikuma. You don't have to do that."

"No, it's what I should do! I will! Please, Hide." Ikuma grabs his hand and for the first time, Hide feels cold. The ghoul nearly pulls away from shock.

Hide chuckles again and he stares down at the ground. "Am I…really that helpless?"

Ikuma pauses, but when Hide withdraws from him and stands to his feet, he speaks up. "No! That's not what I mean at all! I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm worried about you…"

Hide steps away from Ikuma, but before he leaves, he looks back at the older ghoul with the same smile as before. "I'll see you later."

"Wait, Hide!"

The blond doesn't turn to him, walking further and further ahead until he's lost in the crowd and nowhere to be found. Ikuma gets up off his bench, wanting to go after him but finding it's no use. His hand clenches over the handle of his guitar case and he doesn't break his gaze from the direction his friend disappeared to.

* * *

Hide knows what she looks like based on his lover's description of her; she won't be hard to miss. Anteiku is shrouded in an ominous aura since Kaneki was kidnapped and due to Yoshimura's absence, the shop has only been opening twice a week now.

Some of the staff inform Hide of their own observations.

"I've seen that woman come by at least once a week in the past. But nowadays, I hardly see her…"

 _Shit._

Hide doesn't have much time.

"But I'll keep an eye out for you in case she comes by when you're not here."

Nothing else really matters any more. Aside from his part-time job with Ikuma, Hide stops attending his classes at Kamii altogether and spends the extra time scouting the streets of Tokyo and Anteiku throughout the day.

Hide hasn't been sleeping the past few nights. He can't.

He doesn't feel tired, especially when his mind is in a complete hurricane.

Other than getting in contact with people for information, Hide keeps to himself. Waiting, wandering, searching continuously.

He needs to find her.

Three days pass since Kaneki was taken and Hide hasn't seen her at Anteiku. He's been there every day, even when the shop is closed. He would scour the area, jotting down the spots he knows ghouls gather the most. Yet she doesn't come. The staff also reports no sight of her.

Hide slides down against the brick wall of Anteiku in the same alleyway where Kaneki's blood still stains the ground. Most of it has faded, but a small patch of red remains.

"Fuck…" Hide grips his hair, pulling at it and rubbing his forehead against his palms.

Day four and the sun is already setting. The orange sun casts it's final rays on the city, the shadows cascading down the buildings and spilling into the alleyway he's sitting in.

 _Was she the one who took him?_

"Hide!"

He gasps loudly, jolting in place.

"Ken?" he yells out.

He swears he just heard his voice.

" _Hide!_ "

He hears his lover shout again, only this time it sounds louder.

Hide stands up, nearly falling over due to his legs weakening. He looks all around himself, breathing hard in anticipation. When he takes a few steps backwards, his foot bumps into something that almost trips him. As he slowly turns around, his eyes widen and his heart stops.

Kaneki's body lies on the tainted ground, his grey eyes just as wide as his. Blank and frozen in terror. Blood doesn't stop seeping out of a large, gaping hole in the middle of his chest. His arms are sprawled out on either side of him. His legs are cut off and his mouth is covered in dark red. Like a broken porcelain doll.

Hide feels something cold grasping the back of his neck and it squeezes tight. He can't breathe.

He then hears laughter, but he doesn't recognize the owner. It sounds like an older man, deep and harsh, echoing throughout the stagnant silence. The more the person laughs, the more his neck is constricted.

The laughter then morphs to a woman's. Another one he doesn't recognize.

Kaneki's mutilated body continues soaking in the growing pool of blood.

…

Hide takes in a sharp breath, his lungs filling with the frigid air. His eyes snap open, his vision blurry. His body is covered in sweat and his shoulders feel stiff from leaning against the brick wall behind him.

"Dammit…" Hide mutters.

"Not very smart of you to be falling asleep out here in the open. I could smell you from miles away."

The woman's laughter he heard in his muddled brain - somehow it seems to match the voice speaking to him now. He blinks and once his vision clears, he looks up to see the woman he's been searching for all this time.

She stands above him, a snide smile on her face. Her long, purple hair flows behind her with the wind and her glasses shine with the flickering lamp light above them. Her arms are held behind her back and just as Kaneki had described, she is ethereal in appearance.

"Y-You're Rize Kamishiro, aren't you?" Hide's voice is shaky after waking from his nightmare.

She tilts her head at him in an innocent manner. "Oh? I don't believe we've met. Although you do smell a lot like this one boy I met not too long ago."

"Ken Kaneki, right? That's the ghoul you smell on me," Hide states right away. He uses the wall behind him to help him stand from his stiff position.

She grins. "Oh! So, it's you! You're the human he's messing around with. Well I must say, he doesn't have bad taste. You are pretty cute."

Her high heels click against the ground and it sounds sharp in his ears. Once she's a foot away from him, her hand grabs his face. His brown eyes stare through her violet gaze as her fingers caress his cheeks.

"So plump and perfect…I can only imagine how much blood would gush out of your juicy flesh…" She squeals in delight and her eyes can't break away from his pulse beating on his neck.

He takes her wrist, moving her hand off his face. "I need to ask you something."

She pouts, her hand sliding to his chest. "Hey, that's not very nice. Shouldn't you introduce yourself first?"

He sighs heavily. "I'm Hide. Now I don't have time to waste. Kaneki was taken by some ghoul four days ago. Do you happen to know anything about this?"

She steps back and flips her hair over her shoulder. "Why on earth do you think I know anything about who took him away? I hardly even know Kaneki."

Hide narrows his eyes at her, studying her expression. He can tell she's hiding something.

"I know you've been watching him for a reason. Maybe you want to eat him. Maybe you have something else in mind. But you know he's a half-ghoul and I think you know a lot more than you're letting on. So please, tell me."

He clenches his fists.

"I _need_ to find him."

Rize frowns at him and she holds her hands behind her back again. "At first I thought you might have been Kaneki. I should have known better though…his scent is a lot weaker on you." She sighs dramatically. "I'm so disappointed…"

She paces a few times in front of him, her eyes focused on the night sky. "You seem so sure that I have information you're going to want. Can you really trust someone like me?"

Hide stays quiet for a moment but he answers, "To be honest, I'm not sure of anything right now."

He tries to think of something else that will convince her to talk.

 _"I don't want you letting another ghoul feeding from you, ever."_

Kaneki's voice enters his head once more. An idea arises among his racing thoughts and his heart hammers in his chest.

 _I've really gone off the deep end here…such a gamble._

The image of Kaneki's dead body in his mind keeps haunting him, forcing him to consider this crazy idea.

 _I can't let her get away…_

He feels a sweat drop falling down the side of his face and lingering on his jawline. He swallows hard.

"I'll give you something in return for what you know," Hide announces. There's no going back now.

She halts her pacing and she immediately turns her attention to him. She waits for him to continue.

Hide feels himself beginning to tremble so he clenches his fists harder. "I'll let you eat some of my flesh."

Rize's eyes widen in hunger and she strides toward him. "You would be willing to offer yourself to me on the slim chance that I know something? Are you stupid or just plain desperate?"

Hide can't help but laugh at that. "Both, I guess…"

She places her hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating faster than it ever did before. She grins in pure excitement. "All right, it's a deal. I'll be nice though and let you choose." Her laugh is shrill, and he winces at the sound.

"Which part are you going to offer?" Her eyes change to black and red.

Hide exhales and he slips off the left side of his jacket. He then pulls down the sleeve of his shirt on his left arm, baring his skin.

Once his left arm is fully exposed, he looks down at her eager face and he nods lightly. "Go ahead."

Without hesitation, her fingernails dig into his forearm and shoulder and her teeth immediately sink into the upper part of his arm. He cries out from the intense pain that shoots through him right away as she gnaws at the muscle on his deltoid area. He hears her humming in ecstasy and he grits his teeth. He tries to breathe through the process and muffles his urge to scream with his other hand.

She rips off a good chunk from his arm and her hands release him. He leans back against the wall, his right arm grasping onto his left and he looks down to see a large bite wound on the outside of his upper arm. It oozes streams of blood and the air stings against the fresh wound.

The pain messes with his senses but he can still see her standing in front of him, her head leaning back as she chews and savors the taste of his flesh.

"My, you're so delicious! I want more!" she shouts.

Her ghoul eyes examine his form and when she sees him breathing heavily and getting pale from blood loss, she licks her lips.

"Too bad. Kaneki will never be saved if I kill you," she states with a pout.

Hide grunts and he pulls his jacket sleeve back over the wound, holding it there tightly. "Please, tell me what you know."

Rize grins. "Well, Hide, you are a lucky man after all."

Hide grips his arm as hard as possible, reminding himself not to pass out.

"There's a ghoul who's been tracking me for a long while now. He's nothing but a brute and he goes by the name Yamori. Sometimes he's even known as 'Jason'."

Rize shrugs her shoulders. "It's too bad. I assume he wanted to capture me initially, but he happened to snag Kaneki first."

"Why did he want to capture you?" Hide asks. He hisses at the sharp, throbbing pain that doesn't stop.

Rize wipes the blood off her mouth with her fingers and then she licks it off. "He's insane. I don't know for certain. But I assume he wanted to capture me for his own twisted pleasure. You see, he has a thing for playing with his victims."

Rize's grin turns malicious. "He must be having a lot of fun with Kaneki right about now. Oh, the poor boy. You better get to him fast, Hide."

At that information, Hide finds a new energy surging through him and he ignores his injury. "Do you know where I can find that ghoul?"

"That is something you're going to have to figure out yourself. The man may stalk other people, but I certainly don't stalk him."

The woman steps into his personal space again and she pulls his jacket away, revealing the gushing wound. She places her mouth over it, sucking the excess blood and he grunts from the stinging pain, his head turned to the other side.

"Ahhh, I really wish I could just eat you up. But more than that, I hope you track Yamori down. That bastard needs to be put in his place," she whispers in his ear. Her tongue glides softly on his ear lobe.

Hide flinches at her touch and she giggles, withdrawing from him. "Good luck, Hide. Hopefully, Yamori hasn't killed your precious Kaneki yet."

She turns her back on him and he watches her vanish into the shadows within the next few moments.

"Shit…" he whispers when he feels his wound is still bleeding.

He pushes himself off the wall, a dizzy spell taking over him when he does so. He repeats everything Rize had told him in his head as he slowly walks out of the alleyway and back into the city. The streets are still crawling with a few people here and there. Every time he passes by someone, he hears gasps and murmuring when they catch sight of the blood staining the left side of his jacket. His wounded arm hangs limply and he doesn't even try to move it on his own.

 _I must stop this bleeding. I can't die…not yet…_

He stops and kneels in the middle of the sidewalk, catching his breath and feeling weaker by the minute.

"Nagachika?"

He hears a familiar voice and he lifts his spinning head to see Nishiki hurrying over to him, a plastic grocery bag in his right hand.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

His eyes widen when he sees the entire left side of Hide's jacket is soaked in red.

"Holy shit, what happened to you?" Nishiki demands. He gets down to his knees right away, his hands taking hold of Hide's shoulders.

Hide inhales and he smiles. "Well…where do I even start…"

"I gotta get you to a hospital. Let's go, dumbass!" Nishiki takes Hide's right arm and wraps it around his shoulders without letting Hide finish his sentence. Hide feels himself slipping away but he forces himself to stay awake.

…

"I would like for you to stay in the hospital, for at least a couple of days. That wound isn't a laughing matter," the emergency room doctor tells him.

Sitting on the side of the bed, Hide shakes his head. "No, I'm sorry but I'd rather not. I'm fine now that I'm all bandaged up."

"You do understand the risks you're taking by going against medical advice, right?" the doctor continues and Hide nods his head solemnly.

Nishiki stays beside Hide the entire time, his arms crossed, and he bites his tongue in order not to rudely cut in.

The doctor sighs lightly when he realizes Hide is stubborn with his decision. "All right then. We'll transfuse a unit of blood to get your levels back up and then we'll release you once all your vitals and labs come back stable enough. Like I said, infection is serious with wounds like that. If you notice the signs and symptoms, you'll need to come back as soon as possible."

With that, the doctor leaves to examine the other patients in the busy department. From there, Hide lays back on the hospital bed and the nurse comes by to begin the process of the transfusion.

"You really are a major idiot, you know that, Nagachika?" Nishiki says to him.

Hide grins at him. "Yeah, I know."

Nishiki sneers at his response. "And don't be so fucking proud of it either! You could have fucking died if I hadn't happened to stroll by!"

Hide raises his brow at him. "Come on, Nishiki. Did you smell my blood?"

Nishiki hesitates and then he growls. "That's not the point! Even if I smelled you from miles away, it doesn't matter! Risking your life to try and save your boyfriend - it's just too dangerous! And you're only human!"

The ghoul stops when another nurse comes in to verify the blood and he sighs, stepping over to the other side of the bed while the blood transfusion is set up. Once Hide begins receiving the blood, Nishiki continues.

"I know it must be hell without him but…"

Hide is silent, his irises black as he stares off into space.

Nishiki sighs again and he rubs a hand over the lower part of his face. "You can't do this alone, Hide. Count on your friends. Let me and Ikuma help you out. Listen, as much as I say you and Kaneki annoy the hell out of me, I care."

Hide looks up and smiles, though it doesn't reach his eyes. "I know you do."

Nishiki pulls up a chair and sits beside Hide. "I can't believe you let that bitch bite you like that. And I can't believe she didn't kill you!"

Hide runs his hand over his bandaged left arm and he looks up at his vital signs on the monitor. "Some bastard named Yamori kidnapped Ken…"

The ghoul gasps and Hide turns his head to see Nishiki's mouth open in shock. "No way, _that monster?_ "

Hide's eyes grow larger at his statement. "You know him?"

Nishiki shakes his head. "No, not exactly. Just word of mouth. But Yamori is fucking bad news. He tortures ghouls as a hobby, you know?"

Hide's irises darken further, and he suddenly feels nauseous. The vision of Kaneki's dead body returns in his mind.

"And not just any ghoul. Ghouls that are strong and can withstand the type of shit he pulls. I hate to say this, but the ones he ends up 'playing' with? They never come back."

Hide's head leans further into the hospital bed. He feels his face getting sweaty, along with his palms and he takes in a few deep breaths.

"Hide?" Nishiki uses his first name this time.

"I need to find him. I don't give a damn about what happens to me. I'll die in his place if it means he can live," Hide says. His gaze stays on the ceiling and he feels his throat tighten.

Nishiki scoffs. "Idiot. You know that if you die, Kaneki will most definitely die too. The nerd can't live without you. He loves you too much."

Hide closes his eyes, forcing himself not to break down. His heart hurts more than his wounded arm. "I hate that I don't know what's happening to him. What if…"

Hide slaps a hand to his forehead. "No, he's not dead. _He's not dead_."

Nishiki stares at Hide with sad eyes until his cell phone rings in his pocket. He checks the caller ID and Hide turns to look at the ghoul. He notices Nishiki's expression lighting up. The ghoul stands, his back facing Hide.

"Hey, Kimi. Huh? No, sorry, I'm gonna be a little late coming home. I'm at the hospital…what? No, no! I'm okay. My idiotic childhood friend got into some shit, so I took his ass to the emergency room."

Hide smiles, a genuine one, when he hears Nishiki sounds happy with his girlfriend. Those bright thoughts are dashed quickly, however, when he thinks of Kaneki once more and his anxiety rises.

Everything seems to remind him of his love.

* * *

Black hair is scattered all around his feet, along with blood. It's normal now. Crimson paints the checkered floor and his hair begins to look like feathers as the loose strands fall from his head and leave bald patches.

His feet look so inhuman without toes and so do his hands without fingers. Like a bird without wings, his tears sting against the stubs where his toes are still trying to reform.

His voice is hoarse, and he wonders why he hasn't lost it yet. His eyes are sore, and he wonders why he's still creating tears. His head pounds endlessly with his exhausted heart that's run far more than it can go, and he wonders why it's not stopping.

The beast may think he's clinging to those numbers that repeat like a broken record but every fiber of his being clings onto the man fading in his mind _._

 _Where are you!_

 _Don't leave!_

The chains that restrict his feet and hands excoriate his skin to the point where it doesn't heal well on his wrists and ankles. He wishes his healing would slow down. How long will it be until he ends up like his old toys? Mangled, overused, and unable to be recognized as a person.

Bound to a wooden chair for days on end, he doesn't know how long it's been since this all started.

* * *

Every time the beast's large footsteps echo all around the chamber, his senses escalate through the walls and his heart feels like it'll explode.

The man's grubby fingers dig into his head whenever he grabs hold of his hair, pulling his blood and tear-stained face up to view that distinct mask of his.

 _Jason_.

"At this rate, you're going to lose all your hair. Already aging beyond your years!" The man barks and rips out another patch, causing Kaneki to yelp despite trying to hold back.

The cycle begins, with the cursed injection burning his veins again once it's jabbed into his left eye. Kaneki is already steeling himself to get his toes and fingers ripped off for hours but Yamori doesn't pick up his favorite pliers.

"Those clothes of yours are barely hanging on. Might as well take them off," he bellows.

Out of nowhere, Kaneki feels his chair tipping over and he closes his eyes at the harsh impact. The effects of the injection are quickly taking effect and he feels his strength slipping away, immobilizing him and slowing his senses. Yamori takes his chained hands, releasing his restraints temporarily along with the ones binding his feet. Once he takes hold of his hands from behind, he rips off the tattered pieces of what was left of his uniform, leaving him completely naked in seconds.

Kaneki breathes heavily and then he feels the wind knocked out of him when Yamori slams him onto the cracked ground. Right away, the beast holds up a shining blade that gleams with the white light and Kaneki can barely react before he stabs it through both of his hands pinned above his head.

Yamori's maniacal laugh is muffled behind his mask as blood splatters on him and Kaneki's splitting scream breaks through the eerie chamber.

"Like a pig for the slaughter!"

While Kaneki is still shocked by the pain of the large butcher knife pinning his hands back, Yamori takes the chains holding his feet and, using a metal pole, he nails the chains to the ground like he is merely stapling paper.

Yamori takes a machete and then he focuses on Kaneki's exposed flesh under him. He stands in the space between Kaneki's legs and the half-ghoul peeks through his lashes to see the man's shoulders moving up and down with his excited breathing.

Humiliation overwhelms him, and he can't stand it.

 _Don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me!_

Somehow, his hands hurt less when he thinks of how he's naked in front of another man. His skin now known through another man's mind.

His eyes water and the tears spill down his cheeks in an instant. His heart bleeds the longer Yamori stares at him.

Yamori then sinks lower until he's crouching over his body.

"Kaneki, tell me, is there someone you love out there? Someone you shared your body with?"

Kaneki opens his eyes, but he doesn't dare look at Yamori until the man grabs his chin and pulls it toward him. His large eyes meet with the one peering at him through the mask. His vision is blurry from the injection and his tears.

"Staying silent, huh? Well then, I'll take that as a yes. In any case, what's this special someone going to think of you now? Especially when I do _this!_ "

Kaneki feels his chest ripping open when Yamori runs his machete straight from his neck to his stomach and then at his groin. More deafening screams tickle Yamori's ears and he continues, stabbing and slicing away at Kaneki's naked body like he truly is nothing but a swine.

Kaneki can barely breathe because every time the machete comes down and enters his skin, the air is stolen out of him. The white light is blocked by the man's large form and his blood spurts out continuously like a water fountain. At one point, Yamori saws his thigh at a slow pace, drawing out the intense pain and he doesn't stop when he hits bone.

"Did you forget your numbers! Count down from 1000 by seven!" Yamori shouts at him between his frenzy.

Kaneki can't think straight anymore. His voice comes out slurred and garbled. The numbers come to him slower than when his toes and fingers were cut off.

Yamori's white suit is covered in large red blotches once he stands to his feet and admires his work. "Kaneki! Your special someone won't want you anymore! Why? Because the only one who's going to appreciate your body now is _me_! _This is what I call art!_ "

Yamori's voice sounds far away. It's too hard for Kaneki to stay awake now. His eyes focus on the high ceiling and he doesn't move. Blood soaks him entirely. Multiple stab wounds cover every inch of his skin and his thighs contain deeper and larger wounds that reveal the bone underneath.

"I knew you were perfect. No other ghoul could stay alive but you're still breathing, I can see it!"

Yamori kneels, pulling out the knife that pins Kaneki's hands and the pole that secured the chains on his ankles. Yamori can only see the sclera of Kaneki's eyes now. When he shoves him upwards by his hair, the man digs his fingers into one of his thigh wounds, which immediately causes him to wake up and scream once more.

"Now, swallow!"

Yamori shoves a piece of human flesh into his mouth once he forces it open and Kaneki feels his eyes sting and his lungs work harder to get oxygen. His heartbeat is irregular, beating too slow and then too fast. Kaneki tries to chew but the pain is far worse than ever before. He's losing his mind.

It takes almost two hours for him to finish the piece of flesh that Yamori chokes him with. Usually, it would take only a half an hour.

Yamori sits Kaneki back down on the wooden chair, naked and still bearing the vicious stab wounds all over him. He chains his wrists and ankles into their restrained position and without another word, he leaves. Blood drips from his suit and the massive door to the chamber shuts close.

Yamori's insane laughter still echoes in his half-conscious mind. His blood continues to pool on the chair and around his feet. More of his black hair sheds to the ground, floating like his sanity.

"H-Hide…Hide…"

His voice croaks, but he mutters his name. It's the only thing he can remember right now.

 _Did you find someone new?_

 _Did you forget me?_

His energy runs out and his head hangs limp.

* * *

Day five.

"Wake up!"

Kaneki flinches in his chair and Yamori grabs his head, tilting his face up.

"Looks like your wounds are healing slower than before."

Yamori lets go of his head, allowing Kaneki to look down at his body. He sees that nearly all the stab wounds have disappeared except for the ones on his thighs. The bone-deep wounds are now shallow but still visible, like a long paper cut on both sides.

Wordlessly, Yamori procures the large needle and Kaneki's face is covered by the man's strong hand while he injects him.

"Now…"

Like the day before, Yamori takes Kaneki out of his chair and sets him to the floor. Kaneki's body is stiff and ice cold from being naked for several hours.

"Unfortunately, I have some other pressing matters to deal with today, so I can't play with you as long as I want. But there's no way I could ever skip out on our fun together."

Yamori grins at him and before Kaneki could attempt to move away, he lifts his foot and then slams it down onto the half-ghoul's right lower leg. He breaks his tibia bone, which sticks out from the impact.

Kaneki's scream would deafen a human's ear like a loud explosion would, but as always, it's music to Yamori. He lifts his leg to do the same to his left leg.

"No, please! It hurts! _It hurts!_ S _top!_ " Kaneki shouts but he screams just as loud as before when Yamori manages to break his other tibia bone.

Both large leg bones stick upwards through his skin and Kaneki nearly passes out from the intense pain that throbs throughout his body. Hot tears cover his pale, dirty cheeks and his breaths are ragged. It takes all his energy just to breathe.

Yamori is satisfied with the screams he got out of the half-ghoul and with that, he tosses a new pair of clothes at him. A black shirt and white shorts that look filthy and ripped in various places.

"Put those clothes on. Let's see how well you do with your new legs," Yamori states with a wide, toothy grin.

"I can't…do it! It hurts! I can…hardly breathe…" Kaneki says through clenched teeth.

Yamori smirks at him and he crouches to Kaneki's level. "You can't do it?" The ghoul then grabs the fractured tip of the right bone that sticks out and slams it back into his leg.

Kaneki's scream is fragmented and Yamori does the same action with his left bone, putting it back in its place.

"I should break your forearms then. I can do it just like that. And it'll be impossible for you to get dressed on your own in the next few hours," Yamori tells him.

He goes to grab his arms and Kaneki shakes his head vigorously. " _No! No! I'll do it, I'll do it!_ "

Yamori stands back up and watches his toy squirm. Kaneki continues crying while he reaches for the shirt. Slowly, he pulls it over his head, his black hair falling out as he does. His hair becomes more uneven with each passing day.

Once he has the shirt on, he grabs the shorts and he shuts his eyes for a moment, aiming to slip his right leg through first. With one hand he tries to stabilize the broken leg and his other hand pulls the shorts up as quickly as possible. The pain is constant regardless of his efforts and he can hardly see through his endless tears.

"Hurry up!" Yamori barks and he kicks Kaneki's left leg.

Kaneki yelps at the impact and he leans his head down to take a few more breaths before trying to go faster. It feels like forever, but once Kaneki manages to get the shorts on completely, Yamori nudges both of his legs again.

Kaneki's fingers scrape against the floor so hard, his nails bleed. Yamori steps back with his arms crossed.

"Now get back on your chair. And make it quick."

Kaneki takes in as much air as possible and he wipes the excess tears from his eyes before he uses his arms to crawl forward with his legs dragging behind like a dead weight. Yamori laughs, amused at how the half-ghoul moves like a wriggling worm.

Once Kaneki gets to the legs of the chair, he grabs onto the arms of it, pulling himself up with all the upper body strength he has. The shooting pains of his broken legs impede him, but he forces himself to keep going until his bottom finds the seat. Yamori then proceeds to chain him down securely.

"Good, good. Now I'm going to take my leave. I wonder if I'll be able to meet this person you keep mumbling about in your sleep. This…this _Hide_ …"

Kaneki lifts his head up, his eyes wide with more horror than when he's suffering. "No…no!"

Yamori grins at his immediate reaction and he laughs. "Come now, I just want to meet him. It's not like _I'm going to hurt him or anything!_ "

The last few words he can barely make out with how boisterous the man's cackling becomes. He begins to walk away, leaving Kaneki struggling hard against his chains. His legs are immobile, useless.

 _I'm so weak. So weak! Weak! Weak! Weak! I can't do anything!_

"Please…! Don't! _Don't touch…him!_ " Kaneki notices he's losing his voice from all the screaming, at a time when he needs it the most.

The door slams on him and Kaneki tries to yell but his voice is completely gone. Nothing comes out.

Hide's smile flashes in his mind along with his bright, blond hair.

He can hardly imagine Hide's warmth on his skin.

 _Oh god! No! No! I don't want to lose him! I_ can't _lose him!_

Kaneki tries to move his legs, but the bones are nowhere near healed.

Kaneki can't stop imagining what Yamori will do if he finds Hide and it scares him more than anything. His chest hurts, his heart aches.

He's ugly, crippled, _weak_.

He can't even protect the only person he loves.


	17. White

"I can't do this anymore."

He sees his mother like he did when he was a kid. Her back is facing him, and he knows right away, she's speaking to his father.

"What do you mean? What are you thinking?"

His father is already losing his patience.

"No one will listen. No one understands me. And you're never there."

"I'm _trying_. I'm working so hard to keep this family together."

"No, all you care about is yourself and your work. You don't even realize what's happening in this house!"

He wishes he knew better back then, but alas, he was just a kid. There were many things he didn't understand. Why did his father not listen? Why did he not talk to her?

He remembers one night, she came home too late. She had gone to do grocery shopping, and he was merely five-years-old at the time. She was limping, and her clothes were in disarray.

His father wasn't home.

She was a mess. Nothing was ever the same since that night.

There is a long silence between them. It's always too quiet when the shouting ends.

"Do you even want me anymore?"

The images change. Now he sees her legs swinging again, her head hanging too freely, and her blond hair that matched his flowing down like a willow tree.

The scenes shift again, and his father is sobbing on the couch, his hands clenching the note she left behind while he's grasping his wrinkled face.

"Dad?"

He doesn't answer.

"What does 'raped' mean?"

He only weeps harder, repeating the same words like a mantra.

"I should have listened. I should have listened. _I should have listened._ "

Once more, the scenes alter and now, his love lies sideways on the ground, bleeding out from the cuts on his arm.

He's already on his knees, his pants covered in his blood along with his hands.

He's shaking him, yelling for him, sobbing like his sorry father.

His lover begins to stir, his grey eyes wide and staring at him in horror once they open.

"Do you even care about me?"

For some reason, he can hardly hear what his lover is saying.

He grips his wounded arm so tightly. His lover's blood is cold along with his body. His skin gets paler by the second.

"Please, I'm so sorry. Come back to me!"

He holds his lover's head against his chest, rocking back and forth like a pathetic baby.

The bathroom they're in turns crimson in his view. His lover doesn't wake up.

…

His dreams are too vivid since he's been gone.

The other side of the mattress is too empty. His left arm continues to ache every so often and it keeps him awake. Every time he drifts in and out of sleep, those visions return to toy with his weakened mind.

Wearing only a tank top and sweatpants, he touches the bandages on his wounded arm, hissing at how tender the flesh is underneath. He leans against the wall and clenches onto his head, his fingers brushing through his messier hair.

Taking in a deep breath, he slowly turns towards his laptop at the side of the bed, opening it up with his good arm. He notices the time.

3:28 AM.

He sighs again. He'd only been asleep for thirty minutes.

He clicks on the internet browser and logs into his email, where he then checks the status of the devices he just emptied his wallet for.

A tracking device with a GPS. Same-day shipping.

It's day six.

* * *

At the insistence of Nishiki to the point of violent threats, Hide enlists the enthusiastic help of his ghoul friends to find Yamori's consistent whereabouts in Tokyo.

Nishiki reaches out to other ghouls he knows he can trust, mostly those he's been hunting with since the time he was living with his sister. Once Nishiki passes on Yamori's physical description to Ikuma, the musician decides to venture to other wards of Tokyo. With his occupation, it's easier for him to slip through dodgy areas and play his guitar while scanning the crowds.

In the meantime, once Hide obtains his new tracking device, he tests it out on Nishiki, following his friend's movements for a day and realizing that it works as well as he had hoped.

"Dude, what were you doing on that side of the city? You know that's where the strip clubs are, right?" Hide jokes with him when he takes off the tracker in the morning of day seven.

Nishiki blushes and he knocks the human on his head while he retrieves the tiny black device. "Shut your hole. For your information, I was checking with my friends if they'd seen that bastard crawling around there."

Hide narrows his eyes. "Anything?"

Nishiki sighs heavily. "Nothing."

Hide checks the time on his GPS. "Dammit, is that ghoul even in Tokyo anymore?"

"Don't worry. The ghouls that know about him say he hardly ever wanders outside of Tokyo. It's hard, but we gotta sit tight for a little longer."

Nishiki lingers by Hide's side while the blond peruses the city with his bike for a few hours until Nishiki's phone rings. The two freeze immediately and Nishiki answers the call.

Hide can tell the caller is Ikuma and judging by Nishiki's excited tone, Ikuma must have seen him.

"Well?" Hide nearly shouts.

"Ikuma found him," Nishiki says while still on the phone.

"Okay, tell Ikuma to keep an eye on him. Nishiki, help me find some clothes that belong to a ghoul."

"Uh, hello? What am I, chopped liver?" Nishiki states with a scoff.

"No, no. Listen, it's too dangerous to use your clothes since you're my friend. I need a dead ghoul's clothes."

Nishiki frowns when he hears something on Ikuma's end. "Wait, hang on, I'm gonna put you on speaker."

"Hello, you guys?" Ikuma's voice calls through the phone.

"Yeah, what's up, Ikuma?" Hide replies.

"Sorry, I'm using a payphone, so I don't have much time. Anyway, Hide, I think what you said about wearing a ghoul's clothes is a good idea. This ward is crawling with a bunch of ghouls. There's less humans over here, so you'll stick out like a sore thumb. I'll stay here for as long as you need and keep an eye on our target. I'll be playing my music too, so I won't be hard to miss when you come over here."

"All right, thanks buddy. See you soon!" Hide tells him.

Nishiki sighs as he hangs up his phone. "Okay, we better hurry. I know a hunting ground where there's a corpse. I'm pretty sure it's not too old."

"As long as it's a ghoul, take me there," Hide states.

Thankfully, the morning is still new, so the boys hurry over to the vacant hunting ground and once there, Hide immediately changes his clothes with the corpse sprawled against the stained wall of the building.

Nishiki wrinkles his nose in disgust as Hide pays no mind in wearing clothes belonging to a dead person. "You really are something else, Nagachika."

"Do you smell me at all, Nishiki? Do I smell like a ghoul?" Hide says as soon as he has the pants and jacket on. He spins around slowly with his arms outstretched.

Nishiki sniffs the air and he grimaces. "Well, I know you, so I can still smell you, but it's very faint. No one else would notice."

Hide sighs in relief. "Well, that's good enough for me." He takes the last piece of clothing, a beanie, from the corpse and places it over his blond hair.

Hide looks over his body and nods his head in approval. "Well, this ghoul didn't have terrible fashion sense. This is actually something I would wear…"

Nishiki's lips form a thin line as he notices a determined look crossing Hide's face while they walk out of the hunting ground and back into the city.

"Here, do you mind holding my clothes for me in the meantime?" Hide asks. He passes his folded clothes into Nishiki's grasp.

"I should go with you," Nishiki says once the sun hits their bodies.

As expected, Hide shakes his head and mounts his bike. "No, I don't plan to spend too long just to place this tracker on him. Besides, Ikuma will be there, so I'm not completely alone, right?" He grins at Nishiki.

The ghoul feels uneasy regardless, but he knows he can't change Hide's mind. "Fine. Just, be careful you idiot. Try not to get hurt like you did with Rize."

Hide laughs and glances at Nishiki once more. "Sorry, no promises there."

With that, the human speeds off towards the ward where his target resides and Nishiki grits his teeth.

"You better not die, moron…"

…

It's just after noon by the time Hide makes it to the ward where Ikuma waits for him. Hide continues biking further into this area of Tokyo he rarely ventures through. Shoppers and commuters crowd the streets and sidewalks, but this doesn't deter Hide one bit.

In the distance, he can hear the familiar voice of his friend and the strumming of a guitar. Immediately, he bikes towards the direction, trying not to run into anybody along the way.

Ikuma is standing and his open guitar case has some spare change while he continues with his song. Hide slows down and gets off his bike. Carefully, he approaches Ikuma from his right side and just as Ikuma finishes singing, he pounces on him.

Ikuma nearly screams from shock. When he catches sight of Hide's brown eyes, he exhales deeply and grabs hold of his chest.

"Oh my god, you scared the hell out of me! I thought you were a mugger or something! My heart…" Ikuma exclaims while trying to calm his rapid pulse.

Hide grins. "You really didn't sense me at all? Like you didn't catch my scent?"

Ikuma looks in his direction and gulps. "No, actually…that's a good thing. But please don't do that again, Hide!"

Hide shushes him once his name slips out. "Be quiet now! Where is he?"

Ikuma places a hand over his mouth and then narrows his eyes into the distance. He points in front of him. "Yamori is in the outdoor mall, sitting in front of the café. He's been there for about twenty minutes now."

Hide takes in a deep breath and he checks his pockets. The tracker is there, along with some loose change.

When Ikuma sees Hide already heading towards Yamori, he quickly snatches his hand, causing Hide to turn to him with a glare.

"Wait, you're not really going to confront him, are you? _Right now?_ " Ikuma whisper-shouts.

Hide smiles at him. "Just trust me."

Hide's hand slips out of Ikuma's shaken grasp and he strides towards where Yamori is, all while keeping his doubts locked away.

 _I can do this. I must. I need to get to him!_

Hide remembers how Nishiki describes him and right away, everything matches up. The white suit, the broad shoulders, overall massive physique. Hide would rather not make eye contact if possible. He might lose himself looking into the eyes of the monster who's been torturing his lover for several days.

Just thinking about it boils his blood and he quickly reminds himself to stay calm. His heart beats loudly in his ears like a war drum and his palms become sweaty.

The monster is alone at one of the tables outside of the café.

Hide breathes slower to the point of almost holding his breath the closer he approaches the man's back. His footsteps grow softer until they make no noise on the ground.

The man's broad shoulders move ever so slightly with his breathing and Hide narrows his eyes. He can't stare too long, or the man will surely attack him right off the bat.

He makes his move.

The clinking of his loose change from his pocket breaks the lull as the money falls to the ground right near the man's chair. Hide watches one of the coins hitting the man's left shoe. Immediately, the man turns to his side and then he takes notice of Hide for the first time.

"Ah! Excuse me! I dropped my change!" Hide swoops to the ground in a second, his body moving on adrenaline now.

He feels Yamori's intense stare on his back and still, Hide does not look up at the man. Instead, he hastily pretends to gather his coins and keeps his focus on Yamori's left foot.

Hide takes a quick breath and then he speaks. "Um, I'm sorry. Do you mind lifting your foot? One of my coins is under your shoe."

He feels his face getting hot from his rising anxiety and he can sense the man standing from his chair, his huge form towering over him.

Yamori lifts his foot for Hide without saying a word. Hide doesn't know whether his silence is a good or bad thing but either way, he acts fast. Once he sees the back of the shoe, his eyes center on the heel. Hidden in his left hand is his small black tracker and he tries his hardest to remain as discrete as possible. His fingers latch the device onto the inside of the heel and his heart leaps in his throat when he sees that it attached successfully. It blinks at him, letting him know it's still working well.

As soon as his hand leaves Yamori's shoe, the man abruptly stomps onto Hide's left hand. Hide gasps and then grunts in pain. His left arm is still in the process of healing and the shooting ache comes back as soon as Yamori's heel grinds into Hide's knuckles.

"You should pay attention next time, swine," the man's deep voice booms in Hide's ear.

The shadow above his crouched form gets darker and in the next second, Yamori's hand grabs the back of Hide's neck, yanking him upwards into a standing position. Hide winces from the near whiplash and the throbbing pain that his hand suffers.

"Look at me," Yamori demands.

Hide's eyes are squeezed shut but as soon as he hears Yamori, he slowly opens them, and he takes in Yamori's face.

His beady eyes study Hide, his large hand still gripping the back of his neck. Out of nowhere, Hide remembers the nightmare he had when someone was choking him from behind and it sends his nerves on overdrive. Yet he's frozen as the man takes in his body from head to toe.

Hide feels his mouth go dry and he thinks about Kaneki. How his lover is forced to face this beast that's staring at him every single day. He's scared. This man can kill him. Right now.

In his peripheral vision, Hide sees Yamori grabbing something in his pocket and he can't see what it is until the man flips it open right near his face. A pocket knife.

"You're just a little weakling, aren't you?" the man says. His breath hits Hide's face as he comes near, tapping the blade against his cheek.

Hide doesn't breathe, and his eyes widen when Yamori cuts the side of his neck. He feels his blood trickling down rapidly and the man doesn't stop. He draws his sharp blade down further, cutting through the collar of his jacket and into his clavicle area towards the top of his left chest.

Hide flinches from the pain that begins to set in from the cuts and on instinct, he pushes the man away from him with all his strength, taking the man off guard as Hide stumbles back a few steps.

His blood drips on the concrete between them and Hide grasps onto his neck, hoping the man didn't just slice a vital vein.

Yamori glowers at the boy and he looks down at his bloody knife. He brings the blade up to his nose and as soon as the scent fills his senses, his eyes flash and grow bigger. His head turns slowly back to Hide, and he grins.

"A human! It can't be… You must be…"

Hide takes steps backwards and despite his frazzled mind, he notices the change in Yamori's demeanor. Suddenly, he seems more expressive _, deranged_.

"Yes, yes!" Yamori mutters loudly and he takes a step forward.

Before the man can get any closer, a random figure intervenes and neither of them have time to react. In seconds, Hide feels himself getting pulled up into someone's arms and the breath is knocked out of him when the person speeds off and away from Yamori without another moment to waste.

Yamori clenches his teeth when he finds Hide and the mystery person escaping out of his reach. Naturally, he thinks of going after the rats, but he hears the judging murmurs of the ghouls watching and walking past him. He decides it's not worth his time.

"Weaklings…" he mutters to himself. He glances down at his bloody blade and he smirks. In a way, he is pleased and when he licks the crimson liquid on the palm of his hand, his sadistic grin widens.

Yamori folds his knife without wiping the blood off and he walks away. Traces of Hide's blood remains on the ground and no one else can catch the tracker clinging to the ghoul's heel.

…

Ikuma pants like a mad dog and his arms nearly drop Hide's body. He had just carried the human over his shoulder and away from the beast in the fastest sprint he had ever accomplished.

"I…I am never doing that again! Dammit, Hide! You keep this up and I'm going to have a heart attack!" Ikuma shouts.

When he realizes Hide feels heavier in his arms, he panics and quickly sets Hide back down on the bench where his guitar waits for him.

"Hide? Hide!"

Ikuma shakes his friend's shoulder and he gasps when he feels blood coating his hand. "Oh god, _Hide!_ "

Hide groans and his eyes gradually open. Sweat droplets crawl down the side of his face and he makes eye contact with the worried ghoul kneeling before him.

Ikuma lets out a relieved exhale and he falls to his bottom in a clumsy heap. "That was way too close! Too close! Don't ever do that again, _please!_ "

Hide takes in ragged breaths and he reaches into his jacket pocket to pull out his GPS. "Don't worry, I won't have to."

As he holds up the GPS for Ikuma to see, the ghoul detects the blinking dot on the small screen that indicates Yamori's current location.

"Y-You did it…you did it!" Ikuma repeats in astonishment.

Hide nods with a small smile and then his hand grows lax as his energy depletes and his eyes shut again. Ikuma scrambles back on his feet and he grasps Hide's good shoulder. "Do you need to go to the hospital again? Hide, speak to me!"

"No, I'm fine. I just…need to rest a bit…a little dizzy is all…" Hide assures him. His eyes stay closed and when Ikuma sits on the bench beside him, his head falls onto Ikuma's shoulder.

The musician pulls down the collar of Hide's jacket. He examines the damage Yamori made on Hide's neck and chest area, finding a long cut connecting the two regions. The bleeding has slowed but combined with Hide's other wound on his arm from Rize, Ikuma's concern increases.

"I need something to cover that cut…" Ikuma says. His frantic eyes scan the stores in front of them. "One of these convenience stores has some bandages but…I can't just leave him here alone…"

Hide grabs the front of Ikuma's shirt and pulls. Ikuma looks down instantly at the contact.

"Don't. Just stay. Don't leave me alone…" Hide says.

Ikuma notices a change in Hide's tone. His voice is soft, vulnerable. It sounds like how he'd speak around Kaneki.

He notices a deep sadness setting in Hide's facial features and with the way Hide's hand clenches on his shirt, Ikuma doesn't know how he can deny his wishes.

But he can't just do nothing while his human friend bleeds out. He can already feel the stares of the civil ghouls passing by them. When he lifts his head, some of them give disgusted frowns at the way they're sitting together too closely.

He senses Hide's breathing deepen and realizes his friend is unconscious. Carefully, he places Hide gently against the bench. Taking the coins he earned out of his guitar case, he races towards the nearest payphone and dials Nishiki's number once the coins are inserted.

"Ikuma! Shit, what happened?" Nishiki's voice already shouts through the phone.

Ikuma looks back to check on Hide, who remains out cold on the bench. No one comes near the human.

"I need you to come over here. Preferably with some bandages if you can…"

"I am already on my way, halfway to where you guys are and then you called. I knew I should have gone with him. Is it bad?"

"No…he's okay for now. I think…" Ikuma replies. His eyes stay glued on Hide the whole time.

His conversation ends as soon as it began and Ikuma walks back to the human. Standing in front of him, he gazes at Hide's still form. He takes in his friend's appearance: his skin is paler since he's been searching for Kaneki. His blood seeps through the borrowed clothes Hide has on and his blond hair sticks to his sweaty forehead underneath the beanie. Every time Ikuma sees Hide nowadays, he looks worse than before and it hurts to watch.

He wishes he inherited his mother's medical expertise. He could do so much more for his friend. But alas, all he did was help him escape near death like a cowardly mutt. He's pathetic. He's not strong enough.

Ikuma doesn't want to think about Hide's physical and mental state the longer Kaneki is gone.

 _Yamori is torturing them both._

The ghoul looks back to the café where Yamori had been.

 _I hope he's still alive…_

* * *

Evening of day seven.

The bones in Kaneki's legs are now back to normal, but he could never forget the pain. The healing of bone was nearly as horrid as breaking them. His vision is blurry, but he can't get sleep.

Especially now that he has a new friend. On day six, Yamori hadn't spent much time in the chamber, but he needed to make Kaneki writhe all day by shoving a giant centipede into his ear. Both of his ears have old rivers of blood staining the side of his face and neck and from time to time, the centipede moves and curls inside his head, almost as if the vermin is trying to invade his brain and take all his precious memories out of him. Consume his mind from the inside out.

On this seventh night, however, the centipede does not move. Perhaps it already suffocated to death. Kaneki envies the pest.

His hearing is impaired with the bug lying dormant inside him. His senses are slower to pick up on Yamori coming in.

"I should bring in a mirror one of these days. Your hair, have you noticed it's turned white? You're becoming more like me, aren't you?" Yamori announces with a maniacal grin.

Kaneki doesn't answer, and he keeps his head low. He stays as still as a statue.

"How's your friend? At least you're not all alone in here while I'm gone," Yamori says. He strolls around Kaneki's chair, his index finger running along the half-ghoul's tense shoulders as he passes him from behind.

"Today was quite interesting, I must say. I have another present for you, Kaneki."

Kaneki is drained. What more can the man do to him? How much more pain can he cause?

"You've been through a lot of physical damage since I got you," Yamori says as if he had just read his mind.

"But none of the fun games have really weakened you enough for me to eat you just yet. No, no. I've been tempted, yes, but it's not enough. You truly are tougher than you look, boy."

Kaneki's exhausted heart begins to awaken again.

 _What the hell is he going on about…_

"Then I got to thinking, you're far more emotional than my other toys ever were. And it clicked in my mind. Physical damage, it's not the key! No, the key to breaking you completely is your mind! I need to crush your mind! And then, you wouldn't believe my luck today!"

Yamori stops circling Kaneki and he bends over so that his mouth is next to Kaneki's ear.

"That Hide fellow really does care about you, doesn't he?"

Kaneki's heart races now and his eyes widen. Yamori cackles once he sees Kaneki react.

"I knew it. Oh, this is too good!"

Kaneki's breathing quickens and now that he's moving, the centipede in his ear seems to sense his unease. Multiple legs begin to twitch inside him.

"That human boy sure is brave to go looking for you in a ward infested with ghouls. Brave, but stupid all the same."

Yamori then takes his pocket knife out. In front of Kaneki's face, he unfolds it to reveal the blood still staining the blade.

"Look, isn't his blood _beautiful?_ "

Hide's scent is unmistakable. Kaneki's pupils constrict to pinpoints and he violently struggles against his restraints. He lifts his head, glaring through Yamori's gaze once the ghoul stands at his side.

" _What did you do to him, you bastard!_ "

Yamori can't stop himself. His laughter booms throughout the chamber, causing the centipede to dance wildly at the sound. More red liquid trickles from his left ear.

"What did I do? _What did I do?_ "

Kaneki watches Yamori move to stand in front of him and with each step the beast takes, he shakes his head. His eyes already begin to sting. He strains to hear but at the same time, he is terrified. He doesn't want to know.

Yamori's sadistic grin says it all. Kaneki's bloodshot, wide eyes are frozen. He trembles and his cracked lips part.

"I tried to go easy on the boy. But he's too weak."

"No, _no_ ," Kaneki whispers. He continues to shake his head.

Yamori's grin looks as if it would split his face in half.

"Your precious Hide is _dead_."

Kaneki finds himself unable to breathe at those words. The tears spring from his glassy eyes and he refuses to believe it. He shakes his head vigorously.

"No! _No! No! No!_ " His weakened voice rises in volume with his growing distress.

"He's dead! I killed him! _I killed him!_ " Yamori bellows over him every time Kaneki rejects his statements.

Yamori holds his bloody knife up. "I wish you were there to see it, boy. The way those innocent eyes of his stared back at me with the delicious fear that matched yours when I placed that centipede in your ear."

"Stop it," Kaneki says through clenched teeth.

"Oh yes. Unarmed, he found me out of nowhere and fell in my grasp so easily. Like a mindless ant. And when I plunged my blade into his flesh-"

"Stop it!" Kaneki shouts.

"I just couldn't stop. His blood was too amazing, and I had to see more! I cut him to pieces and nobody stopped me! _No one!_ "

With the images that Yamori is putting in his brain, Kaneki can't function. The centipede continues to struggle inside him. His hearing is dulled, but the words Yamori says is too clear.

"His cries of pain were delightful and just as I stabbed his heart, _he said your name_. And that was the best part before his eyes went blank on me. Just like that."

The bloody knife dangles like a hanged man.

Kaneki screams.

This scream is far different from the ones Yamori dragged out of him in the past six days. This scream pierces the heart, it lasts too long, and it shatters the soul till there's nothing left.

Yamori is on a whole new high. He wins.

Kaneki's scream fades into pained, staggered whimpers and he sobs hysterically.

"How could you! _He didn't do anything!_ You should have killed _me!_ _Why didn't you kill me instead! Why! Why!_ "

Kaneki's tears soak his entire face and saliva spills from his mouth. The centipede squirms in protest when he screams and shouts. Yamori enjoys watching his toy breaking.

Yamori licks Hide's dried blood off his blade. "He's nothing but fodder for the ghouls now, Kaneki. You couldn't protect him. _You couldn't save him._ "

Turning away, Yamori strides towards the door, chuckling to himself as he cleans the blood off the blade completely with his tongue.

The doors close on him once more.

He is alone.

 _Alone._

…

His heart can't take anymore. There is a constant ache that doesn't recede as time ticks in slow motion. It squeezes and twists. It pulses merciless shocks throughout his body. His mind is beyond repair.

Every breath he takes brings the pain back ten times stronger.

He's gone. _He's gone._

He couldn't do _anything_.

 _I'm fucking useless._

There's no point.

He can't see him anymore.

…

…

A cold hand caresses the top of his head. He doesn't feel it. Not until the fingers crawl down his filthy cheeks. He doesn't lift his chin.

"Ken."

He takes in a sharp breath, causing his distraught heart and lungs to protest.

"Son…"

Kaneki flinches at the voice and being addressed that way. It's so foreign to him.

"M…Mom?"

His tired eyes open and he forces his stiff neck to hold his head up once more. His surroundings are entirely white, like snow. Like his damaged hair. Like the emptiness strangling him.

His mother is here. Standing before him, her hand holding his cheek.

"Wha-What are you doing here?" he croaks.

She pulls away. Her body is frail, and she looks as exhausted as she did when she was alive.

"You've changed, my boy. You're not the same anymore," she says. Her voice echoes, but it's not like before, when it would haunt him. It's more like someone speaking in a desolate temple.

He narrows his eyes and blinks several times to clear his vision. "Is it really you, mom?"

She smiles, but it's not real. "Was it worth it, Ken?"

He looks at her, puzzled.

"Was it worth the pain to love him? To love that boy?"

Kaneki's mouth opens, and he shakes his head at her question. "What are you saying?"

"I have regrets, Ken. Things I wish I could have done differently. If you loved someone else, someone of your kind…if you loved another ghoul like you, maybe you wouldn't have had to suffer this long. You would have been saved."

Kaneki's pupils constrict at the absurd statements coming out of her mouth. "Shut up."

Her eyes widen at what he just said.

"Shut up. Shut up! You don't know me! You don't know me at all!"

He spits those words out with so much hate. All the bottled-up resentment he held for her since the day his father died.

She doesn't speak. Her eyes are hollow like her soul.

"You don't know anything about me. _I love him_. With my whole heart. Even if it's in pieces now, I still love him."

Kaneki's voice deepens as his throat chokes on his overwhelming emotions.

"There's no way another ghoul like me could have saved me. If it weren't for Hide, if I had never met Hide, I would have killed myself long ago. I would have died before you did!" He lifts his head, his watery eyes burning with a fire that reflects all the pain eating him alive.

She says nothing.

"I'm so happy that I met someone like Hide. Since the day he found me, he made me feel worthy. I wanted to live with him. He's the most selfless person I've ever known."

Thinking about him, a warmth manages to spark from his broken heart.

"He's always putting others before himself and I don't know if anyone realizes it. I don't know if anyone appreciates what he does. He gives and gives and doesn't expect anything back. He keeps giving."

He smiles lightly, and his cheeks find color. "Even me. I don't appreciate him enough. I should have. And when I realize this, I know I don't deserve him."

Yamori's sharp words invade his brain, flooding those pure thoughts into oblivion. "But now…Hide is…Hide is…"

He bows his head, his tears hitting his thighs as his grief gets the best of him. His entire body shakes with his weeping.

"I want to tell him how much he means to me. _I want to see him_."

He feels more trapped than ever before. Restrained in the chair and unable to see his most important person ever again.

"I want to die."

There is a long, harrowing silence. His mother disappeared. He begins formulating a plan.

He thinks he may have lost consciousness because the next moment his mother appears, she wakes him like before.

"Do you think you could ever love someone the way you love him?" she asks softly.

He looks up with a tearful smile. "Never."

She distances herself from him. "This monster caging you, has he changed you? Have you lost yourself?"

"No. I'm not letting him change me. _I'm not like him_."

He doesn't see her anymore, but her voice is still there.

"See, Ken? You're stronger than you think. He took Hide away from you. Are you going to let him win?"

He lowers his head. A fierce emotion takes over, pushing his anguish out temporarily. After all he's been through, the other side of him has become harder to tame.

"You know what to do, don't you?"

The last locks of black hair wither away from his head.

He senses his mother coming to him from behind and she holds him close to her body. Her arms wrap around his restrained form and her chin rests on top of his head. Her right hand crawls upwards, her fingers running through his frayed, white hair.

"That's my boy. You're a good boy, Ken."

There is only one more task left.


	18. Numb

The blinking dot is his new obsession.

Nishiki and Ikuma had taken Hide home safely, but they refused to leave his side until they were sure he was stable and convinced him not to do anything else without them.

His friends would have stayed, if not for other obligations.

All that Hide has now is the comfort of knowing he has the bastard ghoul under his watch. It takes everything inside of him not to disobey his friends and venture to where Yamori is. Where Kaneki is.

He lies sideways on his mattress, unable to sleep because he's afraid the blinking dot will disappear. He doesn't know what else to do if this fails.

 _If I could get a few hours of sleep, I should have enough energy to get to him…_

After battling with his spiraling thoughts, soon enough, his eyelids grow heavy and the GPS by his side blurs in his view.

When his eyes are closed, he doesn't see blank darkness like he hoped. Yamori's crazed grin worms its way in his head.

His wounds ache again.

 _This is nothing. This is nothing compared to what you've been through…_

It's getting harder to keep Kaneki's face in his mind these days because the nightmares overpower everything else.

He prays to any higher being out there that he's still alive.

He thinks his lover will no longer be the same. Will Kaneki return to him? Can they still be together like the way they used to? Can he still love him?

He can't sleep.

The night shrouds the neighborhood in black and Hide suffers continuous spells of dozing in and out of consciousness. The blinking dot is the only piece of salvation he has.

Until, he suddenly hears a sharp knocking at his door, along with a few rings of the doorbell. Hide's heart speeds up in an instant and his eyes snap wide open.

Whoever is at the door seems aggressive as there is hardly a pause before the person is knocking once more.

On instinct, Hide thinks it is Yamori at the door and he stops in his tracks once he gets to his feet. He reminds his boggled mind that it is not him as his GPS proves otherwise. Hide keeps his device close as he makes his way towards the front door. Peering through the peep hole first, he notices it's a tall man in a professional suit.

With a puzzled look, Hide slowly turns the door knob and opens the door without undoing the chain lock at the top.

"Who are you?" Hide asks without greeting the man.

The man gives a polite smile and pulls out something from his pocket. Hide's suspicions are proven correct when the man holds up his identification card in his wallet.

 _He's one of the doves…_

"My name is Koutarou Amon. My sincerest apologies for disturbing you at this late hour. But I was ordered to come here because of an emergency," the man explains.

Hide's brows knot in confusion. He can hardly think straight anymore.

"Who sent you here?" Hide asks directly once again. He realizes he could be friendlier, but he also finds he no longer has the patience.

"A ghoul named Yoshimura. According to him, you are Hideyoshi Nagachika," Amon continues. He stows away his wallet.

"Yoshimura? He's back?" Hide blurts out in shock.

The man nods and with that confirmation, Hide unlocks the chain and opens the door, letting the stranger into his abode.

"Please, make yourself comfortable. Sorry for the mess…" Hide says. He watches the investigator remove his shoes and neatly place them at the doorstep before stepping further into the apartment.

Amon looks around and notices the apartment is far from a mess. In fact, it's quite empty and he can tell right away that Yoshimura is correct.

"So, Amon, is it?" Hide asks as he rubs his eye.

"Yes, that's right."

"You can sit on that couch over there. Did you want something to drink? All I have is water or coffee," Hide offers. He turns to head towards the kitchen.

"No, thank you. I'd actually just like to speak with you, if I may," Amon states. He follows Hide's direction and finds a spot on the couch.

Hide turns back around and, with slight apprehension, he settles down next to the investigator.

"So, Yoshimura sent you here? Where is he? Is he safe? I haven't heard from him in over a month!" Hide's onslaught of questions spill from his mouth.

"We just released Yoshimura back to Anteiku a few hours ago. We had kept him under close investigation for a while due to the alarming rash of ghoul attacks since the beginning of this year. It was a precaution, as we know his staff is mostly composed of ghouls and we needed to make sure everyone at Anteiku is innocent."

Amon is calm with his explanation and he meets Hide's worried eyes.

"Despite him being under our custody, he was still able to keep in contact with the staff and he had just learned today that one of them had been taken recently."

Hide's eyes widen, and Amon takes notice of this change. "Ken Kaneki is his name, am I correct?"

"Yeah, he lives with me. Or did…before he was captured." Hide lowers his head, sighing heavily.

"Yoshimura wanted me to send you his deepest apologies for the delay. He didn't want to waste any more time and therefore, he sent me to help you find him on short notice," Amon tells him.

Hide forces a smile and Amon pulls out a notepad. "Have you got any leads or details on who the kidnapper may be?"

Hide uncovers his GPS at his side and shows it to the investigator without pause. Amon stares at the device and his eyes widen in surprise.

Hide gives a guilty smile. "Sorry. I thought Yoshimura wouldn't be back for a while, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I know where the kidnapper is."

Amon holds his hand out. "May I?"

Hide passes the device over and Amon studies the map on the GPS. "What did you do exactly, Nagachika?"

"I have some friends who helped me. And I did some investigating on my own. From what I gather, the kidnapper is a dangerous ghoul named Yamori or Jason. With the help of my friends, I was able to find the ghoul today and placed a tracker on him, so I could monitor his movements. I am hoping he can lead me to where Kaneki is," Hide says.

There is no point in hiding anything now.

Amon turns his attention to the boy, his face showing complete disbelief. "You actually confronted the ghoul on your own?"

Hide nods and Amon shakes his head. "How did you do that without getting yourself killed? You shouldn't ever face a dangerous ghoul by yourself. You are human, right?"

"Yeah, I know…"

Amon focuses on the GPS again. "Unbelievable. I don't know whether I should be impressed or reprimand you. You must have ghoul friends that helped you."

"Yeah, and they saved my butt too. Many times," Hide says. His right hand unconsciously touches his left shoulder near the cut inflicted by Yamori.

There is a short moment of silence before Amon speaks up.

"This is the ghoul, the one you placed the tracker on?" Amon asks to clarify. He points to the blinking dot shifting slightly on the screen.

"That's him. He hasn't moved too far from where I met him. He's located in the ward that's full of ghouls," Hide informs him.

"You sure this is him? This isn't some technical mistake?" Amon questions further.

"No, I _swear_ this is real. Listen, I spent the last seven days looking for him. I need to find Ken. He…"

Amon watches as Hide breaks eye contact when he stops.

"He means everything to me. I can't…lose him."

Amon doesn't see Hide's face, but his voice is weaker compared to before. One could easily miss the way his shoulders shake. The investigator studies Hide's form and notices the stained bandages over the left side of his neck.

Amon lets out a sigh. "This ghoul named Yamori. He's one of the most wanted ghouls on our list right now. Finding him is one of our top priorities as well. I think…I can believe you."

When Hide looks up again, Amon can see his brown eyes are bloodshot and underlined with dark shadows. Amon tries to keep his stoic expression when he sees the emotionally drained state the boy is in. The pain in those dark eyes is too much.

Amon stands to his feet and Hide doesn't keep his gaze off him.

"All right, I'll go ahead and make some calls. Thanks to your work, we may be able to get your friend back in the next few hours."

Hide gets off the couch as well, nearly falling to his knees as he does. "Really? Let me go with you!"

Amon turns to him. "I'm not the one who will go after him. I'm here to help and protect you on Yoshimura's request. With the information I have now with this device, I'll be able to get in contact with a small, but capable group of investigators to chase Yamori and save Ken Kaneki."

Amon takes in Hide's physical state again and sympathy crosses his face. "Besides, you've done enough. There's no need to risk your life again."

Hide's mouth hangs open as if he wants to say something else, but he decides against it. As Amon steps away from him to use his phone, Hide glances at the digital clock in the kitchen.

12:40 AM. Day eight.

* * *

The centipede has now lost its life for good. Not only does the pest no longer move, but whenever Kaneki tilts his head, more of its withered legs fall out of his ear.

Empty.

Alone.

Silence.

Usually, the quiet would comfort him, because it meant he had time away from Yamori's games.

But now, it's another form of torture. It tells him he has nothing. No one.

He's truly lost.

His mother doesn't return.

The night is colder than it had been the past days he's been here. His toes and fingers sting from the frosty air and his breath comes out cloudy in the frigid chamber. His breathing is ragged when combined with his shivering.

He just has to hold on for a few more hours. Just a little more.

Then he can perish like the centipede. His limbs could fall away. His heart could shrivel up.

He could see him again.

By the time the monster returns to torment him, he is completely numb.

"I think it's prime time now. You're all ready for me."

The deep, booming voice is still dull to his ears, not that it matters.

"I've waited long enough. I've held back my urges, and now, it's time! _Let me kill you! Let me devour you! Kaneki!_ "

Once Yamori's foot comes into his view, he lifts his head, his kakugan activated in a second. Before the beast can even touch him again, Kaneki feels every nerve in his body awaken and he grits his teeth. In the next second, his kagune bursts forth, viciously tearing through his skin. The scaly tentacles break the chair he's bound to and the chains that restrict his wrists and feet. Due to the force of his kagune, his hands are ripped off from their tied form.

Rivers of blood flow from the stubs of his arms until his body regenerates his hands, the red fibers quickly forming his palms and fingers. Puddles of his blood reside on either side of him and although he is numb to everything else, the one emotion driving him forward is alive and burning. Like once before, his entire body feels on fire, the cold does not affect him in his current state.

The ghoul's roars are muted, but he can tell Yamori is already in a rage, his voice shaking the cracked ground below his bare feet.

" _You're mine! You're mine! You're mine!_ "

From there, Kaneki lets the only goal sustaining him take charge.

Yamori loses it, his rinkaku exploding from his body and taking over him. It is different from what Kaneki has seen before. His kagune envelops parts of his body like armor and then it clicks in his mind. Yamori is unleashing his kakuja but it would seem he has poor control.

Yamori's kagune covers his eyes and his right arm, truly making him inhuman. A blind beast as his teeth are bared and saliva drips from his mouth like he's infected with rabies.

Detached and mindless, Kaneki's kagune control his actions like the limbs have their own brains that function for him. Yamori charges at him and Kaneki finds himself sky high in the air once his rinkaku launches his frail body above the monstrous ghoul. From there, it is all a crimson blur.

Blood splashes onto his face and body with his first blow, but it's cold instead of warm. His body is impaled a few times by the other's massive kagune, but it doesn't hurt anymore. The pain doesn't come to him.

His head spins with the multiple times he dodges the brute attacks. Once he finally manages to pin his adversary and run his scaly tentacles through him, his kakugan grows wider and the veins stretch further down his face. A grin cracks his impassive expression.

Yamori chokes from the stab but then laughs abruptly, his body rumbling with his boisterous cackling.

"You look just like me, Kaneki! I have created another _me_ in _you_! That's right! _Embrace it!_ Once I devour you, I will conquer all!"

Those words ignite the boiling anger incinerating his body and Kaneki can't stand it.

" _I'm not like you!_ "

Kaneki can hardly recognize his own voice. But it doesn't matter. Once more, his kagune moves for him and his mind can't keep up with the frenzy that ensues.

All the rage that accumulated over his days trapped in this chamber. All the sadness and pain from the day he was brought into this wretched world. The unworthiness his mother made him feel with each breath he took. How much hatred he kept building towards himself.

The intense and gaping hole he now has where his heart should be.

It is all a lingering poison that he now injects into his enemy. With each haggard move of his kagune, he rips away at flesh and bone, but really, he is shredding through the venom that continues to eat him alive.

He thinks he is screaming but he can't differentiate sounds anymore. Yamori's large teeth are the only thing he can see through the blur of fresh blood and flying limbs.

Is he losing? Is he winning?

No.

 _Is he dying?_

Somehow, he manages to hear Yamori counting backwards from 1000 and the beast's movements lag. Kaneki's bare feet are wet with blood and his kagune replace his legs on the slippery, crimson floor.

Through his hazy vision, he notices that Yamori no longer has limbs. His legs and arms are scattered in distant parts of the chamber and now he is left like a maggot in front of him.

Yamori's unhinged shouting no longer makes any sense. He is unrecognizable now that he's a lump of chopped flesh squirming on the ground. Kaneki can see his regeneration abilities at work, but it is much slower than his own.

Now Kaneki hears Yamori's shrill screaming. It's deafening. It's worse than a pig getting slaughtered. It causes millions of ripples in the pools of blood surrounding them.

It stops when one of Kaneki's tentacles swoops down from high above and breaks through his cervical vertebrae. All that remains are echoes that resonate throughout the chamber and without pause, another of Kaneki's tentacles joins in and coils around what's left of Yamori's head.

He imagines the way Yamori had ripped his fingers and toes off so easily as he decapitates Yamori, his head sailing in the air before landing on the checkered ground, spilling more red fluid akin to a cracked egg.

Like a light switch, the blaring screams that often plagued this chamber are now silenced.

The body in the center no longer fidgets or twitches. Kaneki's feet touches the blood-soaked floor and his kakugan does not disappear. His sole grey eye is blank and as dark as the black squares he can hardly see underneath the red pools.

He stands in the middle of the aftermath. Blood is everywhere, on his face, on his skin, staining his white hair.

All this time, he had been a pawn on the chessboard that the king enjoyed tormenting again and again.

One could say the king of the chessboard has lost.

Another could say he is the new king.

But he is no king. He never will be. That is not his true desire.

When his legs give out and his knees collide against the ground, a splash emits from the bloody puddles. The cuffs from the chains are still around his ankles, piercing into his skin with every movement.

His mismatched eyes stare down at his pathetic hands. He then reaches up, slapping the right side of his head and with his other hand, he pulls out the dead centipede, fully intact aside from missing legs. The worm lies in front of him, floating in red.

His ears ring loudly, and he lifts his head, gazing up at the white light of the chamber that seems dim in his view.

His kagune surrounds him, slowly seeping back into his body and only then does he realize the pain he feels in his chest. Not only from the stabbing wounds Yamori caused, but the nagging hole of his heart reminds him of the truth.

It doesn't matter what he does. He killed him. But it doesn't make him feel anything more.

As the white light blinds him, he begins to see glimpses of the one he so wishes he could see.

"Ken…"

Hide's voice. He can hear him.

"Hide!"

Kaneki's voice shatters the tormenting silence. He struggles back to his feet, finding his legs are quickly losing all its energy. No longer does his body or powers want to cooperate with him.

"Where are you?" he shouts.

No response.

His kakugan disappears and his grey eyes remain black. He looks all around him, reaching out towards nothing.

"Please don't leave me! _Where are you!_ "

He stumbles and trips over one of Yamori's body parts on the ground. Kaneki falls face-first into the bloody ground and his head throbs erratically. His arms shake when he pull himself off the floor, his face streaked with red. When he slowly turns to see what he walked into, it turns out to be Yamori's decapitated head. But instead of Yamori, Kaneki sees Hide's head rolling next to him.

Right away, Kaneki's eyes flood with tears and his face burns. He grips his head and screams.

At that moment, the door to the chamber is knocked down and out of nowhere, a group of armor-clad investigators come swarming. In the middle of the small group, a tall man dressed in a long, white coat calmly enters the scene. His expression doesn't change, unlike the other men who gawk at the carnage left behind by the sobbing half-ghoul.

The men mutter amongst themselves, but they don't make any other moves until their leader says so. The leader's glasses gleam with the bright, flickering light above and he makes his way through the blood bath and towards the half-ghoul, who is on his knees. Kaneki's fingers scrape at his face, leaving gashes as he continues.

The leader stops, blood already staining his coat as he towers above the boy.

"Hide…Hide…! Where are you…where…"

He listens to the distressed muttering of the boy. Kaneki flinches once he finally senses the man's presence.

Looking up, he makes eye contact with the tall man, whose grey eyes framed behind glasses stare coldly down at him.

The man takes notice of the self-inflicted gashes on the boy's face and the pinpoint pupils that pierce through him. In the next moment, the half-ghoul throws his arms onto the leader's legs, his bloody hands clawing at the man's coat.

"Have you seen him? Do you know where he is?" Kaneki asks. He is no longer looking at the man, his terrorized gaze focused on something behind him.

The leader senses some of the men coming closer but he holds his hand up, signaling them not to move.

The man feels the boy's arms begin to loosen on his legs and when he steps back, Kaneki collapses to the floor once more. This time, he doesn't wake up.

The leader blinks once and then he looks up to see that their main target has already been eliminated. His comrades explore the area, poking at the strewn body parts and studying the massive kagune left behind.

"Collect the body. We are leaving this place at once," the leader speaks up.

The men follow his command immediately and gather Yamori's remains.

He gazes down at the half-ghoul lying unconscious at his feet. He kneels and picks up Kaneki's body, hauling him over his shoulder. As swiftly as they had arrived, the investigators leave. Outside the chamber, the leader and his comrades walk through a hallway filled with many of Yamori's executed underlings.

4:16 AM. December 20th.

Kaneki's torture under the hands of Yamori ends after eight days.

* * *

Kaneki feels fingers caressing his cheek and he whimpers before his eyes slowly open.

"Come on, sleepy head. The sun rose without you!"

When he sees those eyes, he can hardly breathe.

"Hide!"

He throws his body into the other's arms immediately. He should feel happy. He expects to feel warm, like he always does with him.

But he feels neither. He is colder than death.

"Hide?"

When he looks up, there is no one.

…

His eyes sting like he's been injected by a needle over ten times. His entire body is stiff.

The first sight that greets him are plain, grey walls. He's lying on a mattress that has old stains and across the room is a door with a horizontal rectangular box serving as the only window.

All his wounds have healed but his body still aches terribly. The blood on his skin is now crusty and his ankles no longer have the cuffs. The clothes Yamori gave him days ago are ragged.

Once he's finished examining his minimal surroundings, panic engulfs him.

 _What happened? Where am I? Where's Hide!_

He hears footsteps approaching and through the small window at the door, a pair of eyes stare at him like he is a caged animal.

It's the man from before. The one with the cold eyes.

Kaneki tries to stand but every part of him is sapped of energy. He feels exactly the way he did when Yamori injected him with his large needles.

He resorts to crawling towards the door like when his legs were broken.

"Please…please can you help me? Please help me!" Kaneki shouts. He claws on the door, his large eyes revealing no ounce of sanity.

The man continues watching this pitiful display. He slides open the vision panel to better listen.

 _This boy is far gone. No human would want him back._

"Where am I? Do you know where Hide is? Please help me! Help me find him!" Kaneki's hoarse voice rises as he desperately scrapes his fingernails against the metal door.

"I'm afraid I can't help you," the man states with indifference.

Kaneki stops his motions when he hears the man speak.

"Your friend no longer exists."


	19. Heart

Yamori isn't dead. He's still alive.

In his mind.

No matter how many times he drills his fingers through his ears to the point of them bleeding, or how many times he punctures his eyeballs, he still hears the ghoul's booming voice and sees his menacing grin.

It's painful, but it's nothing compared to the endless throbbing in his chest. The beating organ feels as if it's been encased in ice and nothing can reach it. Every time he breathes, it's as if shards of ice pierce the heart, going deeper with every day and night that passes.

Stuck in a box and only having the beast haunting his senses.

He is not himself. He doesn't know who he is anymore.

…

Luckily, the half-ghoul has no other cell mates nearby, for they would never get sleep. Then again, the few ghouls incarcerated could still hear Kaneki's cries in the night. Wailing as if he remains in Yamori's torture chamber.

Many times, the guards have had to subdue the half-ghoul, injecting him with suppressants and chemical restraints once the prior drug kicks in.

It works, but only for a few hours. Because once Kaneki is unconscious, that's when his mind is at its worst. The terrors are too out of control. He claws his eyeballs out raw with his own fingers.

His healing slows each time he's injected, so soon enough, Kaneki cannot see. Not that he wants to.

"He's deteriorating faster than I thought."

Kishou Arima, the man who captured Kaneki after Yamori's elimination, speaks to the guard in charge of Kaneki's unit.

"He's not going to make it through the month, sir. Maybe that's what he wants, considering he refuses to eat anything we provide. Plus, there's so much blood in his cell. Arima, why are we keeping him here?"

Arima narrows his eyes at the guard, who cowers under his cold stare.

"Sorry, sir. It's just…shouldn't we just finish him off?"

Arima approaches the door, peering through the vision panel to see the half-ghoul in a fetal position on the bloody ground. He can see Kaneki scratching at his wrists like a rabid animal. He almost winces when he sees large gashes formed on his skin.

"That is not our decision to make," he replies without looking away from his prisoner.

"Doesn't he have family? Shouldn't we let him go?"

Arima turns away from the door and glances at the guard. "Do you think anyone would want this boy back?"

The guard swallows nervously and nods in understanding.

Arima leaves the unit without another word.

The guard stares into Kaneki's cell again, watching how the half-ghoul's breathing slows down to almost a complete halt. The heavy scent of blood nauseates him.

* * *

On day nine since Kaneki was captured, Amon visits Hide at his apartment once again. He explains that rescuing Kaneki from Yamori was a success. However, he cannot return home just yet.

"What the hell? You guys are keeping him because he's _dangerous_?" Hide yells in rage. He grabs a hold of Amon's coat and yanks him to his level, no matter how much taller and stronger the other is.

Amon's jaw clenches and he maintains his composure. "Unfortunately, I don't have much say in the matter, but Yamori was found to be murdered by your friend. Our organization deems him dangerous on default, and therefore, based on protocol, we must keep him incarcerated for at least a month to ensure that he is not a real threat to our society."

Hide growls and he shoves Amon back. "Do you realize what that monster has been doing to him since he was taken? If anything, Yamori _deserved_ to be killed! Kaneki was defending himself!"

Amon furrows his brows. "Do you hear yourself? Your friend is not the same person you used to know. From what I hear, he's completely lost his mind."

"Of course, he did! Who would stay sane after what Yamori's done!" Hide snaps. He feels his worry and anxiety increase, realizing Kaneki is in critical condition.

Hide's heart races and he can't stand still. "I have to go. I have to see him!" He walks fast towards the front door.

Amon immediately blocks him from exiting his apartment. "No! No one can see Ken Kaneki. Now that he's not mentally sound, he is a real threat. He'll hurt you. Like I said, he is not the same person as you once knew."

Hide doesn't believe him. But right now, he knows he can't get through the investigator.

He can't stop thinking about his lover suffering alone. His throat feels tight and his voice shakes as he speaks.

"I don't care if he's not the same. Please, you have to let me go. _Please_ …"

Amon sighs heavily. "I can't help you with this. I'm sorry. But you can't see him."

* * *

The days continue to pass without a care and Hide finds himself losing his mind. Now that he knows his love is away from Yamori, he doesn't see any valid reason why he shouldn't be able to see him.

Hide closes himself off from everyone.

Amon doesn't speak to him anymore about the matter.

Going through his life each day becomes too exhausting. Each hour drags too slowly, mocking him.

He knows Kaneki's birthday passed.

They are both nineteen.

Both barely existing.

* * *

Yoshimura is plagued with memories of the woman he loved long ago when he sees Hide entering Anteiku.

It is day fourteen.

Hide comes by just as the shop closes and most of the staff are already clearing out. Yoshimura is at the front and he waves Hide over once he spots the human.

"It is good to see you, Hide."

Yoshimura studies Hide's appearance and knows he's lost weight since he last saw him several months ago. The boy's blond hair has much less spike compared to before, a little longer too as his hair begins to frame his face more.

What triggers his old lover to appear in his mind is the expression Hide wears. A fake smile for his friends. Hiding and bottling the ugliness inside. It reminds him too much of what he lost.

"I…I wanted to thank you for sending Amon to help me find Ken. I should have said something earlier…" Hide says. He takes a seat on one of the bar stools in front of the manager.

Yoshimura waves a hand to dismiss his last few words. "Don't think so heavily on that. I will do anything in my power to help you find him. I should have taken more precaution in keeping my staff safe from the treacherous ghouls out there. I am sincerely sorry for allowing Kaneki to slip away so easily."

Yoshimura bows at the waist and Hide shakes his head. "It's not your fault, Yoshimura. Don't apologize."

Once Yoshimura moves upright, Hide notices his deep frown remains. "I hear that Kaneki cannot return just yet."

Hide clenches his fists and then his right hand runs through his bangs, grabbing fistfuls of hair. "I can't take it anymore. I'll do anything. I don't care what happens to me. I just have to see him. If I don't…"

The manager sees Hide's eyes wandering to someplace else. Whatever is going on in the boy's mind, it disturbs the older man, and he thinks for a moment before an idea comes to him.

The café is empty now.

Yoshimura turns, disappearing into the back of the store for a spell. Hide doesn't even notice as he's so entangled in his own thoughts. Once the manager returns to the front, he clears his throat and passes a note towards the boy. Hide blinks twice and he peers down to see what's written on the paper.

"This is the location of where Kaneki is imprisoned right now, the same place I was at not too long ago," Yoshimura states quietly.

Hide immediately snaps out of his dazed state and he snatches the note in his hand, bringing it closer to his face as if the words would disappear.

"Oh my god…this is…Yoshimura, I…" Hide can't speak. All this time, he was trying to figure out a way to see Kaneki and now he has the answer so easily handed to him on a silver platter.

Yoshimura gives a small smile. "I suppose I should have contacted you much earlier on to save you the grief of not seeing the one you love. I apologize once more."

Hide closes his eyes for a moment and then he looks up, smiling warmly at the old ghoul.

Yoshimura's expression dampens with his next words. "Hide, I know I can't stop you. If you intend to go there alone, you must be extra careful. It's a good distance away, and they don't allow visitors. You will have to take drastic measures, I'm afraid."

Determination flows through Hide as he nods. "If that's what it takes, I'll do it. I've already come this far. I won't stop now."

The wrinkles on Yoshimura's face deepen with concern. "I hesitated on giving you this because it will be dangerous…"

Hide studies Yoshimura's handwriting on the paper, which outline the specific routes to get to the ghoul prison.

Standing to his feet, Hide holds the note to his chest and he bows in gratitude. "Thank you so much, Yoshimura." He lifts his head and gives a genuine grin. "I'm going to see him."

Yoshimura smiles. "Please take care of yourself. Know that I'm always here to help."

Hide waves goodbye and quickly exits the shop, racing back to his apartment to prepare himself for the lone journey ahead.

…

Day fourteen. 10:10 PM.

Along with Yoshimura's note, Hide uses his GPS to guide him as he rides with his trusty bike towards his destination. Without a car, it will take him an hour to reach the prison, almost two if there are disturbances in the road.

That night, late commuters still occupy the streets. Hide doesn't mind the time for now. Deep down, he's nervous. He doesn't know how or if he'll be able to infiltrate the prison successfully on his own.

The travel helps him think of a plan. The cold, wintry air blows right through him. Every part of him is numb.

While brainstorming, he thinks of the worst consequences, ultimately centering on Kaneki's current state. He's almost afraid to know what has become of his lover. He hopes Kaneki won't push him away. He can already anticipate how Kaneki may respond to seeing him.

 _He probably didn't think of me as much as I thought about him. Of course, with all the pain he's been through…his mind has no room for anything else._

Hide thinks of the possibility of Kaneki rejecting him.

In the end, no matter how much he wants to do this, he'll never be ready.

As he exits the city and ventures into the desolate outskirts, the silence becomes his friend. The only sounds that occupy his senses now are his own breathing, the spinning wheels of his bike, and his screaming thoughts.

He can feel his legs beginning to burn with how hard he pedals, trying to go faster. The flashlight he strapped to the front of his bike serves as his main source aside from the occasional street light. The white circle beams on the black road in front of him.

At this point of the journey, there is nobody around.

His goal keeps him going despite exhaustion catching up to him. Maybe he should have forced himself to sleep more.

Somewhere along the way, he wishes his father had done better for his mother. He thinks about it over and over. How could there have been a good enough excuse not to help someone you care for? He doesn't understand. He doesn't want to make the same mistake his dad did. _Never_.

He misses his mother. He would have forgotten what she looked like if it wasn't for the family photo dad gave to him before he left.

"I'm not giving up. I won't give up…"

He reminds himself in the dark.

…

He parks his bike in a secluded area in front of the ghoul prison. The sight of the large facility intimidates him.

"Fuck…" Hide mutters.

He feels himself shaking with his nerves and he clenches onto his good arm, digging his fingernails into his skin.

His mind goes blank and now he knows. He's going to wing it.

He stays hidden while he scopes the area. In the corner of his eye, he sees a couple of guards wandering behind a gated area in the far left of the building. At the same time, he sees a pickup truck coming in, stopping at the locked gate.

The driver exits the truck, speaking to someone at the gate and Hide makes his move. He dashes forward quietly, keeping high alert on his surroundings. With the hood of his jacket over his head, he hides behind the back of the truck once he makes it there and peers over the car. The men are too engrossed in their conversation to notice.

It's almost midnight. The guards are starting to slack off.

"Is the night over yet?"

" _Is the night over_? You're about to come on shift and you're already complaining? Sheesh…"

Hide carefully climbs into the back of the open trunk of the car. Grabbing the cloth covering the crates inside, he crawls under to conceal himself.

He hears the gate opening once he settles himself. His heart hammers in his chest and when he inhales, he smells the scent of blood. He can hardly read the letters on the crate, but he's guessing there must be some kind of meat in the boxes.

The truck moves along, and he calms himself down by taking slow, deep breaths. After what feels like ten minutes, the truck stops, and he can tell by the lack of lighting that they must have stopped near another building. He hears the driver exiting the car and walking over to speak to someone else. He swiftly takes the chance to climb out the trunk. Once he manages to get to the ground, he peeks behind the car to see the driver talking again. He looks around and catches two other guards walking into a different building.

"Help me unpack, will you?"

When Hide senses the driver and another guard coming around the other side, Hide proceeds on the opposite side, keeping himself hunched down. Once he makes it to the front of the truck, still hidden in the shadows, he looks back to where the other two guards were and advances over there.

He finds himself in one of the staff locker rooms as soon as he enters.

The two men from earlier speak behind a row of lockers down to his left. Hide scans the room and looks for something that can help him disguise himself. There is a closet on the far right and he looks behind him before venturing over. He opens the closet and inside, he finds a few spare uniforms and guard equipment.

"Shit, I forgot my helmet at home. Hang on a minute…"

Hide's heart jumps in his chest and he quickly looks around for a hiding spot. He settles for a giant crate and climbs in, barely fitting in the small space. He hears the footsteps of one of the guards entering the closet. Hide holds his breath. After a few rustles here and there, the man exclaims a "yes!" to himself when he finds what he's looking for and then leaves the room as fast as he entered.

Once the closet is completely quiet and there are no more footsteps, Hide exits the crate. With haste, he finds himself a uniform he can change into temporarily. Stripping himself of his normal clothes and donning the guard attire in record time, he grabs a helmet as the last piece to hide his hair. He pulls down the eye shield to cover the upper part of his face. He looks down at himself and is satisfied that he'll blend in for the most part. He places his clothes behind the large crate.

Exiting the closet, he keeps himself out of people's sights, wanting to avoid a confrontation. He walks over to where the two guards were and sees one of their lockers is open. Peeking over to where they are, he finds them sitting opposite each other on the benches.

"How was your shift?"

"Meh, it was okay. You know that new ghoul that's always crying like a fucking baby?"

"Oh yeah, which floor is he on?"

"Third floor…I think."

"You think?"

"What! I don't work on that floor! But it doesn't even matter because you could literally hear him anywhere you go. Seriously, I don't understand why they haven't killed him. He's making all the other ghouls more aggressive than usual."

"Ughh…well I work on the second floor. Am I really going to have to hear that all night? It's going to drive me insane."

"Heh, good luck."

Hide stays behind the other row of lockers while the men split up. As the guard coming on shift exits through the door on the other side, the guard coming off shift makes his way towards the staff restroom. Hide notices his locker is still open and inside, the man left his identification card.

In a split second, Hide comes out into the open. He snatches the card out of the man's locker while walking past and then he moves faster through the door where the other guard had exited.

 _The third floor…_

Hide keeps his posture straight and he calmly makes his way through the expansive prison site. He avoids asking for directions and tries to find the elevators to get to the third floor. Studying the maps provided at various points, he finally manages to find the lifts. Another guard happens to be standing in there once it opens and Hide lowers his head slightly.

"What floor?" the guard asks.

"Third, please," Hide replies.

The guard steps aside to make room and Hide notices the man is going to the third floor as well. Instead of moving upwards like he thought, the elevators takes the two downwards.

 _There's four floors total. I wonder if this means they keep more dangerous ghouls in the higher levels, aka, further down…_ Hide taps his mouth in thought.

"Ready for another long night?" the guard asks him suddenly.

Hide turns to the man and puts on a fake smile. "I hope so…"

The guard chuckles. "Oh boy, just be grateful you're not the one guarding number 240. That bastard's a menace."

"Think they're going to kill him anytime soon?" Hide asks nonchalantly.

"Oh, I hope so! They've had to sedate and suppress him a million times! If the higher ups don't decide to kill him, he's going to kill himself. I'm surprised he's still breathing with how many injections he's gotten."

The man shudders at what he's thinking of in his head and Hide decides to stay quiet. He bites his lip and clenches his hand over his right wrist.

 _Ken…_

They arrive at the third floor and the guard splits off to the left without saying another word. Hide feels his nerves picking up again now that he made it to where his lover is without complications. He's surprised it wasn't so bad for him. He is lucky. The bike ride was the hardest part of his journey so far.

"Good thing I chose to come here in the late hours…they're much less alert…" Hide mutters to himself.

The hallways are eerily quiet. There are minimal prisoners on this floor, so finding where Kaneki is shouldn't be much of a challenge, especially if he's the "craziest" one of the bunch as dubbed by the guards.

Hide walks down the hallways, finding the first two are empty until he comes upon the third. In front of one of the cells, a guard sits on a chair and looks visibly exhausted as he leans against the wall behind him.

Hide approaches the man and notices the guard has his eyes closed. Hide's heart beats so loudly in his ears. He walks closer to the prison door and peers through the vision panel. He holds back a gasp when he spots the familiar body of Kaneki curled up on the mattress in the corner of the cell.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

Hide flinches and he turns to the guard on the chair. His words are slurred from fatigue and he yawns. The man rubs his eyes and then he freezes and looks up at Hide with wide eyes.

"Shit, are you the one taking over for me?"

Hide nods his head. "Yes, I am."

The man nearly cries as his eyes well up and he gets down to his knees. "Oh, thank god, you're here! I thought no one was going to come since every guard that had to cover this shift kept calling off! Do you know how long I've been guarding this motherfucker?"

Hide chews his bottom lip and says nothing while the man rants.

The man stands up after a moment of catharsis and takes a deep breath. He wipes a hand over his face and Hide can see the wrinkles crinkling on the man's features.

"So, what are the updates on number 240?" Hide asks.

The man narrows his eyes and he bends over to look at Hide's stolen nametag. "Fujio? I didn't know you work nights. Also, don't you usually work on the second floor?"

"Well, I need the extra money and decided to pick up a shift. Also, I've been bored out of my mind. Heard this guy's entertaining," Hide says with a smirk.

The man scoffs and peeks through the vision panel. "Tch, well you picked a good night because he'll keep you busy. Night time is the worst for him."

The man sighs and cracks his neck from side to side. "Anyway. Number 240. Ken Kaneki. A half-ghoul who was captured and tortured for several days under the hands of a ghoul named Yamori. Said ghoul was exterminated by number 240 and therefore, the half-ghoul is being kept here for a month until we know for sure he is safe to release."

The man laughs bitterly. "Then again, he won't last. We've had to inject this boy with so many sedatives. He could die anytime soon now. Lucky if he dies on your shift, right?"

Hide nods and the man continues. "Anyway, the boy gauged his eyeballs out again so don't be surprised to see him wearing a bandage over his eyes. It was fucking bloody in there too. We've cleaned it up the best we could. I'm so done with this guy."

Hide steps forward. "I got it from here. No need to say anything else."

The man raises an eyebrow at him. "Are you sure? You're gonna be okay?"

"I can handle it. Go home and rest. You deserve it," Hide replies in a flat tone.

The man almost bursts into tears again and he takes Hide's hand, shaking it vigorously. "Thank you, thank you so much! I owe you, Fujio."

Hide holds up his other hand to tell him it's okay and the man nods in understanding. He hands over the key to Kaneki's cell and once he gathers his belongings, he practically sprints out of sight without looking back once.

With no one else around and the entire floor completely silent, Hide finds himself shaking again.

He scans his surroundings, making sure he truly is alone before he uses the key to unlock Kaneki's cell.

He opens the sliding door and enters.

…

Hide thinks he's dreaming. He sees Kaneki still curled up on the grimy mattress in the left corner of the room. The half-ghoul is wearing all white, but it's stained with his own blood. The floor and walls are also tainted with red and Hide's eyes widen when he sees his own name written on the wall. It's faded now, but he can still make it out.

Hide takes off his helmet and sets it quietly to the floor. Even then, Kaneki senses him and he immediately sits up from his fetal position.

Kaneki's chest rises and falls with his fast breathing and Hide takes in his lover's appearance. True to the guard's report, Hide can't see Kaneki's eyes. Instead, a bandage is wrapped around his head and there are two large blotches of blood where his eyes are. It's hard to see in the cell with only a flickering dim ceiling light but Hide notices the large gashes on Kaneki's arms, which are bleeding and seeping into the mattress. Kaneki's hair is completely white, his skin is paler than ever before, and his fingernails and toe nails are a dull black color.

Hide feels his heart begin to come alive just seeing him.

When he takes a step forward, Kaneki shuffles backwards, pressing against the wall behind him.

"Get away from me! Get away!" Kaneki shouts. His voice is hoarse, and it cracks near the end.

Hide continues to move closer and then he sits on the mattress beside Kaneki. He takes a deep breath.

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you," Hide says.

Kaneki's breathing stops when he hears Hide's voice and then he shakes his head. "No, no…"

"Ken…"

Kaneki gasps at hearing his first name but he still tries to back away. "Stop it! Get away!"

Hide reaches out, placing his hand over Kaneki's bloody wrist. The red fluid coats his fingers as he does so.

Kaneki's mouth turns into a deep frown as he begins to cry. "Please…just kill me. Kill me!"

Hide feels his chest hurt hearing him say that and he moves even closer until his face is near Kaneki's. He releases Kaneki's wrist and raises his hand to brush the white bangs framing the right side of his head.

His bloody thumb brushes over Kaneki's lips, which are chapped and raw.

Tears crawl down Kaneki's cheeks but his breathing calms down under Hide's touches. Hide smiles warmly.

"It's me, Ken. I'm right here."

Kaneki gasps again when he continues to hear Hide's voice and he moves away from the wall.

Kaneki raises his hands and he moves them in the air until he touches Hide's stomach. Hide watches as Kaneki's fingers slowly move upwards and when his left hand reaches his chest, Hide stops him. He places Kaneki's hand firmly over where his heart is, allowing Kaneki to feel his fast pulse.

Kaneki takes in a sharp breath and he stays focused on the heartbeat he feels under his fingertips.

"H-Hide…?"

Hide feels his eyes sting when he hears Kaneki say his name after so long and he nods. "Yes, it's me. I finally found you."

Kaneki shakes his head. "No…it can't be. This isn't real! You're dead! Yamori killed you!" His voice shakes when more tears spring from underneath the bloody bandages over his eyes.

Hide's brows furrow in confusion. "I'm not dead, Ken. Don't believe those lies. I'm right here. I'm alive. Here…"

Hide gently takes both of Kaneki's wrists and places his hands on his cheeks. "You feel me, don't you?"

Kaneki moves even closer now and so does Hide. Kaneki's bruised knees touch Hide's thigh and his hands move to touch Hide's face.

"Hide? You…you're alive?" Kaneki whispers in disbelief.

"Yes, I'm alive. I'm here," Hide answers. He leans his forehead against his lover.

"Hide…Hide!" Kaneki throws his body into Hide's chest. Hide wraps his arms around Kaneki's form, noticing immediately how much thinner Kaneki became since he last held him. Hide holds him tightly, so tightly. Hide feels his eyes burning hotter and he swallows a large lump in his throat.

"Oh god…Ken…" Hide whispers. He rubs his right hand up and down Kaneki's back in a way that makes the half-ghoul cry harder.

Kaneki sobs his heart out, his hands clenching onto the cloth over Hide's chest, his iron grip nearly ripping through the fabric. His tears soak through and Hide feels his bare skin underneath the clothes getting wet as well. Hide's cheek rubs against Kaneki's soft hair and his right hand moves up to grasp his lover's head, holding him as close as possible against his body. His fingers tangle through his white hair and scratch lightly against his scalp

Kaneki knows for sure this is not a mistake or his imagination. Hide's body warmth awakens every part of him as it seeps into his skin and he feels his frozen heart beginning to break free from its icy prison. He doesn't want to let go of him. He can't believe Hide is here. Hide's strong arms refuses to let him go and he indulges in how tightly his lover embraces him.

"Hide! I missed you so much! Please don't leave me! Don't leave me!" Kaneki begs him. He lifts his head up, wishing that he could see. For once, he wishes that his healing abilities would give him his sight back faster.

Kaneki feels Hide's breath on his face and his mouth parts. His fingers claw on his lover's chest as his neck bends back.

"I want to see you…Hide…don't leave me…" Kaneki repeats.

Hide can't stop staring at Kaneki's lips. He rubs his thumb over the chapped flesh again.

"Can I…can I kiss you?" Hide whispers.

Kaneki shifts his body so that he's sitting up straighter. He moves his hands, feeling his way to Hide's shoulders. All the while, he nods and waits for him.

Hide holds the side of Kaneki's face, his thumb caressing his lover's cheek. Staring at the bloody bandage over Kaneki's eyes, he glances down, pausing for a second before softly pressing his mouth onto Kaneki's parted lips.

Immediately, Hide is overtaken by Kaneki's aggressive action as the half-ghoul pulls him even closer, pressing his mouth harder on the human. Kaneki's breathing is desperate and when Hide parts for air midway, Kaneki goes in for more, their lips bruising each other. Kaneki tastes Hide against his tongue and his heart is liberated, beating so hard and flushing his pale skin. He feels warm. Safe.

 _I love him. I love him._

Kaneki can't stop repeating those three words in his head as Hide continues kissing him for as long as possible.

"Ken, I-"

Hide tries to speak but Kaneki keeps cutting him off, capturing his lips again and again.

"I don't have much time," Hide manages to say when he breaks away from Kaneki, a wet smack emitting from their mouths when they separate.

Kaneki breathes heavily and Hide feels pride at seeing Kaneki's lips are now red and moist from his kisses.

"What do you mean? Are you leaving me? Oh god, no!" Kaneki cries. He clenches onto Hide's shirt and shakes his head desperately.

"I wish I could take you with me, baby. Believe me, I would. But I can't," Hide tells him. He bends down, feeling Kaneki's lips on his once more.

Kaneki keeps shaking his head and tears wet his cheeks again. "Hide, don't go. Please! I need you!"

"I came here by myself. Someone's going to catch me any second now. I came here because I just had to see you."

Hide rubs his forehead against his boyfriend.

"I love you, Ken."

Hide smiles when he sees Kaneki blushing deeply. The half-ghoul is lost for words. He can't stop crying. His heart begins to break just as it was coming alive.

"Hide, please. Don't go." Kaneki hugs him again, wrapping his arms securely around Hide's waist.

Hide can feel his heart bleeding.

The door to Kaneki's cell opens and Hide quickly turns his head, Kaneki still in his arms. At the door, the blinding light from the hallway shines through and a tall man stands in the way.

"Step away from number 240 immediately," Arima demands. He strides into the cell and grabs onto Hide's shoulder.

When Kaneki feels Hide loosening his grip on his body, he screams. He tightens his hold on Hide, to the point of bruising his lover. Arima says nothing, for a group of guards come rushing in. With the strength of four men, the guards pull Kaneki away from Hide and the half-ghoul violently fights against them. Kaneki bites into their arms, ripping off cloth and sinking into flesh.

Hide tries to get to Kaneki when he sees the men pinning him down, but Arima yanks him back, securing Hide's wounded arm behind his back. Hide winces and clenches his teeth.

"Hide! _Hide!_ "

Kaneki's screams are soon muffled when one of the guards gags him. Hide sees Kaneki's arms, when the guards pull up his sleeves, which bear several injection holes. Arima continues dragging Hide out of the cell and he sees one of the guards shoving a large needle into Kaneki's arm before the cell door closes on him.

Hide can still hear Kaneki's painful screams and his heart continues to bleed and bleed. Arima doesn't make eye contact with him whatsoever, keeping his focus on wherever he's taking him. Hide is forced to walk quickly as Arima pulls him along. Hide covers his mouth with his right hand. The bite wound in his left arm that Arima grips onto throbs and Hide tries so hard not to break.

…

"Amon will certainly be pleased to hear about your unexpected rendezvous. Did you honestly think you could take Ken Kaneki out of here without getting caught?" Arima says to him.

Hide is seated in a secluded office on the first floor. Still dressed in the guard clothes he stole, he's doing well in keeping his emotions intact. Barely.

"That was not my intention at all. I wanted to see him. Just once. That's all," Hide states. He can't get the images of Kaneki pinned and screaming out of his head. He stares at the ground.

"He's proving to be rather troublesome. He may stay here longer than a month if he continues with his violent behavior," Arima states.

"You lied to him. You told him I was dead, didn't you," Hide says. His hard glare is now fixed on the man towering above him.

Arima's glasses shine in the harsh light. "I didn't realize someone like you would come here to see a deranged man."

"He means the world to me. No matter if he loses his mind, or if he doesn't remember me anymore, I'll always care for him. I'll never abandon him," Hide says. His eyes soften and Arima knows for sure every word is honest.

They are silent for a moment.

"You better leave this place. I'll arrange for someone to take you home at once."

"No, I can do it myself. Don't waste your time," Hide insists as he stands.

Arima narrows his eyes. "If I catch you coming back here during his confinement a second time, we will execute him instead. Do you understand?"

Hide nods without meeting his gaze.

"Now, before you leave, hand over that badge."

Hide removes the nametag from his shirt and places it in Arima's outstretched hand. Hide turns away, but then looks back one last time.

"Please, be careful with him."

He leaves.

…

Back in his normal clothes, Hide retrieves his bike, his head lowered the entire time on his way out. Once his hand grasps the handlebars, he can't hold it in anymore. He grits his teeth as hot tears flow down his cheeks. He slaps a hand over his eyes.

All he can see is Kaneki. His lover in pain.

To be unable to see or touch him again, it hurts him so much.

Despite everything he went through, Kaneki is the same.

Hide inhales deeply and lifts his head, turning to gaze up at the vast building. His eyes are bloodshot, and he wipes the tears from his face with the back of his hand.

"Goodbye, my love," Hide whispers.

Hide forces himself to move. He takes his bike out into the road and mounts the seat. He has the urge to look back again, but he doesn't. He readies himself and pedals forward, the icy air cutting through his chest.

His mind is blank. It's almost as if someone else controls his body.

Into the empty night, he returns home without him.


	20. Clouds

He can't see anything except the bandages wrapped around his head. Before, he could only see pitch black. His fingers twitch and he already knows his entire body is sore before he even tries to move a muscle.

He doesn't know how long he's been unconscious, but judging by how stiff his limbs are, it's been a while. Maybe one or two days at the most.

They must have injected him with way more than the regular dose of sedatives. His throat is dry, and he coughs, his chest aching with the simple action.

He pulls himself up to a sitting position slowly, his arms buckling slightly under his weight. The area in his arm where the guards punctured him many times shoots sharp pains throughout his upper limbs. Once he's sitting upright, his head spins and throbs. A terrible ache pounds and it hurts much more than anything else. He grasps his forehead, his fingers digging into his hair.

Once his headache settles to a tolerable level of pain, his fingers clutch the bandages covering his eyes and he carefully tugs the front of it down his face. The dim light in his cell is harsh on his sensitive eyes and he doesn't open them right away until a few minutes later. Once he does, he realizes his vision is still quite blurry, but thankfully, he isn't blind. His healing abilities are still working, albeit slower so long as he's trapped here.

He pulls the rest of the bandages off, setting them to the side on his mattress. He stares down at his hands, flexing his fingers as his vision experiences varying degrees of astigmatism.

Then, it dawns on him.

His breathing quickens and his heartbeat races. He lifts his head, looking around and noticing that he is alone again. It's too quiet. He can't sense anyone outside.

 _H-Hide…Hide…_

It can't have been his imagination. He knows Hide was here with him. His lover is alive.

 _He's not dead!_

Everything comes back to him in pieces. The words Hide said to him. The way Hide held him in his strong arms.

Kaneki touches his lips gently. He could almost feel the sting of Hide's warm mouth on his.

He has to get out of here.

Despite his blurred vision, he crawls towards the metal door of his cell. His breathing is heavy and his fingers scratch against the door. He can feel the claw marks where he had done this many times before.

His headache comes back in full force suddenly and he gasps in pain. He leans his forehead against the cold metal, calming his breathing as he does.

The door opens, causing him to fall forward. His palms catch him in time before he lands on his face and he blinks a few times in an attempt to clear the blurring. His weak eyes spot a pair of familiar black shoes.

"Get up, number 240."

Arima's cold voice echoes in the silence. The door shuts loudly, and the man steps into the room. Kaneki doesn't meet his gaze at first, keeping his eyes on the ground. He can sense Arima standing to the left side of him.

Surprisingly, Arima doesn't force him up as the other guards usually would. Hesitating, Kaneki lifts his head, turning to look up at the man keeping him here. He narrows his eyes, the blurriness making him dizzy the more he tries to focus.

Arima notices the dark shadows under Kaneki's bloodshot eyes. He can tell the half-ghoul can't see well just yet. The boy is too thin, too pale. He needs to do something different.

Arima steps forward, causing Kaneki to flinch on instinct. Kaneki's fingers curl on the ground in defense but Arima simply reaches his hand out, palm facing up.

"Let me help you."

Kaneki breathes in deeply. He squints his eyes at his hand, and then looks up at Arima's face. He can't make out his expression too well, but based on his voice, the man doesn't seem to have any malicious intent for now.

Kaneki reaches his hand out and places it onto the man's, who immediately aids him to stand up. Arima takes hold of Kaneki's other arm, guiding the half-ghoul to his feet. Kaneki winces at how unbelievably stiff he is, but he manages to follow Arima's direction.

Without a word, Arima takes him back to his bed, setting him down on the edge of the mattress.

"You've been unconscious for two days straight. Ever since you've had that unexpected visitor. The young man, Hideyoshi Nagachika."

Kaneki's eyes widen and his heart hammers hearing his lover's name. "Wh-where…"

Kaneki grasps his sore throat and he swallows. He attempts to speak again, his voice rough. "Where is he?"

Arima clasps his hands behind his back. "He made quite the risk coming here. He ought to be punished. No one from the outside is allowed here at all costs."

Kaneki's breathing speeds up and before he can say anything, Arima continues. "But your friend is back home. He's safe."

"He's alive," Kaneki states, his voice stronger on those words.

Arima looks to him and Kaneki glares. The investigator breaks eye contact and keeps his gaze focused on the name written on the wall. Hide's name in blood.

" _Let me go_ ," Kaneki says. His hands clench onto the mattress.

"You will in time. As long as you behave, you'll be released in a timely manner. So far, you've been rather ruthless."

Kaneki lowers his head. When he thinks about Hide, he feels his face getting hot and he can barely contain himself. His chest is empty. His eyes sting and burn with every blink.

They stay quiet for a while and Arima hears Kaneki's breathing become ragged as the boy silently weeps. He looks up, recalling Hide's words about the half-ghoul. The expression on the human's face as he spoke of him.

"That boy would give up his life for you…"

Arima walks towards the door of the cell, leaving Kaneki alone once more. Kaneki had heard what the investigator said, and he wipes the tears off his cheeks. He pulls his legs up on the bed and lies sideways. He tries to keep his mind blank, but he can't get Hide out of his head. He turns, rubbing his forehead on the mattress and imagining Hide sleeping next to him.

 _It hurts…_

The cell door opens, but Kaneki doesn't budge, keeping his memories of Hide playing while the man enters the room. By scent alone, he can tell it's Arima again.

"Here, take this."

When he speaks, Kaneki is forced to exit his daze and he pushes himself up to a sitting position. Arima holds out something in front of him and Kaneki looks down to see a book.

"Perhaps this will help you take your mind off whatever's terrorizing you. I can't do much. But as long as you don't cause any trouble, you'll see your friend soon enough."

Kaneki gasps when his hands meet the book and his thumbs rub over the cover. He opens it, turning the pages and Arima leaves the cell just as quickly. The half-ghoul finds himself sucked into a different world within minutes.

The guards outside in the halls no longer hear a sound.

* * *

During the rest of his confinement, Arima's subordinates bring Kaneki a few more books at least twice a week, finding that the half-ghoul goes through them faster than he eats. Soon his cell has a miniature library in the corner near his bed while Kaneki keeps himself company within the literature world. Despite isolating himself from everything else, Hide still enters Kaneki's mind. Whenever he's not reading, he thinks about when Hide came to see him, even when he was practically blind. He doesn't scream anymore, but he still cries. No matter how many books he reads, he's hollow.

Kaneki doesn't bother keeping track of the days anymore.

Meanwhile, whenever he's not undergoing other cases, Arima does his own minor investigation, finding Kaneki's name familiar, belonging to another ghoul a long time ago.

In the last week of Kaneki's detention, Arima finally comes across what he's looking for. Once he obtains it, he decides to pay the half-ghoul one more visit.

When he enters Kaneki's cell, the half-ghoul is engulfed in another novel, the other books scattered on the floor and presumably already finished. The boy doesn't budge until the man is within a few feet in front of him.

Kaneki looks up when Arima's tall form blocks the dim light and the investigator notices the boy looks a little better than before, though his eyes are still tired and raw around the edges. He knows the boy is still shedding tears.

"I was wondering about how your name reminded me of a ghoul that was exterminated a long time ago. A ghoul that shared your name and a striking resemblance to you."

Kaneki sets his book down on the bed, narrowing his eyes. "Shared my name?" He gazes down for a minute, replaying what Arima just said before it strikes him. He lifts his head with wide eyes.

"Are you talking about…"

Arima reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a small photograph. Kaneki carefully takes it in his hand and right away, his breath escapes when he finds himself staring at the face of his father.

"Wh-where did you-" Kaneki can barely speak.

"We hardly ever throw any records out. I don't know all the details and don't have the time to do any further digging myself, but I was able to find this photo of your father. It's only a copy, as I can't give you the original."

Kaneki gazes at the photo in awe, finally able to imagine his father properly now.

"It would seem he lost control and the investigators on his case had to eliminate him. How old were you when it happened?" Arima asks.

"I…was only four years old," Kaneki replies softly. He can't keep his eyes off his father, afraid he'll vanish from his sights.

Arima says nothing and when Kaneki forces himself to look up, he finds the investigator making his leave.

"Thank you," Kaneki says, his voice weak but Arima catches it.

The investigator opens the cell door and he looks over his shoulder. "No need for that. You'll be leaving this place soon."

The door shuts and Kaneki watches Arima's shadow disappear outside. He doesn't see the investigator anymore.

* * *

Amon sips his cup of coffee in the early morning at Anteiku. Seated in a quiet corner away from the other civilians, he thinks back on the day when he found out Hide had gone off to the ghoul prison on his own. Naturally, he had arrived to the boy's apartment faster than lightning, but once he saw the boy's face, he couldn't bring himself to shout at him in anger like he wanted.

It was dangerous and foolish as all hell, but the boy was in enough anguish.

Now, hopefully, it will end.

Amon finishes the rest of his coffee and then stands to his feet, ready to do his next task.

"Investigator Amon, wait a moment."

The man stops in his tracks and turns around to see Yoshimura approaching him with a bag. He hands it over to him.

"This is for Kaneki. I'm sure he'll be needing clothes to change into before he comes back."

Amon takes the bag, peeking inside it, and then he nods his head. "Thank you. I'll bring him here as soon as I can."

Yoshimura returns the gesture and watches the investigator leaving the shop. Once Amon is out of sight, he comes near the windows. The clouds in the sky are grey and gloomy.

…

Kaneki waits inside his cell. The guard tells him a different investigator will be taking him back to Anteiku. The anticipation of getting out of here makes him nervous so he closes his eyes, leaning against the wall.

A few hours later, he's lying sideways on his bed when he hears the guard speaking to someone outside. In the next minute, the door opens, and Kaneki immediately lifts his head.

He meets Amon, who bows his head at him with his swift introduction. Not wasting any time, Amon approaches the half-ghoul and hands him the bag Yoshimura prepared for him.

"The manager at Anteiku wanted me to give you this. Something for you to change into," Amon explains.

Kaneki nods and he opens the bag. Inside, he sees a pair of his black work shoes, a white dress shirt, and black pants. A small smile crosses his face at Yoshimura's thoughtfulness.

"I'll give you a moment," Amon says, and he exits the cell.

Kaneki takes off the white prison clothes and right away, he notices his scars, both from Yamori and from getting injected so many times. He stares at the gruesome scars in his arms for what seems like a long time.

 _I really am a monster._

He shuts his eyes away from his old wounds and dresses himself quickly. He then opens the last book he had been reading and takes out his father's photo he'd hidden within the pages. Staring at his dad, he inhales deeply and then places the photo into his pocket. He glances at the stacks of books left behind before opening the cell door and finally stepping outside.

He winces instantly once he's free from his cell and it takes a minute for him to adjust to the brighter lighting. When he opens his eyes again, he looks up to see Amon waiting for him. No one else is around.

"Let's go," he says. He begins to lead the way.

For as long as he's been here, Kaneki has never seen the ghoul prison apart from his cell, not that he wants to remember it anyway. The two men are quiet the whole way. Kaneki glances around himself at times but mostly keeps his sights on the ground.

Once they are truly outside, Kaneki shivers when he feels the cool air against his body. He wraps his arms around himself in an attempt to warm up while Amon guides him to his car parked in front of the facility.

Amon goes towards the driver seat and Kaneki opts to sit in the backseat. The half-ghoul lets out an exhale once he's in the car and Amon is already starting up the engine.

"Ready to go?" Amon asks him without looking back.

"Yes, sir," Kaneki replies. He had just buckled his seatbelt.

Soon enough, the car departs from the prison and they're on the road. The radio station is airing a newscast that serves as the only background noise aside from the minimal traffic. The two are silent again, but it's not entirely uncomfortable. Kaneki stares at the heavy clouds in the sky, covering the sun from view.

"Your friend is safe, if you were wondering. He's a troublemaker, but he's safe. I've been watching over him from time to time while you were stuck in there," Amon speaks up.

Kaneki's gaze shifts to the front, to where Amon is sitting.

"I'm sure he can tell you the rest better than I can," Amon says. He shakes his head, thinking about Hide's stubborn ways.

Kaneki's throat catches, and he stares down at his hands. His ugly, scarred hands.

 _Oh god…he's going to see me like this…_

…

Hide enters the café, finding that Anteiku is closed earlier than usual. Right away, Yoshimura comes out to greet him once the ghoul had heard the doorbells ringing.

"Hello Yoshimura. You wanted to see me?" Hide asks him with a small smile.

The manager smiles back. "Please follow me upstairs."

Hide has never been in the upper floors of Anteiku before, so he is caught off guard when Yoshimura leads him up there. There are residential rooms on the second floor, some of them occupied by what he assumes to be staff. They stop in front of a room at the end of the hallway, far away from the inhabited rooms. Yoshimura opens it, allowing Hide to step inside first. The room has couches and a small coffee table in the middle of the comfy space.

"Please, have a seat," Yoshimura coaxes him.

Hide chooses to plop down on one of the arm chairs at the foot of the table. Yoshimura remains standing next to him.

"How have you been holding up, Hide?" Yoshimura inquires.

Hide sighs heavily and he gives a forced smile. "Not so great…"

Yoshimura nods in understanding and Hide lowers his head. His blond hair tickles the side of his face, brushing against his neck.

"I don't trust those doves. Sometimes, I feel like I won't be able to see him again. That I'll have to move on without him."

Hide looks up, staring blankly at the wall. "How do I do that? It's like I'm breaking up with him."

"How was Kaneki when you saw him?" Yoshimura asks.

Hide bites his lip and shakes his head. He doesn't answer.

"I assure you, Hide. Everything's going to turn out better than you think."

Hide grasps his forehead. "How do you know that?"

"I wouldn't lie to you or Kaneki. Not before and not ever," the old ghoul replies.

…

Amon doesn't leave the car like Kaneki thinks he would when they arrive in front of Anteiku. The half-ghoul steps out onto the sidewalk, but he looks back at the investigator, unsure if he should keep going.

Amon rolls down his window and he nods for him to go on. "I'm afraid my journey stops here. Yoshimura is in there waiting for you. Take care."

With another encouraging nod, the investigator rolls up the window and then speeds off into the busy streets again.

Kaneki turns his attention to the café, finding it hard to believe he's here. He notices the closed sign at the door but when he goes to turn the knob, the door is unlocked. As Kaneki steps inside, a wave of comfort flows over him, and the scent of coffee fills his senses. The shop is vacant with only the noises from the city resonating in the atmosphere.

Kaneki hears footsteps and his heart pounds, his attention directed to the staircase next to the bar station. But once he catches a glimpse of Yoshimura's uniform, his anxiety lowers.

"Kaneki, I'm so glad you made it. I'm glad you're safe," Yoshimura says. He walks over to the boy with a welcoming smile.

Kaneki is relieved to see a familiar face. "It's good to see you, Yoshimura. Are you all right?"

Yoshimura chuckles. "I'm fine. Come with me."

Kaneki is led to the room at the end of the hallway on the second floor and he gives Yoshimura a curious gaze when the older man turns around. "Why-"

"Hide is in this room," Yoshimura states.

Kaneki gasps and he covers his mouth. His eyes are wide, and his heart nearly jumps out of his chest. He can't say anything.

"He doesn't know you're here," Yoshimura says with a smile.

Kaneki's hand slips down, and he takes a step back. He stares at the ground, frozen in place.

"It'll be all right. I'll leave you two alone," the manager says calmly before he heads back to the café.

He can barely breathe.

He feels like he's going to pass out because of how insanely fast his heart beats. He's scared. What will he think?

But his desire to see him overpowers that fear.

His hand trembles as he reaches for the door knob. For some reason, time slows down, and it seems like it took twenty minutes for his fingers to touch the brass handle.

He pushes all his cowardly thoughts out of his head and dives in.

The door moves.

…

Hide is staring up at the ceiling, his hands clasped between his legs as he sits on the chair. He suddenly hears someone coming in.

Kaneki's eyes find him immediately and, in that moment, neither of them are breathing.

His vision is clear, and he can finally see him. Kaneki can see Hide completely and he can't move. His blond hair. His brown eyes. His scent that reminds him of home. Just as he sees him after so long, his eyes sting and drown. His heart slows down, forming the water that begs to release.

Standing to his feet, Hide is shocked to the core. No one told him.

Is he dreaming? Has he finally lost his mind?

But when he takes in Kaneki's white hair and the round, grey eyes that he adores, he knows this can't be fake. His entire body is numb, and he takes in a breath that stabs his lungs after unintentionally keeping oxygen away.

He is the first to close the gap.

"Ken, you…you're here…" Hide whispers.

When he hears him, Kaneki awakens from his stupor and the tears fall without his permission. He inhales and without thinking, he stumbles forward, his hands reaching for him.

"Hide!"

He crashes into his lover's arms. Hide lets out a shaky exhale when he feels Kaneki against his body and he tightens his grip around him. His left arm wraps around his waist, his fingers clasping his ribs while his right arm secures his upper body, his hand resting behind Kaneki's neck. His nose is smothered in Kaneki's right shoulder and when he takes in his lover's scent, he feels his eyes welling up. His fingers dig deeper into him. He can't breathe. He doesn't care.

Kaneki chokes on his own tears and his breaths are ragged and uneven. His chin rests on Hide's shoulder. He closes his eyes, feeling Hide's body on his. Hide embraces him stronger than when he came to see him. All he can feel is Hide as his lover envelops him as tight as possible. His arms rest around Hide's shoulders, his fingers grasping onto the back of his jacket. His heart swells and collects itself, gradually finding the pieces that were lost to oblivion.

They stay bound together for as long as they can until they both need to breathe. Hide pulls away just enough; their bodies touch and they are both warm. Kaneki's hands move to rest on Hide's chest and he looks into the gentle brown eyes he missed terribly. Hide doesn't dare look away from him.

"Hide…" Kaneki blinks so the tears can escape down his face and he can see him. "I love you so much. I miss you."

Hide's eyes water and he gives a sad smile, one that squeezes Kaneki's healing heart. "I'm sorry…I couldn't protect you. I couldn't save you."

Kaneki shakes his head with every word that Hide says. His hands reach up to grab hold of Hide's face. He sees the guilt written all over him and it hurts his chest. "No, don't say such things. I love you. You did save me. When you risked everything to come and see me, you saved me."

Hide's brown eyes tremble and he listens patiently.

Kaneki admires Hide's soft lips. "I wanted to die, because I thought you were dead. I was close…"

Hide takes Kaneki's wrist, pulling him in. His eyes hold a fire in them now. "Don't you dare. Don't leave me."

Hide takes Kaneki's tear-soaked lips, tasting the salt and his lover's mouth on his. His tongue thrusts its way through Kaneki's tempting lips and he hears Kaneki moan as soon as their tongues collide. Kaneki's body feels frail under his arms, but he only holds him harder like he could break him. Kaneki's fingernails dig into his exposed collarbone and he wants more.

He cuts off their heated kiss, leaving Kaneki watery-eyed and filled with desire. He admires Kaneki's reddened cheeks and moist lips. He breathes heavily.

"Hurt me, Ken. Do it. Hurt me," he demands in a hoarse tone.

Kaneki shakes his head, his pupils dilated. "No."

"I deserve it," Hide tells him, his eyes dark.

"I love you," Kaneki repeats.

Kaneki moves closer, his tongue lapping at Hide's hot lips. He wants him so much. He bites onto Hide's lower lip, eliciting a groan from his lover. He presses his mouth on his, roughly. Their tongues touch and feed the fires boiling in their loins.

Hide grasps the back of Kaneki's head, keeping him like he owns him. Kaneki's mind screams "yes!" with the way Hide holds him so possessively. Hide continues kissing Kaneki until he knows for sure Kaneki's lips are bruised. When he parts from him, a lewd smack follows, and he smirks when he gets results. Kaneki's lips are red and fucked up like they just had sex, and he knows his are too. He dips lower so that their tingling lips touch one more time.

"I can't live without you. I fucking can't," Hide confesses. His voice is hard, but gentle at the same time. It excites Kaneki to no end.

"Don't ever do that. Wherever you go, I go," Kaneki replies. Their foreheads meet, and they breathe each other's air.

Nothing can separate them now.

 _Nothing_.

…

Kaneki is nestled in Hide's lap on the couch and he smiles when Hide wipes the snot from the half-ghoul's nose with the sleeve of his jacket. As long as he is happy, Kaneki is okay with making a mess of himself.

Hide steals another wet kiss from Kaneki when he's done wiping his nose and Kaneki leans in further, keeping their mouths together. Hide clutches his lover's side and his right hand searches for Kaneki's. Their fingers intertwine.

When they pull apart, Hide looks down, studying Kaneki's hands. He stares at the black fingernails and the jagged scars that encircle Kaneki's fingers. Imprinted in his skin like he wore rings that were too tight and left marks. But these marks remain.

Kaneki's hand trembles in fear of him thinking he's unsightly but Hide does the exact opposite. He presses his mouth firmly on each of his fingers, not letting a single one go untouched. Kaneki blushes and he tries to pull away in protest, but Hide's grip makes him weak.

"You're beautiful, my love. So beautiful," Hide tells him. His eyes stare deeply into the other.

"No, I'm not. You're just saying that," Kaneki says sadly.

Hide clenches his hand tighter. "I'm telling the truth. You're beautiful and you always will be."

Kaneki's heart melts and he admires Hide's face. With his other hand, he reaches up and runs his fingers through Hide's blond hair. "It's getting longer…"

Hide grins. "Yeah, I look like a slob, right?"

"No, I like it. You're a handsome slob," Kaneki says with a smile.

Hide laughs and he releases Kaneki's hand temporarily to slap his forehead. "Well, fuck…"

Kaneki grabs Hide's hand back to hold again and he nestles his head into Hide's neck. Hide's other hand reaches up to caress Kaneki's hair, scratching at his scalp lightly like he's a cat.

They are quiet for a long while. Listening to each other's calm breathing. Feeling each other's heartbeats. Not letting go.

"He touched you, didn't he?"

Kaneki's eyes open and he moves to look at his lover. Hide's gaze is melancholic.

"Another man, a monster touched you," Hide repeats with disdain.

Kaneki clasps his lover's cheek with his free hand. "He didn't do that, Hide."

Hide narrows his eyes and Kaneki doesn't waver. "He hurt me many times. He's seen my body. But he didn't touch me. You're the only man who has. No one else is allowed."

Hide stares at him for a while. "You're not lying…"

"Thank goodness I'm not," Kaneki agrees.

Hide sighs and he rubs his head against the other. "I want to know what happened to you. But I know you can't tell me right now. I won't rush you."

Kaneki returns to where he leans on his chest. "I will tell you, don't worry. There are no secrets between us."

With those words, Kaneki is reminded of something and he gasps. "Oh wait, speaking of…"

Hide releases Kaneki's hand as the half-ghoul reaches into one of his pockets. "Look, the man who took me under custody gave me this."

Kaneki shows Hide the photo of his father and Hide takes it, bringing it closer. "Whoa, is this…"

"My dad," Kaneki says, smiling wide.

"He looks like you so much. Wow. You found him," Hide replies. He turns his attention back to his lover. "You've got your mother's eyes, I think…"

"Yeah, I guess…" Kaneki says. Hide hands him the photo and Kaneki's hair tickles Hide's neck when he adjusts himself in his lap.

"Hide?"

"Hmm?"

"I thought about you every day when I was gone. How long has it been?"

Hide pauses.

"I think a month and a half. But it felt like forever."

Kaneki searches for both of Hide's hands, gripping them once he has them.

"I did things you'll probably hate me for, Ken. I had to, so I could find you…" Hide admits.

Kaneki's face grows worried. "What do you mean?"

"You'll find out later," Hide assures him. "Do you wanna go home?"

Troubled about what Hide just brushed aside, Kaneki decides not to dwell on it for now. He smiles.

"Let's go home."

…

The clouds seem to get darker and bigger, but the gloomy skies don't match how the boys feel as they walk holding hands together down the street.

At times, Kaneki's heart makes dramatic leaps as sudden shocks of panic rises inside him. He squeezes Hide's hand every few moments because he's scared that he'll disappear. Hide notices Kaneki staring at him and when he meets his gaze, he sees fright in those grey eyes.

"What's the matter, babe?" Hide stops them.

Kaneki breathes slowly, and he steps closer to him. "You're really here next to me. You're not going away…"

Hide notices Kaneki's anxious stare wandering from him so he takes his chin and redirects him. "This is real, Ken. You and I are together."

Kaneki nods and Hide clenches their hands to confirm his words. The rest of the walk to their apartment is silent. A comfortable silence.

Kaneki feels a few faint trickles of rain beginning to fall on his cheek. Hide looks up, smelling the air. Luckily, they are almost there.

When they reach the front door of their apartment, their hands still don't break apart.

Hide opens the door and then he turns to his lover. "Welcome back, Ken."

Kaneki steps forward, pressing his body on Hide and resting his head on his shoulder. "When I'm with you, I'm home."


	21. Paradise

It still seems too surreal. The fact that he's here standing in the apartment he shares with Hide. Once he steps inside and all the familiar details overwhelm him, he's afraid to move. He thinks he's dreaming.

But he can feel Hide's hand gripping his, see the blond hair he adores right next to him. He can hear his lover's voice.

"Sorry, it's not as clean as it was when you were here…" Hide says and his hand loosens on Kaneki's.

Kaneki feels Hide slip away as the two of them remove their shoes and then walk further into their home. The half-ghoul surveys the apartment and notices it's not as much of a mess as Hide implies. In fact, it almost looks like no one lives in here with how untouched the living room and kitchen seem to be.

"Have you…been taking care of yourself?" Kaneki asks quietly while Hide removes his jacket.

Hide drapes his jacket onto one of the chairs in the kitchen as Kaneki follows him and he scratches the back of his head.

"Well…"

Hide doesn't look at Kaneki at first. When he feels Kaneki's body pressing against his side, his eyes meet the large grey ones that show deep concern.

Hide sighs and his fingers grip the back of the chair. He feels Kaneki grabbing onto his arm and that's when he speaks up again.

"Are you hungry? I think I still have some meat stored in the freezer that I can defrost for you. Or I can whip something up real quick. I don't know if I have much right now though…shit…" Hide's voice sounds too cheerful until near the end when he begins to mutter to himself.

Kaneki leans against him, his forehead rubbing against his lover's arm. "No, I'm okay for now…"

Hide can tell Kaneki wants to say something else. They both want to say more but they don't know where to start.

Kaneki lingers near Hide's side a little longer as the blond stands there in deep thought. His brown eyes dig holes into the table.

The silence is heavy between them and Kaneki doesn't want to part from him for a second. It takes all his willpower to let go of him.

"I…think I'll go and wash up a bit. I'm sure I don't smell the best right now," Kaneki says with slight embarrassment.

"You don't smell bad at all, Ken," Hide replies with a smile.

Kaneki gives him a doubtful look with a smile of his own and Hide chuckles. "Yeah, I bet that would make you feel better after everything. I'll give you some space, but let me know if you get hungry later, okay?"

Hide starts to exit the kitchen but then he feels Kaneki gripping his arm again. Looking back, he sees fear returning in Kaneki's eyes.

"Y-You're not leaving, are you?" Kaneki says, his voice small.

Hide pauses and his expression is soft. He turns around and takes both of Kaneki's arms, pulling him in closer.

"I was going to get some supplies but…"

Kaneki's eyes shine, staring at him like he's the only person that matters in the entire universe. Hide's heart drums harder in his chest.

"Don't worry, baby. It's okay. I'll do that later. I'm just gonna go and rest on the couch while you freshen up."

Kaneki's breathing is shaky, and he blinks a few times before responding. "I-I'm sorry, I just…don't want to be alone…"

Hide's right hand releases one of his arms to grasp the back of Kaneki's head. He brings him in and his lips press hard onto Kaneki's forehead. He does it two more times, hearing Kaneki sigh in relief as he does.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be near," Hide reassures him. His fingers grip his lover's head as Kaneki melts into his touch.

Hide releases him and Kaneki hesitates on moving. He nods slowly in response to what Hide told him and then backs away, heading to the bathroom without another word. Hide exhales, watching his lover disappear before walking towards the window in the living room. He can hear rain pattering against the glass and when he opens the shades, he notices that the clouds from earlier are now releasing the storm.

"Well…good thing I didn't go..."

The rain grows stronger, dousing the city. Hide turns around, dropping his exhausted body on the couch. His eyes close.

…

Kaneki can't keep his nerves down at all. Even the simple darkness keeps him on edge when he enters the bathroom. He carefully finds the switch and refuses to look at himself in the mirror once the ceiling light flickers on.

His hands feel tingly and he stares down at them. His eyes latch onto the scars and in an instant a vision of his bloody hands without fingers flashes in his mind. He gasps and shuts his eyes, his breathing picking up pace.

After a short pause, he begins to undress himself, starting with his button down shirt and then working his way to his trousers. The cool air hits his skin and now with his pale flesh in full view, he spots the scars on his thighs and the injection holes in his arms.

He smells blood. It's all over his body. It won't go away.

Again, flashes reappear in his mind and this time, he's seeing his bones sticking out from his legs. His thighs are split open, pouring out more blood that begins to turn black.

Kaneki nearly screams this time and he has to cover his mouth. He backs up until he hits the wall and even when he's blinking, those images won't go away.

Then he hears him. The maniacal laughter. That booming voice. The monster calls his name in an eerie chant.

His hands slam over his ears and his fingers dig into the side of his head.

 _Stop…stop! STOP!_

He doesn't mean to, but somehow, his eyes find himself in the mirror. He's gazing at himself, but his doppelganger on the other side doesn't look as horrified as he thinks he would. Instead, the other Kaneki is smirking at him, taunting him like that beast.

Kaneki can't keep his eyes off his own ghostly reflection, hypnotized by his clone's action. The other Kaneki's eyes begin to bleed, red streams crawling down his face. Then, the scars on his body open and the incision where the beast had cut through him down his chest pours out his guts. His ribs are exposed underneath the more the wound expands. The other Kaneki doesn't break eye contact with him as his sclera turns black and his face and mouth are covered in crimson.

In the next moment, the other Kaneki's hands crawl up to his neck, tightening around it, choking himself. Soon, the other Kaneki's eyes are completely black and his neck snaps, causing his head to bend to the right.

Then he hears two voice speaking at once.

 _"You're a good boy. Just like me!"_

His mother and Yamori screech together, splitting his brain.

Kaneki's mouth drops open, but no scream comes out. Instead he falls to the ground.

…

Hide's eyes snap open and he immediately checks the clock. He sighs heavily when he finds he dozed off for a mere ten minutes.

"Dammit, I really need to stop doing this…" Hide tells himself.

His body can barely handle any more days of bad sleeping habits.

It's strange, he thinks. He doesn't usually wake up so suddenly unless he's worried. Or if he drank way more coffee than usual, which rarely happens.

 _Something isn't right…_

He leaps out of the couch, charging straight towards the bathroom. His heart beats so hard from moving abruptly and an overwhelming fear rising within.

He grits his teeth and grabs the door knob, swinging it open.

His heart sinks to the pits when he finds his lover naked on the ground, curled up in a fetal position. He moves like a bullet.

"Ken!" Hide is down on his knees, grabbing Kaneki into his arms and holding him so close.

Kaneki's eyes are open, to his surprise, but they are wide with nothing but horror. Kaneki doesn't see Hide right away but when Hide grabs hold of his hand, the warmth from his body hits him and the half-ghoul finally breaks out of his frozen state.

All Hide can focus on is Kaneki's face. His brows wrinkle in deep concern and his heart won't stop pounding.

"Ken, can you hear me? Talk to me, please!"

Kaneki takes in a sharp intake of air, his lungs waking up, and he finds Hide's eyes staring at him intently.

Kaneki curls up in himself even more and he tries to escape Hide's grasp. "Hide, stay away from me. I'm a monster!"

Hide shakes his head and he only grabs Kaneki tighter against him. "What are you saying? You're not a monster, Ken. Look at me. I won't stay away."

Kaneki feels his heart squeezing in his chest from his conflicting emotions. His attempts to pull away from Hide are far too weak. There's no way he can do it. But his mind still fights.

"I can't…Hide, you won't want me anymore…" His voice sounds as weak as it did in that chamber.

"Is that what that ghoul said? Those are _lies_. Everything he told you, don't believe any of it," Hide reminds him sternly.

Kaneki's eyes well up and he's breaking to pieces. "But Hide…look at me. Look at what he did!"

Hide stares into Kaneki's glistening grey eyes a little longer, making sure that Kaneki is truly allowing him to see. When he feels Kaneki moving his legs down from their folded position, his eyes travel over his skin to see all the faint scars marking his lover's body. All the places where Yamori brutally stabbed him. Kaneki feels Hide's stare on him and the tears fall like his reflection.

Kaneki closes his eyes, not ready to face what Hide will think of him. The ugly beast he's become. A used toy that no one will ever want.

The silence suffocates Kaneki, but then he hears Hide's voice calming his senses.

"I wish I could take all this away from you. I wish I could take all your pain away. I want to so badly…"

Kaneki's breathing stops, and he feels Hide holding him closer, embracing him and enveloping him in his body warmth. There's no way Kaneki can break away from him, not that he wants to. No matter how much those poisonous thoughts try to rip through his brain, his severed heart inevitably wins. Bringing him to where he belongs without fail.

Kaneki feels Hide releasing him and he whimpers from the loss. His large eyes blink away the remnants of tears in his eyes and he watches Hide removing his shirt and then his pants. Tossing them into the pile where Kaneki's clothes are, Hide's body is fully exposed for him.

"Look at me, Ken. Tell me what you see," Hide urges him with no hesitance in his eyes.

Kaneki feels his cheeks warm up, admiring Hide's tone chest and fair skin. He is reminded of how endless his desire is for the human who still looks at him like he's normal.

Hide doesn't show how nervous he is, though at the same time, he's aroused at the way Kaneki gazes at his body with those round, innocent eyes. He can't stop staring at the way Kaneki bites his lower lip and he fights the sudden urge to grab his neck and kiss him senseless. Kaneki's pupils constrict, however, when he takes in more of Hide's skin, especially when he sees the long scar down the left side of his neck and to his collarbone. Kaneki begins to lose breath, and he does when his sights explore further down.

Hide's mouth goes dry when he witnesses Kaneki's reaction. Those grey eyes land on his left arm and he absorbs the grotesque sight for the first time.

"Hi-Hide! You… _Who did this to you_?" Kaneki shouts, his voice cracking near the end.

Hide's eyes grow dark and he turns his left arm, so Kaneki can fully examine the bite wound. It is healed for the most part, leaving behind a ragged scar where his skin remains damaged in that area.

Kaneki's eyes widen further and his fingers tremble, reaching out to touch his lover's arm. To think that someone would dare hurt his precious love, Kaneki can't stand the thought.

Hide sees a flurry of emotions flashing through Kaneki's eyes. Shock, horror, despair, and then rage.

Kaneki looks directly into his lover's eyes. His face comes closer to Hide and his voice is deeper as he demands, "Tell me. _Who bit you_?"

Hide doesn't break the intense eye contact. He inhales before replying. "Ken, please listen. I was bitten, yes, by a ghoul. But you have to know that I willingly let this ghoul do it."

Kaneki's pupils are pinpoints with his rising anger, but he waits for Hide's answer.

"I let this ghoul bite me so that I could find you. I had to," Hide explains further.

" _Hide_ ," Kaneki repeats in a harsh tone.

Hide shuts his eyes and then looks down. "It was Rize. The only one I thought could lead me to you. And she did."

Hide braves a look back at Kaneki and now notices the anger has softened as Kaneki stares at him in disbelief.

"I'm sorry…" Hide says softly.

Kaneki shakes his head and he grabs onto Hide's shoulder. "I'm going to kill her."

Hide frowns and he can tell his lover is serious. "No, Ken, she helped me in the end. It's okay-"

"I'm killing her. _I'll rip her to pieces._ No one gets away with hurting you!" Kaneki's voice rises in volume and he sounds far more vicious than Hide had ever heard from him before.

Hide grabs the back of Kaneki's neck. "Don't do it. It's not worth it."

Kaneki's eyes are glazed with tears of rage. " _No_. You can't stop me, Hide! I'll kill her!"

Hide seals Kaneki's mouth from saying anything further with his own, pressing his mouth hard on his lover and tasting him on his tongue. Kaneki makes a sound of shock which evolves to muffled protests. When Hide pulls away, Kaneki can only take in a split second of air before the human captures his lips again. Kaneki's fingers dig into Hide's shoulder. The feel of Hide's soft lips on his, Hide's arms locking him into a firm embrace, and his tongue caressing all the places he's touched before, Kaneki can't resist. Hide makes those ill feelings dissipate, making him feel so good the more his warm lips continue to bruise his mouth.

Kaneki feels the emotions bottling up inside his throat and more tears escape down the corners of his eyes. Hide senses his sadness. He kisses him harder, pressing his naked body against Kaneki and feeling every part of him with his hands. Kaneki wants him, allows him to do so, but his heart is still bleeding.

Kaneki carefully pushes Hide with a hand on his chest. Hide moves back in an instant, giving Kaneki just enough space for him to see his face.

Kaneki licks his lips, tasting Hide and feeling the lingering tingle on his mouth from the heated kisses.

"How can you still care for someone like me? All I do is cause you pain and suffering. I hurt you even when I don't want to hurt you. I'm not good for you, Hide."

Kaneki's cheeks are flushed and his eyes glisten with his emotions. Hide sinks in his words with patience. He gives Kaneki a warm smile that reaches the other's fragile heart.

"Ken, please. Get that rotten way of thinking out of your head. I'm going to keep repeating myself if that's what it takes to get through to you," Hide says gently.

Hide's hands feel down Kaneki's back and waist, pulling him even closer.

"You know, when I look at the scars on your body, it hurts me. I can't explain how much I want to dig all the demons out of you, every bad thing that happened to you, and crush it in my hands until it no longer exists. I know you killed that monster, but somehow, I wished I killed him myself, even though I know it wouldn't have ended well for me."

Hide chuckles bitterly near the end and Kaneki's heart hangs on every word he says.

Then, Kaneki's eyes widen when he sees tears slipping down Hide's face. The human wears a smile, but his cheeks are wet as he lets his true feelings out.

"But now, these scars are a part of you and I know I can't erase it. You're not a monster, Ken, and you never will be. Please don't call yourself that because I love every part of you. Every scar, every flaw, every ugly thing you hate, I love to pieces. I want all of you and I don't regret ever loving you, not a single bit. Nothing changes. You're still my Ken, the dorky bookworm I met in that sandbox. Remember?"

Hide's voice shakes, and Kaneki is too overwhelmed. Before he knows it, he's sobbing, choking on his tears the more he listens to Hide's honest words.

"I mean, I remember. That sticky sand. Your cute, chubby hands. Aw man, who knew I would fall so damn hard for that boy?"

Kaneki laughs and Hide grins when he hears it.

"Oh god, I'm such a mess," Kaneki states between sobs. His voice stutters and no matter how many times he wipes his face, new tears flow out.

Hide chuckles and helps Kaneki wipe the snot away to no avail. Kaneki's face is red and when he looks up, Hide's breath is stolen from how Kaneki gazes at him. He'll never get used to it.

"Even when I think I don't deserve you, at the same time, I can't stop myself from falling in love with you more and more," Kaneki admits.

Hide smiles and he leans his forehead on the other.

Kaneki lifts his hands up, grasping both sides of Hide's face. "What do I do?" he whispers. "All this love I have for you keeps growing. It won't stop at all. Hide…my heart feels like it will burst…"

Hide smirks and his lips brush over Kaneki's as he speaks. "Give it to me. I'm greedy."

Unable to say any more, Kaneki throws himself into Hide's arms, allowing the other to crush his body and hold him until he can barely breathe. Kaneki takes in Hide's scent, his hands caressing Hide's shoulders and back. His lips touch the tender skin of his neck and in his mind, he wishes he could show Hide how much he truly loves him. His heart is so full for this man alone.

…

The shower water is warming up as the two of them stand together in the tub with the curtain drawn. Kaneki feels incredibly hot from how close he is to Hide, especially in the narrow space they occupy. After all this time, he still feels dizzy around him.

Kaneki's hands touch Hide's chest, his fingers outlining the scar from his neck. He looks up into Hide's brown eyes that darken with melancholy.

"Who did this one?" Kaneki asks. He strokes the scar and steps forward so that he's mere centimeters away from his lover.

"I confronted him too, that monster. When Rize told me about him, I aimed to track him down." Hide looks to the side. "I guess I couldn't get away without an injury from him too."

When he feels Kaneki's fingers stop on his chest, he looks back to see Kaneki's eyes widening in realization. His hand moves off Hide and he grabs his head.

"He tricked me. He's so _cruel_." Kaneki clenches his head and Hide grasps his shoulders.

"It's okay. He's gone now," Hide tells him.

"No, he's in here. He won't leave," Kaneki states and he jabs his temple.

Hide watches his lover slowly collect himself and when Kaneki meets his gaze, the half-ghoul wraps his arms around Hide's waist. His lips find the scar and he leaves several soft kisses from his chest and up to his neck. Hide grins at the contact and his fingers clutch his lover's head, keeping him close.

"The water's warm now. Let me wash your hair," Hide suggests.

Kaneki stops his action and his cheek rests on Hide's shoulder, his grey eyes staring at him with adoration.

"Come on, babe, I got you."

Kaneki turns around and soaks himself under the water while Hide reaches for the shampoo. Once he squirts enough of the solution in his palm, he runs his hands through Kaneki's white hair, massaging his scalp and making sure he gets all areas of his head cleaned. Kaneki smiles and he closes his eyes, focusing on Hide's touches and the hot water flowing over him. He feels safe.

Out of nowhere, he senses Hide's lips pressing on the back of his neck and then strong arms hugging him from behind. Kaneki sighs in pleasure when Hide continues, kissing the sides of his neck and shoulders.

"Hide…"

Kaneki's hair is full of soap, but he whips around quickly and then grabs Hide's face. The human gasps in shock and then yelps when Kaneki pulls him under the water with him.

"Ken! Wait-"

Hide sees Kaneki smiling wide before the half-ghoul reaches up and claims his lips. They're both under the shower head, the steaming water cascading down their faces and bodies. Kaneki gently bites Hide's lower lip, sucking on his mouth and then their tongues collide in an open-mouth kiss. Hide's left hand claws at Kaneki's ribs, leaving red marks. His right hand latches onto his round ass, squeezing it and releasing muffled moans out of Kaneki's mouth. Kaneki takes the upper hand, kissing and tasting Hide for as long as possible. His lips become numb from overstimulation, but he refuses to stop.

"Fuck, I can't breathe!" Hide declares with a laugh. He can't stop smiling when he sees Kaneki grinning. Every time he tries to part for air, Kaneki yanks him back down for more, sucking and bruising his mouth relentlessly.

Kaneki chokes on the water and they both burst out laughing. Kaneki feels soap entering his eyes but he's still kissing Hide, his hands gripped tightly behind Hide's neck.

"Are you okay?" Hide asks between chuckles when Kaneki reluctantly parts from him to cough up water.

Kaneki smiles and his nose bumps Hide's when his plump lips take more of his lover's mouth. Their eyes meet and they both breathe heavily. A fever courses through their bodies, one that keeps them high.

"You're my Hide. Mine," Kaneki says with his whole heart.

Hide feels euphoria rushing through his veins. Kaneki's hair is a tangled mess with ample amounts of soap all over but when he looks into his eyes, he truly cannot breathe. Kaneki worships him and Hide knows his words are true to the core.

Hide's blond hair matted and wet, Kaneki finds him too irresistible. Hide's lips are red from his kisses and he still wants to touch them with his mouth.

Hide can't speak so instead, he tightens his hold on Kaneki, allowing their wet bodies to meld together. Kaneki's face presses onto his chest, embracing him around his waist while the water continues cleansing them.

The boys take turns washing each other, always touching and staying close until their fingers become like prunes. Once they step out of the tub, Kaneki faces Hide while the other dries his hair with the towel.

Kaneki admires Hide's flushed skin and how his hair drips water down his shoulders and chest, outlining his muscles. Hide wipes down Kaneki's face and he smiles when he sees his lover smile. Kaneki reaches up to clasp his cheek, making Hide pause in his work.

"Thank you, my love," Kaneki says. He blushes, and his hand moves to where Hide's heart lies.

Hide's brown eyes gain back their sparkle and he reaches up to intertwine their hands. Kaneki draws near so that their noses touch.

* * *

Kaneki is surprised he had a dreamless sleep, and one where he doesn't suffer from insomnia. He didn't even notice that Hide had sacrificed his nap with him to gather supplies once the rain had calmed down. When Kaneki wakes up, it is late at night and Hide is no longer lying beside him. Just a note that informs him where his lover wandered off to.

He takes one of Hide's jackets sticking out of their closet, finding it's slightly bigger over his frame. Plus, the comforting scent of his lover keeps his mind at ease. Rubbing his eye, he leaves the bedroom and is greeted with the smell of food and the sound of sizzling in the kitchen.

He smiles when he spots his lover's blond hair. Hide is occupied with cooking, so focused that he doesn't sense Kaneki's presence. Kaneki takes a seat at the table and he leans on his hands, admiring his oblivious lover from behind.

 _Can every day be like this…? Just to be with him…_

When Hide finally turns around, he yelps and grabs his chest. "Holy shit! I didn't even know you were here, babe!"

Kaneki tilts his head to the side in an innocent manner. "I've only been here for a few minutes."

Hide exhales and wipes his forehead with the back of his arm. "Well, I need sleep, that's for sure."

Kaneki frowns. "Why didn't you just stay with me in bed? We could have slept all day together."

Hide's back faces him and he doesn't answer right away. Kaneki gets up from the chair and he approaches his lover. Hide immediately reacts when he feels Kaneki trying to wrap his arms around him once he's close.

"Not now, Ken! As much as I'd love to hug and kiss you, I don't want you to see what I made just yet! It's a surprise!"

Kaneki blinks a few times and he tries to look over Hide's shoulder. "A surprise? But why?"

"Hang on, I'm almost done! Can you sit back down, please?" Hide turns around, yet he makes sure Kaneki can't see what he's cooking.

Kaneki narrows his eyes and he sniffs the air. "Well, it smells like beef…I know that."

Hide places his hands together as if in prayer, his spatula still in his grasp. "Please, just be patient."

Kaneki puffs his cheeks and crosses his arms like a baby. Hide then realizes that Kaneki is wearing one of his jackets and briefs only and his jaw drops at the sight.

"God…I want you…" Hide says, unable to keep his eyes off his love.

Kaneki smirks at that and he tries to move closer again but Hide snaps out of it. "No! I'm better than my temptations. Back to work!"

Hide turns to the stove but nearly loses his composure when Kaneki snakes his arms around his waist and kisses the middle of his back.

"I'll be waiting," Kaneki says. He nuzzles his head against him.

Hide sighs in relief when Kaneki listens and leaves the kitchen for a minute. He comes back swiftly with a book from his library and then returns to his seat at the table.

Kaneki doesn't read much, he can't when he's staring at Hide. He could watch him forever. About thirty more minutes pass with Hide scrambling around and trying to finish his creation. When Kaneki manages to get glued to his book, Hide places a plate and fork in front of him with a loud clatter.

"The wait is over!" Hide states with a grin.

He takes a seat next to Kaneki, scooting closer with a plate of his own.

Kaneki sets his book aside and looks down at what Hide made. His eyes widen, and his mouth opens.

"This is…" Kaneki trails off as he stares at the hamburger meat still sizzling in front of him. He turns to Hide, who's rubbing the side of his neck.

"You weren't here with me on your birthday…so I wanted to make up for it. I've never missed one with you and it really bothered me…" Hide explains. A slight blush appears on his face and Kaneki isn't used to seeing Hide acting shy.

Kaneki gazes at him in awe. "Are you kidding me? You went out of your way to make this for me just for a birthday I don't even remember?"

Hide laughs at that and he wraps an arm around his lover's shoulder. "Aw, come on, Ken! You never forget, not with me around!"

Kaneki smiles, his eyes becoming glassy. He takes the fork and cuts off a piece of the hamburger. Hide bites his lip nervously as Kaneki tastes his first attempt.

"Just tell me the truth. Don't hold back," Hide tells him.

Kaneki covers his mouth and Hide is afraid he's going to puke. He tries to reach for some napkins on the table in preparation, but Kaneki stops him, grabbing onto his arm.

Hide looks back and he sees Kaneki beaming so brightly. Once again, the human is left speechless.

"It's delicious, Hide! I love it!" Kaneki says. His face flushes with genuine happiness.

Hide's eyes gleam and he grins back. "A-Are you serious?"

"You know me. Do you think I'm lying?" Kaneki replies.

Hide relaxes and he ruffles Kaneki's hair.

"Thank you so much, Hide. I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you," Kaneki says. He takes another bite of the hamburger, cherishing his lover's hard work.

Hide gives a warm smile. "We were meant to be. That's all."

Kaneki stares back at him with glazed eyes when he hears those words. Hide doesn't notice his expression as he takes his turn eating what he made.

Hide wrinkles his brows in a scrutinizing manner. "Ugh, it's kind of dry…do you need more sauce, babe?"

Kaneki grabs his plate, holding it away from him possessively. "No! It's perfect!"

Hide chuckles and he continues cutting the meat. "Okay then. I'm glad you like it."

They are quiet for a while, both enjoying their first meal together after being apart. Kaneki looks at his lover, noticing that Hide seems deep in thought. He watches Hide's jaw muscles clench as he's chewing. Wearing a tank top, Hide's left arm is displayed right next to him and Kaneki catches the bite scar. His hand reaches up, curling around his bicep and he leans forward, placing a gentle kiss under the damaged area.

Hide is snapped out of his thoughts when he feels Kaneki and he turns to him. He notices his lover's saddened gaze. His mood darkens but he doesn't move away or say anything.

Kaneki clings to him, his head pressed on his left arm. Hide's eyes are lost in space, but he focuses on how Kaneki holds onto him.

"Hide, I don't even remember what my mother's hamburger tastes like."

Hide looks back at him again, and Kaneki is smiling in content. Their eyes meet.

"But, it's okay. It doesn't matter anymore."

Hide's heart skips a beat and his right hand runs through Kaneki's white hair. Hide opens his mouth, trying to say something. But once more, he keeps quiet.

…

The rain is harsh outside. The boys hear the rainfall against the window while they lay back in bed. A murky night sets upon them and Kaneki is reminded of how pitch black it was when he was captured in the alleyway. Hide keeps a desk lamp on next to their mattress and Kaneki snuggles close to him, no gaps between them whatsoever. Hide notices Kaneki clutching onto his shirt and knows he's scared by how stiff he is. Hide moves onto his side so that they're face-to-face.

Kaneki's eyes are closed as he tries to remove the bad visions from his mind. Meanwhile, Hide has been buried in contemplation since he went out to get supplies. Two sides of himself battle and he's tired.

He goes for it.

"Ken." Hide holds his lover's cheek, feeling the baby soft skin under his hand. Kaneki opens his eyes and looks up at him immediately.

"Would you marry me?"

Kaneki stops breathing. He can't move.

Hide blushes hard and he pulls his hand back from Kaneki. "I-I know we can't get legally married here since we're both…anyway I just wanted to say it because I don't think it should stop us. Maybe I should word it differently. Would you be mine forever?"

Hide feels himself getting hotter and he breaks eye contact with Kaneki. "That sounds so stupid. Sorry, forget I said anything!"

Hide has never felt more nervous than he does at that moment. He's getting sweaty despite wearing a tank top and shorts and he now wishes he didn't say anything at all.

But he's snapped out of his embarrassed state when he hears sniffling. He looks up quickly and sees Kaneki's wide eyes are drowning. Kaneki smiles, his face wet.

"Hide, I've _been_ married to you. We've been together for thirteen years. You're my soulmate. Of course, I'll be yours. Forever."

Kaneki bumps foreheads with Hide and he holds the side of his face. Hide reaches up, his thumb wiping away his tears.

"I've made you cry so much. I'm sorry…" Hide whispers.

"No! Don't apologize. I'm fine. I'm okay if you're the one to see me like this. Besides, I'm so happy. So happy," Kaneki assures him. His eyes never waver from him.

Hide gives a small smile. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You never hurt me, Hide. And even if you did, I wouldn't mind."

"I don't even have a ring to give you right now. I don't have much at all," Hide admits sadly.

"Neither do I. But I don't want to be with anyone else. No one cares for me as much as you do. No one," Kaneki replies.

Hide doesn't say anything after that, staring deeply into Kaneki's eyes that show him confidence and overflowing love.

Their bodies are warm against each other. Kaneki touches his lips. "Will you marry me, Hide? Will you be mine forever?"

Hide's smile widens, and he grabs the back of his head. He presses a long kiss onto Kaneki's forehead, his affection melting into his skin.

"You're stuck with me – an annoying, loud fool," Hide says. His fingers tangle in his white hair.

Kaneki closes his eyes and his lips find Hide's. He smells his lover's comforting scent and tastes him on his mouth.

Hide's arm around his waist keeps him secure. His hand in his hair makes him feel protected.

When they pull apart, their foreheads stay touching.

"I couldn't wait anymore…" Hide whispers.

Kaneki smiles. "I'm glad you didn't."

* * *

Water drips slowly on the glass. Kaneki awakens in the early morning. He fell asleep wrapped in Hide's arms, their legs intertwined. When he gazes at Hide's face, he is happy to see his lover sleeping peacefully, finally getting the rest he needed after so long.

Kaneki feels fuzzy and warm inside. It's constant.

He recalls every word Hide said to him in the night.

Kaneki's hand rests on Hide's neck, feeling the other's steady pulse.

Without legalities, it doesn't matter.

In his heart and mind, Hide is his soulmate. His husband.

* * *

 **We're almost at the end. Only two more chapters left. Thanks for all the support so far from those who have stuck with me since the beginning and new readers along the way. :)**


	22. Alive

He scrunches his brows and narrows his eyes. Staring at his left arm, his expression is blank as the bite scar comes into his view. It heals every day, but to him, it reminds him of what he almost lost. His back muscles move as he bring his hands to his face, covering his eyes. He breathes in deep, keeping himself from straying into dark thoughts again.

Once he feels his body relax, he frees his sight and gazes at himself in the mirror. He frowns again when he notices his hair is getting longer, almost touching his shoulders. He reaches up and pinches a few strands between his fingers.

He scoffs to himself.

"You okay, baby?"

Hide's heart leaps when he hears his beloved calling for him. He hadn't even noticed Kaneki entering the bathroom. Kaneki comes to his side in an instant, his large grey eyes staring at him with overflowing affection.

Hide turns to him slowly and he doesn't answer. Kaneki blushes as he admires Hide's shirtless form and he places his hands on his chest. He bites his lower lip and moves forward until he is mere centimeters away from the blond. He lifts his head and meets his lover's gaze.

"What's wrong, my love?" Kaneki asks again. Hide can't help staring at Kaneki's lush lips and he gives a soft smile.

"It's nothing…"

Kaneki narrows his eyes at him in disbelief and when his sights wander to Hide's scar, his fingers move to touch the damaged skin there. Hide feels calm when Kaneki is near and his skin tingles when Kaneki plants his soft lips all over his chest.

Hide exhales and Kaneki looks at him again with the most adorable smile that brightens his grey eyes.

"You're perfect. In every single way," Kaneki tells him, his cheeks flushed with joy.

Hide chuckles and he bumps foreheads with the half-ghoul without breaking eye contact. "Come on, Ken. Nobody's perfect."

"Well, you are to me. And you look handsome with your longer hair. If we didn't have to work today, I would want to have sex with you all day long," Kaneki breathes. His tongue slips out and laps at Hide's mouth.

Hide smirks and he moves to place a wet kiss on Kaneki's cheek, causing the half-ghoul to laugh. Kaneki wraps his arms around Hide's neck, holding him against his body and enjoying the feel of his skin.

"Don't tempt me, babe. That's dangerous," Hide warns him while he continues pressing sloppy kisses all over Kaneki's face and neck.

Hide's voice is muffled as his lips stay on Kaneki's cheek. "Especially when you look so good in your uniform. Didn't I say that before?"

Kaneki is panting when Hide stops and the desire in his eyes is so strong, Hide contemplates on calling in sick. Hide's smirk stays and Kaneki swallows hard, his whole body on fire. Hide keeps him close as his hands reside on Kaneki's waist.

"You still doing okay at Anteiku? Have you had any panic attacks?" Hide's tone is serious.

Kaneki shakes his head and his smile reassures Hide. "No, not since I came back to work. Yoshimura helps me stay calm."

Hide nods and sighs in relief. "Okay. I'm just glad my hours are not too different from yours. If only I could leave early."

Kaneki places his fingers on his lips. "I'm fine, Hide. Just knowing you're alive and safe keeps me at ease."

The way Kaneki smiles so brightly at him and only him, Hide doesn't want to let him go. Hide's right hand moves to grab under Kaneki's jaw, grasping his face. Kaneki relishes the way Hide holds him like that. His lips part and his eyes drown in the other's intense stare. Hide grips harder, his fingers rubbing on Kaneki's soft flesh.

Kaneki bites his lower lip again, enticing Hide, challenging him. Urging him to go further.

"It's fucking hot in here," Hide states, his voice thick with lust.

He releases Kaneki and quickly turns around to grab his shirt off the towel handle. Kaneki pouts as Hide pulls the shirt over his head, hiding his body from view.

Hide notices the disappointment on Kaneki's face and he walks over to him. He presses a warm kiss on his forehead, causing Kaneki to grab onto his arms and hold on like his life depends on it. When he looks at his lover, Kaneki's eyes gleam at him with happiness.

"Another day. We can do it. Just like we have been," Hide reminds him.

Kaneki nod and he smiles again. "Yeah. I miss you already."

Hide grins and he squishes Kaneki's cheeks. "You cheeseball."

…

In the months following the night Hide and Kaneki proposed to each other, the boys focus on themselves after everything that happened.

Kaneki is still plagued with nightmares and day terrors, but because of Hide, he can cope better than he would have if he was alone. He had returned to work at Anteiku after a month of recovery and even so, he continues to slowly heal along the way.

The boys take each day one at a time.

Soon enough, there is a steady rhythm to their lives.

The sun lingers longer, and the weather grows hotter.

Those cold, dark days begin to fade like the scars on their bodies.

…

Kaneki no longer goes outside when he waits for Hide after he finishes his shift. Instead, he sits at the front bar after all the chairs have been placed on the cleaned tables. Sipping a cup of coffee he made, he mentally reminds himself that he conquered another day without complications.

The sky is a deep orange outside and he can tell it is still warm since there are many people occupying the streets.

Once the doorbell rings, he turns to see Hide coming in. The human is red in the face from the heat and there is sweat on his forehead. Hide smiles warmly at his lover nonetheless and Kaneki grins as Hide rushes over to him.

"I ran like a mad man. I'm wondering if I should time myself to see how fast I actually get here," Hide jokes once he's at Kaneki's side.

Kaneki gets off his chair and wraps an arm around Hide's waist. He reaches up and kisses the side of Hide's head, tasting his sweat on his lips.

"Ken, don't do that! I'm sweating like a pig here!" Hide exclaims in embarrassment.

Kaneki's smile widens when he notices Hide's face turning a darker red from blushing. He ignores Hide's words and nuzzles his nose against his lover's cheek. "I don't mind, Hide. In fact, I think it's hot…"

Hide notices the seductive look in Kaneki's eyes and he playfully snickers. As Kaneki leans his head on his arm, Hide reaches for Kaneki's cup and downs the contents. The half-ghoul's eyes widen in shock and he can't even say anything to stop him.

Hide sets the now empty cup aside and smacks his lips together. Kaneki chuckles when he sees Hide's expression contort in disgust.

"That's…really bitter…" Hide mutters to himself.

"It's black, Hide. Don't you know?" Kaneki says. He shakes his head at his lover's silliness.

Hide's lips form a thin line and then he shrugs. "Oh well, I'll get used to it. You ready to go?"

Kaneki takes his hand, intertwining their fingers and they leave the café.

Instead of dreading the heat, Kaneki feels at peace as he walks down the street with his lover. Kaneki doesn't let go of Hide's hand for a second, even when his lover's palm begins to get moist. When he notices Hide guiding him in the direction towards home, Kaneki gently tugs him back to grab his attention.

"Can we explore the city for a little while? I want to walk together with you," Kaneki asks. His hand tightens on him.

Hide blinks in surprise but he smiles. "Sure. Just be prepared 'cause I'm gonna get sweatier from here."

Kaneki grins and he hugs Hide's arm in response.

The city is bathed in the same orange color as the sky and everything else is a blur to him when he looks at Hide. His lover's skin is enhanced with the warm sun, his blond hair burns in his eyes, and the brown of his irises glow. His whole world centers on him and he can't get enough. The pit of his stomach flutters and his heart tingles to the point where he's numb.

 _I want to live with him forever._

Hide looks at him when Kaneki isn't watching. Hide feels so light when he sees how happy his lover is. The small smile that graces his soft face. His white hair that brushes his pink cheeks. When Kaneki gazes at him, his grey eyes glimmer like stars and he can't take it.

He stops in his tracks. People – humans and ghouls – all around them in the bustling city keep moving.

Kaneki gasps softly and he looks up at Hide with concern. "What's wrong?"

Hide feels sweat crawling down the side of his head and his hand that isn't holding Kaneki's reaches up to grasp his lover's cheek. Kaneki's blush deepens when he feels Hide's comforting touch. Their eyes remain connected.

Without warning, Hide dips down and his lips find Kaneki's. Kaneki tastes Hide on his tongue and his right hand grasps the back of his neck. It's warm, and Hide's mouth on his makes him that much hotter. He feels like he may pass out. Hide's tongue caresses his lips, gently poking the inside of his mouth, taking his breath away. When he pulls back, Kaneki's eyes water with need and his hand on his lover's neck keeps him close.

"I had to…" Hide whispers against his mouth.

Kaneki's head spins and his heart beats so fast. He grins, his lips brushing on Hide's.

Time picks up for them again and the two of them continue wandering through the city. Kaneki feels like he can go on endlessly with Hide when suddenly, his lover leads him to a certain direction.

"Hide? Where are we going?" Kaneki asks. Out of nowhere, Hide's energy spikes.

Hide looks back and he beams at Kaneki. "I think it's about time I get what I should have given you months ago."

Kaneki narrows his eyes in confusion but when he sees the store in the outdoor mall Hide is hastily guiding him towards, his mouth opens in awe.

The boys stop in front of a jewelry store. Kaneki looks to his lover and sees the enthusiastic expression on Hide's face. Kaneki grips Hide's hand and his other hand clenches the front of his work uniform.

"Do…do you think they'll let us in?" Kaneki says in a small voice.

Hide turns to Kaneki and notices anxiety creeping on his lover. Hide places a hand on top of Kaneki's head, ruffling his hair. "I'm a stubborn man, Ken, you know that. Nothing's going to stop us."

Hide continues pulling Kaneki along and they enter the shop. Neither of the boys have ever set foot in a jewelry store before, so taking in all the precious items leaves them both overwhelmed at first. They notice a few other people, some couples, examining the jewels at various corners.

"Welcome gentlemen! How may I assist you?"

A woman in prim business clothes approaches them once they step further into the store.

Hide and Kaneki exchange quick glances before Hide speaks up. "We're just looking for rings."

"Of course! Right this way!" The woman takes them to where the wide variety of rings are located.

She turns around to them with a polite smile and then asks, "Are you two looking for something in particular?"

Kaneki stays quiet out of shyness and Hide rubs the back of his neck. "Uh…not exactly."

"Well, let me know if you need further assistance," the woman states. She then walks off to help the other customers.

Kaneki chews on his thumb while he stares at all the rings. "This is…a lot…" he says nervously.

Hide releases his hand and rubs his lover's back. "Let's find something together."

Kaneki looks up at him with slight uncertainty. "Are you sure you want to do this? Just being with you is enough…"

Hide meets his concerned gaze. "Do you want to leave?"

Kaneki's cheeks turn pink. "N-No…"

"We deserve this, don't we?" Hide says and Kaneki smiles in response.

The boys focus their attention on the various types of rings. The two of them take their time going through the many metals and designs, both agreeing they didn't want something too extravagant.

The way Hide concentrates so hard on finding the right ring reminds Kaneki of the time when Hide helped him find his dad's books after his aunt had thrown them out. Hide has the same determined expression and Kaneki can't help but feel nostalgic. While Hide is busy searching in a different section, Kaneki wanders off to the opposite side, his eyes scanning past rows and rows until finally, he catches one that speaks to him.

He turns around. "Hide?"

Hide faces him immediately and walks over when Kaneki motions for him.

"What do you think of this one? The price isn't too high…and I think it fits what we want."

Hide nods in agreement, a pleased smile crossing his features. "Yeah…good eye, Ken. You always end up finding it, don't you?"

Kaneki smiles back. "Are you sure? Do you like it?"

Hide ruffles Kaneki's hair as he stares at the one he points out. "Yes, completely."

Kaneki suddenly feels timid again. "Wh-What do we do now?"

Hide looks over his shoulder, ready to ask for assistance when a different woman approaches them from behind the glass counter of rings.

"Have the two of you found something you like?"

Hide opens his mouth to speak but Kaneki takes the upper hand this time. "Do you have another ring exactly like this one?"

The woman holds her hand out and Kaneki passes over the ring they chose. She tells them to wait a moment while she goes to find another one. Meanwhile, Hide studies Kaneki's demeanor and finds himself at ease when he sees Kaneki is more relaxed compared to before.

The woman returns to them shortly and manages to find a set of the same exact ring in different sizes. "So, I assume these are for both of you?"

The boys smile and nod and the woman grins.

In the next few moments, the woman helps them get fitted with the right size. Hide can't stop staring at Kaneki's excited expression, the twinkle in his eyes shining as bright as the rings. Once they settle with the perfect sizes, the boys pay together and soon, they are on their way out into the city again.

Kaneki carries the small fancy gift bag containing the rings as they leave. The heat of the late afternoon hits their skin and Kaneki grips onto Hide's hand.

Hide smiles wide and he pulls Kaneki closer. "Let's find somewhere less crowded so we can put these on," he suggests.

Kaneki nods enthusiastically and he lets Hide take the lead as they merge through the busy streets, their hearts beating together like music.

They don't care when they start running, speeding past strangers who give them curious, and at times, dirty glances. Kaneki hears Hide laughing freely and it liberates Kaneki's own spirits. They make it out of the shopping district and continue forth until they come upon the same park where they celebrated Hide's birthday for the first time as a couple.

Kaneki feels a rush of warmth seeing the familiar scene, especially when Hide brings them to the same tree they enjoy basking under when it's hot outside.

Hide takes a seat on the grass first and Kaneki joins him immediately, pressing himself onto his lover so no space exists between them. People linger around but they're far away from where they are. Kaneki bites his lower lip and he gazes at Hide's focused expression while he takes the bag from Kaneki and retrieves the box encasing their rings.

Once Hide opens the box, he turns to Kaneki. "Who wants to go first?" he asks.

Kaneki can't stop smiling. "Umm…I-I can…"

Hide rubs the back of Kaneki's head and watches Kaneki reach for his ring. His fingers shake slightly as he gently grabs Hide's left hand. Once their fingers meet, Hide scratches his head, his motion instilling confidence in the other.

Time stops again and nothing else exists to Kaneki when his trembling fingers slip the ring onto him. Hide's heart beats loud in his ears and he feels more sweat crawling down the side of his face. The cool metal of the ring sparks a new energy in him and when he stares at his lover, Kaneki looks more beautiful to him than ever before.

As soon as the ring is on Hide, the blond wastes no time to take Kaneki's left hand. With Kaneki's ring already in his grasp within seconds, Kaneki feels his insecurity rising when his black nails and scarred fingers are exposed in the open. But seeing his damaged hand in Hide's warm grip, he feels so safe.

Hide slips the ring on Kaneki, and Kaneki can barely believe this is happening. Their fingers collide when Hide is done and he holds out his left hand alongside Kaneki's so that they can see their rings together. White gold is the metal they chose with no designs and no jewels. A simple ring that glimmers when it catches the setting sun. In that moment, Kaneki feels healed.

They look up at the same time. The orange glow of the sun reflects off Hide's brown eyes and Kaneki can barely contain himself any more. He grins and leans over, his head colliding onto Hide's chest. Hide immediately wraps his arms around his lover, holding Kaneki strong and rubbing his back. Hide sees the ring on his left hand sparkle over Kaneki's shoulder and his eyes sting.

Kaneki sniffles and he turns his head against Hide's chest, so he can look at his ring again. It twinkles with every move.

"It's so beautiful…" Kaneki whispers.

Hide smiles warmly and his left hand joins Kaneki. Their fingers intertwine when their hands meet. Hide rests the side of his face on his lover's soft hair and every breath he takes makes him feel higher and higher.

They won't ever forget this.

…

They remain outside when the moon takes the sun's place. The city lights of Tokyo blind Kaneki and they go well with how joyous he is. Sometimes, he thinks he shouldn't be so happy, but right then, he doesn't care.

The boys choose to return to the city, finding freedom as they walk side-by-side within a crowd of unknowing strangers. The night breeze relieves Hide, and Kaneki laughs when Hide rants about how sweaty he is from the afternoon.

Kaneki reaches up, his lips pressing on Hide's cheek while he complains, and he finds delight in Hide's appalled reaction once more.

 _Oh god, I love him._

He sighs in bliss when Hide retaliates by kissing the right side of his face all over, reaching down to his neck. Sloppy kisses that Kaneki doesn't wipe away. He rubs his eyes from happy tears that beg to come out.

They both think of heading home when they hear the familiar strumming of a guitar in the distance. Coupled with the unmistakable voice of their friend, the boys follow the melody and soon enough, they find Ikuma standing in the center of the shopping district. He sings and strums his guitar in front of the buildings with the large television screens showing various advertisements on loop. Hide and Kaneki can clearly see Ikuma has gained confidence. His stage presence has improved.

Not too far from where Ikuma plays, Nishiki is seated with Kimi on a bench, enjoying Ikuma's small performance that garners other civilians to stop and listen.

Hide and Kaneki stand behind the strangers watching him but Ikuma spots them almost instantly. A grin graces his lips and his singing grows stronger. Nishiki notices the change in his demeanor and he follows where Ikuma is staring. He catches sight of the boys as well and Kaneki can see him nudging his girlfriend towards their direction.

Kaneki hears Hide whooping louder than everyone else when Ikuma ends his song and the musician takes a shy bow as the listeners split up into different directions. Ikuma still has his guitar around him and his grin doesn't disappear as the boys come closer to him.

"I'm so glad to see you two! It's been a while," Ikuma says and he reaches for them.

Hide and Kaneki both grasp his outstretched hands. When they make contact, Ikuma notices Kaneki's ring and he gasps. He freezes and stares at Kaneki's left hand and then drops it to grab for Hide's. His eyes are wide, but they gleam with joy when he looks up at their faces.

"Hey, what's going on! You guys are having fun without me!" Nishiki hollers.

All three boys turn to see Nishiki and Kimi approaching them.

Kaneki looks at his friends and his lover. The lights around them are colorful and despite the busy city life, it is peaceful to him.

Ikuma says nothing and he waits for Nishiki to find out himself. Nishiki takes a moment to stare at Hide and Kaneki standing together, holding hands, staying at each other's side every second.

The ghoul smirks at them. "So Nagachika, your boyfriend finally decided to come back to you, huh?"

Kaneki narrows his eyes at that comment and Hide fake-sobs dramatically. "I know, right? And I'm never letting him go! Never!"

Kaneki laughs when he feels Hide clinging to his side, his arms thrown around his shoulder as his loud voice rings in his right ear.

Kaneki strokes Hide's face lovingly and Hide meets his grey eyes. "Those are my words, Hide…"

Nishiki scoffs at their affectionate display. "Oh brother…"

"Nishiki…don't be so rude," Kimi chastises him. She slaps him on the back, causing him to groan in protest.

"Oh, and Nishiki, he's not my boyfriend," Kaneki says seriously. Hide gazes at Kaneki with intrigue.

Nishiki snorts. "Whaddya mean? You two friends-with-benefits?"

"No." Kaneki places a hand on Hide's chest while Hide straightens his posture and wraps his arm around Kaneki's waist.

"Hide is my husband," Kaneki states proudly. His smile is the brightest Nishiki has ever seen on him and he notices the way Hide stares at Kaneki with so much love.

Ikuma can barely hold it in when Nishiki finally spots the gleam of Kaneki's ring and his jaw drops.

Hide is not used to seeing Nishiki look so shocked before and he stifles a chuckle. "Wow, I guess that was too much for-"

Hide is cut off and completely taken aback when Nishiki rushes up to them and grabs both him and Kaneki into a combined hug. His right arm rests around Kaneki while his left settles behind Hide's back. Hide and Kaneki feel themselves pressed into Nishiki's shoulders as the ghoul embraces them, his head hanging in the space between the boys.

Kaneki can't even breathe a gasp and Hide is frozen by Nishiki's sudden move. After a few more seconds, Nishiki pulls back, but his hands clasp their shoulders. The boys can't speak when they see a soft smile on Nishiki's face. His eyes that are often uncaring show the exact opposite towards them. He looks at them with familiarity and understanding. Once the initial shock washes away, Hide and Kaneki smile back, and they know.

Hide grins and when Nishiki notices, his expression changes back to his normal, unimpressed self.

"Aww, you love us! I knew you did all along!" Hide exclaims extra loudly.

Nishiki shushes him in an instant. "Shut up, Nagachika!"

"Thank you for being our friend, Nishiki," Kaneki tells him.

Nishiki turns to Kaneki and he sighs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." He gives a genuine smile to them. "I'm just glad you two are together again and safe."

Kimi comes up behind Nishiki and she grins at the boys. "Congratulations to you both!"

The boys nod in appreciation and then they notice Ikuma scrambling around like he's looking for something.

Nishiki shakes his head at his behavior. "What the hell are you doing, man?"

"Gosh, I feel so inspired seeing all my friends together again, I have to write a song! Where is it-ah ha!" Ikuma grabs his notebook stuck underneath his guitar case and he sits himself down on the concrete, using his guitar as his desk.

"Well, I'm gonna pretend I don't know any of you," Nishiki says and he begins to walk back to his bench with Kimi clinging to his arm.

While Ikuma's writing, Kaneki notices one of his listeners coming back to speak with him, which catches the musician off guard. Judging by their actions, Ikuma has gained some fans along the way.

"I feel like I missed so much while I was away…" Kaneki says quietly.

Hide looks down and sees Kaneki is in a daze as he watches Nishiki with Kimi and Ikuma with his fans. Hide's eyes soften, and he brings their interlocked hands up, his lips finding Kaneki's knuckles.

"If it makes you feel any better, I shut everyone away when you were gone. I too missed out on as much as you did," Hide tells him.

Kaneki looks up at him with concerned eyes. "Why did you do that?"

Hide gives a sad smile. "You know why…"

Kaneki exhales and he touches Hide's neck. "But, they're your friends. They care about you."

"I'm always going to be lonely no matter what. It would never be the same," Hide says. His words are vulnerable, something he'd never admit to anyone else.

Kaneki clenches the front of Hide's shirt and his eyes never break from him. "Me too. I'm lonely without you."

Hide smiles and he holds Kaneki's cheek. Kaneki closes his eyes, reveling in Hide's touch and his warmth. He can hear Ikuma's excited chatter and Nishiki engaging in a playful argument with Kimi. He can hear Hide's steady breathing and that's all that matters to him.

When he is alive, so is he.

* * *

Kaneki wakes up first the next morning. His eyes had snapped open like someone had stabbed him from behind and his heart races. He stares at nothing for a long moment, making sure he is calm before he carefully slips out from under the covers. His naked skin is exposed as the blankets fall away and he moves himself until he is sitting on the edge of the bed.

He takes a few breaths and looks down at his hands. His expression is empty when he catches the scars on each finger but when his sight falls on the glimmering ring, all dark thoughts fade to nothing and he smiles. His fingers brush over the metal and he heaves a relieved sigh.

Warm hands stroke his back and he soon finds himself pressed up against Hide. His bare chest meets his back and his arms are already wrapped around his waist.

"Did you have another nightmare?" Hide asks, his voice slightly hoarse.

Kaneki turns his head, so their eyes connect. He raises his right arm, grasping the back of his neck while his fingers run through the ends of his hair.

"I'm okay…" he whispers.

He moves back further against Hide. It's warm in their room from the heat outside and Hide's skin rubbing on him ignites fire in his veins.

Hide senses his desire and his hands begin to glide up and down his waist. His fingers trail from his stomach to his chest in a teasingly slow manner that causes Kaneki to whimper and lean his head back on his shoulder. Hide kisses his neck and then his fingers brush over Kaneki's nipples, already hard and begging to be touched. Hide's heart pounds in anticipation as he pinches the pink nubs, which react immediately to his touch. Hide pulls on the tips and watches his nipples grow more erect, his pale skin flushing with every move he does. Kaneki arches his back, his head leaning further onto his left shoulder as he gives Hide more access to his chest. Hearing Kaneki's heavy breathing and sighs in his ear turns him on too easily.

Already knowing Kaneki wants more, he pulls Kaneki further into him, his legs on either side of his body. He moves his hands down to grab his thighs and he spreads Kaneki's legs open. Kaneki blushes and his dick twitches, partially erect from Hide's caresses. Being exposed like this, Kaneki's heart beats so hard in his chest that he thinks Hide can hear it. His breathing quickens, and he tightens his grip on the back of Hide's neck.

Hide wraps his hand around his cock and Kaneki bucks his hips forward, urging Hide to do whatever he wants. Hide licks his lips and his hand strokes his cock up and down quickly, enjoying the feel of Kaneki's soft flesh on his hand. The way his dick hardens each time his hand squeezes and jerks back and forth makes Hide go faster. In seconds, Kaneki's cock is standing upright, the tip engorged with blood and weeping with droplets of pre-cum. Kaneki whines loudly and his head moves from side to side, unable to take anymore foreplay. His hips move up desperately when Hide slows down and Hide's thick cock rubs against Kaneki's lower back. Hide bite his lip so hard, he tastes blood.

Hide moves his hand until it becomes a blur in his eyes and the slick sound of his hand rubbing up and down on Kaneki's painfully hard dick resonates in the air. Kaneki opens his mouth, his moans sounding higher in pitch until Hide sees his thigh muscles clench and his dick twitching multiple times. Kaneki strangles out a breathy gasp when he cums, his semen spurting in the air. Droplets of cum fall on Hide's wrist and he presses his lips on the side of Kaneki's jaw while his lover settles from his first high.

Kaneki turns to Hide in an instant and his lips collide in a sloppy fashion on Hide's waiting mouth. Their tongues are fully displayed between their mouths, playing, licking, and tying strings of saliva that only feeds their heightened lust.

" _I want it,_ _I want it_ ," Kaneki whispers repeatedly. His pupils are dilated to the point where his eyes look black and Hide breaks his inner fiend loose.

"Get on your knees," Hide demands. His voice is rough and cold, and Kaneki shivers in utter excitement.

Hide watches Kaneki crawling back on the mattress, his knees propping himself up. He lowers his upper half and spreads his knees far apart. Hide shifts so that he's positioned behind him, his hand flicking up and down on his thick, weeping cock. Kaneki forces himself not to look back, wanting to rely on feeling right than sight. He imagines Hide's dick inside him and every cell in his body screams for sex.

"Hide…Hide!" he cries out.

He doesn't care if he sounds like a whore. He grabs his ass and spreads his cheeks apart, revealing his hole that widens and shrinks in starving need for him. Hide groans softly at the erotic sight and the veins on his dick pulse violently. He pours a generous amount of lube all over his throbbing cock and shoves his wet fingers into Kaneki's hole without warning. Kaneki whines in delight and his ass immediately moves back onto his hand for more.

Hide withdraws his hand, causing Kaneki to cry out in protest once more as his hips sway back and forth in dire need. Hide can see Kaneki's balls swinging with his movement and he growls with lust. He grabs Kaneki's hips, his nails digging deep to leave marks and he thrusts his cock fully inside, not giving his lover time to adjust.

Not that Kaneki needs time, he screams so erotically that Hide is already pounding his dick hard and deep inside his hole without mercy. He's a slut for Hide and he doesn't give a single damn. All his modesty doesn't exist when Hide is fucking him.

" _Fuck_ yes! Aaaahhh!"

Kaneki can't believe how much he loves the feeling of Hide's dick violating his insides over and over without pause. Rougher, harder, deeper _, more_.

Hide's hips slamming on his ass creates a loud slapping sound that echoes relentlessly throughout their room. Anyone coming into their apartment could hear it. Kaneki's gasps join in, his breaths cutting off abruptly with every powerful thrust rocking his body. His hole clutches onto Hide's dick with so much greed. Hide watches the skin of his hole dragging on his dick every time he goes in and out, and his cock grows bigger at the sight, realizing how much Kaneki craves him every time.

Kaneki's body jerks up and down on the mattress, his ass bouncing rhythmically in time with Hide's thrusts. His ass cheeks jiggle, his flesh juicy and begging to be smacked. Hide releases his hips so that he rests his hands on either side of Kaneki. He cages Kaneki and as he hovers over him, he snaps his hips up and down so hard, Kaneki's ass cheeks shake more to the point where it looks like Hide's bouncing a ball with his body. Kaneki's eyes roll back in an instant and his mouth hangs open. He pants like a deranged dog. He lets out a long, lust-filled moan that morphs into breathy gasps with every sharp thrust. Hide finds his prostate in no time and Kaneki screams louder.

"Fuuuck! _I'm gonna cum_!"

 _Slap, slap, slap, slap._

Kaneki begins to drool. The sounds of their skin meeting is all they can hear. All they can think of is the feel of their bodies joining together. Nothing can stop them. Hide focuses on one thing only, his energy poured into thrusting in and out, in and out.

 _Slap, slap, slap!_

Kaneki throws his head back, his scream silent as he cums hard. His eyes are stuck on the ceiling, his semen spraying all over the mattress under him as Hide pierces his prostate again and again. Hide feels Kaneki's hole clenching strong on his dick and Hide continues to thrust and thrust. Kaneki's muscles move as he arches his back. His ass shakes with his orgasm and Kaneki's hips jerk down and up as he cums rope after rope.

Hide pulls his dick out completely, but he stays hovered over his baby. His dick is still rock hard, and he rubs it on Kaneki's round ass, staining it with pre-cum. He watches Kaneki breathing heavily from his explosive orgasm. Kaneki's hips rest on the dirty mattress and he peers over his shoulder, his large eyes dilated yet innocent. Hide smirks at how pure he looks despite how naughty he actually is. Kaneki's arms tremble as he pushes himself up.

"Hide, kiss me, please," Kaneki begs shamelessly. His lips are parted and ready for him.

Hide takes those lips, biting them and letting Kaneki taste the inside of his mouth. Their lips smack loudly, their tongues dripping with their combined saliva. Kaneki pants like he can't breathe and Hide chokes him more with his tongue.

"You done already, baby?" Hide questions. His voice is as rough as before, arousing Kaneki to no end.

Kaneki feels Hide's hard dick rubbing up and down on his ass and he licks Hide's chin. "Fuck me more. I want more."

"You sure? Can you handle it?" Hide asks. His hands pull at Kaneki's nipples again and then his left hand grabs his neck, squeezing hard.

Kaneki gasps in pleasure from the choke hold and he bites his lip till it turns red. "Yes _, fuck_ yes!"

That's all Hide needs to hear and he holds Kaneki's body against him, flipping his baby over until his back is on the mattress. Kaneki breathes in awe when he can see Hide's naked body shining with sweat. His eyes land on his dick and they widen with growing lust. It looks bigger than the last time they had sex. He opens his legs without hesitation, his asshole raw but still yearning for more.

Hide's fiery eyes soften when he takes in Kaneki's tender face written with desire. He nestles himself between Kaneki's open legs and his lover's breaths hit his face. Kaneki notices Hide's gaze and he smiles, adoring those brown eyes that regard him like no one else. His arms rise, his hands grasping both of Hide's cheeks.

Hide captures his lips once more, his eyes staying open as he watches Kaneki melt under him. He breaks away and then kisses him again and again, loving how Kaneki never tires from their lips meeting. It's messy and their mouths are numb, but Kaneki follows him when he pulls back. Their noses collide, and their eyes connect.

"So fucking cute," Hide tells him.

Kaneki blinks at him and he licks the side of his face, moaning at the taste of his sweat. "Am I really?" he says with a smirk.

Hide stares him down and he pushes his twitching dick inside of Kaneki, making Kaneki lose his breath. Kaneki's expression turns needy again and his legs wrap around Hide's waist, locking him in place. Hide holds his wrists down as he moves his hips up and down, but after only three thrusts, Hide groans loudly. His eyes screw shut as he cums, his semen filling Kaneki's hole until it dribbles between his ass cheeks.

"Yes! Give it to me!" Kaneki exclaims.

He finally gets to feel Hide's fluids drowning his insides and it makes him feel so warm and wanted. His cheeks flush dark red and he pushes his ass up to take in more of Hide's dick. Hide breathes heavily when his orgasm ends, his cock shooting out a few more spurts of thick cum into Kaneki's hungry hole.

"Fuck, sorry babe," Hide hisses. He pulls out of Kaneki, a long string of cum following between the tip of his cock and Kaneki's gasping hole.

Kaneki watches with dilated pupils as Hide hastily flicks his hand up and down his cock over his body. Hide stares at the way Kaneki looks at his dick with such thirst and his hole overflowing with his cum makes it far too easy for him to get erect again.

"It's mine. All mine," Kaneki tells him. He gazes at him intensely.

Hide positions himself back and Kaneki draws him in with his legs around his core. Hide thrusts in roughly and Kaneki whines in pleasure. He will never get over the feel of Hide entering him with his thick cock.

The slapping sound echoes in the room once more and Hide grabs Kaneki's thighs, pushing them back until his knees are touching the mattress. Kaneki loves how much deeper Hide thrusts in this position and he can see Hide's thick cock plunging all the way in and out in a slow and fluid motion. His ass ripples with the impact of Hide's hips smacking down hard. A squishing sound emits from where Hide's wet cock enters his slippery hole every time and it makes the two that much more aggressive.

"Don't stop, _don't stop!_ " Kaneki shouts.

He can't get enough.

" _Aaahh! Aahh! Aaah!_ "

 _Slap, slap, slap._

Kaneki gasps and stops breathing. Then gasps again.

 _Slap, slap, slap, slap!_

"Yes! Yes!"

Hide's abs clench and harden with his fucking and Kaneki can't stop staring. Hide's chest looks so sexy covered in beads of sweat. Hide releases his wrists and Kaneki claws at his arms, his fingernails scratching his muscles.

Hide's balls repeatedly hit the back of his ass the faster he goes. Hide can see Kaneki's eyes rolling back and then half-way closed. His mouth stays agape, his moans filthy and matching each time his dick spears his prostate head on.

Kaneki's chest shakes and Hide feels his long bangs sticking to the sides of his face as the strands brush down his shoulders. Kaneki begs for more, begs for him to keep fucking him harder and harder.

The squishing sound of his dick entering Kaneki's hole gets louder and Hide clenches his teeth, trying to hold himself from cumming too early. He grabs Kaneki close to him again and moves them into a different position. Kaneki moans when he feels Hide's dick grinding and moving inside him. He finds his ass sitting on top as Hide adjusts himself on his back.

"Show me how nasty you really are, baby," Hide challenges him. He lifts his hips, his long dick brushing his prostate deep inside.

Kaneki doesn't hesitate whatsoever, and he bounces on Hide like it's the last thing he'll do. Kaneki moans and whines, his head bending back and his chest heaving and shaking as he moves up and down on Hide's dick. His nails scrape against Hide's chest and abs.

"Fuck yeah…" Hide whispers. He sees Kaneki's nipples begging to be pinched and he does so, pulling and twisting them and loving how much louder Kaneki screams.

"Oh fuck!" Kaneki exclaims. His ass jiggles constantly, the squishing sounds of his hole sucking on Hide's dick combines with the relentless smacking of his skin meeting Hide's hips.

Kaneki's dick flops forward and back onto his stomach, creating a thudding sound that arouses Hide and engorges his cock. Kaneki squeals when he feels Hide growing inside him and he bends forward until his chest touches Hide's. His eyes stare upwards and he drools all over himself.

"Aaah! Hide, you're so fucking deep!" Kaneki shrieks. His mouth hangs open. He yearns for release. He wants it so much.

Hide can't restrain himself and he takes hold of Kaneki's hips. He braces his feet on the bed and lifts his ass off the mattress. He fucks upwards, his dick piercing straight on to Kaneki's prostate. Kaneki's eyes widen, and he cries out in pure ecstasy.

"Yes! Fuck! Yes, yes! _Ahhh!_ "

Hide goes into overdrive, putting all his strength into thrusting his aching dick into Kaneki's hole. He groans loud at how easily Kaneki's ass sucks on his dick. He goes in and out hard, fast, and deep. His mind is consumed with the sight of his dick entering and appearing and disappearing again. He can feel his release coming and by the way Kaneki screams, he doesn't stop at all.

Kaneki's legs are split wide open as Hide's dick penetrates him, hitting his prostate harder and harder.

Hide can see Kaneki's thighs clenching under his hands and Kaneki can feel Hide's cock twitching nonstop inside of him.

"I'm fucking cumming! _I'm cumming!_ " Kaneki shouts so loudly. The neighbors surely heard him, and he wants them to know how good he's getting fucked.

In a rush, Kaneki arches his back, his cock spurting out more streams of semen. Cum splatters on Hide's chest and stomach. Kaneki's moan is cut off and breathy as he rides out his third orgasm. Hide moans long as his dick pushes in once more. He feeds more ropes of thick semen into Kaneki's ass. Kaneki bites his lip and sighs happily when Hide cums deep inside him.

Hide hisses and then his hips lower when he finishes, cum sticking between where their bodies stay joined together. Kaneki clings on top of Hide like a koala, refusing to part from him. They both take a moment to catch their breaths. The room is hotter than when they started, and Hide is sweating through the sheets underneath them.

"Oh shit…" Hide whispers.

He looks down to see Kaneki's eyes are closed. His white hair sticks to his chest since his head rests on him and stray strands also glue to his pink cheeks. Kaneki looks so beautiful laying on top of him.

Hide goes to pull his dick out of him but Kaneki tightens his hold, shaking his head furiously.

"Come on, babe. Aren't you disgusted by how messy I made you?" Hide says.

Kaneki lifts his head, glaring at him. Hide chuckles and he groans as he pushes himself into a sitting position. Kaneki remains connected to him and his feisty pout makes Hide want to ruin him again. He grasps Kaneki's cheeks, pushing them together so that Kaneki's lips pucker, and his frown is nowhere to be found.

"You're my naughty baby," Hide whispers in a husky tone.

He licks over Kaneki's lips and releases his cheeks. Kaneki's eyes are watery from the aftermath of their sex and he feels so dizzy. Hide holds the back of his head, his fingers brushing through his moist locks.

"You okay? Was I too rough?" Hide asks, his eyes worried.

Kaneki grins and he kisses Hide. Their wet lips smack together and Kaneki smiles against his lips. He then licks Hide's chin, dragging his tongue all over his sweaty face. Hide sighs while Kaneki's tongue laps down his jaw, to his neck, and to his chest. Swirling his tongue over Hide's nipples, Kaneki places his hands on Hide's pecs. His ring sparkles on Hide's skin and Kaneki moves back up to face him.

"I wish we didn't have to stop. I feel so weak right now. I love it," Kaneki says.

Kaneki's body aches but in the best way possible. He moves his ass and feels Hide's dick still buried deep inside him.

"I love the mess we make. I'm never disgusted. Never," Kaneki adds.

Hide gives a small smile and he brushes the white strands sticking to Kaneki's cheek. He grabs Kaneki's hips and Kaneki reluctantly allows Hide to slip himself out. Cum spills like it does every time and Hide grabs his ass cheeks hard. Kaneki gasps and looks into Hide's eyes with lingering desire.

"Look at all this cum inside you. You like this?" Hide says. He plays with his ass, moving his cheeks together and then pulling them apart. He watches with amusement as more semen drips out every time he opens Kaneki's ass.

"Yes. It's mine. I feel like you own me when I see it. That makes me happy," Kaneki admits.

Kaneki embraces him, pressing his body onto Hide so every part of them is touching. His nipples graze Hide's pecs and he sighs when Hide slaps his ass with both hands. Hide breathes in Kaneki's scent and his left hand trails up to his waist. He sees his ring sparkling as his hand moves and he grips Kaneki tighter.

It's quiet. Their breathing soothes them, reminds them that they're together. Safe.

Kaneki rests his head against Hide's warm chest like he always does. His hand stays where Hide's heart is. Hide's pulse pounds like the way he remembers. His eyes sting and he nuzzles his head further into him.

Hide's hand caresses up and down Kaneki's back, massaging his soft skin. His eyes are closed. The side of his face lies on Kaneki's head. Feeling Kaneki moving closer against him sparks bursts of euphoria to flood his body.

"Can…can we stay like this forever?"

Kaneki's voice sounds gentle and soft. Yearning for Hide.

"Yes, my love."

Hide's voice reassures him. Giving him all he has.

Their souls are one.

* * *

 **Next chapter is the last!**


	23. Love

A new year arrives in the blink of an eye. At twenty years old, both boys have now officially reached adulthood.

During break at his part-time job, the manager tells him he has a phone call waiting for him. Hide is shocked to hear his father's voice greeting him on the other side.

Maybe he should have expected this. A few weeks ago, Hide had decided to write a letter to his father. Updating him on everything.

He didn't think his father would talk to him so soon, considering they hadn't spoken very much for three years.

He only has about thirty minutes before he must get back to work, but as soon as his father speaks, time is lost to him.

His father is upset. He's not angry but Hide can sense disappointment in his tone. Sitting on a hard, plastic chair, Hide stares at the plain wall opposite from him, and he focuses entirely on his father's heavy silence.

"I'm sad you didn't contact me earlier…"

His father's voice is low, and Hide is glad no one else is in the break room now.

"We needed time, dad. I needed time…"

His father sighs. "No, I understand. It's just…I'm sad I couldn't help you when you were in so much pain. You and Kaneki."

There is a short pause.

"I'm so sorry, Hide. I failed you again."

Hide sits up straighter and he shakes his head. "Dad, no, you didn't fail me. It's fine. Ken and I are fine now. I just wanted to tell you everything because I don't want secrets between us. It was something we had to handle on our own."

Hide gives a small smile. "We survived."

He hears his father take in deeper breaths and he gazes at the linoleum floor.

"Are you sure you both are okay? Are you really okay now?" his father repeats.

"Yes, dad. We have moments here and there, but it's nothing. We're healing," Hide replies.

"If you say so. How are you boys getting your lives back in order?"

"Well, Ken and I still have our part-time jobs…but we both stopped school for a year because of what happened. We've had to reapply for the next semester at Kamii this coming April. A year wasted but..." Hide peers at the bulging veins on his hand as he lets it dangle between his legs.

"I'm glad. As long as you two are safe, that's all I care about. I'm going to send more money to your account to help you and Kaneki pay for tuition."

"Dad, don't-"

"Please, Hide, let me do this."

"Okay. Thank you."

Hide takes in a calming breath and he hears his father typing away at his computer for a few minutes. The two of them are silent again, but this time, there is less tension as they both sink in the events of the past few months.

Hide leans against the plastic chair, his left arm resting on the back of the adjacent seat next to him. His heart skips a beat before he continues. "Hey…dad?"

"Yeah?" his father replies. Hide can still hear him typing.

"Did you love mom?"

His father stops his action. "Of course, I did. Why do you ask?"

"It's just…when I thought I was going to lose Ken, I just didn't, no, _couldn't_ give up. I had to do everything in my power to get him back. I couldn't lose someone I care about ever again…"

He can hear his father's chair creaking in the background.

"Back then, I always wondered why you were never around after what happened to mom. Were you afraid? Why didn't you…" Hide cuts himself off and he thinks he may have said too much.

His father doesn't say anything for a long while and Hide has to listen more closely to hear him shifting off his seat.

"You're right, Hide. I was afraid."

Hide feels his heart thumping harder.

"That night when she came home, I just couldn't think anymore. I felt so empty inside and…I couldn't face it. I couldn't face what happened to her and I couldn't confront her. I was a damn coward. The only thing that made sense to me was my work."

His father pauses again.

"But I loved her, Hide. I loved her, and I still do now. I realized that running away from the truth was the biggest mistake I ever made. I…we lost her, and it's my fault…"

Hide runs a hand through his hair and he clenches his head. His eyes are flooding. "I miss her. I miss her so much."

He hates that he sounds weak.

"Me too, son. I'm sorry. That's why I'm proud of you, Hide. I'm proud that you're stronger and braver than me. You did something that I failed to do back then. You're always there for the one you love without a doubt in your mind and you don't let anything stop you. That's what your mother would have done for you too."

Hide sniffs and he rubs his moist eyes. "Yeah…I guess so." He smiles through his tears.

"You know, the more I spoke with Kaneki's mother, she made me realize that cold hard truth. That I was consumed in my work and shutting myself from the ones I loved. I realized she was doing the same. Maybe I should have helped her too…"

Hide rests his head on his hand. "You can't solve everything, dad. I don't know if you would have been able to stop her."

His father sighs. "I suppose not. But she is also a woman I won't forget."

Hide glances at the clock and realizes he's fifteen minutes past his break time. "Oh, hey, I better get back to work. I'll talk to you later."

"All right, son. Sometime in the future, I'll come back to Japan and visit you two. I'll let you know. Take care of yourself, Hide."

"Yeah, I will. Come visit us anytime."

"Give my regards to Kaneki. Stay safe."

"Bye, dad. Take care."

Hide hangs up the work phone and he sits in the break room for a minute longer. A small smile crosses his lips and he closes his eyes. When he hears another employee coming in, that's when he stands up and leaves.

Returning to his work, somehow, he feels a weight falling off his shoulder.

* * *

On an overcast day, Kaneki decides to visit his mother's grave after his shift was over, something he thought he'd never do. He hadn't visited her grave since the day she died. It's been ten years.

After letting his husband know where he'd be, Kaneki slings his messenger bag over his shoulder and exits Anteiku once evening hits.

He had decided to go alone. Walking through the city without Hide by his side feels weird to him. It's alarming how unthinkable it is not to have his husband with him. He sniffs the sleeve of his white shirt, smelling the thick scent of coffee embedded within the cloth. It comforts him when he's feeling so nervous.

He had written down the directions to the gravesite just in case, but he surprises himself. He remembers exactly where it is. The ten-year-old child inside him leads the way like he never left her.

The sun is gone by the time he makes it to the graveyard and his palms start to sweat. His heart hammers like a trapped mouse and he takes a few deep breaths. Like the day she was buried, the graveyard is desolate. The trees still rustle in the wind like the ghosts are dancing among them. His legs automatically take him to where his mother is buried without a misstep.

He stands in front of the tombstone, reading her name and the date she passed. He curses himself at the last minute, thinking he should have brought flowers for her. But instead, he reaches into his bag and grabs a picture frame. He gazes down at the photo of his father. Tracing his father's face with his thumb, he looks back at his mother's tombstone and kneels to the grass. He sets the picture frame in front of her stone towards the right. As he takes in the view of his father under his mother's name, he smiles. A wave of melancholy flows over him and he sits on his knees for a while longer. The wind blows past and rustles through his white hair.

He closes his eyes.

While he's lost in space, he feels something touch his shoulder and he gasps. His eyes snap open and he looks up. His breath is stolen when he sees her.

She smiles down at him, her cold fingers grasping his shoulder.

His mouth parts, but no words come out.

She says nothing. Her hand releases him, choosing to stroke through his hair instead. Her fingers brush along the soft strands and he feels calm. She makes her way down to his cheek and holds him there. She then lowers herself to his level.

He smiles back at her, his eyes glazing over with unshed tears.

After all these years, she finally looks happy. Truly happy. No sign of pain in her body. Her hand begins to feel warm on his face.

Just when his hand reaches up to touch her, she begins to fade. His eyes widen but her smile remains. He tries to reach for her again, but she disappears completely, leaving him alone once more.

He feels his chest tighten but he swallows hard. Instead, he continues to smile. He looks back at her tombstone once more, his father now beside her. He brings himself back up on his feet, brushing the grass off his knees as he does.

Lifting his head up at the night sky, the stars twinkle brighter than they do in the city. The dark clouds linger, hiding most of them from the world.

He walks away.

 _Goodbye, mother._

…

Strange.

Somehow, he is back in his mother's old apartment. She is alive, standing in the kitchen. She stays hunched over as she keeps herself busy with cooking.

"Oh goodness…I've made too much, haven't I?"

She sounds tired but joyful and to his surprise, he sees his father coming up to her side. He holds her close against him.

"Nonsense. Your sister and her family could eat a whole house if they wanted to."

His voice is deep and gentle.

They both laugh and neither of them turn around to face him. He doesn't understand. He looks around and reaches for the front door. Before he could touch the handle, it opens for him on its own.

He finds himself running too slowly out into the street. The sun is orange, just like the day he met _him_.

Where is he?

Down the lengthy road, he sees his aunt and cousin speeding past him. The entire Asaoka family march onwards and he hears loud music blasting along with them. It hurts his ears and he walks faster.

The sun begins to bleed red and he finds it harder to breathe the more he keeps going. As he continues, he sees more and more people from his past. The bullies that tormented him, the club girl who tried to steal _him_ away. Nishiki, Yoshimura, Ikuma.

The sky is crimson by the time he reaches the city. The energetic streets are unusually empty, and his lungs are burning in his chest. His feet decide to give up on him and he finds himself falling.

"Whoa! Be careful, Ken!"

He collides into someone's arms. A pair of arms that he could stay in forever. He breathes heavily, and the man stabilizes him. Gazing up, he meets Hide's warm eyes.

"My love…" Kaneki whispers. He grins at him.

Hide doesn't waste time and his lips press onto his. Kaneki kisses him back immediately, but there is something not right. Hide pulls away too quickly and his head hovers near his shoulder.

"Hide…look at me," Kaneki tells him.

When he does, Hide frowns and he coughs into his hand. Kaneki's eyes widen in horror when he sees thick blood seeping through Hide's fingers and when he pulls his hand away, Hide's mouth continues dripping with red.

Hide doubles over in pain and he drops to his knees. Kaneki lets out a sharp gasp and he follows his lover to the concrete.

"Hide!" Kaneki can barely speak.

Kaneki keeps Hide upright as his lover weakens further. Hide lifts his head and his eyes are black. Blood smears all over Kaneki's hands when he grasps his lover's face.

"It's only a matter of time," Hide says.

Kaneki tries to breathe but it's getting difficult. "What are you saying?"

Hide doesn't answer. Instead, he uses all his waning strength to get back on his feet. When he looks at Kaneki again, his eyes are cold and blank. He coughs up more blood and then he turns. He walks away from him.

"No! Hide!"

Kaneki tries to catch up to him, but something holds him back. Hide disappears from his sights and no matter how loudly he screams, it can't reach him.

He gazes at his bloodied hands and while he does so, the scenery changes and then Hide's body lies next to him. His eyes are closed, his skin far too pale. A frozen smile on his face.

"No! Don't leave me! Please!"

Kaneki can't feel his pulse.

…

He wakes up, breathing fast and hard. He looks over his shoulder, checking to see if Hide is there. His husband is sleeping soundly next to him, his rhythmic breathing filling the silence. Kaneki places a hand over his racing heart.

The images of that nightmare plague his mind and he turns onto his right side. He scoots his body closer until his hands grasp onto Hide's left arm. He holds on as tight as possible, trying to think of anything else but his dream.

Hide's scent overwhelms his senses and it calms him down. He exhales and nuzzles his head against his arm. He hears Hide groaning in his sleep.

"Mm…what's going on? Hmm?" Hide mumbles and Kaneki feels Hide's hand playing with his hair.

"You okay, baby? You're holding my arm really tight…" Hide tells him, his words slightly slurred from sleep.

Kaneki can barely make out Hide's face in the dark, but he smiles hearing his voice. "I…I just had a nightmare…"

"Hmm?" Hide turns to Kaneki completely and he yawns. He grabs the back of Kaneki's head and pulls him closer. Kaneki already feels better with the way Hide holds him protectively.

"What's wrong? Are you still scared? Don't hesitate to wake me up, babe," Hide says. His tone is comforting, yet serious.

Kaneki feels Hide's cheek. "It's okay, my love. Go back to sleep. I'm fine."

"No, you're not. I can tell by your breathing. Also, your fingernails are digging into me," Hide replies.

When Kaneki begins to loosen his grip, Hide places his hand over his, keeping him there. "No, I don't mind. Hold me as tight as you want."

"I'm sorry," Kaneki whispers.

"Stop that. Don't ever apologize. I'm always here for you," Hide says.

When Kaneki stays quiet, Hide's hand continues brushing through his soft hair. "Hey, let's go to the kitchen. I'll make you something."

"N-No, Hide. Really, I'm fine."

Hide doesn't listen, and he pulls on Kaneki's arm. "Come on, let's go."

"Hide…" Kaneki tries to stop him, but he knows it's no use.

Kaneki releases him as Hide flips the blankets off. Hide grabs for something on the end of bed and he wraps it around his husband. Kaneki feels warm and cozy in an instant and he can tell Hide had thrown one of his jackets over him. Kaneki blushes and his heart beats with strong adoration for him. He watches Hide yawning again as the blond throws on a gray hoodie over his white T-shirt. He then crawls towards Kaneki's curled form on the bed.

"I'm taking you with me, cutie," Hide says in a mischievous tone.

Kaneki feels himself getting picked up in Hide's arms bridal-style and he keeps his jacket wrapped around him. He holds onto his husband as tightly as before and he stares up at him. Hide carefully takes them to the kitchen, with Kaneki turning on the lights along the way. When he can clearly see Hide's face, Hide looks down with sleepy eyes but a cheerful smile. Kaneki's heart melts at the sight and he kisses his chest.

In their small kitchen, Hide sets Kaneki down on the countertop of the island before heading towards the fridge.

Kaneki looks at the clock on the microwave. 2:40 AM. He slaps himself mentally.

"Ken, check this out." Hide whips around and holds up a plastic container and from the label, Kaneki discovers it is cookie dough.

"I found this at a convenience store near work the other day and it's something that's popular in America. I grabbed it because it looks easy to make and right now, I'm craving for sweets. Wanna get fat with me?" Hide asks him as he waves the ready-made cookie dough in the air. He grins at Kaneki like an excited child.

Kaneki smiles, his cheeks pink as he laughs at how silly his lover is. "Sure, why not."

At his response, Hide holds the container up like a trophy and then he moves on to grab a baking tray. Kaneki slides off the countertop and shuffles next to Hide.

The boys roll the cookie dough in their hands, placing the batter onto the tray one at a time. Hide hums a random tune while they work in the dead of night and Kaneki finds his mind completely at ease. Hide smiles as he stares at Kaneki's concentrated expression. At the same time, he wonders what scared Kaneki so badly earlier and his expression dampens.

Hide recalls Kaneki's worst nightmares happened in the weeks after they were reunited. There were times when Kaneki would leave the bed and hide himself in the bathroom. Kaneki never shut him away though. Every time Hide entered his space, Kaneki would grab him and stay attached to him for a long while. It was hard for them to separate from each other.

Hide still finds it a challenge to separate from him. From how close Kaneki is standing next to him now, the feeling is mutual.

By the time they are finished, ten rolled cookie doughs are ready to be baked.

"Can I put it in?" Kaneki asks him. His large eyes look at him with childlike innocence.

Hide gently pinches his right cheek and allows him to do so. Kaneki adjusts the temperature and places the tray inside the oven while Hide sets the timer to bake. Hide flicks on the oven light for them to see and then he pats Kaneki on the back.

"And now, we wait!" Hide announces the obvious and Kaneki nods with a smile.

Hide sits himself at the table with Kaneki glued to his side. Hide places his left arm on the flat surface before lying his head down. Kaneki immediately feels guilt for keeping him up but before he could say anything, Hide smiles at him.

"I can't sleep if you can't sleep, babe. Don't look sad, okay?" Hide tells him. His fingers reach up to stroke Kaneki's soft cheeks.

Kaneki takes his hand and kisses his knuckles. He gazes at Hide with his feelings on full display. His blond hair is messier than usual and Hide lifts his head from the table. He runs his hand through Kaneki's white hair, some loose strands sticking up in different directions. Kaneki notices Hide seems deep in thought, especially when his eyes wander away from his face.

"What are you thinking about?" Kaneki says quietly.

Hide's eyes travel back to him. "Well…it's pretty random. I don't know why it crossed my mind just now."

Kaneki presses his chest on Hide's arm, his chin resting on his shoulder. "Tell me."

Hide gives a nervous smile. "I don't know if I should. Especially when you just had a nightmare."

"Hide, it's okay. You've got me curious. Please?" Kaneki asks. He blinks his large eyes at him and Hide can't resist.

"Well…" Hide stares at the wall in front of them and Kaneki doesn't look away from him. "I've been thinking…are human life spans shorter than ghoul life spans?"

Kaneki's eyes widen at that question and a flash of his nightmare appears in his head. The image of Hide with a frozen smile.

Kaneki wraps his hands around Hide's arm and tightens. Hide's jaw muscle clenches and he looks back at his lover. The brown of his irises are vibrant, but they hold a tinge of sadness.

"Ghouls live longer, don't they?" Hide asks.

Hide can see Kaneki's pupils constricting and his mouth opens slightly. Hide looks down at his hands clasped on the table.

"I just wonder, if I was a ghoul, would it be better that way?"

"No!" Kaneki says louder than he intended.

Hide turns to him, his eyes wide at his outburst.

Kaneki's cheeks redden, and he leans his face on his arm, his desperate gaze connecting with him.

"Hide, don't ever think that being a ghoul would be better. I wouldn't want you to change at all. You're the only one for me. Just as you are. A human I would do anything for," Kaneki says with his whole heart.

Hide reaches over to touch Kaneki's hand grasping his arm. "But I'll probably die before you, Ken. I don't want to leave you alone."

Kaneki remembers Hide's eerie words in his dream and how blood spilled from his mouth. He feels his eyes growing watery and he chokes back his growing emotions.

"No…Hide, if you die, I die," Kaneki says, his voice shaking.

Hide narrows his eyes at what he said. "Ken, no. You wouldn't."

Kaneki nods his head. "I can't live without you. I don't ever want to lose you." He presses himself harder on his husband, longing for his touch.

Hide grabs Kaneki's chin and he stares into Kaneki's tear-filled eyes. "Ken…you can't do that. You can't kill yourself if I die before you do. You have to promise me you won't."

Kaneki shakes his head and Hide's heart grows heavy. "I'm sorry, Hide. I can't do that. You saw me back when I was in that prison. I was close, remember?"

Hide touches Kaneki's lips with his thumb. Those grey eyes pierce his chest and he is reminded of that dark time. He is glad Kaneki has returned to being healthy, for he remembers all too well of how he starved himself. How he was covered in so many scars. Even now, when Kaneki shows him his body, the scars are faded. But they remain.

Stray tears travel over Kaneki's nose as he closes his eyes. His head stays on Hide's upper arm. Hide looks down at the table and he grasps his forehead.

They stay quiet together for a moment.

"You and I…are so far deep. There's no escaping it. I've been tied to you since the day I met you…"

Kaneki opens his eyes and he stares at Hide's jaw line. Hide feels his lover's gaze and he looks back at him. His fingers wipe away the streaks of tears on his pale skin.

"What if I died first, Hide?" Kaneki whispers.

Hide feels his heart clench at his words. "God, I don't want to think about that. I almost lost you, baby."

Kaneki looks at his hands clenching Hide's arm. "I'm sure you'd be able to live on. Maybe you would find someone else to love-"

Hide clasps the side of Kaneki's cheek. His intense gaze brings heat to Kaneki's face. "You've got to be kidding me. Someone else to love? I could never love anyone ever again. _Ever. Again_."

Kaneki's breathing is heavy, and he's hypnotized by Hide's voice.

"And living in a world without you? I…"

Hide's warm lips land on Kaneki's forehead. Kaneki feels his love seeping through his action and his heart jumps several times.

"Hide…" he breathes. He will always want more.

Hide smells Kaneki's scent as his lips stay pressing hard on his forehead before trailing down to his temple.

"We're doomed. We need to go together," Hide whispers against his skin.

He notices Kaneki's face is flushed and he kisses his cheek again and again. Kaneki's breathing turns ragged with his actions and Hide doesn't let up.

"Oh god, don't leave me. Don't ever leave me…" Kaneki begs him.

Hide wraps his other arm around him, grabbing Kaneki against his body. "We'll live together for as long as we can. You and I."

Kaneki smiles and Hide feels him nodding against his chest. "Yes. I'll always be at your side," Kaneki says, his tone stronger.

The witching hours of the night progress and the boys are glad they are not working the next day. Soon enough, Hide is happily munching on the cookies they made and then washing it down with a glass of cold milk. Forever at his side, Kaneki nibbles on the cookie like a child and Hide chuckles when he gets crumbs on his mouth. Hide wraps his jacket tighter around his husband and then he buries his nose in his hair once more, inhaling deeply. His lips find his temple and Kaneki leans further into his touch, yearning for more.

"Feeling better, my love?" Hide asks.

Kaneki tilts his head to look at him. His smile is sweeter than the cookies they're eating. "110 percent better."

Every day and every night, they fall deeper and deeper. They come and go, hand in hand.

* * *

The cherry blossoms fall like rain all over campus. Hide has his headphones on, finally finished with his classes for the day. He breathes in deeply, the smell of spring filling his soul.

Out of nowhere, he feels a body colliding hard against his back and he nearly collapses. Right away, he knows who it is, and he laughs as the two of them spin around to gain balance.

"There you are, baby," Hide says with a grin.

He turns his waist enough to see Kaneki hugging him from behind and those grey eyes already staring up at him. Bright and joyful.

"I missed you!" Kaneki exclaims. He pouts at him, his chin resting on his back.

Hide takes his headphones off and he turns further towards his husband. "Come here."

Kaneki laughs as Hide bends down and scatters multiple kisses on his neck. He inhales Kaneki's scent while the half-ghoul tightens his hold around his body. When Hide moves back just enough to look at his face, he sees nothing but bliss in Kaneki's expression.

They are free. They are together.

They walk out of campus side by side, telling each other about their classes. They are lucky to share at least one class together this semester. Based on the way Kaneki talks more than usual, Hide can tell he is happy to return to a normal life as a college student.

There is nothing more important to him than seeing his love at peace.

As a surprise, Hide stands in front of Kaneki when they are midway towards home. He bends down and looks over his shoulder.

"Hey, get on my back. I'll take you somewhere," Hide says. He beams at the puzzled look his husband gives him.

"Wh-Where are we going?" Kaneki asks. He takes hold of Hide's orange bag and then carefully climbs onto Hide's back.

Once Hide secures Kaneki against him, he meets the curious large eyes staring through him. "It's a surprise."

Kaneki scoffs but he smiles anyway. He wraps his arms tightly around his husband's shoulders. He presses his cheek on his back and listens to Hide's breathing as he moves.

Some strangers watch the boys with odd gazes. Hide continues carrying Kaneki like a backpack towards his intended destination. Soon, they are out of the city streets and instead of going down the usual road home, Hide takes a detour through a path Kaneki is not familiar with.

Kaneki has the urge to question Hide, but he decides against it. Instead, he enjoys the ride, loving the way Hide holds him like he is something fragile. Hide's breathing calms him more than anything else. They are quiet the whole way.

The afternoon sun is mellow and Kaneki gasps when he begins to recognize the neighborhood Hide is heading towards.

Catching sight of the familiar buildings, nostalgia hits him like lightning. Hearing Kaneki's breathing change in awe, Hide smiles and he adjusts his grip on his legs.

Soon Kaneki gasps once more when he sees the park of their childhood. The place where they first met. Their old neighborhood.

"Welcome home," Hide says and he eases himself down to let Kaneki off his back.

"We haven't been here for a long time. Nothing's changed…" Kaneki says. For some reason, he is breathless.

The park has a few children scattered here and there, but it's never too crowded. The boys make their way towards the stone whale structure and instead of climbing up, they decide to lounge against it on the ground.

They set their backpacks aside and Hide takes his seat first. He groans as his muscles relax and Kaneki joins him. Kaneki stands in front of him before settling himself down against his husband. Hide smiles warmly and wraps his arms around him in a strong embrace. Kaneki sighs happily, his head leaning on his shoulder. He places his hands on Hide's arms and holds on tightly.

Not too far from where they sit, Kaneki can see the sandbox where he and Hide first played in and he can't help but smile at the memory.

"The sun feels great today…" Hide mutters. He looks up at the blue sky, watching the fluffy white clouds.

Kaneki catches their rings clinking together when his left hand touches Hide's. He feels Hide's mouth grazing the back of his head. From where they are, nobody else is around.

He shifts so that he's facing Hide. Those brown eyes blink at him curiously but soften when Kaneki smiles. Kaneki gently grabs hold of his face and he moves closer. His lips find Hide's warm ones and he tastes him on his tongue. Soft and sweet. Their tongues peek out and touch, grazing together and caressing the insides of their mouths. Hide's hand holds the back of Kaneki's neck, his other arm secure around his waist.

Kaneki hums in pleasure as Hide deepens the kiss. Kaneki's fingers move down to his shoulders, digging into the cloth there. Hide bends forward to take more of him and Kaneki opens his mouth further to allow him to do what he pleases. Hide pulls away briefly to breathe and Kaneki laughs before stealing another greedy kiss.

Hide feels Kaneki smiling on his lips and he can't help but do the same. When they pull away after a few more minutes, Kaneki's lips are red and plump. Hide's eyes are clouded with desire and his breath is stolen at how beautiful Kaneki looks. Kaneki feels the same, lost in the way Hide gazes at him like he's the rarest treasure in the world. Hide glows like an angel in his view.

"Hide?" Kaneki asks quietly. He strokes his face with tender fingers.

"Yeah?" Hide waits for him.

"I love you," Kaneki says. His voice is honest and unwavering.

Hide's smile touches his heart and he rests their foreheads together.

"I love you. Always," Hide replies. His tone is strong. Hearing him say it never grows old to Kaneki.

In that park, their love started and blossomed. It never stops. It goes on, reaching to infinite heights that no one can see.

Most of their lives, silence reminded them of what they lost and what they thought they couldn't have. Their love was shunned in the eyes of society. Two men. A half-ghoul and a human.

To Kaneki, silence crushed him with loneliness. To Hide, he needed to be loud and wild.

But when they are together, silence is comfortable. Appreciated. Calming. It reminds them of their undying love. It carries the words in their hearts when they can't speak.

The boys are never sure of what lies ahead of them. But they know without a doubt that their feelings run deep. Coursing through their veins like the blood that keeps them alive.

In the end, their love is real.

...

...

...

* * *

 **I can't believe I finished this story already! To be honest, this is the first story I felt like I didn't want to end because I love Hide and Kaneki so, so much. I fell in love with their relationship in 2015 and now in May, it's officially been four years since I've been supporting the two as a couple. Someone hold me!**

 **This story was truly my medicine. It helped me cope so much after the canon story left me extremely unsatisfied and heartbroken. Since I started shipping HideKane, I knew that I was going to write a story dedicated to them. It wasn't just a hobby for me, it was a duty. A MUST! I had to write this story for them no matter what the cost!**

 **It's crazy because I have never supported a pairing between canon characters as deeply as I have with Hide and Kaneki. It's insane, but I love every moment of it. I'm going to feel empty now that I'm done. But again, I am so pleased that I was able to accomplish my goal. Thank you to those who took interest in this fanfic and stayed for the whole ride. I wrote this to heal myself, but I am so happy that there are others who enjoy this as much as I thoroughly enjoyed writing it. What an amazing and therapeutic experience this has been.**

 **Please feel free to leave comments on what you thought of this last chapter and/or the story overall! Thank you for your support!**


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